Had MRI last Thursday, tech was nice but ...
WHY or WHY did she have to tell me that the radiologist (reader?) was at the other hospital but she was going to see if she could courrier scans to him and expedite the reading of them to get them to my onc faster? 
The last time they wanted to "speed things up" I walked in to the surgeon saying "you have cancer". I've now passed through the crying stage and am onto being ok with it being back. I've been so sore (painful at times) for the past 2 months, I'm draggin a$$ and can't seem to find any energy ... same as before. The skin on my right scar ... which HAD cleeared up nicely and was almost gone is looking really weird. When I saw my new onc week before last she said we needed to do MRI asap. I told her that I thought it'd be very slim chance because I'd had chemo last fall and my cancer wasn't advanced. She said "Racquel, I see lots of women who have it back within a year. I told her she can just call me on the phone with whatever news it might be. I'm beyond positive thinking and am ready for anything she throws my way. Maybe it's because I'd be prepared for the battle this time or maybe it's because I'm having a hard time identifying life after surgery, chemo and the other crap. Does anyone else just feel lost? So much has changed in me in the past 17 months. My friends don't understand.
The other thing that has me a bit concerned is that with the core biopsy they said I was both ER & PR positive. Then another report comes back that I'm PR negative. What gives?
Just needing to vent today. I'm just numb.
Comments
-
Racquel:
I am right there with you. I have had a pain inside my left inner thigh - high up - not in the groin but about and inch of two outside of it that just won't stop hurting for about 5 days now. It is always there, but sometimes less than other times. I can't even begin to imagine what it is, but I naturally assume it must be from my leg bone and that it's mets. I am petrified. I have my next "3 month" with my onc on Friday of this week and I am praying it's gone by then as I don't want to even mention it as she will say I need to have a scan and I'm petrified of finding out what is in there (if anything). I too hate this disease and what it's done to us. I am 1 year out of chemo this month and was diagnosed "early" (if that even means anything) but I am triple neg so I am really petrified. I hope your news is good and that all this angst has been for nothing. I keep trying to convince myself that I must have pulled a muscle or something but I can't recall doing anything that would have caused that. God, I hate this. Naturally, if it's still there Friday, I will have to tell her about it as I am making myself literally sick to my stomach over it. Then I will be going through all that you are too with the scan. Yes, in answer to your question - I too feel lost - very, very lost.
I wish you the best of luck with your results.
Linda
-
Well, apparently there's another spot. I think she said LN but my head wasn't wrapping around what she was saying. From what I've read early diagnosis as well as LN neg (which I was) mean nothing. Actually, I read a study about false negatives with SNDB. There is a higher incidence of a FN when the original BC was small and in the upper quandrant of the breast. They also said that SNDB is not as reliable with some cancers as the older method of checking axillary nodes. Something about the stain used. I don't know, my head is still swimming. Doc said today that based on the location it's more than likely that it was "missed" last year. WTH? Missed?
Linda -- please tell the doc. Better safe than sorry when there's already a history. A friend of mine had a mammogram a couple weeks ago that showed an abnormality they wanted to watch. I asked her today (again) to get a second opinion. Now she is!
-
Racquel and Linda, I will join right in. I had my first follow-up PET scan this morning. I finished my last chemo in Feb. and last recon surgery the end of July. I have to wait until Friday to find out the results. I have gone from sobbing to numbness and watching TV instead of studying for my classes. I have Ativan, but hate to take it before bedtime. I know a "clear" scan will only mean a year repreive, but will be absolutely overjoyed for that break.
Racquel, I was told I could request a second look at my biopsies and reports from MD Anderson. Their number for their Outside Consult Dept. is 713-792-3111. That might settle the issue for you.
I hope all of us receive the best of news!
hugs, Sue
-
Racquel - I wish there was some way I could alleviate your anxiety and fear, but I can't even do jack-sh*t for my own. Yes, I will tell the doctor on Friday. I know no matter what she may think it might be, even if it's just muscle, she will make me have at least a bone scan. I am petrified to NOT have it and petrified TO have it. God, I hate this. Please keep us posted on your sojourn. I am keeping my fingers crossed for all of us. I wish you the best to Sue. I'm also scheduled for my next 6 month mammo and US with the BS on the 28th. If I live through these dang appts. it will be a freaking miracle. God bless us all.
Linda
-
Sue -- will MD Anderson just look at the reports and such or does the hospital keep tissue samples in file or whatever for a given amount of time after surgery?
Linda -- doc tried to tell me yesterday that it could be a node "turned on it's side" but in the same breath tells me that had the other doc given me an MRI before BX (is that right? LOL) last June that they'd have caught it back then. So which is it? Just makes me laugh today. HOW does a lymph node turn on it's side? And aren't they just a very small spec of tissue that's round? Personally, I think she knows more than she's letting on based on some comments she'd made yesterday. In talking with my aunt yesterday I told her size they "think" it is and she said "honey, it doesn't just pop up like that". Oh well, what do ya do? I went from upset to sad to terrified then angry in about an hour yesterday. LOL
-
Rachel:
There isn't enough Ativan in the world for what they put us through - my latest foray into the world of misery caused me extreme stress from June 12 till this past Friday - complete with the onc telling me I was going to have BMX, etc., etc. to add insult to injury couldn't get test results for over 15 days this last time because "someone didn't check the computer" turns out everything o.k. for now but check an anomaly in left breast in four to six months - I told my PCP yesterday I don't want to see or hear another doctor for at least six months the stress was that overwhelming. Hang in there girl, and let us know what is happening.
Hugs, Sandy
-
Raquel, MD Anderson requests the tissue samples themselves to make their own evaluation. I forget how long the hospital keeps the samples, but it is way more than a year.
Sandy, because mammos didn't pick my tumor, I opted for bilat mx. I didn't want to spend any more time worrying about anomalies.
Now I just worry about local recurrence and mets. If I get a "clear" report this Friday, I will not bother worrying for another year despite seeing the doc every three months.
I called the office to see if I could learn the results of yesterday's PET, but the assistant apologetically (and sympathetically) said the doc insists on seeing me and is booked solid until Friday. Sure beats your 15 days of hell, Sandy.
At some point, I hope to permanently adopt an attitude of que sera sera, but I don't have it yet...
-
Sue -- I look forward to the day I finally make it to the que sera sera attitude. It seems so far away. Then again when they told me a year from BMX would fly I didn't believe them but it did. This morning I was thinking about what songs I'd want played at my funeral. How morbid is that? I've come up with Free Bird and If I Die Young (bury me in satin). Oddly, it made me laugh. My mother did not find the humor in it. I think this stems from hospice being called in for my uncle who only has a few days left due to throat and lung cancer.
-
Racquel, I am so sorry about your uncle.
And I so identify with planning out our funerals. It gives me a small feeling of "control." In my case, I want a Sweet Adeline quartet to sing "She's Nobody's Sweetheart Now" and maybe, "How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Love You When You Know I've Been a Liar All My Life" just to leave a few people wondering. But, most importantly, there has to be Amazing Grace on the bagpipes. Gets 'em every time. ;->
-
ladies; the only way I ever achieved the "Que sera, que sera" attitude was when I surrendered and saw a shrink who ordered me an anti-depressant (Celexa which is an SSRI)
FWIW. I know it's not what everyone needs or wants. BUT I COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT BC 24/7! apparently, I have some baseline OCD (which actually has served me well in non-crisis situations) but it was FULL-BLOWN OCD when I went thru my diagnosis in 2003 and then again when I had a scare this past Spring. I was actually getting up in the middle of the night to google breast cancer. It's good to be an educated consumer; but I took it too far.
I'm not saying this b/c anyone on this thread is abnormal. I just periodically like to bring up the suggestion of and anti-depressant to get some of us thru this. Or even some Ambien to sleep at nite. No, I do not work for Big Pharmaceuticals.
I wish you all well; and I know that nothing can take away from the worries we share. I hope no one finds this offensive.
-
Eileen -- not offensive in the least. I had to chuckle at the fact that you don't work the Big Pharms.
I like to joke that I should go into the meds biz cuz my bathroom looks like the local Walgreens. LOL I'm bipolar so anti-depressants are out ... they send me reeling into a super high mania ... then I shop to my hearts content but to the discontent of my checkbook. 
I'm bipolar, ADD, and OCD. My OCD has gotten progressively worse in the past months to the point that I sought help recently ... waiting on those results. I'd gone in originally for my ADD (again cuz I quit meds a while ago). I haven't been able to keep a thought straight for months and I'm losing words and trains of thought. I'm currently on Tamoxifen, Lamictal for the BP, Seroquel for OCD and to help me sleep at night, Chantix to get me to quit smoking (almost there!!!), Prednisone burst (#2), and Neurontin for nerve pain in my foob areas (not working). I think there's another but it's not coming to me.What's bothering me more than anything is that onc gave me a chest xray because I'd had this dry, hacking cough (resulting in things going black like low bp does to a person or throwing up) for several weeks. The nurse said the xray did not show any visible spots. OK, all's good there! I'm on my second Prednisone burst and my hacking is going down somewhat but I just can't seem to catch my breath. I can't take a deep breath and feel like I'm getting little air. But the chest xray showed no visible spots so that's good right? I will be 41 next month (ugh, how did THAT happen?) and started smoking at 12. That's 29 years with only one break of about 3 years.
-
Sue: My hospital said they (and most hospitals) retain tissue samples for 20 years. I only hope I l live that long! Glad to know my damn tumor will.
-
You mean NOT everyone gets up in the middle of the night (and I'm 1 year out of chemo) to google breast cancer questions and symptoms of mets. Oh, oh...........
-
Linda -- might be that OCD thing.
I know I've gotten on the just look up one thing and 8 hours later I'm still reading. I see you are in Marietta. My brother is in Canton (North Canton?) just north of the city I think off Hwy. 2 or 20. Don't know, I moved from TN 3 years ago and came back to the frozen tundra. I am planning to be down for Thanksgiving though. -
Racquel: Your brother and I are practically neighbors! Maybe if you get down for Thanksgiving (I know it's such a hustle bustle time, we can meet, or a phone call maybe). Of course, that's providing I'm still sane by thanksgiving. I am going to start practicing my "que sera sera" lessons tonight! Funny, my mother used to sing that song to me constantly when I was a kid - Doris Day sang it and my mother thought she was better than Doris Day! Lol, only my mom thought it.
LInda
-
Eileen, I am waiting on my insurance to finally approve Welbutrin brand name for me. It is the only anti-depressant that has worked well w/o side effects, but the generics are the only thing approved and they do give me side effects.
Yep, I have logged in many, many hours on pubmed researching the many aspects of this crap called bc.
I will be the first to share good news. I found out I could check out a copy of my report directly from the Imaging File office and did so this afternoon. I did not open it until after I studied for my clinical chemistry test tomorrow. If it saws anything about my relationship with my current onc, I did not want to face any bad news directly from him.
The report says everything is clear except for an area around my thyroid, but I am not sweating that. Everything on my cancer side is clear for now. One year down and I am so hoping that all of you will be posting good news next.
Linda, I hope you outlive your tumor by another 20 years at least!
hugs,
Sue
-
Sueinfl, I saw that you are waiting for insurance approval for Welbutrin. You might want to consult with your oncolgist about using this antidepressent. I can't tell from your stats, but it looks like but it looks like your sfbc was er+. If that is the case, I figure there is at least a chance you are taking tamoxifen. Anyway, Welbutrin interfears with tamoxifen metabolism, making it less effective.
-
Lisa -- you say wellbutrin interferes with tamoxifen metaloblism, does the same hold true with femara?
-
Thanks for the heads-up, Lisa. I am post menopausal, so not taking tamoxifen. I am also opting out of AI's for now.
-
Pat, I don't know if wellbutrin interfears with the metabolism of femara or not. When I started taking tamoxifen, my onc asked me to consult him before starting an antidepressent, so I googled antidepressents and tamoxifen. When I tried that for femara and wellbutrin I got the following (from web MD):
Some products that may interact with this drug include: estrogens (such as ethinyl estradiol, conjugated estrogens), estrogen blockers (such as anastrozole, tamoxifen), raloxifene.
I don't think you have to worry because tamoxifen and femara are metabolized through different pathways.
Sue, I am glad that you don't have to worry about switching to a different antodepressent.
-
Linda that'd be awesome! I'm really planning on being down there for a couple days because I haven't spent a holiday with my family since Easter of 2007. I left TN in June of that year and have only been back once this past March to get my head on straight after being dumped by fiance. Retail therapy in Chattanooga did me good. LOL
-
I dont know about OCD but I definitely have PTSD. I HATE going to doctors now for anything, every time I get near a breast cancer related checkup I turn into a mess, I too google every ache/pain in relation to cancer, and the mere thought of having to go through that again EVER just horrifies me.
-
Racquel - as we get closer to Thanksgiving - we will exchange numbers, etc. Would love to see you! Would love to see all you gals on this thread - just how large a house does your brother have, Raquel!!!!
Linda
Linda
-
Linda -- 5 bedroom, 5 bath gorgeous home. He and I are night and day.
I'm simple in my 700 square foot (maybe!) apartment. LOL Would love to get together. -
Racquel:
Lol! Sounds good - PM as we get closer to the date. We will definitely make an attempt to meet each other, even if for just a short quick visit!
Categories
- All Categories
- 679 Advocacy and Fund-Raising
- 289 Advocacy
- 68 I've Donated to Breastcancer.org in honor of....
- Test
- 322 Walks, Runs and Fundraising Events for Breastcancer.org
- 5.6K Community Connections
- 282 Middle Age 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 53 Australians and New Zealanders Affected by Breast Cancer
- 208 Black Women or Men With Breast Cancer
- 684 Canadians Affected by Breast Cancer
- 1.5K Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
- 455 Caring for Someone with Stage IV or Mets
- 260 High Risk of Recurrence or Second Breast Cancer
- 22 International, Non-English Speakers With Breast Cancer
- 16 Latinas/Hispanics With Breast Cancer
- 189 LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer
- 152 May Their Memory Live On
- 85 Member Matchup & Virtual Support Meetups
- 375 Members by Location
- 291 Older Than 60 Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 177 Singles With Breast Cancer
- 869 Young With Breast Cancer
- 50.4K Connecting With Others Who Have a Similar Diagnosis
- 204 Breast Cancer with Another Diagnosis or Comorbidity
- 4K DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)
- 79 DCIS plus HER2-positive Microinvasion
- 529 Genetic Testing
- 2.2K HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer
- 1.5K IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)
- 3.4K IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)
- 1.5K ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)
- 999 Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis
- 652 LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ)
- 193 Less Common Types of Breast Cancer
- 252 Male Breast Cancer
- 86 Mixed Type Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned
- 189 Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
- 488 Second or Third Breast Cancer
- 1.2K Stage I Breast Cancer
- 313 Stage II Breast Cancer
- 3.8K Stage III Breast Cancer
- 2.5K Triple-Negative Breast Cancer
- 13.1K Day-to-Day Matters
- 132 All things COVID-19 or coronavirus
- 87 BCO Free-Cycle: Give or Trade Items Related to Breast Cancer
- 5.9K Clinical Trials, Research News, Podcasts, and Study Results
- 86 Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries
- 828 Employment, Insurance, and Other Financial Issues
- 101 Family and Family Planning Matters
- Family Issues for Those Who Have Breast Cancer
- 26 Furry friends
- 1.8K Humor and Games
- 1.6K Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
- 706 Recipe Swap for Healthy Living
- 704 Recommend Your Resources
- 171 Sex & Relationship Matters
- 9 The Political Corner
- 874 Working on Your Fitness
- 4.5K Moving On & Finding Inspiration After Breast Cancer
- 394 Bonded by Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Life After Breast Cancer
- 806 Prayers and Spiritual Support
- 285 Who or What Inspires You?
- 28.7K Not Diagnosed But Concerned
- 1K Benign Breast Conditions
- 2.3K High Risk for Breast Cancer
- 18K Not Diagnosed But Worried
- 7.4K Waiting for Test Results
- 603 Site News and Announcements
- 560 Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests
- 39 Mod Announcements, Breastcancer.org News, Blog Entries, Podcasts
- 4 Survey, Interview and Participant Requests: Need your Help!
- 61.9K Tests, Treatments & Side Effects
- 586 Alternative Medicine
- 255 Bone Health and Bone Loss
- 11.4K Breast Reconstruction
- 7.9K Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 2.7K Complementary and Holistic Medicine and Treatment
- 775 Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results
- 7.8K Hormonal Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 50 Immunotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 7.4K Just Diagnosed
- 1.4K Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy
- 5.2K Lymphedema
- 3.6K Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment
- 591 Pain
- 3.9K Radiation Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 8.4K Surgery - Before, During, and After
- 109 Welcome to Breastcancer.org
- 98 Acknowledging and honoring our Community
- 11 Info & Resources for New Patients & Members From the Team