Starting Chemo in June 2005

No surrender, you dont know (well maybe you do) what reading your wonderful post today means to me!



I laughed , I cried, from your words, they are all true.



But I wont die!



3 AC 'down' and 5 more treatments (1 more AC and 4 tAX)





I LOVE YOU MY SISTER!

Jen...Wish I had the wisdom of NS....the only thing I can say is it's ok to be tired of all of this crap. I can't believe the emotional roller coaster BC puts you on. I started out with a great, positive attitude--even smirking at my first appointment with the onc. I'm glad to be done with chemo--in fact downright giddy. I tried explaining to my husband that I feel bad that I'm doing nothing but laying on the couch--even though I'm entitled.

My daughter went to her homecoming dance---a formal affair, and had her nails, make-up, and hair done--all by herself. She never even asked for help. OK, so that's the voice of a mother of an almost 17 yr old taking control of her independence....but still. Then yesterday, she sends me an online hallmark card telling me how much she admires me for going through this.

Has anyone gone through the "I hate my bald hair, and I want a new hair style" phase. Normal folks get sick of their hair, and go get it cut, colored or permed....NO, I have to keep waiting...waiting for it to finish falling out....then spend another 3 months waiting for something to possibly cut.

My husband and I went into Salt Lake City for him to run the 5K for Hope for a Cure. Not a huge crowd, but a decent turnout. Anyway, he hasn't run too many 5Ks and ended up coming in 2nd in his age group....I was happy for him. I didn't walk because I hurt my foot...don't really know why, but I still walked away with a pink survivor hat and a few other goodies. For the first time since diagnosis, I felt like I could say I was a survivor. It was nice talking to a lady who is a 15 yr survivor.

NS--you are such a great motivator and inspiration. You always know exactly the right thing to say. We'd be so lost without you....or institutionalized....

I almost had a Towanda moment a couple days ago. My daughter and I go to Curves. During chemo I usually felt like going the day before chemo, and that was it. My daughter basically didn't go unless I went. I know all the girls--and they ALL know I'm dealing with bc, except for one they hired about 3-4 weeks ago. New chick calls me and says, "I notice you haven't been coming lately, and we're just wondering why." I told her I just finished chemo, and we'd eventually get back in there. Just pissed me off since no one bothered to tell her not call me. Plus, I'm thinking, you are payed every month, don't worry about whether or not I come in.....SO, when I do go in next time, I'll be sure to tell them, "thanks for the phone call."

I'm anxious for the rad consult....I'll be sure to post afterwards....

To everyone who is sending good vibes my way for Vegas....thank you. I especially like 'baby needs a new pair of shoes.' Although my husband says, 'baby needs a new wig.' I don't think he's THAT funny!

Chemo...the gift that keeps on giving. Well I went to the onc today for scheduled visit and showed him my nails. He said that it doesn't happen very often...but they most likely will fall off after next treatment. So far it looks like 8-9 of my fingernails are affected. I haven't checked my toenails yet. I am just going to be so glamorous for my cruise..no hair, no brows, no lashes and now no nails! On the bright side, I guess I won't have to worry about my polish chipping.

Liz

Anyone getting eyebrows back yet? I had heard they fall out after taxol was ended, but come back quick. I'm getting impatient over here!

Liz - you have hairless legs??? You're SO lucky!!! I lost the hair on my head and my underarms (oh - and my nether regions) but not so on my hairy legs. I had originally counted that as one of the "silver linings" of chemo (I know - I was really stretching), but to no avail.

I'm starting to shed again. I think that's what originally threw me into my funk this past weekend - the very real fear that I'm going to lose my hair again. Well, that and missing DH. I'm hoping that it only sheds and doesn't fall out like originally. But I've made peace with it now and if it does it does.

You know I was delayed last week because my counts were too low. This afternoon I noticed I'm starting to get thrush again - indicative of low WBC. I'm really hoping I'm wrong and I'll get the treatment on Thursday. As I've stated before - I'm ready for this to be over!!

And I agree. I hate to hear when any of you have a bad time with something and I wish it was all easy sailing for each one of us. It's kind of like raising kids. You know how sometimes your kid will do something that just makes you crazy? And then a mom of an older child says, "My son/daughter used to do the same thing." It makes you feel better to know that it's not just you.

There was more I was going to type, but I can't remember it. Must be the thrush since it rhymes with mush and that's what my brain has become. lol.

Here's wishing you all a great Tuesday/Wednesay.

Jen

Liz - I have the magic mouthwash. I've ended up with thrush after both taxotere treatments and the mouthwash helped a little, but I ended up on Diflucan the second time. This is just odd because I'm getting it BEFORE treatment.

That was very nice of your nurse to call you back. Now you can sleep tonight.

Jen

is any one out there starting chemo today .i go at 9:30and I'm scacerd
sharon

Sharon, there's a thread for starting chemo in October, if you want to hang with some women who are at the same phase as you. But if you want to talk to those who are finishing up, stick with us! It's certainly not the way I would have picked to spend all that time this summer, but at least the treatment is available for us. And I found it wasn't as bad as I had expected, overall. You'll do fine!

Thanks Liz! I gotta say, I'm a little apprehensive about it. A little afraid that my counts won't be up enough. But hopefully I'm wrong.

I love Fridays! Glad you're getting one today.

My sister and brother-in-law drove in last night from New Mexico so she could walk in the Race for the Cure on Saturday. She's taking me to chemo today and we're hitting either Starbucks or 31 Flavors on our way. lol. Purely medicinal, you know. That bit about drinking something cold keeps the mouth sores away. That's all. Not that I really want a yummy mocha frappacino or anything.

My head is shedding somewhat. Just like it did before it all decided to come out the first time. Don't know if it's following the same pattern or just shedding. I think, though, that since I still have some I'm going to gel it today after my shower. Not that the gel will do anything to my buzz, but I think it might be fun. You know, it's the little things in life...

I guess I should be off. I'll post later to let you all know whether I got the treatment or not. Say prayers and keep any and all body parts crossed for me!!

Jen

Hey KimB - Sometimes posting is just more trouble than it's worth, huh?

I'm glad you're doing well and I hope your achiness stays to a minimum. You'll be done in no time!! AND you'll have hair in no time. (Time is relative, after all).

Jen

Hey Brenda we had frost down Akron way this morning. I did get my bulbs planted! But the squirrels have been awfully happy lately-if they ate them I will personally hang them by their tails in aour red maple out front. I didn't plant a lot though-only ten and that made me SO TIRED.
LOL I had to laugh at all the posts about being so p***** off - this-Monday a nice lady from dd's school made us dinner and my ungratful children sat there not eating so I said the big bad word-the baddest in front of all them-threw my fork and went to bed! LOL Now I don't feel so bad LOL
And fog brain! I went to the store to get some special tea for a care package for oldest son and stood in the asle trying to remember why I was there. It was only thing I went in for LOL!
Only 3 more taxol!! Happy happy happy
Take Care All
Bev

I havent posted for a while. My last two chemo's have kicked my behind. But I have come to the end of my chemo road. Had my last one on last thursday!!!! Now I am headed for surgery around the 7th of November.
No S - thank you so much for your wisdom! I am going to let my DH and DD read your post because sometimes it is hard to put into words the way you feel, and you have written exactly how I feel. Thank you again.
Take care everyone, I will post again.

Woo Hoo!!! I got #3 today!! It was questionable. When the chemo nurse looked at my WBC she said, "Hm. I don't know. They're pretty low." I said, "Look! I was delayed last week because of a low WBC and they've come up since then. AND they're higher than they were the last time I had chemo, which had been delayed a week and they'd barely risen since then. AND I DIDN'T wear waterproof mascara today and you REALLY don't want to see me if I get delayed again!" (I think I was a tad bit on the hysterical side.)

With wide eyes and something similar to a smile she said, "Okay, Honey. I'll go call the doctor and see what he says."

You could almost see the relief on her face when she came back to say it was a go. lol. I think she may have been afraid of my unstable presence.

Went back to my parents house and finally had my sister bring me and my daughter home because I'm worn out! But I wanted to check in before my head hit the pillow.

BTW - nobody noticed I gelled my hair today. Hmph!

Jen

Minerva...that is a tough decision. All you can do is get as well informed as you can and then go with your gut feelings. I had one removed, and it does put you out of balance...the prosthesis helps, but I only wear that when I go out or people come over. For me the surgery went very smoothly and I healed quickly. I hope you can come to a decision that will feel right for you.

Great news Jen...sounds like Towanda went to chemo with you. Only one more to go!

Liz