May 2010 Chemo

Hello ladies! I've had such a great day yesterday, some sun and not too cold, so I went for a walk and enjoyed it. After two weeks spent at home taking antibiotics it was such a relief to be able to move around!

Leanna PMd you and added you as FB friend. Hope your nausea gets better, when I was on AC, the first three days yoghurt and orange juice were the only things that would go down and stay there, then it would be a day or two of moderate eating before going back to normal, so I know how you feel.

LibraryJenn Yay for the shrinking tumor! I was in a similar situation, I could feel the tumor shrinking right after my first chemo, which my onc couldn't believe when I told her. Then she felt me up and admitted that it was much softer to the touch. I'm going to have another sonogram after my sixth chemo, and I guess it's not there anymore. They've put in a wire clip after the second one, to see where the tumor was if it disappeared completely, because they only want to do lumpectomy, mastectomy is an option only in case I cary the gene, like you I'm still waiting for the results. How many rounds do you have remaining? I pray for you and hope that someday they will find a cure for Crohn's too - my godfather had it and I know through what pains he went...

Sacphotomom I have four pathetic eyebrow hairs in my left eyebrow and three in my right... lashes stopped falling, but I know the feeling of something that keeps getting in your eyes. Now tearing though, just a drippy nose. OK, so they're saving our lives, so we just need to hang on ;-). 

As for work, my employer has been great too - I work in a chemical research lab and I can do a lot of theory work from home, so I didn't even need to go on disability and I'm popping in and out my workplace once in a while - to see my colleagues and give advice to my PhD student. All have been very supportive to me, they keep giving me gifts and sending postcards from holidays, I didn't find out that I had so many friends until my BC diagnosis!

(((HUGS)))

Hi May Sisters!!! I've been MIA for quite some time and a lot of good stuff has been happening I see....

PackJen - your hair is looking good!

Paxton - I am beyond happy for you. You sound so much better and what a relief to be declaired cancer free. It makes the fight totally worth it!

Leanna - One more to go is great. You have been through the ringer as well so thank goodness the end is near. How wonderful about reaching your Komen goal! You rock!! How great that you had this group to reach out to when you had questions or coordinating with your PS.

Tess, Summer and Daiva - Congratulations on being done!!! Tess, your vacations sound wonderful. I'm so glad you were able to work out the rads schedule. You will be just fine on your vacation.

njbhw - I'm crossing my fingers that the scans turn out fine. I know what you mean about seeing your doctor's number pop up. It freaks me out too. I'm still in for our Octoberfest

Barb - welcome back. I was wondering how you were doing with rads. Funny that you asked about eyelashes. You and I were on a similar schedule and I am just now starting to notice thinning eyelash. My eyebrows are totally back.

Wellsey - so exciting about your 'brush with greatness'. It must have been beyond exciting for you!

Jenn - love reading your posts. It sounds like you are doing great!! Shrink tumor shrink!!! YAY!!

Patricia - Paris! What a great gift to yourself and your sweetie! You sure as heck deserve this.

Day - you are so creative!!

GolferGirl - Just a couple more rads to go!! I still have 2 weeks left and the middle of my chest is a little red and bumpy. Other than that it is going well.

Chris and Magda - Welcome to our group!! It is never too late to join. Magda, I'm 1/4 Czech (and 3/4 Hungarian). I only found out a few years ago about the Czech part. Both of my parents were born in Hungary so I just assumed all 4 of my grandparents were too but turns out my dad's mom (who died when I was like 6) was originally from Czechoslovakia. I have always felt an attraction to people from that country so I was very excited to find out about me and I would love to come and visit one day.

As for me, the rads are going really well. I was fatigued at first - like week  2 or 3 but I really feel fine now. I'm going to start tamoxifen soon so that will be my new adventure. There is a test (genetic) that they do to see if you are a good metabolizer of tamox but my onc said it's starting to fall out of favor. Basically what she said to me is that the only alternative to tamox for me is ovary suppression. I'm already having hot flashes (not terrible) so I suppose if they get worse it means the tamox is working.

Have a good evening everyone. Here to a great week!!!

Drim ~ I'm glad to hear that rads are not kicking your butt, because I've been nervous about that.  I don't start til October.  It's good to hear.

I've had a pretty tough time since chemo ended - emotionally and physically.   The lasix caused rapid heart beat and contributed to my insomnia.  No fun.  I finally figured out what was causing it yesterday.  Am sleep deprived so I left to come see my dad in Toronto again.   For the first time last week I felt real anger towards my cancer and enumerated on paper all the ways it has invaded and assaulted my life.  I am calling my monologue F--- Cancer!   It was therapeutic for me to get it out!!!!  Need to go back and catch up on all posts.  Hugs to all of you!   p.s. I'm on FB too:-)  PM me if interested.

Denise - thank you for the food advise!  I'll let you knkow how this round goes!!  Your trip sounds great (except the losing money part)... so glad you had a good time!!

Magda - Glad you were able to get out too!!  And, finally we hooked up on fb!!!  LOL

Paxton - That sounds like it must have been a tough day... but funny how things work out (rain) when you think no one is looking .  Must feel good to take care of Gage more too!!  YAY

Drim - Glad rads are taking it easy on you!  Thanks for paving the way and keeping us informed so we aren't so scared!

Daiva - That sounds very therapeutic!  I think you are leaps and bounds, emotionally, ahead of me with this eff'g cancer!!  I had a very emotional day with DH today.... he says I "expect" people to do stuff.... but I think it's because I hit home with him talking about his family.  I am just SO upset with his family over their reaction to all of this.  His brother (and family.. wife, 2 kids) live in VA... they have not so much as sent a card to me, no phone call, nothing.  They call Bill maybe once every 3-4 weeks.... and have not bothered to have a 'visit' down here to see us.... well, the summer is over now, and school is back in, so I guess they have no intentions of seeing us.  His mother (bless her) and father live 1 mile from us.  And, they have been great about watching the kids when they can, when we ask them.  But most of the time Nolan goes over there... it's his father that ends up watching him (and he doesn't really "do" anything with him as far as playing) because his mom is so busy with her Haiti charity that she has no time.  Sometimes, she even says that "she" will watch him, and we drop him off only to find out that she said yes, even though she couldn't be there, and her husband is a bit 'put off' by being volunteered to babysit.  And, finally, DH's sister who lives a few miles from us.  She has not watched our kids once.  Not at all.  And, you guys hear of how often my friend's have volunteered to help me out with the kids.  Tuesday, I have infusion at 9:00.... husband's parents are out of town, I only have 1 GF who can come watch Nolan while we go, and she will be coming over after working a 12-hour night shift.... so she will come straight from work.  So, I asked another friend if she could come get Nolan for a playdate around 9-9:30 so my other friend could sleep to wait for us (because my other friend has to drop Nolan back off at 1:30 to get her other child and I don't know if we'll be back by then).   Well, I haven't heard my husband say one darn thing about his sister's schedule.... she's in retail and is off 2 random days each week (you guys will recall, I asked her for help before my last infusion and her response was "I don't have my schedule."  Maybe, I am wrong, and people don't want to help, and I shouldn't expect them to, but they are family, WTF????  DH said I am 'expecting' stuff from people, and I shouldn't, and he hurt my feelings, a lot.  Now, I just feel like shutting down and not asking or accepting help from anyone.  I'm still very upset...

Leanna ...I hear you about family...since this whole BC started I have only talked to my sister one time...and that was because she answered the phone at my moms house. I tried to call her when  I found out  and she just lets the answering machine get it..not bothering to return calls ..I haven't even talked to my oldest brother who lives at my moms house...neither one of them have made and effort to call me..my younger bro came out to visit me ..he is the one that can afford it the least..they stayed with me and it was so nice to see him and his wife.. He calls at least once a week ..(btw they all live in Colorado)...I have friends that stay in touch..often enough, but the ones that I thought would be there for me..  nothing ..We moved to SAC 5 yrs ago so most of my long time friend don't live here...but some of my neighbors have really stepped up ..never really knew them till they noticed that something was going on at our house, flower deliveries and .long term guests...they alway ask to help but there is really nothing for them to do for me ....they bring me tomato's and zucchini  ....peaches......but I appreciate the offers... it gets really frustrating and hurts when people you thought were close stay away..but now I know who to cherish and who is just an acquaintance..But then I realize too, that this is Cancer the big C and it scares a lot of people..they don't know what to say..but I have learned that they don't have to say anything, just talking about their day helps me feel good and almost normal..I try not to only talk about the cancer and how miserable I feel.. ..this is another reason why I asked my DH to go do things with me so I have something else to talk about.... we really cant afford to do many thing but I have been trying to find things that wont cost to much to do..free events and such.  Summer.  I hate being the center of attention too..well sort of..this is not the attention  I want.. I don't like it when people say thing like ..Wow you look really good!....I feel like saying, For a Cancer patient?...and yes that is a cranky response...lol ....And I don't like going in to detail with people that I have just met or don't really know. Wow your DH is a Fireman..oh so many memories of that horrible day! There was a great memorial at the balloon race for the people that lost their lives on 9/11 it was just as the morning sun broke over the horizon..just beautiful...

 Well time to stuff my pant pockets with tissue and head off  for lympho therapy...

Hi ladies! One more day and I'm off to my 6th round of chemo... I hope my blood counts will be OK because I don't want to put it off by a single day, I'm eager to be done on time!

Drim Hello to you! Funny to hear you're 1/4 my compatriot, though of course you might be Slovak as well, but there's almost no difference :-). Czechs, Slovaks, Austrians and Hungarians were once part of a single country, so no wonder there has been some mingling (my family is partly Czech, partly Slovak and Hungarian too LOL). If you feel like visiting, just get in touch with me, I'll be able to help with your trip and see you her. This forum is a great meeting place! Oh, and what a dissapointment to hear Tamox is causing hot flushes... I was hoping that once I'm done with Zoladex I'll stop having them!

Daiva It's good to get angry and get it out. This disease sucks and getting rid of your emotions is a part of the healing, that's at least how I understand it. I'll be glad to hook up with you on FB!

Leanna Sorry to hear about your family not being helpful... We are all going through a time when relationships start to reveal their true value. Hopefully you'll be able to sort things out with your DH and in-laws - keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Paxton Glad to hear you're doing better! We're all going through emotional ups and downs, but it'll soon pass!

Big hugs to all of you and keep fighting!

Leanna - I'm glad you're feeling better about it today.  I agree with Denise, it's always harder when it's family.  I only have one brother, and I didn't see him for the first four months of my treatment.  He called once to see how I was doing, but he was really awkward about it, but I know that he cares, because he would call my parents and ask how I was doing.  When my uncle was dying of cancer in 2002, my other uncle (his brother) never did go over and see him until it was too late.  Now it's seven years later and my aunt (the wife of the uncle with cancer) still won't forgive my uncle for not visiting.  They lived in the same small city, so it wasn't a case of money to travel, and it wasn't a time issue either.  I think that some people have a hard time not being selfish.  All they can think about is how THEY feel, but can't stop to think about how the other person feels about them not being in contact.  Instead of focusing on the people that disappoint us (because honestly they aren't worth it) I try and focus on all the good people I have in my life.  One of my co-workers that I don't even know that well came over the other day and covertly weeded my garden...I didn't even know about it until the next day!  Now that's the type of person worth getting to know!  BTW - have fun at the football game, how exciting! 

Jenn 

Jenn- that is so sad about your uncle and his family!   I love your co-worker!!  That is a real treat... sounds to me like she has a real touch on reality - and what someone needs!! 

Tess - Got your PM... THANKS!  And, I'll publicly call you out here and thank you for your donation to Komen RFC for me!!    Love you!!  That's awesome about the woman you met today!  I have often said to my DH, that I don't know how someone in their 70s would do this if I feel so awful at 41!  But, woman ARE truly amazing... to give birth and breastfeed children, and put up with men!  Prayers for normal bloodwork for you!   Hear me God???!!!

((HUGS))  Leanna

Good Morning May Warriors  I am back at my house after four days at my BF's.  I drove there after my chemo last Thursday. I came back yesterday.  We are well into planning our trip and I did some shopping for clothes.  He lives in Louisville, so the shopping opportunities are better there.  I have not bought any clothes since dx, except bras, and a bathing suit.  Sometimes this all still seems unreal to me, like a 6 month long bad dream.  Daiva  I hope you are getting some well needed rest.  Thanks for the info on the vit. D.  I will check definately this out.  Your story about security is great.  I do not have expanders, so I guess I will be okay on my flight to Paris.  Leanna,good luck today.  Regarding eating and A/C, I felt exactly like you, but as Denise said, small amounts, and also I ate a lot of crackers.  Drinking was so hard, but ice was okay.  I am so glad this is your last.  I am sorry about your friends and inlaws flaking out during this time.  I am going to pm you my FB.  Denise  I am sorry about your sister too.  My sister has been wonderful, even though she has her own problems(disabed adult son ).  My brother has also gotten closer with me and calls every week. I love that he does not delegate this to his spouse, but calls and has asked a lot of questions about BC.  He has really stepped up and given me support.  Paxton  I am so glad you are walking.  Let your emotions flow, and when you can, do the visualizations.  I continue to pray for all of us, but especially for you young mothers. LibraryJenn, that includes you of course.  I pray that all of you will heal and be able to be there for your children as they grow up.  Children never quit needing their mother.  My son wrote a card to me about three years ago (he is 39) that say something to the effect that mothers can fulfill  the role of many people in our lives, but no one can replace our mother.  It was very meaningful  at that time because we both had recently started  new relationships, after being very close and seeing each other everyday for about 5 years. Tess  my liver panel was high in the beginning and that was when they took me off the vitamin supplements I was taking.  I hope yours is okay. To all of you who are working, returning to work It is important to ask yourself it this is what you want to be doing.  I retired 5 years ago, luckily I could, but I have never looked back and I am so glad that I followed my heart.  We do not owe anyone the time we need to live our lives and follow our bliss.  We know better than they do that time is finite.    This is getting way to long and I need to take my walk.  Sorry for all those I missed.  All of you are in my thought and prayers.  Thursday is number 10 of 12 for me, and my monthly onc appt.  I smile when I think of my May sisters!  Patricia

Hi Ladies -  I have been off line for the last week, trying to figure out how to manage everything with going back to work (from home), trying to get rads set up, running kids to all their sports and finding a little time for me to get on line before I crash at night.  I had my best sleep in months last night, but I think that is because I took my sleeping pill twice.  I am not sure that I did, but when I was taking it, I was thinking to myself that I had meant to take it earlier and couldn't remember if I did or not.  I have to keep better tack in the future, but not getting up one time during the night was they best!

Leanna - Glad you only have one tx left.   I am wondering if your stomach issues are acid in the stomach.   I have been taking nexium in the mornings and find that really helped when I was on AC to stop the sour stomach.  If it was really bad, the doctor had me take two.

X-Ray -  Did you go on-line and look at the video on how to tie the Buff Wraps?  I found a couple of cute ways to tie them so that they don't look like the traditional cancer wraps.  I go everywhere in mine and even though I have a great wig that looks like my old hair cut, all my friends say they love the buff wrap look best on me.   I have some in crazy patterns and tye dye colors to try and make them fun.  I also have the BC one.

Redbarb - My eye lashes have started to fall out too.   I am one month post tx and my bottom lashes are scarce and the middle of my left eye top lashes are gone.   I am hoping they grow back soon. 

GolpherGirl - Thanks for the Miaderm recommendation, I am going to go on line and buy it.  I can't believe you are almost done with Rads.  That is such great news.

Irish and Summer - I am right with you both on starting Rads.  I will have my dry run on the 20th and start my rads on the 21st.   Are either of you have rads directly under your arm?  I am having them under my arm, on my breast/chest wall and lymph nodes in the clavicle area.

Sacphotomom - How is the lympho therapy going?  Do you see a difference? 

Summer - I bet it was really emotional being in the City on 9/11.  That day really paralyzes me each year. I feel such sadness for all of those people and their families and such amazement of the people that jumped right in and started helping everyone.  I think of 9/11 every time I see a day with a full bright blue sky and not a cloud in it.

Patricia 48?  Did you have auxiliary nodes removed when you had your surgery?  If so, will you need to wear a sleeve for your arm during the long flight?

Drim - Glad you are almost done with your rads.  I will be starting Tamoxifen tomorrow.  I am a little worried about the hot flashes getting worse as I have at least 15 - 20 a day now.  I don't know if I can handle more.

LibraryJen - WOW your tumor is shrinking, that is such awesome news!!!!!!

Leanna- Family can really suck during times of need.  I have defiantly found out that that my friends and neighbors have been the best support for me.  My MIL and DH have been awesome also but so many people have come to help me, most have been from my kids school. 

Magda - Glad you are feeling better and got out of the house for a walk.  I need to get back to walking, I love it and the weather is getting perfect for it.  I just wish my feet didn't still ache so much. 

Paxton - Congrats on being Cancer Free.  What a gift!.    Keep feel better and hugs to Gabe.

njbhwgirl - Have fun on your girls weekend, we will be at a wedding in Vermont that weekend.

Sorry about this very long post! 

Just droppign by to give a big hug to everybody - I'm still caught in organizing the festival - it will be this Saturday and after that I will have more time to post.

Much love to all

Day

Ok so my ONC told me that the last Taxotere seems to be the easiest one....she has been right on on other occasions I'm hoping she is right on this one....so there is hope!

It was a really nice day out today.  I took care of Gage by myself for the first time.  BF is up doing the beet harvest.  I took Gage in the stroller for a walk in the morning.  We watched Bf's folks tear up the potatoes from their garden tonight.  Gage took a nice long nap and went to bed without protest so all in all it was a good day. 

Sacphotomom: hang in there.  I didn't end up doing my last tx, but I felt the same way before when I thought I was going to have it. 

I'm not doing the greatest at the healthy eating.  I try, but I feel terrible the days I eat "healthy."  If I feel just sick and nauseas and if I eat something like a cookie, I immediately feel fine.  I don't know what to do about it.  Is sugar like heroin or something where you have to feel like crap until it's out of your system??  I really want to eat better.

Packjen... Where are you going for Rads? Are you going to the bay area?..I m glad to hear your doing great with rads so far  too..Emu Oil?. Interesting!..Have to look into that too..

Paxton   Yea these days I'm having a hard time eating right..I keep wanting Mexican food and not just any Mexican food ..greasy tacos  with lots of salsa on them..washing it all down with a beer......then I want a piece of chocolate after that...I discovered last week that I can taste chocolate again.....bad thing!.  good thing this weeks ONC visit I dint gain any weight..I was actually surprised..  thought for sure I had gained because I have been so hungry..it was a "phew!" moment!

Hi ladies! Finally no tx today - my liver panel is borderline. So a new blood draw tomorrow - if the panel gets better or stays the same at least, I'll get my shot of T. I do hope I'll be able to have it, I want to be done sooo much!!!

LauraM Getting a good sleep is essential, I sleep a lot worse since I have those hot flushes, but I don't want to take sleeping pills, it's not that bad yet. And yes, walking is great, I hope your feet will stop aching soon!

Leanna Trouble never comes alone! Hope you DH gets better soon!

Paxton Isn't it great to enjoy a nice day :-)?

Sacphotomom Hold on, you'll soon be done - I wish tomorrow were my last T session...

Packjen A part in your hair? I'm jealous ;-)!

Day Good luck with your festival!

Daiva Funny about your F monologue being a part of a prayer breakfast, I'm curious to hear about how it went! I don't know anything about my vit D levels, this is something I must find out about... But you're a medical worker as I understand, so you know way more about it than I do. I do basic research in thermodynamics (mostly things related to solubility of different compounds, if they mix and how much) in a state research institute. Apart from that I teach postgrads and have a PhD student, although we're not a university - we collaborate with a chemical faculty in Prague and are allowed to have postgrad courses. I really like my work, because I was lucky to be in a lab that allows me to be my own boss to a certain extent :-). However, I tended to worry a lot about the outcome of my research and how it was accepted, which I'm hopefully not going to do anymore, it's not worth it!