HELP ME PLEASE... I AM BEGGING FOR HELP...

Life can be tremendous, because you really appreciate all the little things (lilacs blooming, crunching the leaves, your kid's track meet; even in the rain), and the big things (graduations, weddings, reunions etc.) even more, and I find I am more willing to throw caution to the wind and try new things I would have been hesitant to do before. Why Not? In a strange way, it can be quite liberating.

Oh Vicky. I didn't read through everyone else's posts, because I have little ones and just find it hard to delve through. But I did skim through and read all of yours. You have a lot on your plate - a large family, the loss of your mother, difficulties with your husband, feeling like cr*p with chemo and all of it's side effects and working on top of it all. Yes, surprising, but you do find out who really cares and who runs for the hills when you have cancer and need help. I know on your last post you said that you will not do the last Taxol - I think that is your choice and it is for you and your doctor to decide. If you do decide to go through with it, maybe try Neupogen shots instead of Neulasta. It will require more shots - usually 2-3 versus the one you would take of Neulasta, but it is a bit more mild. I remember the days of chemo... and yes, I did lose my toenails (just 2 of them... although my pinky toenails are so small, I think they may have come off without me noticing!) - but that was with AC not the Taxol. It did take a while for my body to feel back to normal after the chemo - body aches are common. Body image issues are common. You are SO NOT ALONE. I wish I could just reach through this keyboard and give you a nice big hug. Please try to hang in there. Positive thoughts and prayers are being sent your way.

Vicki, we will never stop talking to you,  your life descisions are just that, yours and we will support you all the way.  There are no judgements here.  I am so glad you have made it through to your last treatment, it can only get better from here.

Love n hugs to you.  chrissyb

((((HUGS)))) from the west coast of Florida. You can do this and PM me any time you need a leg up.

Your mother would be so proud of you for continuing the fight.

Pat, good luck getting yor new tatas..

{{ clapping }}   yaaaay Vicky!!

Vicky....Congrats...you made it!  Your energy levels will return pretty quickly...I didn't lose all my hair through it so I don't have anything to tell you about that...the 'chemo fog' does take a bit of time but with the energy levels back, you will at least feel like doing things...keep lists handy or get one of those quick recorders so when you think of something, record it so you don't have to drive yourself nuts trying to remember.  I don't know what the treatment is from here but trust, se's can be handled...hug your family lots and thank them for sticking it out...go out, get a massage, facial, manicure...treat yourself!  You earned it!  Life will never be exactly what it was but you toughed it out and now ease into the new normal...this was my post chemo regime and my life did get to be much better within a few short months.  Although, after 11 years - I can still taste it...yuck - at least I have not been subjected to it again yet now with mets but I am still in the same treatment room and OMG...I can't believe I still get that taste!  Oh well...we are all so proud of you!  Big Hugs....LowRider

Have been reading your journey.  So glad for the women on here.  So glad you're done!!

Keep on keeping on.....

Many hugs and prayers for you!

Hi Vicky,

I was catching up on your story.. and CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You made it thru! I hope you see how strong you really are.. and I am so glad that you did not give in a, hard as it was. I had the same treatment you had, and I did loose all my hair, eyebrows and eyelashes! I laugh now, but it wasn't exactly funny then! I finished my chemo the middle of July, and it took about 2 or three weeks before I started feeling the peach fuzz on my head. I was able to feel it before I could actually see it. I am still taking anti-depressants, and I actually fell more down and like I couldn't control my feelings MORE after treatment than during. At first I didnt talk to anyone about it, because I felt like I am done with chemo, I should be happy, what's wrong with me? But it got to the point where it was really affecting me and I didnt even want to get out of bed, so I talked to my onco and she assured me that the feelings were normal after being thru such a difficult time, and she gave me anti depressants. They have helped me a lot! although I still dont feel 100% (I still get tired quicker than I used too, and I have chemo brain as well) I have learned to stop pushing myself so hard. I realize now that it is ok to feel different than what others (who have NOT been through this) think you should feel, and that just because I was done with treatment doesn't mean that everything jumps right back to the way it was. It takes TIME to heal and get back to feeling like a normal life.. so please keep that in mind if you ever start to feel the way that I did. Now am getting ready to have a double mastectomy with reconstruction and after that I still have to do radiation, so my journey is not over.. but I've come this far, so there is no looking back now, only ahead.. and I always look to these forums to hear from all the wonderful ladies on here!! they are all truly amazing!!!! God bless you and your famile..and go celebrate!!!! 

Congratulations, Vicky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Vicki, Rome wasn't built in a day and your recovery is definately going to take longer than a day.  Be patient as your body has taken a real beating, just think about how you have felt through treatment ( I know you don't really want to go there but) now  relax a little give your self time. Every day the cells are repairing and renewing but there are millions of the little devils....give them time.  While you wait, rest relax, read a book or ten just take it easy.....you will feel better I guarantee.

Peace, strength, love n hugs.  chrissyb

Vickey it does take time...but you slowly will start to feel better.  Are rads in your future?  If so, they are a lot easier than chemo...big hugs for you

I got all my neupogen shots in my stomach.  About two inches around my belly button.  It never hurt.  I also did the clairitin and it helped, I think.