August 2010 Rads

Today was #31 of 33 (boost #6).  The techs, MA and doc are all commenting on how well my skin is doing, and I am giving all the credit to Miaderm cream.  I have been using it 2-3 times a day.  Someone on this site (I think in the July rad starts) recommended it, and I am SO glad I found that recommendation - THANK YOU!!!  It was well worth the $55 for two tubes - kept one in my purse to put on right after treatment and the other in my bathroom at home.  They are almost gone but I think I have enough to see me through.  I go braless as much as possible, and when I need to wear something for support (very necessary in public and when doing daily walks) I wear a front-fastening cotton jogbra that is a size larger than my usual.  Hopefully by sharing this information it will help someone else.

My boost area is very red but the skin remains intact and I have no blistering or peeling.  Under my arm, around the node biopsy scar, the crease under my breast, and the center of my chest are all outside the boost area and are itching and kind of rashy now, but I imagine that is part of the healing process.  Am continuing to use Miaderm plus a little Kenalog/triamcinolone cream (prescribed by doctor).  I feel very lucky and am thankful to have made it this far without terrible side effects.  It hasn't been a cakewalk, and I have been uncomfortable, but it has all been very tolerable ... I'm SO sorry for those of you having a rough time!!   

I am VERY tired these days and EXTREMELY emotional (crabby, sad, anxious, depressed and couldn't figure out why).  When I met with my rad onc yesterday, she started to briefly mention the emotional side of finishing up BC treatment and I started bawling (sure caught me by surprise).  She ended up spending about 30 minutes with me (apts are usually 5-10 minutes) and said I am "very normal."  A lot of what she shared really hit home with me and I hope you don't mind me sharing a few things here.  One was that I have been carrying around the "baggage" of BC, lugging the suitcases full of all the emotions with me through all the phases of diagnosis and treatment, but I haven't really opened them (maybe just a peek now and then) to explore, unpack, or process ... mostly because I've had my hands full enough already just getting through each day and appointment, etc.  She also said that I need to embrace the grief, anger, sadness, etc., and that it is good to just cry (for days if necessary) until I am ready to move through it and figure out "what now."  Being a breast cancer patient has pretty much defined me for the last 7 months and it is weird to think of getting back to a "normal" life.  Sometimes women use this experience to reevaluate their lives and set goals, make bucket lists, change careers, develop new hobbies, etc.  She said a lot of women who haven't been part of a support group through treatment find that now is a good time to join one and they develop life-long friendships with women who share a similar experience.  She also suggested that my husband and I make a date to talk about our future and hopes for our life together, each bringing our own bucket list of 15-20 things, see where our lists differ and are similar, and come up with one together.  I feel like she gave me permission to be this emotional wreck for now but also helped me see a good and bright future ... oh, the possibilities!!!  Once again, hopefully my sharing will help someone else. 

Hang in there, pink ladies.  We ARE getting through this!!!

Hi Ladies! It's been awhile since I've posted anything. I had #21 of 33 today. The Dr & RN looked at my skin today just as a weekly routine thing. They are both happy with how it looks. I'm just a little pink and I have the itchy bumps in the center of my chest. I'm using the Miaderm & Aquaphor + some hydrocordisone for the itches. I'm a little weepy this week. I was taking a shower yesterday & looked down at my pink boob and started crying. I was thinking, "I can't believe I have to go thru this." I know all the positive stuff--early stage, don't attend your own pity party, diagnosis is great, blah, blah blah. Most days I feel really positive, but some days I just want to cry & scream into a pillow! It takes awhile for the shock to wear off, I think. Everything happens so fast after diagnosis that I feel like my emotions have to get caught up. I'm taking extra time for myself. Tomorrow I have the day off and am going to spend it with a girlfriend getting manicures & having lunch. I find that I'm much more balanced if I keep busy, but also allow myself down time to read or watch a funny movie. I'm finding I don't want to watch anything depressing or any medical dramas on tv.

Janabannana--love, love, love the couple's bucket lists!!!!!   

Strong, amazing Pink Ladies in the House 

Againmine, I'm sorry you're not getting much support from your hubby.  He might be scared, who knows-?!  Some onc's offices have free familly counselors available, you might want to find out.  Look at everything that's thrown at us, who wouldn't have some issues?!  I have a ton of trouble sleeping and honestly my onc doesn't like to give me meds either, she suggested Tylenol PM.  I continued to complain though (a lot of my problem is due to the hot flashes) and she increased my gabapentin to 300mg/night.  I'm sleeping much better now.  No more hot flashes or night sweats.  I was pre-menopausal but the ovaries have completely shut down since chemo.  I bet arubajan has a point too- Tamox is surely messing with you.  Be gentle with yourself.  Come here and vent with your sisters.  We've all been there, it's okay!  (((Hugs)))

Ladies, I'm sooo tired tonight so I don't have the energy to go back and respond to everyone like I'd planned to.  I just found out my cousin has had a recurrence.  She's triple negative and made it almost three years, but now she's officially stage IV.  She has a PET scan on Monday to find out how extensive it is.  Right now all she knows is that the biopsy confirmed the cancer is back (bone pain and swelling in her arm) and it's the same triple negative cancer she battled before, at stage I.  She had a lumpectomy, AC+T chemo, and rads.  

Love and prayers for us all tonight.

Lady's I am starting to think to that this Tamoxifin is part to blame. As I type I am having a hard time tear wise. My mind is on my brother (he had his last chemo for his esophageal cancer this week! Yeah!) and waiting to find out when his surgery is, he lives in South Carolina and I want to be there with him. I want to be done with rads so I can and missing two days to rest skin and body...thats on my mind.

Unsure, worried etc... too what the doc may or may not find out Monday when I go to get the ultra sound done. Even dreamed about it last night. My side was hurting most of the day and cramping all week has increased. 

Yep basket case!

Thank you all for listening and being there!!! Love yah all!! 

Janabannanna:Thank you for your post, I feel as if I wrote it myself.  I made my husband read it because its' all the things I am feeling but could not explain to him.  I feel like my head has not stopped spinning since being diagnosed in June.  Today was #19 of 33 and I am tired and have been very emotional for the last few days (oh and crabby too).  I was so looking forward to sleeping late tomorrow but instead I have to have a stress test because I was having chest pain.  I think I've already had my "the stress test".

I am so happy I found this site, I've learned so much, I've learned I am not alone, I know I always have someone that will talk to me and WANTS to listen to me.  I thank all you wonderful strong women.

Good night and God Bless.

Hi, everyone - I haven't posted in forever - only have seven more treatments left, with five being boosts.  It's all very strange - having been so cancer focused these last ten months and now things may be returning to somewhat normal (still dealing with the question of whether to restart Herceptin or not - totally different subject than rads).  Definitely dealing with the feeling of every pain or twinge I have could be the cancer coming back.  So scary - I think I'll ask my oncologist for a recommendation of a therapist - group stuff might be good, but I know my need to act normal will probably prevent me from opening up in such a group.  I like the wine idea - maybe that's the problem - I stopped drinking through all this figuring my liver (and the rest of my body) were already taxed enough and that drinking might not be good, but maybe I need to rethink that!  Hope you all have a lovely weekend - weather is great here and that's what I'm going to focus on today!  Take care - Mo

cpjuly10 - you voiced so many of my thoughts so well.

I've done 24 of 35.  SE so far pretty typical, reddening of skin and changes in texture, stiffening of breast density.  I do have a break in the skin under my breast, in the fold.  The worst is the exhaustion.  It is almost constant.  The days when I do start out feeling half way normal it dosen't take long to just "hit the wall". 

I've always been one to put the best face on things and try to conceal the bad...to bottle things up.  Coming to BCO, reading here and in the other threads I've been following what my sisters have been experiencing, empathizing with them and praying for us all is the only thing that keeps my fears and emotions from overcoming me.  I know I'm lucky to have early detection, no chemo and as good a prognosis as one can get with this beast, but that has no effect on the fears.  Fortunately, no one has told me how lucky I am.  I'm afraid that could break that bottle and the emotions and fears would flood out.

Need to dress and go prepare the sourdough starter for the pancakes, waffles and biscuits for tomorrow's breakfast at our senior center.  Have a restful weekend all.

cpjuly10, you said it so well.  We're lucky to have each other, no one else can really understand.  Thank you for being here, it makes this a little less awful.  I just want us all to get through this and put breast cancer behind us forever! 

sharonraew, you must be so scared.  Please let us know what you find out.

Lots of love to all my sisters!

Good morning, Ladies.     I started on Effexor Xr on Thursday (5 days ago) and have been sick from it so did not feel like getting on the computer.   Much better today (so far).    I'm down to 2 boosts left and know that I am very lucky that my skin is doing good compared to others.   

bubbalu, I've been drinking red wine (1/2 to 1 glass a day) (plus I must admit scotch) every night (except since starting Effexor) during radiation so maybe that's why my skin came out not so bad!

sharonraew, I'm so sorry about what you are going through and now the pancreas shadow as well.   As my previous posts have indicated, my husband has battled 2 primary cancers (kidney and pancreas) and resulting pain issues.  It is so difficult.  I wish no one else ever had to go through their own personal cancer and treatment let alone their spouse/partner at the same time.   I'm praying for you.

Thanks Latte, I just skimmed through the article before printing it but it looks great!

Hey Ladies - Today marked the half way mark and so far everything is still going well. Sight pinkness but not bad. I know this week will be a bit more telling though. Think about my sisters on the table and have taken up the practice of praying too! I think it was Carole who suggested this - good idea.

bonniewe - I'm taking Effexor (not the xr) and it's taken me a month to feel like I've gotten 'my footing' so to speak. Didn't feel sick but I was irritable and I hated that, so did my PH (poor husband).

sharonraew - I wonder if you've received any news yet on your pancreas? Sure hope and pray it's nothing.

bubbalu - yes, I'm praying for you too, that you can tolerate the tx's and finish all of them. How did it go today? Like the wine idea, gonna have to try drinking it again. I've had trouble with my taste  buds since chemo, wine just doesn't taste the same as before.

hello, ladies!

phxsunshine, congrats on the end of rads!   

Today is my last radiation treatment and it will be nice to have that time back.   I have to ask something, has anyone else noticed an odd odor from the radiation/surgical armpit?    I had my husband give it the sniff test so he could "smell" what I mean.   It is not body odor, it is a metalic/burning smell, very odd and disconcerting.   I hope  it is not a forever thing, ugh.   

hugs to all,

Hi everyone!! Today was number 23 of 33 so only 10 to go!! I'll be glad to have my life back though what that means I'm not sure. I'll be starting tamoxifen which is sure to bring it's side effects into play. Anyone that has finished and is still following this board - when does the fatigue start to go away and the skin get back to normal? I'm so looking forward to using my own deodorant and body wash. I want to smell like me again. Bonniewe - I'm glad you brought that smell up because I have noticed it too as well as - I'm on one of those topics no one else may want to talk about but my urine smells different too - kind of that same smell in fact. Yuck!!! I might ask about it at doctor day tomorrow - it will give them the opportunity to say - "That isn't caused by the radiation treatment."  Got to have something to smile about. Yesterday I was so antsy on the table I could barely lie still and today I am so cranky as well as being tired. Hope you got to do your treatment againmine - I was wondering about you this morning when I was running down the list praying for people - hadn't seen you on here for a few days but sometimes I'm so tired I just check out the posts and go to bed after work. I'm off today so believe I'm going to take a nap and then check out the article on life after treatment. Have a good day!

                                                                            Carole

Downloaded article "After the Treatment Finishes.  It is dead on!  Huge emotional swings about going back to work - especially since they have introduced new software that I will have to learn as well as dealing with a 30% staff turnover under a new general manager. Seems he doesn't ask questions - just fires people.  I don;'t feel I have the strength to handle big pressure right now.

Big week of crying last week but this week it's like "whatever".  Don't feel like I have the energy to even be emotional.

Last boost today.  Manageable burn but quite a bit of irritation under my arm where the scar for the nodes is.  Never bought the prescription cream.  Will try a bit of Polysporin under my arm.  So very glad to put rads behind me.  Can only go up from here - right?

 Take care everyone

Tomorrow is my last whole breast treatment and then on to boosts (5, I think). I am almost black under my arm and the skin is starting to break open. Very painful, so I am thankful to be done. I too have been SO tired. I work from home, but I have been napping 2 hours almost every day! My DH can't believe it.  He refuses to believe it is from rads, but reading on here I am affirmed.  Also, whichever one of you recommended the bras from Lane Bryant THANK YOU! It has helped me so much where my old underwire bras poked me under the arm!

LadyMadonna, are you on Tamoxifen?  I have been weepy since the day I started that drug!  Yikes.  I am hoping that I level off emotionally soon, because it is not like me either!

((Hugs)) to all!