Dealing with emotions on anniversary of diagnosis

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Robin04
Robin04 Member Posts: 46
edited June 2014 in Middle Age 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer
Dealing with emotions on anniversary of diagnosis
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  • Robin04
    Robin04 Member Posts: 46
    edited September 2010

    Hi everyone - I'm just needing to vent a bit.  Today is the 6 year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis.  Of course there's many mixed emotions that go with that.  I had a mastectomy followed by delayed DIEP reconstruction.  Tests and checkups since then have been okay, with a few scares along the way that turned out negative.  

    No one else in my life will remember this day, but I sure do!  I would find it difficult to call up my loved ones and say "Hey, remember what happened 6 years ago today?"  The calendar year of 2010 is the same as it was in 2004, so it was also a Monday like today.  The similarities in my work schedule etc. are a big reminder of the anxiety I was feeling back then.

    I'm in my early 50's and life has changed so much since my diagnosis.  My marriage is ending and I will be divorced in a few months.   I've always been pretty self-reliant, hate to "bother" people, and didn't depend on others for much help during the cancer battle. But for some reason being alone today is getting to me more than I expected.  Therefore I turn to these boards.  I have always been INCREDIBLY amazed at how supportive b.c. survivors are to each other, especially here.

     People who have not personally dealt with b.c. don't seem to "get it" the way the women here do.

     Thanks for listening and being my sounding board.  I wish all the best to every one of you.

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  • Lowrider54
    Lowrider54 Member Posts: 2,721
    edited September 2010

    Robin...I just passed my 1st metsaversary and yes, the emotions are wild.  In June, it was my 11th cancerversary - funny, now with mets, that day just came and went and I only thought about having cancer in my life for 11 years.  And dumbass me went for my 10 year full body checkup on my birthday - in just over a month later, I was treating for mets.  Some birthday present I gave myself...well, I had another birthday and that is surely something to celebrate. 

    Vent away...life is forever altered once the beast enters your life.  Hugs to you...LowRider

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited September 2010

    Robin04 I want to wish you Happy Anniversary!  Six years.....well done.  Be proud that you are a survivor and if family and friends do not remember be proud for them also as you have fought a huge battle and you carry the scars as a reminder to prove it.  Your life has changed in more ways than one but you are strong, stronger than today.   May there be many, many more anniversaries for you.

    Peace, strength, love n hugs.   chrissyb

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited September 2010

    Robin .. my first two anniversaries were uneventful.  A little nervous getting the mammo's .. but that was all.

    I was really nervous and emotional for my third anniversary and mammo.  For some reason, I get anxious the further out I am.

    Sending hugs,

    Bren

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited September 2010

    Hi, Robin ~ Of course our cancerversary is a big deal to us -- a day that marked so many changes in how we view life, and in some ways who we are.  I'm wondering if, instead of focusing on being alone, you could do something special for yourself today -- whether that's treating yourself to something a bit extravagant you've been wanting, or calling up a dear old friend you haven't talked to in ages, or just something that you wouldn't normally be inspired to do, but that could make today special for you in a way that doesn't dwell on bc or being alone -- something to celebrate life.  I did something like that for my 2nd cancerversary (I was still in tx for my 1st one, but I treated myself to something small but luxurious and entirely unjustifiable that I'd been wanting -- just b'cuz I really wanted it -- to celebrate #2), and, as silly as it may sound, it seemed to reaffirm that I'm worth some things that can't be justified, if you know what I mean.  And now I look forward to future cancerversaries, and even occasionally think about what I'll do to celebrate next year.    Deanna  

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  • Robin04
    Robin04 Member Posts: 46
    edited September 2010

    Thanks to you Deanna, and the other girls for your replies.  A busy day at work made the time go quickly and helps me to realize that I'm lucky to be here and celebrating another year.  There is something very touching about the kindness of others who've been through the same thing that makes me feel less alone.  And yes, I do believe in treating myself to little extravagances here and there.  Retail therapy can work wonders!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2010

    Hey Robin, the gals on the thread I am a home member on KNOW how hard this one year anniversary has hit me!! I was diagnosed and slammed into surgery and chemo before I could think about it anything. Then I had an allergic reaction to the chemo and have been so ill for about a year now. But I went into a deep dark hole about a month ago and couldn't figure out why. Now I am on Effexor and trying to get stabilized. This is a huge deal-especially for those of us dealing with lots of loss and grief issues. BE gentle with yourself!! (((Big Hugs))) SV

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  • Estepp
    Estepp Member Posts: 6,416
    edited September 2010

    EEEKKKK... I think I know how you feel... these dates come and go for others... and you are right... we are the only ones who remember the exact date of our "date" with BC.

    Well.... I just wanna give you a great big.... cancer free.... not gonna take it no more...kinda HUG!

    God Bless you !

    Laura

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2010
    Congratulations Robin04....here's a HUGE hug to celebrate your milestone....you remember and that's the only person that truly counts....  Innocent
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  • CTMOM1234
    CTMOM1234 Member Posts: 633
    edited November 2010

    Oh, yes, I know exactly where you're coming from. Bittersweet are these anniversaries indeed ( I just celebrated and cried at my 1 year). Congratulations on the wonderful milestone!

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