Need some advice...

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srah2k
srah2k Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hello all.  My dear, sweet grandmother is 89 y/o and dealing with her second round of breast cancer.  She had it when I was much younger, in her right breast, and to my knowledge had a lumpectomy (?) and some radiation and it was gone.  I was really too young to catch most of the details back then.  She has a severe mistrust of doctors and modern medecine, which stem from that event - in that she believed the mammogram (it was her first ever) is was caused the cancer.  Due to this, she has not followed up in the ensuing years with making sure everything was still okay.  About 4 months ago I noticed one day that she had a bit of gauze sticking out from the collar area on her dress - after seeing this a few weeks in a row, I asked her about it - to which she essentially blew me off, saying it was where her dress rubbed her skin and irritated her.  Last night I picked her up and took her out to dinner with some other family members, and when we returned to her apartment she was having some trouble walking back to the building, even with me helping her - she said her legs were very weak.  While walking with her, I noticed a large (about 6" in diameter) red spot on her dress under her breast area.  I asked her if she was okay, that she was bleeding and she said it was "just a scratch" from when she had fallen several weeks ago in her apartment.  I asked her repeatedly if I would see it to make sure it was okay, and finally she came out and told me she had a "bust issue".  She was not terribly forthcoming with the details - I asked if the cancer had returned, or if it had been tested and she said "they said it doesn't really need to be".  I asked if she was receiving any kind of treatment, and she said the only thing they were doing for her was giving her pain meds.  I was sort of blindsided, and didn't know the right questions to ask, etc.  She swore me to secrecy with my family, and she does not want to tell them (my mom and uncle, and my brother) yet.  Looking back over the last few months, her energy level and appetite have both significantly decreased - and honestly, I have had a niggling feeling that something was going on.   She seems very resigned to the fact that this is the end for her, which is heartbreaking.  Being the only person she has told about this aside from her doctors, I need some advice on the types of things to look for and the questions to ask - regarding the doctors, etc.  I will not betray her confidence with my family, despite the fact that I feel like it is something she should tell them about - it is her decision.  

Thanks All.  :) 

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  • srah2k
    srah2k Member Posts: 3
    edited September 2010

    wanted to post an update to anyone who might still come across this post - 

     through a very random set of circumstances, my brother found out about my grandmother's cancer - essentially through a friend, whose mom had been discussing her case with him, after having heard about it in the nursing office she works in.  all sorts of breaches of protocol there, but the end result is that he now knows - but without my grandmothers knowledge that he does.  she told the nurse that she didnt want us to know, since my mom's mother had passed away very young from BC and she didnt want to drudge up those emotions in my mom.  while i may not agree, and think it would be better for her to have us in her corner, its her decision.  she will be self-less till the end.  :)

    she currently has a home care nurse who comes in weekly to check on her and for wound care.  the nurse is an angel, and has been in communication with my brother and i, though it could cost her her job.  when we talked to her on the phone, she didnt come out and spill anything - but would confirm what we asked her.  she has repeatedly brought up hospice care to my grandmother, but she has not yet accepted it.  her doctor has prescribed her pain medication, which she will not take.  she is currently only taking advil, tylenol and bayer - as i have seen all three out on her counter.  after speaking with the nurse yesterday, she had lost 4 lbs since last wednesday - and she didn't have those to spare - the last time i was around when she was weighed, she was only 69 lbs.  she's started having a hard time with walking in the last couple of weeks - last week after bringing her back home from a restaurant, her legs gave out on her in the elevator and we ended up carrying her back to her apartment.  also, she seems to be getting very confused in the last few weeks, which is not the norm for her.  her nurse has suggested that she doesn't have too long and that we should take advantage of the time we have left with her.  

    while none of this is good news, it still feels good to get it out there and vent.  i dont know what cosmic forces conspired to bring about the incredibly random circumstances that resulted in my brother finding out about it - but it has taken a great deal off of my shoulders.  its been good to have a family member i can discuss changes in her, etc with.  i suppose things are working themselves out as they are intended to, i don't really need advice on anything anymore - but i didnt want to leave an open-ended thread out there.  this is all still very raw, so forgive my rambling....and thanks for listening to me vent.  ;) 

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited September 2010

    God Bless you all, you are in my prayers.

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  • maggiemae713
    maggiemae713 Member Posts: 32
    edited October 2010
    Your Grandmother must be a very special person to be loved so much by you and your loved ones. God Bless you and her and all of your family.Smile
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  • srah2k
    srah2k Member Posts: 3
    edited October 2010

    thanks for all of the kind words :)

    well she decided to go ahead and tell my family last week, so it has been a bit of a whirlwind since then - many people wanting to offer opinions and suggestions, which is a bit overwhelming for her.  her main issue for the last few weeks has been bleeding, and the inability to get it to stop.  it turns out she has a tumor that has (forgive how graphic this is) worked its way out, into an open wound on her breast that has been there for 2 years.  in an effort to get the bleeding under control, i took her to a surgeon today (referred by her regular Dr).  They did 4 needle biopsies on it and will be calling with the results on Monday - their hope is to start her on hormone therapy (tamoxifen) in order to shrink the tumor, which they said is the only way to stop it from bleeding profusely.  

    thanks again for the support - God Bless you all :) 

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