frustrated with it all.

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Laurie08
Laurie08 Member Posts: 2,891
edited June 2014 in DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)

This is going to be kind of a rant so please skip ahead if you are not in the mood or don't want to hear it.  Keep in mind this is not a stage IV thread, it's DCIS.  I don't want to offend anyone in any way.  I am about to rant from my heart.

Ok- I feel like because I was diagnosed with DCIS I am supposed to get over it.  It's " no big deal".  Often I read on other threads about how many women with DCIS are kind of a joke, that we think we belong, but we don't.  My mother was diagnosed stage IV BC and passed away 5 years later with mets to her liver, bones, lung and brain.  I KNOW I can't compare to that, I pray I never know it first hand, second hand sucked enough.  She was my best friend and I held her while she died.  I miss her everyday with every breath I have.  But, I have had both by breasts removed.  I am terrified of recurrence (which have read happens often.)  It effects me mentally and emotionally not just physically.  I hate people seeing me and looking at my chest and saying I look good.  It is so much more than that,and I have learned that through this journey.  It is not about my chest, it is about my soul.  My TE's may look good to some, but this is not an easy journey and I am tired of people telling me how great I have it.  What the hell is great about this?  What the hell is elective about the surgery I have had or will have? What was great about the fact that I couldn't hold my 7 month old son for a month?  Yes, I am happy that I can hold him now, yes I am lucky on a million levels.  But no one ever seems to get it.  I don't ever seem to have the courage to say it.

I may have DCIS, but it sucks and I am scared, just like you.

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  • Laurie08
    Laurie08 Member Posts: 2,891
    edited October 2010

    Thank you.

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  • Suzybelle
    Suzybelle Member Posts: 920
    edited October 2010

    {{{{Laurie}}}}}

    Didn't read your original post, but wanted to send you a hug.  Don't let the wienerheads get you down, girl. 

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  • purplemb
    purplemb Member Posts: 1,542
    edited October 2010

    laurie, that's what this site is for, let out your feelings.. yes there are others who have a higher stage but.. they also have their threads to share on.. please don't let anyone let you feel that your fears are not real.. I am now 6 yrs out of my dx..dcis..and now have friends with all stages of BC.. please stay strong.. mary beth

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  • Laurie08
    Laurie08 Member Posts: 2,891
    edited October 2010

    Thank you so much ladies.  Sorry I deleted my original post.  I woke up this morning and felt a little bad about my rant.  It was a combination of a few things that got me going last night.  It seems more and more often I am reading posts by other women who say "DCIS ladies are not survivors", or that we got away with having "a little prophylactic surgery".  Each time I read comments like this I think, then what am I?  No one seems to think what I have gone through is a big deal.  Not even the women at bco.  What's up with that?  Then last night my MIL is visiting from out of state and she starts in with her ignorance such as, "wow you are so lucky, you'll always have perky breasts now."  More often than not people compare me to a boob job. 

    So I have just been feeling frustrated with it all and feeling a little lost myself.  They removed the cancer from my body but it is still in my heart and my mind. 

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  • helenap
    helenap Member Posts: 105
    edited October 2010

    wow, i couldnt have said it better... it i sstill in my heart and mind as well... i had someone tell me when i was struggling and made some errors that i was using the cancer card too much. this was two weeks from surgery... give me a break. i had sugery in june and i still feel this way... maybe forever... but i dont let it define me... and i have seen people rant and rave over much less issues.. and believe me our fear is no less than from the other stages. and everyone is different in how they react...

    we all wish we werent part of this group...

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  • bigdogmom2
    bigdogmom2 Member Posts: 40
    edited October 2010

    Wow Laurie, wish I could have read your original post, because I totally agree with your second one.  I have to say that I too have been extremely frustrated and somewhat angry at some of the comments here and the "a little prophylactic treatment" set me off the other day!  Coming here and reading some of these comments started making me feel guilty (again) for getting that "good ole' cancer" and "how LUCKY" we are, now thank gawd I just had "a little prophylactic treatment", I shouldn't feel worse when I come here but I am finding more often than not I am.  I definitely don't want people feeling sorry for me but to be dismissed and put down especially on a breast cancer site, makes me sad.  One thing that I can say is I have never felt lucky since this journey began... errrrggghh ok my rant is over... sorry...  "Feeling lost" I really agree with that statement.

    Going be a beautiful weekend here in Michigan, so I am going to enjoy it, do some personal reflection, take a deep breath and put this all behind me :0)  Hope you all have a great weekend too!

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