May 2010 Chemo

Maybe it is just me, but this site is doing some weird things with my posts,  so bare with me.  I do not know why all the spacing, lettering, lack of picture inserts is happening. Maybe a new side effect.  Ha!

Patricia - congratulations on being done. You have been such an inspiration throughout!

Daiva - I don't take any sleep aids. I've always been a pretty good sleeper but not as good anymore. I'm gonna be starting tamox in about a week. Let's see what that does to my sleep.

Jen - you look awesome. Loving the short hair look on you!! Hang in there with your twins. Of course you're tired.

Tess - I caught myself saying I HAD cancer the other day and then had to pause and think about what that really means. I guess I felt free to say that because now I'm a week out of rads so I have to hope that if there truly was anything left after surgery it is now gone and all the stuff I have to do for the rest of my life (herceptin until May and then pills pills pills) truly will be preventative.

njbhwgirl - sending you lots of love and hope things will be okay with your mom. I'm still very much looking forward to meeting you and all of the wonderful women I was lucky enough to meet on this journey.

Denise - how are you feeling? I hope you are better now!!!

Day, Golfergirl, Leanna, Jenn, Paxton, Kim, Barb, Summer, Wellsey and Magda - Big hugs to all of you!!!

So I've decided enough is enough with the gray hair so I made an appt. at a salon that specializes in organic products to get my hair colored. I am pretty nervous after what I went through with the cold caps but I feel like my hair can handle it now. I have to leave in an hour! I'll let you know how it went!

Happy Sunday!

Hi ladies...just checking in ..I have been sleeping so much ..and have had no energy since getting out of the hospital. I think its the combo of hospital and chemo.  I was very tired the last chemo till all most the day of chemo so ..i it is accumulative then its the chemo..I have read all your post and boy we are true Warriors..We are starting to see the back side of this year and cant wait to give it a good kick in the butt and say hi to 2011...Everyone that is going on a trip have a great time!  Cant wait till I feel up to going some where. We were supposed to do something next week but decided to wait  a little longer..may be for Thanksgiving or earlier...

 H ave my Rads Doc appointment tomorrow.. just the meet and greet so will know more after..

Have a Great Day!

good morning my friends:

 Weekend was little chilly here in NJ. Good...cause the wig still roasts my head(lol). Spent most of the time getting room set up for my mom. So funny to think that a year ago I was living alone and came home to clean house every day. Come December there will be 5 of us living together with baby things, oxygen tank, walker, etc..My son comes home from AIT training in MO (yeah). Unfortunately I had to give his room to the baby.. My mom is taking the extra bedroom downstairs.  I have to figure out a way for him to have his own room. Maybe my daughter will have to share my bedroom. I am hoping my mom  will be well enough to go home by December. She only lives 1 mile from me so I can make sure she takes her pills both morning and night.  My kitchen is going to look like a pharmacy soon with everyones pills.

Mom requires oxygen which is freaking me out. My husband had oxygen and it just brings up so many sad sad memories. He only lasted 2 weeks with the tank at home  before he went back to the hospital. But I remember being so happy when that monstrosity tank left my house.

Mom is akso incontinent now. So now going to deal with adult diapers as well as baby diapers. Does anyone know about adult incontinence? I am clueless. Is there something that she can take or does anyone know what products are the best for her to wear? She is such a sweet lady and I feel so sorry for her. She does not want to burden me but there really is no other option here.

wow Paris and Vegas...oooh la lah...so happy for you guys. Will be a real treat to get away from it all.

RE: sleeping pills. I am okay sleeping now. It is almost 7 weeks out for me since last treatment and I feel stronger each day. I believe God waited until I was done with treatments to I could take my mom in.

packjen: You look fantastic. How many weeks out from chemo is this pic taken? I have no hair and what I do is totally totally grey....Wondering if the wig stifles it a bit...

Majdula: I feel for you. Sometimes I go in the cellar,have a good try, wipe my eyes and move on. As a matter of fact that is my new motto:  Move on! 

 I believe we all have been great warriers. anyone who has not dealt with this dreaded disease can even imagine our pain. But there is just so much others will listen to,,, So to that statement I am  glad we got US,,,,,,

Hi Ladies:  Sorry I haven't posted for awhile again.  7 or 8 soccer games every week has taken up most of my time. 

To those of you who are taking trips can I come too.  I always tell my pre-schoolers, when they tell me they are going to Disney, that I am going to sneak into their suitcases and go to.  The other day I was joking with a little boy who I have know for about 4 years, about sneaking in his suitcase.  He looked at all 3 teachers who were in the classroom and said, You guys can all come with me.  The innocence of kids is so refreshing!!

Denise: I hope you are feeling better and better everyday. I can't believe the issues you had with the nurse.  Some people shouldn't be nurses.

Patricia: Congrats on being done.  I will be able to join you with saying that soon. 

Jen:   I love your hair.  I am looking forward to my hair getting a little longer so I don't have to wear my wig to work any more.  The hot flashes are killing me and the wig makes them so much worse.

Tess:  As far as how we define this dreaded disease after treatment is done.  In my mind you take the most postive approach.  Once I am done with my treatment it will be.   I HAD CANCER, NOT HAVE!! Positive thinking has gotten me this far with very few side affects.

Jersey:  I am so sorry to hear about your mom.  You will both be in my thoughts and prayers.  Don't worry about the shore.  Next year sounds great too. 

For anyone I missed hope all is going well.  And for anyone who is done Congrats.  I will have my last rads treatment on Friday!!!!!!  So far so good.  I have alittle peeling under my arm and under my breast.  Started the boost todays, doc said I might have some more swelling and soreness.  but told me I am doing great!  I have been truly blessed with my doctors.  I feel so comfortable with them.  I went to a program today put on by Reading Hospital.  It was called Pink Power.  It was fantastic.  They had several vendors, dinner, a wonderful speaker: I forget her name but she talked about Positive Thinking.  I will get her name and book titles and let you know.  Then at the end they had a panel of doctors to answer questions about treatment, surgery, reconstruction, etc.  It was very informative.  I can't wait until next year. 

I need to head off to bed.  I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow!!  REmember be Positive!

Love all you guys!

Barb

Hello girlfriends, first of all let me thank you all for your support. I feel a lot better now. Sonography has shown that the tumor has shrinked even more (knock on wood!) so I'm curious about my blood draw and cancer marker levels tomorrow :-).

Denise Good to know you're back home and feeling better and moving on :-).

Jersey Thank you, I feel for you too - those of us who still have parents know how much they suffer though our disease and treatments and when they fall ill themselves it's another weight on our hearts. I keep praying for you both! And yes, a good cry helps release those tensions!

 Laura Great story about that friend of yours - BC definitely shouldn't define us! We can start seeing the world in a different way, but leave the cause of this behind!

Barb YAY for being almost done :-). I love reading about the children's innocence, what a sweet experience :-).

Patricia Going to shop for bebes in Paris - nothing better than that :-). Congrats to both you and your sweetie!

Hugs to all of you!

Paxton ((HUGS))... you've had your share... I know you must think, enough already!  I pray this is it... for all of us! 

Sorry, I'm not responding to everyone!  I've been following all the posts, and everyone is moving along so fast (I know not quick enough for those still having chemo and rads SE).  My surgery is 10/20... my mom is coming up the day before, so in a way, I am dreading that visit.  She was not a "help" this past visit... I felt like she came to 'visit' only, and to tell all of her friends that she was here, you know??  The pre-req visit.  We've talked about what she can do to help when she's here for the surgery, but she's already said stuff like - Bill can take the kids out of the house the first weekend after the surgery if you are not feeling well............duh.  She is not really able to help much with the kids as it is too hard for her to get around on her own.... she cannot get down on the ground, or climb the stairs (she only did it twice this past 6 day visit to shower).  But, I can't tell her not to come.  I just need to have the strength.   

Hope everyone is having a great day.  I have a GF coming to visit this weekend - should be fun!  And, I went to dinner with a bunch of friends Sunday and had my first beer since April, and it was really good!!  Ahhh! 

Patricia - I could have written your post... you nailed my mom on the head... she was ok when I specifically 'tasked' her to do something, but otherwise did not pick up my subtle hints of needing help (and I just do not ask for help easily... it's a flaw, I know!!).  And wine, puts me straight to sleep too!!    I agree with you on the terrorist threats also... it is what it is.  Have fun, fun, fun on your trip - hope the weather is nice over there, and don't let the rude people get to you , and watch for dogs over there and tell me if they do not have the smartest dogs in the world.. they can read street signs, I swear (cross, don't cross).  Eat sweets; don't wear yourself out - and we'll see you when you get back!    (((HUGS)))

Hey Ladies!

I have been following all the postings on my Blackberry, but just haven't got around to posting yet.  My hands are much better this week than they were last week, but it might have something to do with the fact that I haven't done anything but read and watch TV for the past few days.  It seems like the latest chemo has just knocked me on my ass.  I have NO energy.  Up until Friday I was trying to do an hour on the Wii fit, or at least 20 minutes of pilates, able to do lots in the kitchen, was making bread, and able to do the housework!  Now I'm lucky if I can walk up the stairs without stopping for a break, and I spend more time sitting on the couch than anything else.  I know that it's going to make me better, but geez it's so frustrating!  The DH has been awesome with our little guy - couldn't have asked for anyone better.  I know he's tired at the end of the work day, but no complaints at all the days he gets home and I haven't even thought about what's for supper  

So, my little guy came up to me on Sunday, gave me a great big bear hug and said "I love you Mommy, please get better."  Ah, from the mouths of babes. I totally lost it.  I still can't think about it without big ugly tears running down my ridiculously steroid induced puffy cheeks!

Yesterday I had an interesting phone call from a co-worker who is on maternity leave...she just found out she has breast cancer.  She is 30 years old with a seven and a half month old baby.  She came over for coffee to share her story.  It just blew me away.  She found the lump just over a year ago when she was pregnant...but just thought it was because her boobs were changing/growing.  She wasn't even going to get it checked out, and had forgot about it until recently when she had her son at the doc for something else.  WOW...once again I'm reminded that women need to be way more pro-active with their health!  Do those self-examines, and if you find something - go to the doctor!  Don't assume it's nothing!  She doesn't know much about her cancer yet, and is having a lumpectomy on Tuesday to have it removed - they had to wait a week for her to dry up as she was still nursing.  My oh my.  I was glad to be there for her.  I couldn't tell her that the disease doesn't suck, but I could tell her that in my experience, it's the not knowing what you're dealing with that is the worst part.  I think now she is just more upset at having to stop nursing and the whole idea that she has cancer hasn't even sunk in yet...

Leanna - if I mentioned it yet, good luck with your surgery on the 20th!  Would it help to have a list made of all the things that need to be done, and show it to your mom?  That way she can pick what she is able to do, and know that she is helping you.  I found with my mother-in-law, she was glad to help, but just honestly didn't have the ability to see what needed to be done.  (Like - hmm, the dishwasher has ran, perhaps you could help unload it!!)  

Patricia - Have a blast in Paris!  It sounds like you will though, pastries and wine sound like it to me!  Two new grand babies on the way too!  It sure looks like 2011 will be a fun year for you!

Tess - So glad that your rad's are going well so far.  How is the throat doing now?  

Paxton - thanks for sharing your story about it not being "my" cancer.  I agree.  One women I met with told me that you should refer to it as little as possible as it gives it power.  The same goes for talking about stages.  She asked me if I mentioned that I was Stage III to people and told me not to mention it unless people asked, as most people don't know what it means and it just gives the cancer that much more power over our thoughts.  I don't know what to think.  Part of me agrees, but then you hear of some women who are lucky enough to not need chemo or rads, and just have to do a bit of surgery and they are done with treatment.  I guess I wanted people to know that I wasn't taking a year off from work just because I wanted to, and that it was more serious than not.

Davia - was you it that was asking about sleeping pills?  I don't take any now.  I did have a prescription for Ativan but I haven't taken anything for a few months.  I make sure not to nap in the daytime more than 10-20 minutes, and then I sleep all night.  I was asleep by 10 last night, and didn't wake up until 7:30 this morning!  My onc changed my steroid dosage so I take one less day of them than I used to, and it made a huge difference with insomnia.  Now I don't have it  However, I've been taking Tylenol 3's with codeine for the past week to help with the joint and bone pain, so I'm thinking that they might make me more tired too.  They work, but not as well as they did.  I guess the chemo accumulates in our systems and makes each one that much worse.

Denise - I'm soo sorry that you ended up in the hospital, and that you had such a rotten experience.  I can imagine that you are tired because of it - anyone would be!

I have surgery booked for next month, November 10th.  Modified radical mastectomy with no recon. at this time.  I'll wait for a year or two and see if I still want it...

Hugs to everyone that I missed.  Keep smiling

Jenn 

Hey everyone....Wow I 'm still tired from the last chemo...I'm sure the Colitis doesn't help but dang ..this was my fear when I went in for my last Chemo.  I never felt really good even though it was 21 days later.  I coulndn't imagine I could get more tired..But today I did go for a walk around the park about 1/2 mile, far from my 4 miles, but the fresh air felt great. Its been really cool here too. almost cold I put my scarf on once again, mostly to keep my ears warm while walking. 

Went for my consult with the Rads Doc.. She is OK, not really a warm person but I don't think I will see much of her during rads ..I will be seeing her during but I really didn't get how often.  So 5 days a week for 5 weeks is the plan.  So far.  I go tomorrow to do the scan and fitting ?  I cant remember the name of the visit..dang chemo brain!. My husband took notes and I cant find them..thought he was putting them into my notebook but I don't see them.  

I think of my self as still going through the motions of having had cancer.  I never liked the term surviver....Paxton I know what your talking about with your face, I don't recognized myself in the mirror.. I have a huge face, no cheek bones, and a huge waddle under my chin.. I wonder if the PS will fix my neck when I do my boobs...I will be waiting to do them some time later . I just want to be left alone after I'm done with radiation, for quit a while!

Question for all having radiation right now.. How much of your chest area are they radiating?  How far up above your clavicle are they going.. I'm really not liking the idea of radiation. I have more questions for the Doc before they get started. and after they get pictures.  Mostly I want to clarify something my Surgeon said about how he cut me more then he need to and need to correct some of what he did.. I want to make sure that is written some where because of something the rads doc said about my scaring and how much had to be taken..Makes me wonder if she thinks the cancer was all the way to my back? I have a follow up with the surgeon next week so I can ask him..before they do any radiating. Just need to be sure ! 

My mother was supposed to come out from Colorado tomorrow ..I glad she decided not to come today (she has a cold).. I am really to tired to deal with her, like most moms she doesn't know what to do and she cooks so different then we do..that she really can't cook for us.. Don't get me wrong I like her cooking, sometimes even miss it..  but I have been so long with out fats and salt in my diet, my stomach hurts just thinking about her cooking..She puts hot peppers and chili in everything..and if she was here I know she would want to cook! Mostly because she doen't like our cooking.. to bland lol!  

On that note I'm going to make dinner..still kinda on soft foods for my colon but making twice-d baked potato's ! 

Tess I'm home most afternoons I try to make all my appointment in the morning because if the husband has to drive me its easier for him so after 12 Ca time I'm home. any one else for that matter.,.

oh yea if you have tried to friend me on Facebook sorry if I haven't friend-ed you back, send me a pm with your real name, so I know who you are ..I got a friend request form some lady thought it was one of you  and she turned out to be an nut job acquaintance of my daughters had to block her! 

Tess - That is the other thing about my mom... I don't even want to say this, but I will to you guys... my mom spent the week here telling me about everyone that she knows that has ever passed away from any kind of cancer... And, I want to just scream "come on now, mom, do you really think I want to hear this crap???"  My DH is such a patient person and has been such a rock thru all of this... even he is dreading her next visit.  It's strange that so many of us have similar experiences...  Let us know what your rad onc says about your skin - hope it gets better, but I know that's a lot to ask; so, I hope it doesn't get any worse!  Half way!! 

Jenn - Such a sweet little guy!  They are so perceptive.  You will get back to feeling like your old self soon; just do what you can!!  So sad about your friend... she's lucky to have you though - I'm still shocked that I have friends that are STILL not having mammos because they are "scared."  Are you effing kidding me???  Get 'em checked ladies... this disease is not partial!!  Oh, and that is a grrreat idea about the list... I am going to do that! 

Paxton - I love your body dysmorphic story!!  Every night I am still amazed at the guy watching me do the last dishes and clean out the sink.  He's always on my deck just watching me, it's creepy really!!  I also love that you don't care what stage... my onc is the same way - she has never officially ever told me any stage.  And, it doesn't matter... it is what it is and a positive mind-set is what's important. 

Denise - Is it possible for a Rad Onc doctor to have a personality... I think that is an oxymoron... LOL (now, you can all jump me if your's do).  Mine is like a soggy rag too... not someone I would hang out with... but, I think you should feel comfortable that she is informed - she should be in close contact with your onc over treatment!! 

Jersey - You have your hands full.  I pray your mom is recovering!!  I didn't catch; where are you going to sleep during all of the room switching??  Remember, that your comfort, as much as possible, is important too!! 

My mom just sent me an email because I didn't answer the phone when she called yesterday.... she called at 6 pm.... and she was just here, and saw that we had something every night (between karate and football) unless we were rained out... and why is she wondering where I was??????  Ugh.  Give me the patience while she is here, or let her really be helpful and not irritate the crap out of me... oh man, that was so negative; than goodness you guys understand!! 

(((HUGS))) all!! 

Hello Fellow May Warriors!  It's been a while since I checked in, but I think about you all the time!  I've been reading posts on my cell phone, so I've been keeping up, just haven't had the chance to write back. 

Leanna/Jenn - so glad you have your surgery dates.  I'll be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers on those days, for sure!  Leanna, I'll be very interested to her how the groin lymph node transplant works out; it sounds pretty cool! 

Denise - so glad you are out of the hospital and now done with chemo.  Hopefully you will feel better each day.

NJgirl- so sorry about your Mom.  Hang in there!  Maybe we can do a reunion next May instead to celebrate our 1 year of togetherness?!?

Tess- so glad to hear rads are going well for you.  And your trip is right around the corner!  Patricia's too!  Yay!  Is it just me, or is time flying?

DRIM- I'm so excited you colored your hair!  Please keep us posted.  I've had 2 haircuts, and my hairdresser thinks my hair can take coloring no problem, but I've been too chicken to try it yet.  But, I am back to styling as usual: blow dryer, mousse, hairspray and all, just not colored yet.  I'm still only washing about every other day, too, but my hair is actually better with less frequent washings.  Who knew?

On the Mom issue, mine lives about 2 miles away from me.  She doesn't drive, so I only see her when I go over there or pick her up, but it's still about 2x per week.   For some reason, she also feels the need to tell me all kinds of medical horror/downer stories.  Last night I went over for dinner and within 5 minutes she had her poor dog diagnosed with congestive heart failure, kidney disease and hip dysplasia!  He's an old dog, he might very well have all this, but come on!  I thought she was going to get up and dig the hole for him in the yard last night!  Oh, and she just got hearing aids, which she took out to show me and then left on the table while we were talking last night.  Hmmm, I don't think they work that way?   

I also wanted to let you all know that I went to see a Naturopath doctor last week.  She works out of my cancer center and coordinates with my oncologist.  She sent me for a full blood work up, so I am anxiously awaiting those results.   She says chemo can really mess with your vitamin levels and can also trigger high cholesterol.  I'll be interested to see how I do!  She loaded me up on the following: a multivitamin with natural folic acid (I guess if it's not natural, it can be bad for breast cancer patients), vitamin D and calcium (I was already taking these, but she upped the vitamin D), Fish oil (I haven't tried this one yet, I know I need to, but yuck!), Black Cohosh for the menopause symptoms, something called DIM complex (this is supposed to be the good stuff from broccoli, cabbage, etc in condensed form) and then at night, something called Adrenvive to help cleanse my adrenal glands?? I think? I don't have my notes with me, but if I recall, chemo and menopause induced by chemo beat up your adrenal glands so this helps.  Also, she has me taking melatonin every night (you should Google melatonin and cancer- it might be a breast cancer wonder drug, though there are not yet enough studies to confirm - no money in it for drug companies, so they don't test it.  But check the info out on Google and ask your doctors!)  The melatonin and adrenvive make me sleepy, too, which is a bonus!  I call this "Phase 2".  Phase 1 was treatment, Phase 2 is getting and staying healthy.  She also really pushed yoga and guided imagery.  She was really big on getting regular exercise and de-stressing.  I liked her a lot and am going to pick up a book she suggested called The Healthy Breast Program by Sat Dharam.  If your cancer center offers a naturopath, I'd highly suggest going!

One last thing, I am so moody lately!  The doc asked if I was depressed or suicidal and I can honestly say no, it's nothing like that.  I just get so irritated so easily these days and I feel just kind of blah.  We are hoping the black cohosh will help, she thinks it may be due to the chemopause.    Anyone else having this problem?  I hope once I start getting to the gym regularly again, that will help, too.  I have only lost 4 of the 12 lbs I gained and am still wearing clothes a size larger than usual.  I've been trying to eat healthy and less, but it's just not going away and that's getting to me, too.  My doc says just keep eating healthy and exercising and it will eventually come off, but you know, I'd like it off sooner than eventually!

I know I missed some of you, but I should probably cut myself off now!  Sorry to be so wordy; I guess that's what happens when I don't check in regularly!  Sending you lots of good thoughts and ((HUGS))!

Jenn..  Sorry to hear about your headaches, another "And then"...  I have been getting headaches behind my watery eyes..The ONC says its the Taxotere..And my eye sight is very bad even with my glasses, but  I have been told not to change anything yet because again Its the chemo! And I too get really bad pains after working out.. I have tried to do stomach exercise but it pain in the chest just is to much ..even with Tylenol or Advil..the tightness gets me.  I will be asking my doc about it next week when I see her, and my surgeon too..they will probably say ..take it easy..but I really haven't done any where near the sit ups I used to do..no where near!..some times I wonder if its my port pulling..feelings like it too...and today when I had my arms up for the scan when I put them down it hurt again ..so Yes WHEN WILL IT END! Any way I cant wait to lose weight too..

Today was my Simulation and tats day.. Happy Birthday to me! When I ever thought of getting a tat for my birthday, is was more of a maybe a little on on my ankle..lol  not micro ones on my chest..I will be liking the ladies in the treatment room way better then the Rads Doc.   Good thing I only have to see her once a week while on Rads!...They have a board up where you check in ..that shows how behind they are running .kinda nice to see..and instead of a camera watching who's there, they have you scan your appointment card, it tells them in the back who is there..My appointment is going to be daily at 10:15am..starting on the 20th ...good thing its close to the park I like to walk, I will do that before or after each appointment..Hey thats a good thing to come out of this...

DH is bringing my favorite Thai food home for dinner...first time iin a very long time...YUM!

Sacphotomom:  Happy Birthday to you!  I hope the ladies or gentlemen who are giving you your treatment are as great as mine are.  I loved them.  Great sense of humor, supportive and seem really interested in what you are doing in your life.  You could get one of those small ankel tats once you have a 5 year old cancer free birthday!!  Hope your treatments go well.   I will be thinking about you on the 20th.

GG: Loved the dog story. Sounds like my mom.  I haven't talked to her in about 13 years, but she was always such a downer. 

Leanna:  I have the same problem with the hot flashes.  Yes they wake me up all night long. I have been moodier than usually too.  Real short with the kids.  I'm hoping that will change some day soon.

After reading all your posts about vitamins I need to find out what to take and what I can't take.  I am going to try to go to a nutritionist once I know what medications I will be taking .  Tomorrow is the end of another phase of my treatment.  I can't wait but then again you're back to that "Ok now I'm not getting any treatment will this come back?"  Each new phase brings on new fears and anxities. Has anyone start tamoxifen yet?  Just curious about side effects.  Hope everyoe has a great Friday and weekend.

Barb

Denise - Our posts crossed..... Happy Birthday!!!  Hope you get an answer on the chest pain... I'd say it sounds like your port. And, walks with radiation sounds nice! 

Barb - Congrats on being done, and I understand it is a bit unnerving... like, now what?  As for vitamins... I just started with a multi, and calcium + Vit D.  Let us know what you find out! 

TGIF... almost!