Those who have positive nodes --?

I understand the "not wanting to know".  After I was first diagnosed and before my surgery was scheduled (I was doing genetic testing) I just kept thinking "why can't I just stay here in limbo one more day?"  But logic and wisdom says you can't and eventually you have to deal with it. After I had BMX I was told I had one positive node. Totally fell apart.  Couldn't even leave my bedroom.  I think I cried the entire day.  I kept researching and the more and more I read, the more upset I became.  I do think one can get overloaded. Someone on this board told me to take a deep breath ...  she had numerous positive nodes ... she was 6 years out ... I thought about my aunt who had several positive nodes ... she's turning 80 this year ... they didn't even have chemo when she was diagnosed.  

Take a deep breath.  You will get through this.  This fear will become less powerful every day you move forward. 

Hugs - Charley 

Rachel,

 I will be a 5 year survivor of IDC, 4 cm tumour, grade III aggressive, estrogen positve and 3 positive lymph nodes.  I was 41 when diagnosed in October of 2005, I just turned 46 in May!

I literally fell apart when my pathology report came back with the positive nodes.  It is tough to wrap your mind around it but you know what it is possible!!!

 I am someone that wants to know the facts dont hide anything from me, knowledge is power and that way you can make along with your medical team responsible important decisions regarding treatment.  You want to hit this beast the hardest the first time around and not second guess yourself later on.

I had the kitchen sink thrown at me for treatment - lumpectomy, 6 months of chemo-8 treatments  (4 a/c and 4 taxol), radiation, had Zoladex injections to chemically shut down my ovaries and started on Armidex.  I later had my ovaries removed (2 years ago) so that I didnt have to continue any longer on Zoladex and am still on Armidex going on 4 years now.

I am living life with zest once again, yes it is different --- how can it not be when you are faced with a life threatening illness.  I am back to working out again, running and  feeling pretty darn good!

This whole journey takes a long time to process mentally and everyone is different in the way that they process things.  They say that this is similar to going through the stages of grieve which are anger, denial and then acceptance.   I still think about breast cancer everyday but dont let it overtake my life or my enjoyment of it.

Yes you could have a reoccurance, there are no promises in life.  No one knows what tomorrow holds but I would not waste the time that you do have left wondering and worrying about something that may never happen. 

 Give yourself time to grieve at your own pace and then eventually in time you will find a place where you find comfort and can begin to start living your "new normal:.

PM me if you have any questions.

 Michele

Rachel,

I was diagnosed with breast cancer the end of January of this year.  I was 31 years old at the time.  My kids were 2 years old and 6 weeks old at the time.  I live in Pittsburgh and it is protocol here to give neoadjuvant chemotherapy (chemo before surgery) to shrink the tumor.  This was very hard for me mentally b/c I was so worried the cancer was going to spread b/c I was not having it surgically removed first.  I have finished chemo and am scheduled for surgery on July 1st.  I do know I had one lymph node involved because it looked abnormal on ultrasound, was biopsied, and was positive for cancer.  On top of that, I work in a hospital where we admit a lot of metastatic breast cancer patients.  We don't see the breast cancer patients that do well, only the ones that do not do well.  So for the first few months after diagnosis, I walked around thinking I was going to be one of those patients that don't do well and leave my kids and husband behind.  Mentally I was going through HELL!!!  I didn't think I would ever feel happy again.  But now that I am finally having surgery and have finished chemo, I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnell.  I am starting to see that there is life after breast cancer.  I know how afraid you must be because I was there 5 months ago but I promise you it will get easier as you get through treatment.  Try to stay positive and keep  fighting.  And remember, the majority of people with breast cancer do very well whether they have lymph nodes involved or not.  On the day I found out I had breast cancer, the radiologist who did my breast and lymph node biopsy told me that I was going to be OK.  She said this year would suck but that I was going to be fine.  I have held on to those words through all of my treatment.  So just remember this year may suck but you will get through this.  

Angie         

Rachel, I'm not sure that I have any more wisdom than has already been written here, but I just wanted to say that you will get through this.  Right now you are facing some tough decisions about your treatment, and you are the only one who has the right to determine whether or not you want to be told, but knowledge is power.  You won't be able to take control unless you know what it is that you are fighting against.  From my experience, finding out that I had positive nodes was more difficult than being told that I had breast cancer.  After meeting with my medical oncologist, and learning what I could expect from chemo, I was depressed and considered not going through with it.  But, I decided that I had to be able to look at my husband and kids and tell them that I did whatever I could to rid my body of this disease, and that if I didn't go through with the chemo and it came back, I would always wonder "what if...."  I am now halfway through, and although it has been difficult, I know that I will come out on the other side feeling that I made the right decision.  If, down the road, I have a recurrence or mets, I will deal with it.  Good luck.

Welcome Rackie.  I'm glad that you found this site, it has been a wonderful support and information network for me.  Good luck to you, too.

Hello.  I'm going through the same thing. About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with DCIS and did nothing because I had 3 different doctors tell me 3 different things.  After almost a year it came back in same place. I had the first lumpectomy in August 2008 and then in June 2009 I had 3 lumps removed at the same time.  My first lympth node removal in 2008 was negative but I was her2 positive and then my second surgery and tests said I had 2 swollen lympth nodes but I don't think they were removed because they came up on a PET Scan.  I am a difficult case because now I am IDC with HER2 positive/neu and estrogen and progesterone negative but it's in my skin nodules. I have gone through chemotherapy and now on Tykerb still getting Herceptin.  Don't know myself where this will go but I keep thinking positive.  There are so many things that the doctors can do now and so many chemo regimens they can use.   Good Luck

RAchel, 

I was diagnoised with IDC and well in January and initally was told my lymph nodes should be negative, however that was not the case once the SNB was done.  I too thought this was the end of the world and spent 4 days crying and thinking I was dying for sure.  However after reading so many posts from women with both negative and positive nodes I think we all have the same opportunity to do very well with the many treatment options that are open to us. I am presently in Chemo with rads to follow and doing quite well.  I do not think of dying, I think of being cancer free at the end of all this and if a reoccurance happens, I know there are many other treatment options out there for all of us.  I have 4 kids ages 7 - 13 and we carry on life as normally as possible.  I want my kids to see me just as Mom and not as ":Mom with Cancer".  It breaks my heart sometimes when I hear them use the words "chemo" and "cancer" as part of their regular vocabulary, but I want them to see their father and I as treating this as something that we can deal with and that cancer just means I am sick for a little while.(Which I really hope is the truth!). Best of luck to you and whatever news you get, you will find the strength to deal with it..  We all do.

Hey ladies,

Your posts brought tear in my eyes.

You are so wonderful.thanks for being there.

I am 38 and diagnosed with IDC,the tumor grade 2 and its 2.5 cm. ER /PR+

My drs also wan to start with the chemo before surgery.

We are not sure about lymph nodes yet. My initial biopsy showed 2 enlarged nodes, now i ahve to go back and do another biopsy for lymph nodes. My question is before doing surgery  how did u find out about positive nodes? the initial  first biopsy which also diagnosed you for breast canser  or you did an extra biopsy for the nodes?

please tell  me.

thanks

I did not know until after surgery and nodes were removed (tested) that the sentinel node was diseased (to me the worst part was them injecting the blue dye into 4 sides of the areola the day before surgery...ouch-OOOOH)  I think if ANY of the nodes are affected, it changes the protocol for treatment, go more aggressive (read:  radiation after chemo).  Good luck to all.  ~juli