Emotional Impact 2 years out

What has been the greatest help to me (aside from my faith in God) has been taking various classes at a local Wellspring Center (center that provides free services to all cancer survivors and their caregivers).  I enrolled in a program called Healing Journey and here we learn and practice various techniques such as meditation, controlling your thoughts, journalling, visualization and relaxation, getting in touch with our inner healer, etc.  I also attend weekly Body-Mind-Spirit Connection meetings at that same center.  Whenever one of those stressful panic-type thoughts hits me, I now find it so much easier to ward it off using some of the strategies I've learned. 

It seems like as long as we are being followed and we pay attention to our bodies we are doing all we can.  I don't want to be complacent, then again I know I have to stand up for myself.  These doctors are seeing so many patients it's easy to fall through the cracks.    For me the longer I'm out the more I pay attention to my labs and my body.  I don't know if any of us ever get over the impact cancer has made on us.  Those silly aches and occasional pain here or there can really get blown up!!  

I wish everyone some peace of mind for 2010.  There are some good drugs coming.  The PARP II inhibitors will be available in the not so distant future......there is ALWAYS hope. 

Bethany and other sisters

I also kept everything inside.  I was way to busy getting ready for my "big" surgery that I did not have time to think about what was going to happen to me.  I did not have chemo or rads (this was my 2nd DX in 23 yrs) only rads 23 yrs ago.  After recovery from bi-lat and recon I was put on effexor for menopause hot flashes.  Those as you say kept me kinda numb.  I went off of them after 8 months because of constipation.  I noticed something was changing within me.  I did not feel happy anymore.  I had my last surgery in Aug 09 and recovered from that, had several weeks of PT and then along comes Christmas.  New Years Day I really sunk into a low.  My DH had asked me weeks before if I hated him.  That shows just how bad I was treating him.  He pushed my buttons to the point of explosion and I finally had a long overdue meltdown.  I screamed everything out of me.  Not only about what cancer had taken away from me but other things that had happed during those 22 months after my bi-lat and recon.  My DH cried with me.  I felt instant relief.  Since then I have been sleeping better and treating my DH with love.  I had so much anger that had built up inside of me that I could not express love.  I could not even pray anymore but I know that the Holy Spirit took over my prayers when I could not continue.  God received my prayer thoughts.  Things are so much better now.  This is a great topic.  I did not realize that a lot of women experience this.  I did not realize what was happening to me.  My DH is a happy man again.   edited to add:  I found this on the active topics and did not realize it was the triple neg forum.  I am not triple negative but it does not matter because we all are survivors of this cancer beast and can experience the same feelings.  Thanks sisters

I probably should know this, but what is TNBC?

EZ.....We are NOT hormone receptive.....They know what..well you might say feeds your kind of cancer.....So they give you hormone therapy to SHUT OFF the receptors. Another words DONT give a plant water and it should die.....Well WE DONT HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT FEEDS OURS....so we dont know what to SHUT OFF there is no medication to take after treatment is done....Ours tend to be more aggresive. I also believe our reocurrence is higher in the 2-3 year time......another words they tend to say IF IT COMES BACK IT WILL WITH THEN 2-3 years.....It does not seem to wait....I just know that my ONC. said she would feel better if she could get me to that 2 year mark.....guess reocurrence goes down some after that......

LOTS OF LOVE LADIES.....

If I should correct any of the above.....chime in and let me know.....that is just my perception of it.... 

Hi Meggy.  I will be 3 years out at the end of the year.  I feel like Im holding my breath.  Im scared but hopeful.  doing reconstruction gave me something else to focus on for the last year but now Im finished with that part.  My dr said this is my critical year.  As if I didn't remember that, dang.

Teresa

I found Cin 56 wrote this before. She is a long timer survivor and hope she can come by to this board and offer some insight. She is also a medical researcher.

Posted in: Connecting With Others Who Have a Similar Diagnosis + Triple Negative, Created: Jan 17, 2009 07:27 pm

new triple neg... worried

Hi Michelle. I just posted this in another thread, so I am copying it and pasting it here, so I don't have to write it again.

One thing about triple negative is the tumor does tend to grow fast. It is an aggressive cancer. That being said, that is why the chemo generally works so well. The chemo is designed to kill fast growing cells. That is also why your hair comes out. They are fast growing cells. I would rather have TN than have positive receptors any day. Once we make it to the 2 year mark, chance for recurrence drops dramatically. Once we make it to the 5 year mark, we are at the same level with the positives who have taken tamoxifen for five years. After the 5 year mark, we are back in the normal population of women who have the 1in 8 chance of having breast cancer. According to the researchers, not one has seen a recurrence in TN women who have made it to the 8 year mark. So, yes, I would rather have TN over positive receptors any day. Women with positive receptors have to worry about recurrence for the rest of their lives, or until the cure finally comes. Some have been cancer free for 20 years and then have a recurrence. Don't be afraid that you got negative receptors instead of positive receptors. If we just HAD to have bc...I truly think WE got the better deal.

Hello All,

I am so glad I am not alone. I am two years out and I have to say this July was the worse emotionally. I got angry all the time and felt like my world was imploding. The weather seemed to trigger my memory. I couldn't even go outside without feeling anxiety of the cancer returning. The fear factor has increased as I put my eye on the three year mark a year from now. It is hard to not think every ache and pain as something. 

This year will bring the arrival of two grand babies and a wedding! I need to keep my hope on their coming and on a happy celebration ahead not all this other stuff.

 Thanks for listening,

 Minnesota Mom

Hi fellow Tri-Negs, I am 12 years post treatment, 75 years old, and just fine.  The GOOD thing to remember is that, for some reason, if you get to the 2-3 year point, post treatment, our recurrence rate drops like a rock.

This is a reason for joy.

Remember, about 2 years out, you are finally (well, your subconscious) is allowed to feel what you have been supressing all this time.  It is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, same as the vets.  Almost all of us have some level of this and it can be helped by Anti-depressants, or just time. 

You WILL get your joy of living back, it is a very hard thing to go through cancer and made harder by people looking at you as if you are crazy (family too), saying:  "You are fine, why are you so squirrely?".  It is not that easy for some of us,  Just keep trudging along, get pills if you need them, this too will pass.

Gentle hugs, Shirlann

I'm coming up on my two year.  At a year and a half out, my radiological oncologist sat me down and drew a little chart with a bell curve.  At that point, he said, I was at at the crest of the wave, where half of recurrences have already occurred.  His point was that from that point on, our survival odds continuously improve, and more dramatically as time goes on.  By the five year mark, the risk of recurrence is near zero.  I found that very helpful.   

I can't say that it never gets to me.  Just that it doesn't anger and terrify me the same way it did early on. 

Hi Kathy, we are just days apart in our diagnosis...so we are now at 2 years 7 months!!!!!  I find myself counting each month...and I have to tell the truth that I have been experiencing a lot of fear.  My youngest is just 9 years old and his dad is out of the picture....I just have to be here for him.  This period is quite hard for me.  I think I need to see the graph everyone is talking about...maybe i saw another one.  Also, my oncologist at my last visit said it tends to come back in the first few years (which of course I already knew) but then she said you have to celebrate each day.  That freaked me out.  Just freaked me out.  I find it overwhelming to recognize that each day is not guaranteed...really too much for me emotionally.  Now I'll go search for that graph.

Love you all.

I'm finding 2 years, 8 months to be a tough time.  I should be celebrating but I just feel so fearful.

I understand your feelings, but I do have some hope. .........

 Romans 15:13
"May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope  by the power of the Holy Spirit."

I found that having breast cancer made me face the fact that I was going to die one day.  Not something we like to think about, admit or even discuss with too many people, let alone myself!  But, that is the truth.  I had to make a conscience decision to deal with that fact.  Wrapped up within that is the reality that my future is uncertain, whether I admit it or not.  But, so is everyone else's.  This is where a relationship with Christ changed my focus.  If I am truly his as evidenced by how I live my life and my confession of faith, then Christ lives in me by his Spirit.  That means where ever I go, what ever I face I am never alone.  He is with me.  I asked God to heal me of my cancer, but he chose not to.  I remember thinking, o.k. that means I have to walk through this.  Not what I wanted to hear, but never the less true.  I began reading the scriptures with more intensity, praying more specifically and trusting him in a way I never had needed to before.  I was also more humble and grateful because I saw his hand and felt his presence very deeply.  That happens when we are in need and come humbly before a compassionate God and ask for his help.  I don't have all the answers, but I do know that a relationship with Christ makes all the difference when we walk through the 'Valley of the shadow of death.' My continued prayer is that others experience the peace and comfort that can only come through a relationship with Christ.  I can't imagine having gone through this without the help of his presence.  I learned valuable lessons about myself and about how really simple life can be.  I am going to die one day, yes, to be sure.  But, I know that when I die, at that instant, I will be in heaven.  No more pain, no more disease, no more sadness, no more fear.  Until then, I continue to walk with an eternal purpose in my heart that makes everything else seem pale in comparision.  God is love and he has a good plan in mind for each of us.  Sometimes suffering helps us understand that plan and God's character in a way that we never could before.

I believe God wants to use each of us to accomplish things much bigger than ourselves.  It is only as we seek him that we find that plan!

God bless you,

Gina

gmw.welsh@gmail.com 

HI!!

I HAVE HAD BRC TWICE 16 YEARS INBETWEEN!!!!!WOW NO DON'T GET SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LET ME TELL YOU IT NEVER GOES AWAY.... IT HANGS IN THE CLOSET LIKE A HALLOWEEN COSTUM   BUT  YOU HAVE TO TAKE EACH DAY AS IT COMES EVERY DAY IS A GIFT!!!!!EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!)))) SO BE THANKFUL EVERY SINGLE DAY.

AND DON'T GET SCARED GET MAD!!! FIGHT IT.

GET YOURSELF PRAYED OVER BY A GOOD FAITHFULL GROUP I DON'T CARE IF ITS CHRISTAN, JEWISH, MUSLIM, USE THE POWER OF GOD TO HEAL YOU MIND YOUR MIND HAS TO GET YOU THROUGH AND TRUST HIM FULLY.

I AM TWO YEARS OUT OF MY SECOND BRC IT WAS A TOTALY DIFFERENT KIND THEN I HAD BEFORE. THIS TIME  I HAD A DOUBLE MASTECTOMY TOOK CHEMO AGAIN YUCK!!!  AND I AM NOW ON ARIMIDEX I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN DO NOW IT'S UP TO GOD.

EVERY DAY FROM FEB 1993 TO NOW HAS BEEN A GIFT AND HE HAS TAKEN SUCH GOOD CARE OF ME!!!!!!! I WAS DIVORCED AFTER THE FIRST TIME AND  BETWEEN MY CHILDREN AND MY GOD I MADE IT THROUGH AGAIN.

I DON'T EVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN BUT IT IS NOT MY CALL. IF YOU LET FEAR TAKE OVER  IT WILL YEAH IT'S SCARRY BUT SO IS DRIVING ON THE FREEWAY, BUYING LETTUCE OR EGGS LATELY.... SO  TRY REALLY HARD TO LOOK AT EACH DAY AS A NEW PRECIOUS GIFT

I HOPE I DIDN'T COME ON TO STRONG 

IRISHCHILD

TO GMW

WOW THANKS FOR THAT POWERFUL TESTIMONY!!1

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW