August 2010 Rads

I'm 10 days out from my last boost and am feeling much better physically.  My energy level is much improved, although not back to normal yet.  The boost area is still pretty pink and my nipple is sensitive and starting to peel.  It has been just the last few days that I don't feel uncomfortable on that side, and last night I was able to sleep on my tummy again!  The nonboost areas are pretty much healed - yippee!!!  For me, the boosts caused a lot more burning than the other ... maybe because it was so close to my skin and was a visible and bright blast (more like the sun) as opposed to the invisible beams from the full breast treatments?

Emotionally, I'm still on the edge.  If I start thinking too much I can feel it all start to well up, but I just don't have the time or energy (okay, desire) to "deal" with it right now so I stuff it back down.  I know once I start crying it will be awhile before I stop ... I've got groceries to get, school open houses to attend, new TV shows to watch, friends to have coffee with, etc., all before I start work again on 10/1 and I don't want to "waste" the time crying.  Not very smart of me, is it?  I will probably break down at the worst possible moment ... I suppose I should try to "schedule" it soon? 

  So happy for you againmine ---  finished!!!! Maybe now you can relax and do something nice for yourself. Maybe go out and frame that certificate.    I finish next Tuesday, it's three more boosts to go.

   I'm thinking of you Janabananna as you start work. Maybe the distraction will be good - I'll be out looking for a job sometime in the near future and I'm trying to get a jump start by walking and working more around the house. I want to see how fast my energy level will return. I'm a bit anxious about how I'll hold up. It's been nearly four years since I worked. The three years before I received my dx of BC I was taking care of my Mom - she was a full time job. You know I wonder if this emotional up and down business is part of chemo-pause or if it has to do with the whole crazy ride we've been on and we're finally winding down long enough to catch our breath. And with that we just go WOW, I really didn't want to do this. Everything comes at you so fast at dx, before you know it we're in the middle of tx. It's enough to make anyone cry.

   I too am amazed at the women who worked thru all this tx process, I think it would have been to much for me. But then we women tend to do what we gotta do, right? Somehow we just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Ladym and phxsun  and everyone else who it making progress with the completion of tx - so glad your doing well and that you improving with each passing day.

                      Blessings

Lady Madonna, I am almost 2 weeks into Tamox and I am surprised at how well it is going.  I was dreading it in a way as I have 2 friends who were on it in the past, 1 of them developed the endometrial cancer we have all read about.  My stomach was a little queasy for a couple of mornings, I have had a maximum of 1 hot flash a day and sometimes none.  I was irritable for 2 days.  On the good side, my sinuses don't hurt for the first time in my adult life and I'm 54 tomorrow, and my pimples are all drying up and flaking off.  I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I can live with this.  I'm keeping you in my prayers that you are done with the H in the blink of an eye, you get the port out and come on over to Tamox Towne with me!  Remember how life was the day before you got the diagnosis??  That's how I want to live again, spending my brain power on LIFE!!

Well, I finished my boosts on Wednesday! Yeah! It feels sooo good not to have to make that daily trek into town. I tolerated the treatments very well..very few SE......a little redness or should I say pinkness and a little fatigue. No depression but as I stood outside the hospital waiting for DH to pick me up after my last boost, I had this feeling of abandonment. It was as if I was left suddenly on my own to deal with cancer.

OK, so I thought  I could start to relax. Not so! While talking with my onc, I found out that the oncotype dx test that my previous onc said she'd have done, was never done. Also, my new onc told me that my cancer grade was a 2 and not a 1. Now he wants to present my case to the tumour board meaning that I may have to have chemo. Ladies, I think I will turn into a basket case. (Some of you may remember that my pathology report first stated that my lymph nodes were positive and then retested and turned out negative.) My onc said that he'll phone me and let me know. So the waiting is starting all over again.

I did have a surprise though after my last rad tx, My son came over and presented me with a wonderful bouquet of flowers. After dinner with DH,son, daughter & her boyfriend, there suddenly appeared on the dinner table a yummy ice cream cake with a huge, orange smiley face on it. I had put tiny smiley face stickers on my calendar after each treatment. It was a celebration cake and we all ate with delight and gusto! 

Congrats on finishing.  A cake - how lovely.

Good luck with the test.  Who is your new oncologist - at MGH?

You are not alone in your feeling of abandonment.  And for a few days after I almost got dressed and ready to leave for radiation.  You are supposed to get on with your life but it just doesn't work like that.  I read the article on after the treatment ends someone here mentioned.  It is dead on.

I had to go back today as my husband had his planning session.  It was familiar.  It was strangely comfortable.  Very very scary!!!!

Take care and let us know how you are doing.

One more boost to go.  Please God, give me some energy back soon.  For the last couple of weeks I've been sleeping 14 to 16 hours of every 24.  The skin on my breast and my side around to the back is red and has thickened and developed bumps and ridges.  The split in the fold under the breast has healed nicely but the black skin there and under my arm is peeling.  My normal bra size is DD but the radiated one has got to be at least a G.  Now the itch is so bad the normal breast itches in sympathy.  The hair follicles around the nipple turned into dark brown pits.

I have an appointment with my ONC Thursday to discuss the next stage of my treatment.  When I first talked with him he said that at 68 and 12 years post menopause, I will probably be on an aromatase inhibitor.

Tonight I've been going through some wild emotional swings.  I think until now I've still been a bit numb from the diagnosis and I do tend to keep negative emotions under tight control so it is real scary when they get loose.  I do not want to start feeling sorry for my self when there are so very many here, in fact most of those here at BCO, that are in far worse situations than mine.  So please forgive my complaints and I will continue to pray for us all.

Thank you for listening.

Carole,

I, too, hope others will keep in touch here as we all move on to the next stage of our treatment.  I also have joined a thread you might find helpful if you haven't found it yet.  Calling All Stage 1 Sisters has women at all stages of treatment and beyond.  It offers great support and a lot of insight into what can lie ahead.

Have a relaxing and healing weekend.

I went to see my GP today.........yes, on a Saturday. I brought him up to date and I left with a prescription for a colonoscopy. So, what's one more "crappy" test! I was supposed to have had this test a couple years ago but had difficulties with the prep. I got sick.....vomited, dizziness, had heart palpitations & broke out in a sweat. Now there is an easier prep and I'm willing to give it one more shot. But, I'm not in a rush to have it done. I'll wait to see if I have to have any further cancer treatments.

sharonraew........My new rad onc is Dr. Hijal, young, very nice & listens to concerns. Your husband is also at the MGH......I guess you know the routine. Wishing him and all our rad sisters the best!

Hi everyone! How are you all today? Just got back from my 4th boost and tomorrow is the last one. Kind of a bittersweet feeling. Ready to be done with this but moving on has its share of questions about things too. My armpit burn is much better but still some sting in the one under the breast. My breast itself hurts now with the boosts though. Working 5 hours a day is definitely working out better for me. Still tired but not totally overwhelmed like I was. Ready to have my own skin back lol. Can't wait to use my deodorant and body wash and real lotion instead of aquaphor. Its the little things you miss. I'm afraid to start wearing a bra again. Don't know that I'll find one to fit or wear without pain. Guess I'll try going to sports bras when my skin allows. You are all in my thoughts and prayers!!

chabba - OH NO!!! That really stinks. I just hate it when you're all geared up for something - especially something as special as this, and it gets cancelled!! Hopefully all systems are go for tomorrow. Congratulations in advance for being done. Congratulations to you too Carole!!!

It's so great to see each one of us come near to or  'graduate' from these treatments! It is a milestone, even if some people just don't understand...this was not easy for any of us..the skin troubles, emotional ups and downs, driving...driving...and more driving, dealing with issues we never dreamed of, and so much more.

My skin is slowly healing and doing so much better! I have one circle that is still blistered, but it's getting there. (a place that was under a sticker). I wore a 'normal' bra for the first time Monday! YIPPIE!!! No more uno-boob! Those sport ones always made me look like I had only one breast and it was dead center!! (2 DD's make one really weird boob!) lol

The fatigue continues, but now I am actually sleeping. Took a 5 hour nap on Sunday! Even slept through my phone text alert!. My husband came upstairs to make sure I was alive...I never sleep through my phone calls/texts. I do notice though...that by 1:00 I am very drained and have to sit or lay down. I just keep telling myself its the good cells making a comeback and that is why I am tired. I want so bad to get back to 'normal' but remind myself often...it will take time. The dust bunnies still have a home for a little while longer.

My prayers are still going upward for all of us!

finished my last radiation treatment today....whoo hoo!!!

Now on to tamoxefin

Last treatment was to be Monday, machine down.  Reschedualed for today, Machine still down, rescheduled for tomorrow. Anyone want to take bets?

I was told mamo six months afters rads.

rcca

Seems like things are different all over for when to get our first post-chemo mammo.  I am set for one in November, which would be the first since chemo began in February.  First gynecologist appointment today for pap, etc., and I have to say for the first time in a very long time, I'm really nervous about going - don't want to hear any more bad news - not that there's reason to believe there's something wrong, but when I found out about the bc I didn't think there was anything wrong either.  Hate how all this stuff has modified my former attitude of not worrying about things until there's a reason to - have to keep trying to get that back.... Mo