The Agony

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kymmber
kymmber Member Posts: 66
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer
The Agony
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  • kymmber
    kymmber Member Posts: 66
    edited August 2010

    I am scheduled for treatment  3\4 Ac on 9\7 and the thoughts of it makes me want to Vomit, the awful smell and taste from the flush and chemo is terrifying to me.

    Onc put me on Reglan and Decadron to help with SE, finished those up last night, This morning I was up at 4 a with an awful shore throat, sore in left nostril and feeling really bad after finishing up these meds.

    Two more A\c left then to Taxol please tell me it will get a little better, not sure how much more I will be able to endure. I keep pushing myself to find the strength and courage to cope with this demon then only to awake the next day, in so much agony you dont know which way you should turn. Lord please help us all..........

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  • Bugs
    Bugs Member Posts: 1,719
    edited August 2010

    You can do this!  Taxol is more tolerable.  This this one day at at time. {{hugs}}

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  • Lowrider54
    Lowrider54 Member Posts: 2,721
    edited August 2010

    You can do it - and it is not uncommon - when going through chemo 11 years ago, I reached a point where I called the center and flat out told them I wasn't coming anymore.  I couldn't stand the smell and the taste..to this day, I remember the taste.  After I think everyone in the center called me all day long, they changed my treatment days from Friday mornings to Monday evenings and I was able to finish - I was going every week for 8 months - this was at the end of month 5 - I was so tired of being sick every weekend and the holidays were all on weekends that year. 

    You will make it through it!  And you have lots of here if you need a cyber-hand holding and hugs!

    LowRider

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  • Medigal
    Medigal Member Posts: 1,412
    edited August 2010

    When I go to see my Onc, it used to depress me because he has a huge room just for where he sits patients for doing their Chemo.  When people or nurses went in and out we could see the patients with their kerchiefs over their heads etc. and I almost couldn't bear to see it.  However, one day I changed my attitude.  I remembered that I had already finished my Chemo and it was done to try to save my life.  I was given Kytril to make the nausea practically a non-event and I don't remember those days now as horrors but a time in my life that helped me still be here today.  The old saying "this too shall pass" is certainly true.  It is amazing what we humans can get through when it comes to surviving.  So I hope you can help yourself not look at this as an "Agony" but as "Survival". 

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited August 2010

    Ditto to what the others have said - you will get through it.  I know it's hard, but you're so close to being finished.  The SE's are different from Taxol to AC, but the nausea and bad taste wasn't there for me with the Taxol.  I also go by the saying "this too shall pass", sometimes that is all I can do to get through something hard.  Some things you never forget and chemo scents and tastes is one of them....

    Know that we're here for you and sending cyber (((hugs))) to get you through.

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  • chrishat
    chrishat Member Posts: 89
    edited August 2010

    for me, the taxol was WAY easier than the AC. i felt awful during all of AC and actually started hiking again during taxol. didn't feel normal or perfect, but much much better.  super nauseous during AC, no nausea whatsoever during taxol.then, for me, the radiation was the easiest part of all. hang in there!

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  • LittleFlower
    LittleFlower Member Posts: 405
    edited August 2010

    (((Kymmber))))

    I remember that my second AC SUCKED!  the third and fourth were not great, but different.  The transition to Taxol was so much easier.... it had it's own issues, mostly there were so many taxol treatments.. but they were not as "toxic" as the AC.    Don't give up.  You're half way there girl!  I wish there were words to make it better, but I hope you find some comfort in knowing that you're not alone.  Warm wishes that this will be a distant memory for you soon......

    LittleFlower

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited August 2010

    hang in the kymmber..

    this too shall pass - maybe you can suck on some mints or something.

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  • kymmber
    kymmber Member Posts: 66
    edited August 2010

    Feeling a little better today. not sure I will ever shake the feelings about the A\C. UGH I so wish this was over...

    Lots of pain in the chest last night and indigestion as well after talking to Doctors office today, I am thinking that I might have some Gall bladder issues. Eating very light today to try and control these issues............but I am starving I have had some jello and a small piece of broiled chicken, all that faired pretty well but I am afraid to eat due to the severe pain.

    Any recommendations on food for gall bladder issues, what to eat or avoid???

    I really need to control this, as I dont want to postpone my treatments any further.............just results in even more AGONY

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  • AsiaYM
    AsiaYM Member Posts: 2,216
    edited August 2010

    Dear Kymmber,

    When I was on chemo, I ate a lot of Chinese food and soups because most of them are very mild.  If you are not eating much, make sure to have some Ensure nutritional supplement drink.   One day at a time, you will get through this.  Hugs

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  • AnacortesGirl
    AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
    edited September 2010

    Good comment about using Ensure.  I had some real appetite issues and I couldn't afford to lose any more weight.  I used Boost high protein.  Took Prilosec for the upper GI problems.  And got to really liking ice cream shakes.

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  • kymmber
    kymmber Member Posts: 66
    edited September 2010

    Felling some better today, worked till noon. Still watching what I eat .  Trying not to focus on the next treatment, but thats so hard to do occassionally I will since a smell in my nose that just triggers the aroma of the meds during chemo, how do I get this off my mind??

    Another question: Is there a point were the doctor\onc preforms a test to determine if you have had enough chemo, or are you obligated to take the amount the onc. recommends.

    I am very senstive to medications and all these meds seem very strong? I know that probably means that the meds are doing there job, but I dont want to get to a point to were the meds drag me down and it makes things worse

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited September 2010

    kymmbr - if you are feeling like your gallbladder is acting eat very low fat bland foods - the fatty foods irriatate the gallbladder.  If it's chemo related, the low fat bland foods will also be easier on your intestinal problems.  If you're really having trouble, be sure to let the onc know how bad you're feeling.

    (((hugs)))

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  • kymmber
    kymmber Member Posts: 66
    edited September 2010

    Its been a good day , worked for a couple of hours this morning. Got some tongue soreness , waiting for Dr. office to call back about maybe getting some mouthwash.   Still eating alot of Jello, foods with any seasoning at all really hurts my mouth and tongue.

    Praying for better days ahead and the ability to cope with everything that lies ahead.

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  • kymmber
    kymmber Member Posts: 66
    edited September 2010

    Ok I am so ready to get off this roller coaster, 

     Several weeks back I was treated for celluitis on the BC side, surgeon postponed chemo till I finished a round of antibotics. this morning I woke to a Yucky smelly drainage on my shirt.  Been draining all day (4 bandage changes so far) it is a little red,no fever and dosent feel warm to touch although I have been feeling some soreness on this side for a couple day  but I thought I was getting some of the feeling back.

    So I called surgeons office and they are out till after the holiday....yay me

    Chemo is scheduled for first thing Tuesday, what now??

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  • maryannecb
    maryannecb Member Posts: 1,453
    edited September 2010

    ...when you are going though hell..keep going..Winston Churchill

    This too will pass

    Kick  it with all you can

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  • AnacortesGirl
    AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
    edited September 2010

    What is the draining from?  I thought your drains were already removed?  Is it from the where the drain was pulled or someplace else?

    My cancer center had a number I could call 24x7.  There is always a doc on duty.  If you are concerned about an infection and whether or not you need to take some action then try calling your onc and getting some advice.  He/She should be able to tell you what to watch for and when you would need to go to the ER for treatment due to the holiday weekend.

    Nobody said this was going to be fun.  And some of us have a lot less fun then others.  You are doing great and you can make it.

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  • kymmber
    kymmber Member Posts: 66
    edited September 2010

    Thanks ladies for all the encouragement, I envy you all for being so STRONG. 

    Nurse navagator called this morning to check on me and arranged for me to see someone at the urgent care unit. The doctor at urgent care called in the surgeon on call to come have a look.

    Surgeon said he I had a seroma and fluid that had to be drained. he also said my chemo was started too early that I had not had time to properly heal from surgery. So he reopened the incision to pack and drain the fluid. Scheduled to see him first thing on Tuesday to start doing the wound vac procedure to help speed up healing. so chemo has been postponed for now

    I know you all know I have been freaking over this chemo issue. Dose this mean I will have to start over on the chemo or will I be able to finish the treatments after healing, has anyone been in this situtation before, if so could you share your experiences?

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited September 2010

    Oh honey, I know how you must feel.  The taste, smell----it all was nasty.  And I got TERRIBLE mouth sores after round 3 of the A/C, which they ended up delaying round 4 just by a few days and I still got the full dose (which was what I wanted).  They can prescribe what's called the Magic Mouthwash now and as a preventative for next round for you.  It really did help me not repeat the same thing.  That and I used Biotene mouthwash and toothpaste, as well as rinsing w/baking soda and water a lot.  It all seemed to work for me.  And YES it DOES get better---I tolerated the Taxol MUCH better, as I think most ladies do.

    Hang in there, YOU CAN DO THIS!
    Sharon

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  • kymmber
    kymmber Member Posts: 66
    edited September 2010

    Thanks pupfoster I have been using the magic mouthwash for 3 days now and it is helping alot.  Nurse navagator left me her contact number today so I could reach her for any new or strange symptoms and\or questions I might have during my treatment.  Feeling much better lots of relief from incision site.

    Tomorrow is hubbys birthday so I am hoping I feel this well tomorrow to atlest help with a nice little dinner for him and the boys

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  • AnacortesGirl
    AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
    edited September 2010

    You will not have to start over!  It just means that your body should have had more time to get all the incisions and insults to your body healed before starting the chemo process.  Had that been done you might have had more strength to get through some of the SEs a little easier.  But it doesn't take away from what you've already done.  You're doing good getting this far and you can make it through the two!!

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  • sespebadger
    sespebadger Member Posts: 249
    edited September 2010

    Oh, Kymber, I am sorry this has been so awful for you. I did AC and then Taxol and I've read a lot on this site and I think usually Taxol is much easier. It was for me. So.....once you get through AC things should be much better. I got nauseated and lost weight on AC, but felt no nausea with Taxol and that was a great relief. Also, I didn't find that the fourth AC was more difficult than the third.....and I was worried about that.  

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  • kymmber
    kymmber Member Posts: 66
    edited September 2010

    So I was admitted to the hospital last night for infected seroma and wound. Doctor wanted to get some strong IV antibiotics in me I also saw a wound specialist today, who said my wound would be drainedand dressed daily with medicines to clear away dead cells so I can proceed on with the wound vac for faster healing time.

    Feeling good no fever,or other symptoms just a very nasty infection........ugh.

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited September 2010

    kymmber - I am so sorry for all that your going through, it seems with this horrible disease, one treatment or surgery can lead to other complications.  I know it seems like a long road ahead, but you're doing great and it does get better.  (((hugs))).

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  • kymmber
    kymmber Member Posts: 66
    edited September 2010

    Thanks jenn3- I know there will be bumps in the road along my journey. Just seems sometimes

    those bumps  become mountains. I am so tired and stressed. I just pray everyday for all this to be

    overwith soon.

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  • 2z54
    2z54 Member Posts: 261
    edited September 2010

    Hang in there Kymmber!  Time heals all wounds. Your weakened condition and healing issues, etc. probably didn't make chemo any easier. You'll be stronger once your body heals more and chemo won't be as bad.   

    I had some pretty nasty wounds after my bmx, probably because I had chemo before surgery.  Although I didn't get a wound vac, one wound took 4 months to heal. Sometimes I wish I did get the vac, but my PS was taking it week by week and trying to avoid skin grafts and wound vacs etc. Eventualy, time healed it!

    Hope the birthday party was a great success!  Hang in there!!

    Sue  

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  • kymmber
    kymmber Member Posts: 66
    edited September 2010

    Still here at the hospital, waiting the doctors and the wound specialist  to decide about the wound vac or not.  both my surgeon and the doctor on call who admitted me say "put on the vac"  wound specialist is hesitant to do wound vac due to some issues with dead tissue and tunneling of the wound. So I am now awaiting someone else to come look at the wound to decide if I will be getting vac or not.

    One of the doctors said something about approval so I am guessing it is probably insurance issues.

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited September 2010

    Crap kymmber,

    Insurance is such a love/hate thing isn't it?  Those of us with it should be thanking our lucky stars we have any at all, and praying for those who have to go without.  I can't imagine.

    I sure hope they can tend to that wound so you can get out of there ASAP.  Are you able to get any rest while you're there?

    Take care,

    Sharon

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  • kymmber
    kymmber Member Posts: 66
    edited September 2010

    I am still here, Doctor was in to see me this morning he check and re packed my wound. I asked about the wound vac he said "that  the wound specialist says there is too much slough (dead tissue) in the wound to apply vac. But both surgeons say alot of what they see is fat and not dead tissue. Seems they are just bickering back and forth over the whole situtation.

    So looks like I am stuck here again today ...................ugh this is like torture waiting for them to decide..

    On a good note my Onc. came to see me today . He had nurses to do blood work and schedule a visit to see him next week to discuss options for continuing chemo, he wants to look at blood work to see if chemo needs be adjusted. He did say it is possible that my dosage was stronger than what my body was ready for, but he also said that he has me on the big guns based on my age and health so we may have some room to adjust.

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  • kymmber
    kymmber Member Posts: 66
    edited September 2010

    I got to come home yesterday with a mobile wound vac. Feeling much better Home care nurse came this morning to change out my dressing she will be here 3 times a week to do dressing changes. I will have the vac for up to 6 weeks. Wound seems to be showing some progress already.

    Anyone with any info on wound vac and how long your healing took while on the vac?

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