I miss my life

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MiaLombardo
MiaLombardo Member Posts: 21
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I dont cry as much as I used to. I am now pissed off. You see I dont make alot of money - I was supposedto be graduating for a food inspectors couse in two weeks not sitting on my couch with frankenstein scars wakeing up sore still. My son had a migraine for 4 days last week and I could barely stand to take him to the ER. I am his mom. He is MY responsibility - I understand that I am contracdicting my self if I was away at school I wouldn't be hre for him but  . . . I would be taking a class to make more money to give us a better life.

That is all I want to get this mess over with and get on with my life i dont want to feel self conscious anymore. I want to be able to chase and rough house with my kids and my dogs again. I want to be able to run again. I want to be able to ride with my guy, This really sucks and I am not recovering fast enough.

My poor dad I guess I feel the worst for him. It is hard for him to see me depressed, angry, sad. I am the oldest and I have never been sick or any of that. He gets frustrated with me he thinks I push my self too hard. I do but what else is there?  

 I miss my life - the worst part is I dontthink that I will ever be the same again . . .

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  • Nana60
    Nana60 Member Posts: 60
    edited September 2010

    I totally understand where you are coming from Melisa. I was diagnosed 07/22/10 and ever since that day it seems like my life has been in turmoil. BC doesn't leave my mind for a moment & it is interfering with all aspects of my life too. We need to have faith that we WILL have our lives back & I believe our lives will be even better. Hang in there!

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  • Nana60
    Nana60 Member Posts: 60
    edited September 2010

    I totally understand where you are coming from Melisa. I was diagnosed 07/22/10 and ever since that day it seems like my life has been in turmoil. BC doesn't leave my mind for a moment & it is interfering with all aspects of my life too. We need to have faith that we WILL have our lives back & I believe our lives will be even better. Hang in there!

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited September 2010

    Melisa,

    My heart goes out to you.  It seems you are having a difficult time.

    First thing I notice is that you are a soldier so I know you are a brave warrior!   But sometimes being brave means we think we need to push ourselves to the max.  Your dad may be right and you might need to give yourself permission to be reliant on others for a few weeks.  As you are a soldier, you've been there for your country.  You've probably been there for your family in the past.  Now it's time for others to be there for you.  You just need to let them...

    Second, it hasn't been that long since your surgery, so you need to give yourself permission to heal, and grieve, and be angry.  It's OK to be angry!  And if you look at some of the reconstruction threads, you will find some very happy women who are extremely satisfied with the results, so try to be patient. 

    Third, I read a post where you said your doctor wouldn't prescribe an antidepressant for you.  My doctor gave me an RX for sleeping pills just as soon as she told me I had breast cancer.  I live near you and believe me, there are plenty of doctors who will not basically tell you to just "suck it up." You might need to find a new doctor.  If you want to PM me, I can give you the name of a wonderful female doctor at Blue Springs Family Care who will be compassionate and understand what you're going through. 

    You are right that your life may never be quite the same because breast cancer is life-altering;  but that doesn't mean that it can't still be a good life.  It's all still new and scary to you right now, but it will get better and you will get control of your life back. 

    I'm here if you need me.  I have a blog about my journey that might help you.  You'll find it at

    www.mch-breastcancer.blogspot.com

    It gets easier, I promise.

    Michelle

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  • MiaLombardo
    MiaLombardo Member Posts: 21
    edited September 2010

    Thank you for the kind words. Michelle. I am on Facebook and have started writing about my journey there. When is a person Cancer FRee?

    Melisa

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited September 2010

    Melisa - that is a very good question and maybe someone else will chime in with their opinion.  For me, I've had my lumpectomy and radiation, and I had a tumor marker blood test that came back within the normal range.  So I am considering myself cancer-free. 

    I'm glad that you are writing about your journey.  I found blogging to be very therapeutic.  Plus, it kept my friends and family informed about how I was doing and I didn't have to constantly update people.  My adult children also appreciated the blog because they used the link to keep their friends updated.

    Michelle

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  • jembs
    jembs Member Posts: 194
    edited September 2010

    I am celebrating my 5 years this week.  I use that term very tongue in cheek as now I have been told and have spoken to other 'survivors' who are 5 1/2 years/8 years 9 years out ...they assure me that my doc was correct when she said 5 years doesn't really mean anything.  I have a major depression - antidepressants haven't touched it and I have tried several - ptsd....my journey was wrought with problems, mistakes, uncertainties - sort of if it could, it did.  I have lost my self.  I am not the person I was....none of us are, however I hate the new me, the new normal.  Physically, my hair is horid, I have gained 30 lbs, I have muscle bone pain, and I am extremely tired. Mentally, I have congnitive damage,  I eat well, I exercise, I meditate, yet, I am in the toilet and feel so alone.  I have no friends, my family has trouble being around me - I don't blame them - I don't like being me... can anyone relate?

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  • jembs
    jembs Member Posts: 194
    edited September 2010

    I am celebrating my 5 years this week.  I use that term very tongue in cheek as now I have been told and have spoken to other 'survivors' who are 5 1/2 years/8 years 9 years out ...they assure me that my doc was correct when she said 5 years doesn't really mean anything.  I have a major depression - antidepressants haven't touched it and I have tried several - ptsd....my journey was wrought with problems, mistakes, uncertainties - sort of if it could, it did.  I have lost my self.  I am not the person I was....none of us are, however I hate the new me, the new normal.  Physically, my hair is horid, I have gained 30 lbs, I have muscle bone pain, and I am extremely tired. Mentally, I have congnitive damage,  I eat well, I exercise, I meditate, yet, I am in the toilet and feel so alone.  I have no friends, my family has trouble being around me - I don't blame them - I don't like being me... can anyone relate?

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  • nancyluvspink
    nancyluvspink Member Posts: 102
    edited September 2010

    I hear ya girlfriend!  After my second diagnosis in 2006, I fell so deep into a hole, I am still trying to get out.  If this is your first bc, there is hope!  I bounced back after the first time, it took a while, but, yeah, I was proud that I had kicked ass and taken names!  I looked good, I felt good, Life was good.   Six years later, I heard those awful words again, "Honey, you have BC".  This disease sucks and we need to find a cure.  It is so unfair. 

     Nancy

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  • MiaLombardo
    MiaLombardo Member Posts: 21
    edited September 2010

    Wher did you get your cancer treatment? Help I am looking for a new Doctor.

    thank you

    Melisa

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  • ColoGal
    ColoGal Member Posts: 14
    edited September 2010

    Melisa,

    I was diagnosed last year, 2009. This time last fall I was feeling much like you describe your feelings:  angry, confused, impatient, doubtful and had no idea if or what my life would be.  The first 3 months were the toughest for me. But I made a point of reclaiming my life, a little at a time.  And look at your stats - you are STAGE ZERO!!!!  Grade ONE and no lymph node involvement!!!  You're long term surviability, based on those stats is through the roof!!   Trust me, in a few months things will seem a little easier.  At 6 months, I started trusting that I would be ok again, and today I logged in for 2 reasons. To let you all know that I am celebrating my 1 year survival anniversary, but most importantly to see if my prospective might be of help to someone else who is just starting this awful journey.  So, go easy on yourself. Allow the healing process to take place. You can do this.   

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