Chemo June 2010

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  • PearlGirl
    PearlGirl Member Posts: 549
    edited September 2010

    Sherry, I know those days of doubting everything and understand that this long and twisted journey has just tested every bit of patience and stamina you have. Your trip though cancer hell has been far longer and more difficult than mine, but I do understand feeling as though you would not do it again if there is a 'do over'.

    I have begun to understand that the reason I'm being shuttled through pretty extensive radiation tx, even without having any nodes involved, is because I'm ER, PR negative. And my tumor size and placement put me at grade 3. My dear BS really was crestfallen when he saw that I was ER,PR negative. His only comment was "at least you get to have Herceptin". So it's better than being triple negative, but still not a good dx. It's an aggressive cancer and they seem to want to use every weapon in the arsenal to keep it from coming back. They have even recommended a hysterectomy to get rid of those ovaries and the uterus while they're at it, still not knowing my BRAC status. For me BRAC pos or neg might not matter as much as just getting the ovaries gone!

    Sherry, since you had cancer spill outside the wall of the effected node it seems like they want to use every weapon in their arsenal for you, too. I think that I understand chemo can kill most all the nasty cancer cells anywhere since it's going after new cell growth and cancer replicates so quickly. And the radiation is to protect against any 'rogue' cells that might have been able to mutate quicker than the chemo can work and still be in the tumor area. Sort of all seems like killing a fly with a bug spray and then finishing him off with gun fire. But it does make sense. It's just more of everything to deal with. More time, more SEs, more money, more doubt.

    I don't know what we are supposed to do except to trust our docs and try to make it through all the tx. I just keep remembering how astonished I was when first faced with the proposed treatment plan. I researched everything and quickly figured out that if the surgeries, chemo and radiation didn't kill me, I might indeed have a chance at being cancer free for awhile.

    I hate this disease and I hate that it's taken it's toll on all of us. Every day brings a new decision and new challenges. We can get through it but I know we will never be the same. I get that. You all get that. Most everyone else who hasn't been on this side of the boards doesn't really get that.

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  • TMarina
    TMarina Member Posts: 692
    edited September 2010

    Sherry-->my rad onc told me the chemo gets the cancer floating around our system, but the rads gets any leftover cells in the localized area--such as the breast and armpit.  I had a mx and 3 positive nodes, and one of them had that extra-capsular extension.  I am in a "grey area", but he definitely thinks radiation would benefit me.  And given my age (46) he thinks I should fight the cancer with everything I can.  For some reason, he isn't going to target the armpit, although he said it would get some radiation.  But he will target the chest area and clavicular node area--he said that's the next place the cancer would have traveled to.  I'm a little nervous about damage to the lung, but he assured me (and I trust him) that there might be slight scarring, but nothing I would ever notice.

    I wish I had a bmx instead of a uni.  I may yet have the other one removed, not sure about recon tho.  My options will be limited after rads. I, too, never want to go through this again.  The cancer dx didn't scare me that much at the time (I had just finished tx for colon cancer), but the thought of more tx sure does!

    Talk more with your rad onc before you start rads.  You need to understand and be comfortable with the reasons.  Also, it was suggested to me that I see a ps before rads so I know my options.  I haven't yet, but I really should. You might want to do that too.

    Bon-->good to hear from you...sorry your mom is still having so much trouble.  I will keep praying for her health and comfort. I hope you can get some much needed r&r soon!  That's a bummer you are already having trouble with rads!  I had a lot of trouble last year, and my doc said this would be nothing like that--should be no problem at all--yeah, I'll believe that when it happens! :P

    Thinking of you all!

    Tina

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  • JFV
    JFV Member Posts: 795
    edited September 2010

    Sherry-  I had a BMX with immediate silicone implants.  I knew the tumor on the left side was big and had been counseled to get a MX.  I decided on a BMX when I was laying on a table getting a biopsy of my right breast prior to surgery.  I remember thinking " I can never do this again and stay sane."  The biopsy was negative.  But, guess what?  When they opened me up there was a tumor and it was invasive and it was IDC.  I had ILC on my left side.  So I managed to have a primary cancer and a reoccurence all at once!  I have always been an over acheiver LOL!  Post surgery is when I found out I had lymph node involvement and not so great margins on one of my tumors.  So I have the whole enchalada.  I will never have a mammogram again.  But I have been tolce to check around my implants for lumps which might signal reoccurence.

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  • cheyenna
    cheyenna Member Posts: 379
    edited September 2010
    sandiddstn, i sent you a pm
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  • Latte
    Latte Member Posts: 1,072
    edited September 2010
    JFV - thanks for sharing your story. Even if you don't have mammograms (which don't catch some BC tumors anyway...), will you still have regular MRIs? I would hope that this would catch any possible reoccurences. I have been told that even if I have BMX, I will still get MRIs (6-monthly) to check what breast area is left and also the armpit lymph nodes that are left.
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  • toni30
    toni30 Member Posts: 252
    edited September 2010
    Sandiddstn -  The Red Devil is a drag. Two pieces of advice in addition to the one about drinking (Vitamin Water was helpful becasue I lost my taste for water:)  (1) Take every anti-nausea drug that they give you as often as you can - don't wait to feel nauseous;   (2) Eat any food that appeals to you because you are likely to lose your appetite.  Don't worry about healthy eating - you can do that later.  I lived onmac and cheese and yoghurt for 8 weeks. Toni
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  • JFV
    JFV Member Posts: 795
    edited September 2010

    Latte-  I haven't been told about MRIs.  I had just switched Medical Oncs once I finished chemo.  I will put MRI on my list of questions when I see the new one in November.  Thanks for the info.  I don't know where I would be without you ladies.

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  • Sherry9316
    Sherry9316 Member Posts: 294
    edited September 2010

    Thanks for all the responses so far.  One thing I forgot to mention is that my cancer was in my left breast and I am fearful of having radiation on that side because of the risk to my heart.  I have already had pretty bad shortness of breath and chest pain throughout my last tx.  I did have my heart checked out and it was fine at the time (that was at the end of June), but those symptoms continued all through my tx.  Interestingly, since I haven't had a tx for 3 1/2 weeks, I have not had those two symptoms for the past 7-10 days. 

    In the beginning, I wanted to hit this cancer hard with everything available. I still do, but my only hesitation is that the tx will bring me to the bring of death and being older I'm not sure I can recover! I haven't done any research in a while.  Maybe it's time to start again. 

    For those of you who had reconstruction after mx or bmx, how did you find your PS?  Did your surgeon recommend him/her?

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  • Latte
    Latte Member Posts: 1,072
    edited August 2013

    Sherry - firstly, you don't look "older" :-) . About the PS - I found my surgeon through recommendations, and then asked him which PS's he works with. Then I did research on those ones. I'm still undecided whether to do recon at same time as BMX or delayed, but either way will still use the same PS.

    P.S. I finally added a photo of me and my 2-yr old DD - it was taken 2 weeks before I found the lump, when (as my daughter says) "Mummy's got black hair!" (as opposed to no hair, or the brown hair that sits in my room - I don't wear my wig much).

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  • TMarina
    TMarina Member Posts: 692
    edited September 2010

    Sherry--> my rad onc mentioned that rads might leave a tiny bit of scar tissue on the heart, but he said he has never seen a case where there was heart damage (mine is left side too).  I questioned him about this directly because I had heard some other people mention it.  He said that rads is much better now than it was 10 years ago, and they can focus it much more precisely.  My fears were put to rest by my conversation with him.  But, yes, keep doing your research, and ask lots of questions! You need to do what is right for you!

    Sadiddstn-->  I agree with everything Toni said!!  I would add--be prepared to rest alot--if the fatigue hits you, don't try to fight it, just go with it.  There is nothing you HAVE to do, other than take care of yourself!

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  • Sherry9316
    Sherry9316 Member Posts: 294
    edited September 2010

    Sandid:  been thinking about you today - hope your tx went well.  Will continue to pray for you over the next few days as that's when the SE's will start.  You listen to these AC girls on here - they've got good advice and tips for getting through.  Let us know how you are.

    HUGS!!!

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  • DesignerMom
    DesignerMom Member Posts: 1,464
    edited September 2010

    latte-  Thanks for the photo.  DD is beautiful.  Always nice to put a face with the name! 

    I'm having a sort of yucky day.  I'm stressing over upcoming rads, trying to wrap my head around benefit, survival stats etc...  Dang!  I have to do MORE research.  I'm so tired of all the research and decisions.  Unfortunately, no one can do this for us.  I do trust my medical doctors, but they have such a narrow, medical focus, I just have to research the big picture myself.  I am tired of it though.  I know it is only 3 days after chemo and I feel tired, am flashing like crazy, constipated and it has not stopped raining all day, tomorrow too.  Here I go with Roseanna Danna routine!

    I am going to my friend's lovely home in Connecticut for a lady's luncheon Wednesday.  Now doesn't that sound civilized??  Hope I poop before then!  Okay, too much info again!

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  • Sherry9316
    Sherry9316 Member Posts: 294
    edited September 2010

    TMarina:  That is good to know about the rads and heart damage.  Actually a little encouraging.

    DMom:  I'm with you on the rads part (not the poop part, though).  I don't know why exactly that I don't want to do it.  Maybe because my mind and body feel so beat up already from dealing with the dx and the tx so far, that I don't think I can do one more thing.  But ultimately, I think we all want the same result - NO CANCER.  So, we'll dig deep and forge ahead and find strength both physical and mental that we didn't know we had an do what is required of us.  Listen to me - just gave myself a pep talk!

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  • Carrol2
    Carrol2 Member Posts: 2,903
    edited September 2010

    Sherry I had to have amastectomy the mass was in a 7cm area. I too did not want to ever worry aobut getting a mastectomy again so I took the healthy boob too.  My mom had a mastectomy 30 years ago and then about 6 months ago got a whole new tumor in the remaining breast. so the decision was pretty clear to me. Plus I did not wnat to be left with one boob and be lopsided. at least now Ia m flat on both sides. I am going to get reconstruction so hope for good syymetry now too.

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  • janny99
    janny99 Member Posts: 119
    edited September 2010
    I will be having my last chemotherapy infusion tomorrow.  I'm so happy, but also a little nervous at the same time!!!  Does anybody have the "now what" reaction to finishing up?  I know I am facing rads, but still feel kind of lost and am having these uneasy feelings.  I know what you mean Cheyenna about not being the same after this breast cancer journey is complete, I think we all feel that way...I am still doing cancer rehab, and attending a complimentary breast program at the Cancer Center, so I know I won't be totally lost.  I have never in my life 'needed' to rely on the comfort and prayers of others as I have this past year.  The other day I was standing in line to pay my cable bill, and a woman came up to me and asked if I was going through Chemo, and then she showed me her breast cancer bracelet and gave me a big hug and wished me well.....strange how we now have this newfound 'sisterhood' .  All the ups and downs and SE's and emotional roller coaster have changed all of us forever...My goodness we are  strong!!!!!
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  • Carrol2
    Carrol2 Member Posts: 2,903
    edited September 2010
    janny999 I don't feel very strong right  now. I have 7 days until my chemo. every day i get more nervous. Plus my husband went away and wont be back until about the day before. It's a guy thing he likes to do every year. I figured I should let him go because for the next three months i need him home. It will be tough on both of us. He left at 5am and I am trying to keep i together.
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  • cheyenna
    cheyenna Member Posts: 379
    edited September 2010

    janna99, yes we are strong, i cant believe how far we have all come, i was such an emotional wreck, i have 6 Taxols left!!! i see the light but i do wonder what will happen after that, i have no rads to do just reconstruction but after my last chemo ill come home and i dont know, it just ends? not that i like it but what can you just go back to normal living? i think that is gonna be hard for me..

    carrol2, you have already proven your strength by letting hubby leave you before your chemo, good for you!!! your gonna make it, look at all of us, we did it, was not easy but we all did it, well im still doing it as well as others, but we are almost there!!!  its ok to be nervous but try and remember this is needed!! each chemo is one less to go! as are girls say, YOU DONT HAVE TO BE STRONG, YOU JUST HAVE TO SHOW UP! keep busy and have a great 7 days, dont lock your self like i did..

    im thinking of you,,love Chey

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  • cheyenna
    cheyenna Member Posts: 379
    edited September 2010

    ok i had 6th chemo yesterday, all is well except im up all night cleaning!!! im ready to crash but my body says no you have to clean, yuk!!!  i think i deserve an ativan..hehe

    love Chey

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  • Carrol2
    Carrol2 Member Posts: 2,903
    edited September 2010
    Thank you Chey I needed that boost. Waking up alone in my thoughts today was tough. Had a good cry finally ate some breakfast, Time to get into some work clothes and tackle cleaning this house.
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  • JFV
    JFV Member Posts: 795
    edited September 2010

    Chey-  I am 13 days past my last chemo and have had very few problems getting back to "normal".  As my SE's have lessened I have become much more active.  I am cleaning and organizing the house, running errands and yelling at my kids again.  I also went out Friday night and Sunday and I did NOTHING social while on chemo.  The only thing I haven't retruned to is work.  But, I think I will go back once rads have started.  I am really suprised at how well the transition is going. Usually I am very anxious about anything when it starts or ends.  Not this time.  So, hopefully you will feel good too.

    Carrol2-  I agree with Chey, you are strong.  You let your hubby do his thing.  It is very normal to be frightened when anticipationg chemo.  We all feel that way frequently on our journey through chemo land.  The only thing I would add to Chey's advice is get exercise everyday.  I am not a big fan of exercise, but I am astonished at how much better I feel emotionally on days when I work up a good sweat.  If I can only manage 10 minutes on the exercise bike I do it and it really helps my mood. HUGS!

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  • Latte
    Latte Member Posts: 1,072
    edited September 2010

    Chey/Janny/anyone else wondering "what next" after chemo - someone posted a link to this article which i think is great reading: After the treatment finishes, then what? Take a look at it, it may help you.

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  • lizzyanne
    lizzyanne Member Posts: 73
    edited September 2010

    Carrol2 - I remember feeling the same way you are right now. I walked around my house crying and everytime I walked into the Onc's office (before chemo started), I would cry in the waiting room and cry all the way home. My first day of chemo, I was a wreck. I saw a bald woman, with a large bag full of "stuff" in the waiting room. I also had my bag of "stuff" to help me pass the time. The difference was that she had the biggest smile on her face, while I was on the verge of tears. We were placed in the same infusion room and I had to ask her why she was so happy. She told me it was her last treatment....it was then that I realized that - yes - there is an end to this and we can get through it. I think God placed her there with me to help me understand that. I felt much better and just decided to face this disease one treatment at a time. I still have my scary teary days but I only have 7 more Taxol treatments left. I look forward to smiling that 7th week!!!

    Good Luck to you! 

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  • sandiddstn
    sandiddstn Member Posts: 88
    edited September 2010

    CHEY- Sent you a pm!!! 

    SHERRY- Had treadtment yesterday and I guess I am so much scared only sleepy alot.  My nurse gave me ativan in mine IV and I have done nothing but sleep.. I guess I got what I wanted haha be careful what you wish for right :)

    I don't know what I would do if it were not for you ladies on here.  I am from a very small town and so far this is my only support group.   OH I have talked to a few ladies here but they have been through this 8-10 yrs ago and when I ask question they forgot alot or don't remember.,.,. they mean well but with you all we are going down this road together and when I need someone to talk to or not and when I just want to read how someone is coping I get on here.. You girls are wonderful..

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  • DesignerMom
    DesignerMom Member Posts: 1,464
    edited September 2010
    sandid-  Congratulations!  The first one is the scariest and hardest.  You come back here and talk to us any time!  These ladies are the best!  We are all in  this together and we will get each other through this madness!  Drink LOTS of fluids to flush your liver and kidneys.  It will help you feel better sooner.  And rest, rest , rest.
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  • kittycat
    kittycat Member Posts: 2,144
    edited September 2010

    Toni - I get weepy, too when I get too tired.  Friday afternoon is usually when I start to feel really cranky (Wednesday is my chemo day)

    Trusting - so sorry to hear about your constipation and having to stay in the hospital.  I have struggled with that, as well.  I have been eating lots of fiber, fruits and veggies.  I am also eating prunes like no other.   Seems to be helping!

    Desingermom - CONGRATS on finishing chemo!!!!  I am soooo happy for you!!!  J 

    New York was FANTASTIC!!!  We had a great time at my sister's wedding.  The weather was perfect.  Everything went well.  We were afraid that I might be wedding aisle "road kill" with all my light headedness.  I managed to do just fine.  I danced at the reception and then paid for it the next day!  LOL! 

    I was super tired yesterday, but feel better today.  I went out to see a customer, go get my meds and grocery shopping.  Now I'm resting on the sofa with my feet up.  DH is making dinner!  Tomorrow is round #8, as long as my counts aren't too low.  My WBC was at 3.1 last week, but they gave me a Neupogen shot.  I want my chemo to end on time!!!  J

    By the way, my hair is growing back.  I have the light fuzz all over my head.  Also, grew a light fuzzy beard - ewww!!!  I shaved my face in the shower. 

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  • Trusting
    Trusting Member Posts: 43
    edited September 2010

    Hi All,

    Thank you to all of you who have sent their good wishes. I am watching my bowels closely after spending two weeks in the hospital for constipation and febrile neutropenia. I am so grateful for the oncology ward at Abbotsford Regional Hospital. They saved my butt and made me feel whole again. That unit is the type of care that we should all receive when are bodies need a boost. A unit like that can save you and it did me! I wish we all had access to that type of care. I am grateful I did when I needed it. I have my last chemo Oct 5 and I hope it will be much more of a smooth ride. Docetaxol after FEC is a butt kicker you are right Mimi. Keep the faith girls and my heart felt congrats to those of you who have braved the chemo and are done with it. Now I go to the PS surgeon tomorrow.

    Take care,

    Trusting 

      

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  • JFV
    JFV Member Posts: 795
    edited September 2010

    Hi All-  Just found a web site that looks pretty good.  Discusses neuropathy and things that can and cannot be done for it.  foundationforpn.org

    Joan

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  • julia2
    julia2 Member Posts: 183
    edited September 2010

    Bon and Sherry, and anyoneelse worried about rads.  I felt exactly as you did about rads, terrified, why do I have to have them, I might jump off the table in a minute:-)  Well today I had my last regular tx (5 boosts to go), and it has been SOOO much easier than I thought and I have gradually become much more relaxed during the actual tx.  I was terrified I'd have bright red, peeling, weeping skin, I am very light skinned.  Well, I had mild pinkness at the end of last week, could only really see it by comparing to other breast, and it resolved over the weekend.  I also had slight itching in nipple area yesterday.  That's it, no other skin reactions period.  Bon, I had the shooting pains the first week, then they went away, rad onc said EVERYONE has them, she said it's nerve ending related.  I had a little rib/lung pain for a couple days when I sneezed or took a huge deep breath.  That scared the shit out of me, but it just went away after a couple days.  Overall, the anticipation of what might happen was way worse than what did happen.  Be brave, it's not so bad!  BTW, my rad onc insists on Medline Remedy Skin Repair Cream.  I have no idea if this is better than other skin creams, but it sure worked for me and it smells lovely. www.medline.com

    Julia 

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  • flopsy
    flopsy Member Posts: 365
    edited September 2010

    Girls,  I have finished 1 wks of Rads Tx---YEAHHHHHHH!   Rads is much easier than chemo so far and I hope it won't get much worse.  I have had a sore tongue last night and today on the treatment side so don't know if that is from tx on the supraclavicular area or not.  i am keeping a watch on it.

    The rads tx is to make sure the tumor and axilla and sternal area and clavicle area do not have stray cancer cells that would cause recurrence.  Unfortunately, we don't know if there are any cells still there or not because we can't tell.  My tx's only take about 10 minutes and they play good music while I am there so I just relax  and listen to the tunes.  I put Aquafor on after each tx to keep the skin moist.  My skin has gotten a little more sensitive and some pulling around the surgical scars and axilla but nothing too bad thank God!!!!  I will post more when there is more to say.  LOL, Ginny

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  • lizzyanne
    lizzyanne Member Posts: 73
    edited September 2010

    Drove down to NYC this morning to attend the Dr. Oz Show. It was lots of fun and I didn't think about BC once...except when I was fussing with my darn wig. Drove and parked right by Rockefeller Plaza. I stopped at the Today Show and shook Al Roker's hand. It was nice to get out, but I am exhausted right now.

    Hugs to all

    Liz 

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