As Is

Options
kitchenlogic
kitchenlogic Member Posts: 13
edited June 2014 in Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy

I have my bilateral mastectomy back in March 2010 and opted out of reconstructive surgery. I'll be having some scar revision surgery at the end of October to get rid of the excess tissue around the surgical site and to taper the back fat leftover from before this stupid cancer began.

I'm not having implants. I'm not wearing prosthetics. Is there anyone else out there going sans boobs, like me?

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
«13

Comments

  • BoobsinaBox
    BoobsinaBox Member Posts: 550
    edited August 2010

    Kitchen,

    There are lots of people.  See Thread Wardrobe pics for Boobless Days and another thread with some photos comparing flat with prostheses. Some of us who were going flat have found microbead forms recently to be inexpensive and extremely comfortable alternatives.  

    You might also appreciate our sister Barbara's non-profit website BreastFree.org.

    Good luck!

    Dawn 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • baywatcher
    baywatcher Member Posts: 532
    edited September 2010

    Kitchen-

    I have been going flat for a couple of years now. I am not happy about having no breasts but I don't like the alternatives either. I didn't want implants or further surgery for reconstruction especially since the area is numb. I live in a hot climate and I don't want to wear prosthetics because they are too hot and everyone that knows me knows that I have no boobs. I have beautiful tattoos on my scars but I miss my boobs everyday. I hate that this happened to me but it did.

    How do you feel about going flat? Are you ok with it? Do you think people notice?

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • kitchenlogic
    kitchenlogic Member Posts: 13
    edited September 2010

    Thanks Dawn - I'll check the threads out.

    Baywatcher - I'm cool with being flat. I'm just trying to work on getting my stomach to match! I LOVE not having to wear a bra. I had 7 lbs. of breasts removed and my back is very thankful. Unlike you, I never liked my boobs. I must have known they'd turn on me! If people notice I'm flat, I'm not concerned. I felt the same way about being bald - I often went with nothing on my head. I was so surprised with how little people stared at me. Made me feel proud of humankind! I love the tattoo idea and might have to consider that later on.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • lovemygarden
    lovemygarden Member Posts: 342
    edited September 2010

    I much prefer going flat, although I have foobs that I can wear under my "old" clingy knit tops if I want to. But I've only done so once in the 6 months since my BMX. I don't miss bras or boobs one little bit! 

    Ironically, when I had boobs I tended to avoid wearing button-down shirts because I hated how some of them would gap open between the buttons (and I was barely a B cup). But now I discovered that button-down cotton shirts in any kind of print or stripe do a great job of camoflaging booblessness: You can either tuck them into your waistband and then just "poof" the front out a tad, or (better yet) in hot weather like this, leave the bottom buttons open and tie the front ends together under your former-boobage like a halter top. The folds created by the tied front automaticallly poof the top part of the shirt out a bit. Plus it looks and feels cool! Cool  So I've bought several new ones, especially lately when the stores have all the summer stuff on big sales.

    Seriously, I pity anyone who has implants in weather like this. It must be brutal. I've been going flat under cotton voile button-down summer shirts and have hardly ever felt sweaty! I've been definitely cooler now than in former and less-hot summers when I had boobs. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Lolita
    Lolita Member Posts: 231
    edited August 2013

    At first I was uncomfortable, but now I am fine with it. Not having breasts is a good incentive to keep the weight down because any kind of belly shows instantly.  I usually wear some kind of button down shirt loosely and buttoned strategically over a tighter shirt underneath.  I don't want to waste time fussing with prosthetics. It took me about a year and a half to be comfortable.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • lovemygarden
    lovemygarden Member Posts: 342
    edited September 2010

    Lolita, you are so right about the Belly Factor! Otherwise it's way too easy to end up looking like one of those poor unfortunate kids depicted in a charity-organization advert.... Frown

    The Belly Factor is one of the two reasons I've been keeping my weight down below what it used to be pre-surgery; the other is that I'm on Herceptin and am aware that Herceptin-related weight gain (sadly all too common) takes forever to get rid of because it doesn't respond to diet/exercise. It's not unknown for women on Herceptin to gain anywhere from 15 to 30 lbs  Surprised   and guess where almost all of it goes? The belly! There's a long thread on that subject over in the HER2 forum.

    Before my diagnosis my weight was about 115 lbs (my comfortable-normal has always been 115-118 even though those height/frame charts say my ideal weight is 124; but when I did weigh 124-125 lbs I had a noticeable belly even when I HAD boobs). After surgery I was at 108 (not sure whether it was the removal of the boobs, or stress weightloss, or both!) and also when I started chemo. I've been vigilant to not let my weight go over 108 -- can't let those Herceptin-pounds get a foothold!! -- but I can even see a difference in my belly on the days when my scale says 105 versus those when it says 107! Even those mere 2 extra lbs make a visible difference when the belly is so noticeable; it's really amazing. Anytime my scale says 108 I cut out all carbs for a couple of days so that it drops back down a pound or two.

    Of course at 108 I am underweight for my height but none of those charts take booblessness into account! Wink 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Suzybelle
    Suzybelle Member Posts: 920
    edited September 2010

    Hi, kitchenlogic:

    I have been flat since Feb. of this year when I had my bmx.  I loved how baywatcher put it...I'm not happy about not having boobs, but don't like my alternatives, either.  So I go flat.

    It's a challenge some days to get dressed, but I get around it and think I look good, all things considered.  Some people notice (men really notice) but others don't notice at all.  And lovemygarden is so right - I have to keep my weight down if I want to look decent with no boobs!!!!

    Some days it really bothers me and other days I am very okay with it.  And it's so much more comfortable not having to wear a bra!  Love it!!!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited September 2010

    I've been flat for almost 2 years and am very pleased with my reaction to it. I had heavy large breasts even after a reduction (to 42D). I like the way Baywatcher put it too. I liked my breasts, but I won't go to any hassle to pretend I still have them. I wear almost all the clothes I used to wear, even the clingy ones now! Just not the low-cut ones.

    Just today a girl I've worked with since July 2nd found out I had no breasts (I told her) and she was stunned! She never noticed! I told her I walk around like I've got the best pair out there so she had no reason to wonder. You'd think my flatness would have made her think.....Undecided but I guess the way I move and hold myself, no one notices.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MariaG67370
    MariaG67370 Member Posts: 88
    edited September 2010

    I've been flat since 2008.  I was a 40 D.  Nobody seems to notice at least they haven't commented. And if they do it's their problem to deal with not mine. I am very comfortable and with the humidity we've had this summer it's been great not having to worry about a binding bra and being able to feel cool & comfortable in a tank top. Like Barb1958 I wear most of the clothes I used to wear, even altered my bathing suit to fit well.  I look at it this way, I'm a woman and show the world I am a woman by who I am, what I do and say and what I give back to the community and those I love, that's what makes me a woman not two bumps showing from my sweater, those are only window dressing!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Trudi51
    Trudi51 Member Posts: 8
    edited September 2010

    I had a bilateral mastectomy in June 2010 and I thought I would be okay wearing the prothesis, but after about a fortnight of wearing it I just felt this incredible sadness come over me, and have not worn them since.  I work in an all male office and no one has commented, mind you they are a great bunch of guys. I am still very shy about it all though and wear light scarves, luckily the weather is cooler here, but Summer is coming and I have been wondering about what I would wear.  I have found this site wonderful, the bead breast forms, sewing bra/camisole pockets and going flat.  Don't know what I will do yet but at least I have options and I feel more confident that I will get used to it.  Thank you!! Smile

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited September 2010

    I worked in a male environment as well (sales) and the guys said I was just more of a guy then! I said "Look out! I may have lost my breasts, but I found my balls!"

    I use the cropped sweater look, tanks under an open blouse, things like that. I've gone totally flat with close-knit clothes now too. I am now VERY away at the feel of the material that something is made of. I find I have to wear a soft cami under some things.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Lovegolf
    Lovegolf Member Posts: 513
    edited September 2010

    I have been flat since 5/09.  I wear button down shirt most of now as I get before.  Most people have no idea.  I am now working on the belly.  In the winter I wear soft cami or undershirt and it fine.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • brazos58
    brazos58 Member Posts: 261
    edited August 2013

    I have had BMX on 6/10. The thoughts of reconstruction and prosthetics just do not mesh with my Realness. I am having a HARD time with so many people crossing that boundry, as if its is natural to just assume and for strangers to even ask and cross that boundry

    . I love T Shirts....I look like a plank. I need ideas on what to wear.... as I tend to follow Jam Bands and my favorite shirts are tour shirts.  Also my chest is really having a hard time Hugging....and its so sensitive even with PT. I like to work on my Mustang and do Yard Work...and have to watch for lymphedema.

    I am 52. Semi-retired RN. Married, Mom of 2 boyos..18/22. Is there anybody out there like me?

    I do not know a single soul. In my entire Nursing Career or Life Encounters.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • lisa-e
    lisa-e Member Posts: 819
    edited August 2013

    Brazos, I think there are many  women who do have reconstruction or use prosthetics after reconstruction.  Certainly, there are  women out there like you - I am one.   I didn't have reconstruction after my bmx and don't normally wear prosthetics.  

     You can get many ideas on what to wear by going to the thread 'Wardpbe pics for boobless days' in the Breast Proestheses and Reconstruction Alternatives Forum.  Also the website BreastFree (http://breastfree.org/) is a great site.    

    At this point, I don't try to disguise my boobless state.  I normally wear what is comfortable; tee shirts or button down blouse with a cami.   While I think people (strangers) do notice my lack of boobage, they don't usually say anything (unless they have also had bc) so I don't worry about it. My friends know I don't have boobs and it is irrelevant.

    I am active (hiking, rock climbing) despite having mild lymphedma.   I am lucky to have a good le therapist and have worked with her to figure out how to control the le while continuing to do what I want to do.  I do know that my chest was also very sensative after my mx.  For a long time, I routinely wore a jovi mastectomy pad under a shelf bra.   Now, I wear them at night and when my chest feels sensitive.  They really help - if your pt is not a le therapist, I strongly suggest you find a le therapist.  

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited September 2010

    You will find that hugging gets easier. You will also find that you are very aware of the softness of what you decide to put against your skin. Tees are perfect! I have some black glitzy ones and find the darker colours look better. I'm like a plank with a warp as my belly still has some work to do....Wink

    When strangers stick their noses in, tell them what I do; "Why should I wear fake boobs to make YOU feel better?" I wear my flat chest with pride. I fought cancer and so far, I'm winning!!!!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • brazos58
    brazos58 Member Posts: 261
    edited August 2013

    Thank you lisa-e! I will have to check out the wardrobe pix.... I live in T shirts/ birkenstocks/ denim....SIGH!....I have been just boldly going out into the world Flat Chested.  For some reason right b/f my surgery.... I noticed women and theyre Boobies Bouncing... of all ages and conditions.  That seems to be easing up. I am catching some side long glances from those near to me. 

    I am finishing up PT/ LE tommorow. I developed Axillary Web Syndrome.....NASTY. Going thru myofascial release and chest massage. I recommend it as well. And thanks for that thought.

    Jovi Pads? not sure what they are about....

    Barb58 thank you!.

    I am in my undershirt phase.... I think this is what I love most? I do need to get more.... I still go looking for my bra's aka Boomerangs. I miss letting the Girls Out.

    Right after surgery, it freaked me out that I had a pot-belly.... and it looked just like my Dad's. Its much better with PT and all the posture stuff. But hey, I had 2 sons....

    Also I did have a similar thought re: Am I Going to HAVE RECONSTRUCTION FOR ME? or THE WORLD?.... I won hands down.

     ((Blessings to All ))

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Lovegolf
    Lovegolf Member Posts: 513
    edited September 2010

    I found that yoga help with the tight feeling.  Many fitness centers that are part of  a medical center have free classes for cancer patients. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • lisa-e
    lisa-e Member Posts: 819
    edited September 2010

    Brazos, before and after my mastectomy I had very bad boob envy.  I still suffer occasional pangs but they have lessened.  And yep the pot belly becomes much more evident w/o breasts, but that is something that we have some control over.  And at some point you get used to your new profile.  Somewhere I read that it takes about two years to adjust to a mx.  It has been 2 years since mine and I suspect that is about right.

    Ask your PT/Le therapist about jovi packs.  Basically, my jovi pak mastectomy pad looks sort of like a wonder -woman breast plate.  It is a thick quilted pad.  I have several ones for night time that are really heavy and some thinner ones for the day time.  As I understand it, they simmulate the lymph systemand direct lymph flow to areas you want it to go.   They also help me a lot in dealing with sensitivity, nerve issues.  My le therapist made a pattern and sent off to  these guys:  http://www.jovipak.com/

    I see a massage therapist who does myofacial release, in addition to seeing  my le therapist for mannual drainage.  For me,  it is part of regular maintenance.  My le therapist has said that I shouldn't get deep tissue work on my chest and has talked with my massage therapist my situation.  

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sespebadger
    sespebadger Member Posts: 249
    edited September 2010

    I'm going flat during my last radiation treaments and it has been an adjustment, but I'm getting used to it.

    I had BMX July 12. Wore camis with soft forms for first few weeks, then micro bead forms in sports bras after that. I looked pretty much like I did before surgery and found the microbead forms lightweight and comfortable. 

    I definitely have experienced boob envy, but when I feel it I remind myself I was a high risk person and it was reasonable to have a BMX. And reconstruction seemed like too much more pain and challenge.  

    Due to radiation I like nothing against my skin and am going flat. So I am thinking more about "how I look" and have come to the conclusion that looking clean, neat, reasonably stylish and healthy are my goals, and having boobs is irrelevant in that definition. I'm almost 50 and don't care about looking like most other people's idea of "how a woman should look." I want my daughter to see me look happy and healthy and would like my husband to think I am pretty. I think these things can be achieved without breasts or breast forms. 

    And when I'm done with radiation and my skin is healed, will I wear microbeads again? Probably...whenever I feel like it, and not when I don't. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • BoobsinaBox
    BoobsinaBox Member Posts: 550
    edited September 2010

    Brazos,

    I've been breast-free for almost 4 and a half years, and about half that time I've gone form-free also.  I mostly wore cotton tank tops during that time under everything, and jackets or scarves for a little camoflage.  My sensitivity lasted into the third year, and this year when I decided to try the TLC microbead forms I began wearing lightweight (sports) bras from Wal-Mart with a slit I made in the lining to put the forms in.  I bought size 2 microbead forms, because that was all I wanted...just enough to make me look like what I had in high school, and to help me feel protected in a hug.  I have been bruised by men's pens (stuck in the opening of a shirt) and some things I have carried next to my chest, so I like having something between me and the world.  Still, everyone who knows me knows I had a bilat, so sprouting big boobs again would just look silly!  I'm very happy with how I look now, though I wasn't unhappy without foobs.  I just think about it less now, and that was my goal...to get to the point where I don't think about it all the time. Good luck with finding your new normal.

    Dawn 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • robinlbe
    robinlbe Member Posts: 585
    edited September 2010

    Count me in as another flattie....I'm robin-no-breast :)  And I HATE my prosthetics and rarely wear them.  I will wear them *only* if the outfit I want to wear really needs to have some filling out.  I usually avoid those!!!  I probably go flat 95% of the time.  I had my BMX early January of this year.  I did go looking for some "flat" shirts - that's what I called them - shirts that had a little gathering at the neckline, and I also found that lower necklines looked better on me.  I don't look so great in regular t-shirts (I look like a board in those), but anything that buttons down, anything with a cami worn under it...they all look just fine. Fortunately, I'm fairly tall (5'11") and although not skinny by any means, I am on the thinner side (but, like the rest of you, I find I feel better about myself when my tummy is smaller!). 

    I found yoga/running tops to wear as swim suits (horizontal stripes) and I wear them flat, as well.  Although, when I'm with my family, I sometimes take the sunscreen bottle and tuck it inside my swimsuit top...giving them all a laugh as they look at me with goofy-looking boobs...ha!

    I have gotten so used to my flat chest (most days!) that I have actually forgotten what I looked like with breasts!!  No kidding!  I do wish, though, that the tightness would go away.  My BS said it would after six months, but I'm now at 9 months (will be in a matter of days).....

    You know, I just can't imagine going through all the surgeries, all the pain, all the *everything* that so many are going through to get their new "bumps"....but I guess that's why we're all different.  I'm glad that each of you are totally comfortable where you are...and it makes me feel even better to read where you all are today :)

    blessings...robin

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • brazos58
    brazos58 Member Posts: 261
    edited October 2010

    Thank you all for your thoughts and ideas and experiences.

     I am wondering where you get the microbead forms? I have NOT gone to the Prosthetic Fitting Ordeal. I bought 2 sports bras that have flat cushions for inserts...just to give me some bumper cushion.I could only deal with wearing them 2x. I talked to my PT/ LE re jovi packs and am told I have to get it at a fitter.

     I am 12 weeks post op. My incisions are different... one winks/ the  other blinks. My armpits don't match. I have more dog ears on the right than left. And since I was a 38 D-DD, my incisions are 8 inchs each side.  Everything I wear the dog ears hang over.

    PT wants me to kick up my activity with vacuuming, yard work....car washing to see how I do with LE...and is advising I get a sleeve/ gauntlet d/t AWS. I have evil chest tightness with increased activity. That manual massages and streching somewhat helpful. But Dang!

    I cried my eyes out after my shower. At least I am not crying as much... Thank YOU GOD. I am wondering with time, working out, loosing weight that I might ever get used to being this " Beautifully Broken" ( a fav song of mine....)  And avoid having to have my armpits fixed for CRYING OUT LOUD.

    Thanks for reading/ listening.

    Wishing you all Peace and Blessings.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • mrsnjband
    mrsnjband Member Posts: 1,409
    edited October 2010

    I wore a chamisol with poofs for about 5 months after blm. (I lost 10 lbs in boobs)  With the radiation burns & frozen shoulder from open wound (from radiation burn), I decided to give it up and go flat. I still had a lot of pain post surgery, so I could not stand the thought of wearing a bra. So I have been flat for almost 2 years.  I just learned how to dress my new body. I might wear some foobs for special occasions, but otherwise I love being flat. I like tops that have some of detail to detract the eye from noticing the fact that I am flat.  Most people who don't know me don't even notice it. I think comfortable is more important than looks. It's your decision, so what works for you do it!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • lisa-e
    lisa-e Member Posts: 819
    edited August 2013

    Brazos, you can make the microbead forms.  Here is a link to the BreastFree Blog that gives directions:  

    http://breastfree.blogspot.com/

    The page also has a link a company that sells them.

    One thing I did want to say; if your incisions really bother you, you ought to see a plastic surgeon regarding scar revision.  My le therapist said scars take a year to 'mature' and remodel, so I told myself if I was unhappy with my scars after a year I would  consider revision.  I had/have a pucker on my right side, near my arm pit.  It is looks more like the other side now, so I don't mind it so much.  But the idea that I could do something about it gave me a lot of comfort.

    Hang in there, cry in the shower if it helps and know that you will get used to your new body.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited August 2013

    Edited to redact a post with personal information.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • imbell
    imbell Member Posts: 659
    edited October 2010

    I finally broke down and goit siome prosthetics after 4 years. Will be watching for updates as I alsi want ti get my scars fixed up and maybe siome liposuction. Was going to have reconstruction but had a recurrence. At this point can't see me doing an 8 hour operation. I am quite happy without the prostehetics but I am 66 and slightly dumpy and without them I sort of look like Uncle Fester.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • lovemygarden
    lovemygarden Member Posts: 342
    edited October 2010

    I never thought to measure my BMX scars but after reading a few here I did; mine are 7 1/2" each, from "faux-cleavage area" Wink  to the front part of my underarms. I'm sure the scar length varies for each woman depending on overall torso size (petite, average, or whatever). As far as I'm concerned my scars don't matter at all because nobody sees 'em but moi Smile  and honestly, after the first few weeks post-surgery I found that I don't even consciously look at them anymore.

    I also find that the only time I think about whether to wear foobs or not is when I am actually in the process of choosing what to wear for going out of the house (going flat at home is a no-brainer!). I now do gravitate first toward button-down cotton shirts which are the best things for minimizing the flat-effect if the weather is too warm for a second layer. But I also have a collection of artsy-graphic tee-type tops that just don't hang properly if worn flat, so if I want to wear one of those I usually wear my microbead foobs. However, now that the weather is getting cooler and calling for a jacket as well, I skip the foobs even under the those tops. 

    But whatever I end up wearing (or not wearing), once I am dressed and out of the house I always find that I completely forget about "how I look", because my attention is on whatever it is I am doing. Like the time when I put on one of those t-tops with my foobs-in-a-cami underneath because it was a cool day and I was sure the extra layer would be needed as I walked around an outdoor art show. But it got really warm really quick, and within a hour I was starting to feel too darn hot. So I went back to my car, discreetly wriggled out of the cami/foob combo (do not even ask how), and went back out to finish walking around flat. Within 5 minutes I was so engrossed in looking at the displays that I completely forgot I was boobless-and-foobless! 

    Over the past 8 months since my BMX, I am steadily coming more and more to truly "embrace my inner Twiggy".  Laughing   In case you younger gals may not know who Twiggy was, she was a very trendy 1960s model who was, if not TOTALLY flat, pretty darned close to it! Wink

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sespebadger
    sespebadger Member Posts: 249
    edited October 2010

    www.tlcdirect.org is the place to order microbead forms online

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Trudi51
    Trudi51 Member Posts: 8
    edited October 2010

    Since my last message I have not taken my boobs out of their boxes, I have taken in a lot of my clothing and wear lighter scarves now that summer is here. 

    Had a wedding to go to last night and had been thinking about what I would wear, didn't want to go out and buy a new outfit when I had plenty that I could wear but would need to put the boobs on.  Was chatting to my sister about it when she said in a frustrated kinda way "Just Wear Them!"  My sister has been a big support throughout all of this but I realised that if she can say that then it is probably what most people think, heck I think I would even think it?? Undecided 

    Went out to the local shop yesterday, flat with a black tee shirt, the woman at the counter couldn't stop staring at my chest, her eyes were darting around comically, I am not ashamed of my flat chest, in fact I thought when I got back in the car that I was rather proud of it.  But I realised too that if I want to go flat I have to be strong enough to cope with people's reactions.  So perhaps my sis is right.. just wear them. 

    I did in fact wear them last night, and it was okay, I forgot about them most of the time, occasionally I would bounce off something or someone and feel them. 

    I wonder about the ones that do wear the 'boobs' most of the time, how often do you wear them and how long did it take for you to get use to wearing them, I found when I first started wearing them that they were okay for a short time but after 3 or 4 days I found the weight of them really tiring.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • brazos58
    brazos58 Member Posts: 261
    edited October 2010

    Trudi good for you!  I have been going flat for 4 months since my BMX surgery. This week I went to the fitter and have a post surgical cami with fluff foob in the pockets. It took me to get to this point to JUST WEAR THEM. I too find I am wearing them a short time each day....like building up tolerance. But it just feels great to take it off....it was also nice to have foobs as well.

    As far as peoples reactions.... I am still weirded out at times by the lingering stares on my chest. But I am feeling myself moving onward to just Messing with Peoples Minds...Now you see me, with Boobs.....ar ar ar... now you don't see em. Let them think twice!

    Strength to All

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories