March 2010 Chemo Start

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited September 2010
    LillyC - I have that exact same hairdo!!! Cool
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  • Charley
    Charley Member Posts: 255
    edited September 2010

    Awesome Heather! You are DONE! Now you can start the process of mending ... It will be slow but you will get there. 

    LilyC- I like that -- not bragging or complaining ... You all still have 10x as much hair as me! I need to post some new pics of my short doo ...

    Hugs, Charlene

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  • hereandnow
    hereandnow Member Posts: 322
    edited September 2010

    Congratulations Heather!!! You did it!!!

    Lilly you look great.

    I realised I needed to change some things, and the 1st thing was I had to get out of the house and shift my A**. SO I went to the gym last night and got a new routine for building up my lost strength and stamina, went to my first pilates class this morning- great, and then went and saw my GP and got a script for stilnox to help me sleep. 

    onwards and upwards Marchers.  Smile

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  • LillyC
    LillyC Member Posts: 64
    edited September 2010

    hereandnow - I am SO impressed!!! I need to get a routine to shift mine also.  I need to lose so much weight and to become more agile.  I am so stiff that my husband feels like he needs another person to sail with us as I am not nearly as agile or fast as I used to be.  He does still refer to me though as his "first and only mate". Smile

    badger - Is your hair snow white like mine?  I have one little triangle of black in the front in the middle.  It sort of reminds me of Jay Leno!!! 

    Besides neuropathy in the three digits of my right hand, I still have a goose egg size lump on my breast where I had the two lumpectomies.  My radiologist says that it is a hematoma and will eventually be absorbed, but my imagination can get the best of me  - perhaps one leftover lone cell blossomed???  I think I am going to make an appointment with my surgeon, just to calm this crazy thinking that tends to haunt me.  

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited September 2010

    LillyC - it was white at first, but now there's some pewter coming in underneath 

    Lisa - stilnox, great name for a sleep aid, sounds like silent night :-)

    Starting that 8-week yoga class tomorrow and Yoga Heals for BC survivors in 10 days

    http://www.bcrecovery.org/pages/Yoga-Heals.php

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  • Ana1973
    Ana1973 Member Posts: 88
    edited September 2010

    Heather- Congrats! It is a great feeling and I'm so happy for you.

    LillyC- You look amazing!

    Hereandnow and Badger- way too go to get your butts in gear. I love yoga!

    I don't know if any of you experienced this "phenomenon", but BC has made me reevaluate everything in my life. I want to try new things, find a better more fulfilling job, improved my stagnant marriage and take even better care of myself. Just rolling along in this life is no longer enough...I want excitement, joy, and passion. If God is giving me 1 year or 50 more years, I want to be able to say I lived life to the fullest! I'm just wondering if any of you have the desire to change everything? Sometimes I feel like I am crazy...lol.

    It's so great to hear that more and more of my sisters are making it thru! Sending you all big hugs! You are all amazing!

    Ana

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  • Yeshua4Me
    Yeshua4Me Member Posts: 77
    edited September 2010

    Ana1973: I know exactly what you mean. Having BC has changed me also. I mended a relationship that had gone sour (over something stupid!) 12 years ago! Now we see each other or speak on the phone EVERY day! I have a different attitude about everything. No longer do I get upset over the little things or have to have things MY way~life is short and I'm going to enjoy all of it for as long as I can! I feel like I've been given a second chance in a way. I'm not going to waste it!

     Hair, hair hair! It sounds as if most of us have some. Mine is coming in like crazy(on my head)! Still very short but no more bald spots. I am 3 weeks out of chemo and start radiation on Friday. I have 25 sessions so I should be done in October. My hair started growing back during chemo and I kept expecting the new hair to fall out and STILL expect it to fall out. I check everyday by rubbing it over the sink to see if there are any hairs or I wear black and then check all over my blouse for falling hairs but so far, nothing. Maybe my hair is going to stay in. I have about 3 very short eyelashes on each eye and no eyebrows yet. I also don't have to shave yet. I am not brave enough to go out without my bandanna on. My family tells me it is fine but they love me, they'll say anything. But I sure am tired of bandana's.

    I started doing yoga in my home from a DVD and I also still take a sleeping pill each night otherwise I won't sleep. I also take muscle relaxers (had a double mastectomy) because my chest tenses up while sleeping and wakes me.

    I wasn't suppose to have radiation when all this started. My PS asked about radiation and I told him no so he put in my expanders during my mastectomy. During chemo, my PS would "fill" my expanders until they reached the size I wanted. After chemo, my oncologist thought I should also have radiation. I went to my PS and told him and he was mad. He said he would have waited until after radiation before doing expanders. I was scheduled to have my exchange surgery (replace exanders with implants) in November but that is off now. My PS said he has to wait 6 months to a year after radiation to make sure I've healed before he can do exchange. He also said 50% of women get too much scar tissue from radiation and if I am one of them then he can't do exchange. He said he would have to take skin and muscle from my stomach or my back to make breasts! After reading the material he gave me, my husband I decided no way! If I have scar tissue after radiation (I hope not) then I'll just have my PS remove the expanders and have nothing. The stomach and back thing is just too much for my body. Besides, my PS said it would have to be my back because I don't have enough fat on my stomach. Forget it! But I am a bit sad. Never thought I might not have breasts one day.

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited September 2010

    Yeshua4Me - sorry you're feeling sad. I never thought I'd be sans breasts either but here I am. It's turned out OK but like everyone I wish all this sh*t hadn't happened. I liked my breasts and mourn their passing. 

    Yes yes yes to living life. There's a poster here whose sig line says enjoy every sandwich, and you know, I do now.  The simple pleasures are the best, don't you think?  {{hugs}}

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  • Kayne
    Kayne Member Posts: 103
    edited September 2010

    Congratulations Heather!!  You did it -- you made it through!!!  I hope you go and celebrate when your feeling good. 

    Yeshua4me-- I also will have radiation when I am finished chemo, but my PS says I must be filled before starting.  She will not put in expanders after radiation.  It's interesting the different views each Dr. has.  So now I am "fulfilled" to my liking --- I will have 6 weeks of radiation, wait 6 months to have my exchange.  In that 6 months, I will have my left expander put back in (the one I lost to an infection) and filled.  Only my right side will be radiated, so she can put the left one in after radiation.  So don't despair, you should be able to have nice breasts! 

    LilyC-  You look amazing!! 

    I was able to have chemo this week!!!  I was so excited, who would have ever thought.  Liver Dr. wants blood every 2 days for a week to see what happens to my liver enzymes. Wouldn't you know it, I went today and they couldn't get any.  He is going to do a CT scan instead of the MRI.  I sure hope it tells him something.  My onc also lowered the dose of Taxol by 20%, hoping my liver likes it better.  In 21/2 weeks I will find out if I am on the Avastin or placebo. ( The trial I am on.)  Guess what I found out?  As far as the trial is concerned, the Taxol treatments I missed are not made up.   Well, that's not going to happen, I will drop out of the trial.  I want all the chemo I was suppose to have!!  7 more treatments to go!!  This road is getting longer.......but I will get to the end! 

    Lisa and Badger:  You inspire me to get moving.  I have the Race for the Cure in 3 weeks.  I am meeting my neighbor at 8:00am tomorrow for a walk! 

    Good thoughts to all---  Michelle

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  • CBeam
    CBeam Member Posts: 11
    edited September 2010

    Congrats Heather!    And Lilli; your hair looks great!

    Thanks to you all for providing encouragement; inspiring me to get active again; giving hope for hair. 

     The information from about exchange/implant...(where we are going from here)...is great too.  I've been spending more time looking that direction as well.  After the masectomy I was advised to finish all treatments before starting any reconstruction.  So I still have Herceptin to finish before I get to that point.

    Decided today with the oncologist to complete this series at 11 total; so I officially FINISHED with chemo!  WooHoo!  I hear and expect Herceptin alone to be a walk in the park...  The end is nice, too, since I am more tired tonight after treatment than I think I ever have been.  But it is onward and upward from here!

     Hang in there all; best of luck to you in your struggles this week!

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  • hereandnow
    hereandnow Member Posts: 322
    edited September 2010

    {{{hug yeshua4me}}} - whilst you have had one point of view from your PS, please don't think that's all your options done, and perhaps you could get a couple of other opinions?.  I've seen the photos of DIEP and other flaps, great results, but like you I don't want any more scars on my abdomen or back.  The difficult thing for all of us is to hold onto our spirits while the cancer rollercoaster carries us up and down. I'm a bit dizzy from the ascent from my downer last week. I'd just like to get off this bloody ride thanks very much!

    Muscles aching from pilates - feels great. I'm now completely without caps on my head - getting away with it looking like I have deliberately styled it like this. Slept like a rock last night - lovely Stilnox -I think you guys call it Ambien.

    Congrats Chelsea on finishing. Great news Kayne on getting chemo this week, hope those rotten enzymes stay where they're supposed to.  love to you all,

    Lisa

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  • Yeshua4Me
    Yeshua4Me Member Posts: 77
    edited September 2010

    Thanks everyone for all the encouragement. I like what Kayne's PS says about expanders~maybe I'll start going to her doctor!

     Had my first appointment with radiation yesterday. They marked on my body with what they call "temporary tattoos" after they repeatedly moved me in and out of this huge machine. I think the machine was measuring me or something. I laid on the table with my arms up in slings for about a half hour. My husband had to wait in the waiting room. I hated that he couldn't be in the same room with me. I go back on Wednesday to have the real tattoos put on and they said MAYBE I will have the first radiation done then if the doctor decides to. So, I'm starting another adventure that I've been forced to begin. According to all your posts radiation is a piece of cake. I sure hope so! 

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited September 2010

    Hey all, just popping in to say hi and see how everyone's doing. Congrats Chelsea for finishing, best wishes Kayne and Yeshua4Me with upcoming chemo and rads, attawoman Lisa, and Happy Birthday Frosty! 

    Wondering if anyone finds your emotions close to the surface, not anger but tears.  They welled up in my first yoga class Thurs, in the car listening to people's stories on public radio about family quilts, today at the WI quilt expo seeing the beauty and industry and remembering those family stories...

    BTW, first yoga class was wonderful - grounding, centering, breathing, stretching, and relaxing.  So why did I want to cry? Some emotion being released along with some tension?

    Hope everyone is having a good weekend!  {{hugs}} to all

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  • marilyn7
    marilyn7 Member Posts: 86
    edited September 2010

    I'm officially DONE with Rads  - YEAH!!!  I managed to get through with very little skin impact.  I had one tiny little blister on Thursday, but it is gone now.  I will continue to slather on the various lotions for a few more weeks as the skin is likely turn a very dark brown and my get quite dry.  I feel great, but still tired.  Actually, more tired now that I was going through the rads.  Maybe it's just my body saying "OK - enough's enough - I got you through this mess, now it's time to rest."  I'm actually taking the day off tomorrow and looking at my schedule to try to work less the next few weeks.

     I will begin my follow-up appointments - Radiation Onc in 2 weeks, Onc in 3 weeks, Nutritionist next week (to review my diet, vitamin levels, etc), blood counts (still on Coumadin / mega D).  I am also seeing my dermatologist this week for a full body scan and I have a massage therapist working on my neuropathy.  Oh to turn back the hands of time to when "schedule mammogram" was just a little errand I needed to run - a quick little chore and then back to my busy life.  If ever there was a day that changed my life, that would be the day.

    Ana / Badger -   In terms of what's next / emotional life - I feel like it's all part of regaining strength.  My new mantra is "strong, healthy, happy, whole"  To get there I feel I need to reevaluate all aspects of my life - mind, body, and soul - meaning my job, my marriage, my day-to-day life balance.  I need to gain strength and get back to where I was before all this started - but then you really can never go "back" so we need to move forward.  As for the emotion that came from yoga class - part of it my be gratitude for doing something very good for your body and how great is feels to be normal and part of it may be the realization that your body doesn't respond the way it did before.  As with everything we've done thus far, we have to remember to be patient and gentle in our expectations.  Although I would really like a new job right now, is it really the best time for me to have new responsibilities - maybe I need to just breathe for awhile.  Sorry - I'm getting a bit "airy-fairy" but I am grappling with making sense of all this - or just going with the flow and enjoying the small moments that make up my life.

    Peace out.  Marilyn 

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  • hereandnow
    hereandnow Member Posts: 322
    edited September 2010

    yay Marilyn on finishing Rads!!

    and I'm with you on the "breathe" bit. I wish I hadn't gone back officially to my PhD for a few months, because I'm struggling with it, memory and focus, and it's making me feel bad about myself. I wish I'd treaded water for a little while, and focussed on getting through the backwash of the diagnosis and chemo both physically and emotionally.  Badger, my emotions are close to the surface, I'm just an expert in keeping them suppressed, and smiling when people ask, and saying, yes I'm feeling much stronger. It's going to take a while to lose the underlying fragility. I'm no longer bulletproof - f**king cancer.

    Hope you're all ok,

    Lisa

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  • Yeshua4Me
    Yeshua4Me Member Posts: 77
    edited September 2010

    Hereandnow: I know what you mean about focus. I'm a writer and I can't focus yet on writing anything worth reading. I finished my last book before chemo but it still needs some attention and editing but I can't do it! I sit down with every intention of working a bit on it but my brain won't cooperate. I always end up putting it back on the bookcase with the promise of tackling it another day. Luckily my publisher isn't bugging me for the book yet!

    I also am very emotional. I cry when I watch commercials on t.v. and even when I just think of something whether it be sad or happy. It's pathetic. I thought it was from all the medication and chemo but now I don't take anything but muscle relaxers and a sleeping pill. I just thought of what it could be~I also had my ovaries removed during my mastectomy and I went into immediate menopause! Okay, that's why I'm so emotional. That surgery was 6 months ago and just now my brain figured it out! I hate not being able to think and concentrate like I did before all this happened.

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  • hereandnow
    hereandnow Member Posts: 322
    edited September 2010

    For me it helps to share with you guys.  I have been sitting here all afternoon trying to do some statistical analysis (Boooorinnggg) with SPSS, I'm vague and depressed and I have to get up every 5 minutes to do something else. I've just lifted the cover off my 12 month old compost bin, and spread it all over my vege patch, spring is here but it's still really chilly at night, so next week-end I'm going to start re-planting - beats sitting here staring at statistics which are spinning around my head like you can imagine they would in Homer Simpson's,  mmmm, statistics.   I tell myself "it will get better". Yeshua4me, you will eventually find the headspace to edit and write, as will I, it is just a bit worrying hey?  Now I think it's time to go and spread some chicken poo -  :)

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  • dutchgirl6
    dutchgirl6 Member Posts: 673
    edited September 2010

    hereandnow, your posting gave me the shivers.  I haven't heard the letters SPSS since I graduated in 2000, and I have to say, spreading chicken poo sounds infinitely more appealing!  You know what they say, there are three kinds of lies:  Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics.  I hope that you are able to get you head around them.

    Yeshua4me, come and join our Sept. rads group, it's a great group of sisters.

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  • hereandnow
    hereandnow Member Posts: 322
    edited September 2010

    ha ha dutchgirl - SPSS gives me the shivers too, I used it 10 years ago too when it was version 9.0, now it's at 18.0, and I'm back studying, well for now. Statistics ain't where my head is at, at the moment I tell you. I don't know if I can put off the flower sniffing/ rose smelling, which I have a much greater urge to be doing.  

    I've changed my avatar photo. The old one was a photo of my black moggy hiding under the button squash bush. The new one is my hair growth as of today. It's thickening up.

    Michelle, hope you're feeling ok, and your CT scan went alright.

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  • Ana1973
    Ana1973 Member Posts: 88
    edited September 2010

    Another milestone has been met today...I got my port taken out. Feeling drugged up, but good and no soreness so far. Thank God for Vicoden! I hope you all are feeling better and celebrating every milestone. Boy, we are a tough group of women!

    Hugs,

    Ana

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited September 2010

    Congrats Marilyn for finishing rads, Ana for getting deported, and the rest of us for toughing it out!  {{hugs}}

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  • teemee
    teemee Member Posts: 122
    edited September 2010

    Wow, congratulations to everyone--seriously, so many achievements. I too never imagined this treatment could be over, but for me it is. I did have to take a 5-day break from radiation because of too much damage under my arm, but everything was OK after that.

    Now I am also forgetful, unable to focus, and very very frustrating for me I can't seem to multi-task. I mean like not even dealing with 3 things in a day. I'm fixing up my condo--unemployment and medical bills took their toll so I have to do a short sale and it needs to be in sellable condition. So every day I have that, paid work, cat care, house stuff, and my thesis. It doesn't matter how many lists I make, I still can't figure out where the time goes or how I could have forgotten to do something. Lisa, I can't even imagine PhD work right now. The masters thesis is completely beyond me at the moment.

    I'm certainly not faring so well in the day to day living department, but hey, I'm apparently great at growing hair. It is so thick I can't even feel my scalp. It's about 1/2" long (I shaved for about a month after chemo to get rid of that weird stuff that first comes in) and real hair, and I'm scared it will just keep growing outward like clown hair. It was curly before, if it gets curlier we could all be in for a good laugh. Strangely, I still have the same 3 gray hairs I did before. I thought it would be different somehow. Also strange are eyebrow and eyelash stubble, weird! Whoever called theirs Venus flytraps was spot on!

    Back to the day to day. I am trying so hard to 'get moving' but inertia and depression continue. I know it would be a lot easier if I had a more structured life. Hopefully I can find a job soon, that will help me I think. Sometimes it's hard to leave the house. I was expecting the 'life is better and brighter' attitude too so I go on beating myself up about not having it. eesh. 

    Thanks for listening. It helps me so much.

     Toni

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  • hereandnow
    hereandnow Member Posts: 322
    edited September 2010

    Hi Toni, fantastic you finished!

    It's crap about the day to day stuff you're dealing with. Good luck with getting your flat fixed up for sale. I hope you and puss find a cosy new nest soon, where you can recuperate and re-energise, and find some clear headspace. I truly believe that time will help, and of course, we all need to de-crappify our lives as much as possible. Sometimes easier said than done hey?

    March hugs to all,

    Lisa

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  • frosty1
    frosty1 Member Posts: 420
    edited September 2010

    Checking in ... I've been lurking.  Glad to see almost everyone is done with chemo and rads.  And that we have all survived.  I, too, thought I was over the emotions, but went to a Susan G Komen Speakers Bureau meeting last week and starting crying as soon as I talked about walking the survivor lane this year at the Run for the Cure.  My hair is thick, but still only about 1/4" long.  ANd I know what you meet about focus.  Oh look ... oh sorry ... :) And last week my mom told me she had to go in for a biopsy.  Today she found out it was just a cyst and she said she was worried all week because she didn't think she could have been as strong as I was when I went through and she then felt guilty because she didn't think I should have been the one to get cancer -- she thought she should do it for me.  Geez.  Just when you think you are okay.  I'm glad she is fine.  Now I'm hating my foob.  But not wanting to do more surgery.  So do I get the other one lopped off so I'm totally flat?  Man this is the pitts.

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  • frosty1
    frosty1 Member Posts: 420
    edited September 2010

    And thanks for the birthday wishes!  I hit my 3rd goal -- hair by my birthday!

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited September 2010

    :-) I had mine timed to Labor Day and also hit the mark.

    Couple thoughts on being emotional.  One is I asked the yoga teacher about it before class last week.  She said tearing up happens to people a lot including sometimes to her.  Then someone else who was there early said the tears had come to her too.  Two is I mentioned it to a friend of mine who also does yoga and she said she's been emotional like that her whole life so thought it was nothing unique to yoga or breast cancer.  I guess sometimes it isn't all about BC.  Creaky joints: tamoxifen SE or impending geezerhood?  (Mom has arthritis and is creaky.)

    It's pretty here this time of year, crisp air, leaves changing colors, and cool temps. Hope everyone is doing well!  {{hugs}}

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  • Charley
    Charley Member Posts: 255
    edited September 2010

    Clown hair ... yep ... that's me and a bald spot. <sign>  Emotional .. things are different. They will never be the same but I don't know for sure in what way have or will change. It's a slow process. 

    7 days to RFC in Tulsa. My employer and fellow employees have been wonderful.  We had a silent auction to benefit RFC on Friday and raised $800.  I will be running the 5k, doing the survivor walk and the 5k walk with my team. There are so many supporters. I am amazed and appreciative of all the people who have contributed.

    Looking forward to the cool weather.  It is still sweltering here!

    ((hugs)) Charley

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  • staceyt
    staceyt Member Posts: 106
    edited September 2010

    Good Morning Everyone

    Glad to read everyone is doing well.  I participated in a Relay for Life on Saturday and let me tell ya what an emotional morning.  First to be able to wear a purple Survivor shirt and then to walk the Survivor lap with both my parents was a tear jerker.  I think it was at that point when I realized what exactly I had been through and that I am a Survivor now.  Then they had the lumination ceremony at the end and I couldn't turn the faucet off.  What a day the weather was beautiful and they said we had 95 Survivors show up in the morning.  (I live in a very small community of 3,500).

    My DH and I are off to Maine for a long weekend on the motorcycles can't wait!

    Prayers to All - Stacey

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  • teemee
    teemee Member Posts: 122
    edited September 2010

    Stacey that sounds wonderful. I begged off singing at a breast cancer church service Sunday because I just wasn't ready. I'm so impressed with those of you who are already out in our new, unintentional 'community.'

    badger, I had the same experience with yoga before all this bc crap happened. Just the energy moving through, I guess. Keeps it flowing ;)

    I figure people all go through this process at their own rate. I had hardly any emotions throughout my treatment. Now that I'm out of fight or flight, I deal with the feelings. And if I look back that's how I've always dealt with trauma. Unfortunately, it means everyone around me is congratulating me while I'm still adjusting to being diagnosed! Ah well.

    Congrats on everyone's hair ;) Charley, I love the bozo with a bald spot image but hope it fills in soon. It really helped me to keep shaving it down short until I had a full head of 'stubble,' but that's just not for some people.

    All the best for a wonderful week,

    Toni

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  • marilyn7
    marilyn7 Member Posts: 86
    edited September 2010

    It's great to read through the thread and see us move on to the next phase - although it is an odd phase. 

    I couldn't imagine doing my PhD right now.  Remembering to actually put the clothes in the washer before the end of the wash cycle is a real victory for me.  The other day it was on the spin cycle before I realized I never put the clothes in!!!

    I'm still tired, but getting better. I meet with med onc next week to talk Tamoxifen. I'm also headed to Florida with my girlfriends next week - YEAH!!!!!  

    Huge hugs to everyone!! 

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