Feelings during therapy

Cupcake001 · September 2010

Hi,

Not sure if this is the correct forum for my question. Can anyone explain please the feelings they had during their rad therapy, I am feeling all sorts of emotions at the moment, and everyone close to me is driving me mad even though they are doing nothing wrong, plus my feelings are going from happy to sad to angry to lonely and all in between. Did anyone else feel this way and if so how did you cope, oh and I am taking Tamoxifen so I kinda understand that it can change my feelings. Lately I am some kinda of monster type person whom I hardly know. Please help.

Thanks,

Cupcake.

Doredou · September 2010

Cupcake001,

I've been angry, sad and lonely too. I "snap" at my husband all the time, I can go from happy to sad, mad and monster like within minutes. So you are no alone! I've also had nausea since day one and today started with dizziness. So he is in for it tonight:) LOL

I have not started the tamoxifin as of yet, I was told to start after the radiation treatments, so I can't wait to see how I will be when that starts. If you feel you need to talk, send a message anytime.

take care

Doredou · September 2010

Cupcake001,

I've been angry, sad and lonely too. I "snap" at my husband all the time, I can go from happy to sad, mad and monster like within minutes. So you are no alone! I've also had nausea since day one and today started with dizziness. So he is in for it tonight:) LOL

I have not started the tamoxifin as of yet, I was told to start after the radiation treatments, so I can't wait to see how I will be when that starts. If you feel you need to talk, send a message anytime.

take care

DMS · September 2010

I've only had two treatments but at the moment, I am feeling positive. I think I went thru the happy, sad, lonely feelings right after my diagnosis but so far they have not returned.

I keep telling myself that each treatment is killing nascent cancer cells so I feel good about participating in this "battle". I have a close friend with Stage IV metastatic breast cancer and her positive attitude has really been an inspiration to me. I haven't started Tomaxifen yet, need to wait til after radiation is over.

AsiaYM · September 2010

I remember I snapped at my husband couple times during my tx and it's before I started Tomaxifen. I thought it was normal at the time. My husband knew what I was going through, he just brushed it off his shoulder like nothing ever happened. LOL.

Cupcake001 · September 2010

Thank you all so much for the reply's... I truly did think i was going mad and my beautiful patner is really getting it, i worry that one of these day's he is goin to go. I'v been on my own for 8yrs by choice, then i met him the end of Jan this yr and had my cancer diagnosed in May. He has bin there for me every step and i love him but why is it when i get like this i really want to kill him???I had my 12th treatment yesterday and have started to notice a big change in my boob, ie swollen breast enlarged nipple and my skin is now red, i dont finish treatment until 10th October will this get worse and is there anything i can do??

phxsunshine · September 2010

Cupcake, I just finished my whole breast radiation yesterday, still have 5 days of boost to go, but that will start next week. I did really good (mostly) until the last couple of days. 1st off, make sure you are getting enough protein & water in your healthy diet, 1/2 gram protein and 1/2 oz of water, for every pound you weigh to help your body heal from the inside out. It's a little chore, but read labels and look up values on the internet. I've kept a daily log, there's not a lot of room for empty calories, but I believe it has helped to minimize my symptoms a lot. The nipple? My breasts are still perky, my Onc says, and they have angles and angles are bad with radiation because they are getting zapped from both sides. Mine got sore after 2 days and got worse for about a week and now are just the same as the rest of the breast. I used Eurcerin& Aquaphor, but what has worked best is pure aloe vera gel that I got at CVS AND going topless whenever possible. I'd say my breast is about 25-30% larger than the other one, but it seems to be shrinking slightly - or maybe I'm just getting used to it. My skin turned pretty pink, but it hasn't gotten worse. It will be interesting to see how long it takes to simmer down or tan or whatever it is going to do. I was really upset by the thought of rads until I had the possibility of chemo hanging over my head for a few weeks, that sure changed my perspective on the whole thing. I say "Hail Mary"s during the rads, it helps me calm myself, find some short prayer you can remember and try that, it gives you something else to focus on - plus I also picture the rays blasting cancer cells like Star War fighters! I think that Tamoxifen is your emotional culprit. I don't start until I finish rads, but I have a friend who took them 10 years ago and wanted to kill all her pre-school students everyday and she is about the nicest person you'd ever want to meet. Stupid cancer. You hang in there, I'm sending you extra love and hugs today, because I got an extra day off the rads while they reconfigure for my boost.

Cupcake001 · September 2010

Thank you do much for replying, i'm not long back from the hospital and am totally wrecked. I embraced your hugs and kiss and send the same back to you. I will post tomorrow. Big hug and so much thanks.

mom2westies · September 2010

Cupcake It will get better ! Our circumstances are probably very different. I just turned 70,DH has early stage Alzheimers which limits his understanding of what is happening to me and I have to be careful not to upset him,our 3 adult daughers have only heard the positives. Yet with 1 regular rad and 5 boosts remaining my energy is returning. At the height of my fatigue I developed a severe sinus infection which is now much better. In looking back it seems the 3rd week of rads was the worst. Hopefully you will soon recognize a turning point. Live for the day,look for the positive,try to continue your regular activities,rejoice in anything you can accomplish even when tired.

Cupcake001 · September 2010

Thank you all so much for the advice. I am feeling a lot better this week. I found out last week that the tamoxifin has brought on the menopause and i now have a better understanding of it all. I had a good talk with my professor and got great advice, i also talked at length with my partner, who i really have been putting through hell... The biggest thing i guess is to talk and not keep everything bottled up, and most of all be positive in all things good and deal with the bad by talking..

I have a three hour journey there and back and usually a two hour wait in the hospital, so i do find it very tireing and get annoyed at the fact that it has totally taken over my life for a bit. I have been told that i finish october 5th but they have written that i have to have 8 boost's??? what is that about.

I will get the aleo vera gel tomorrow as it seem's to be working for you all. My breast is now very red and swollen with a very big nipple, I am going on holiday the 18th october and assuming that i do finish my treatment on the 5th will my breast have gone back to its normal state by then??

Sending out love and hugs to ye all

phxsunshine · September 2010

Boosts are a very small, shallow radiation they apply to the area where your cancer was using a different sort of ray. If there is a recurrence, it really means they didn't get it all the first time, so this is a way to kill any cancer cells that may be still hanging around the tumor area. It is very quick, I just had #2 of 5 today, it is nothing, there are no side effects. Even the noise sounds nicer, it just hums. I decided they save the best for last. It has been 6 days since my last total breast radiation and it looks and feels a whole lot better. I could wear a sports bra today and yesterday again for a lot of the day and I'm not feeling it as much when I lay down and try to get comfortable so I can go to sleep. You'll have almost 2 weeks to heal, so fingers crossed for you for good results. I'm sorry you have such a long drive and wait each day, and yup, it has taken over my life too. I'm almost through it, you'll get there too.

Cowgirl13 · September 2010

Cupcake, of course you are stressed! Now, please try to take some time and do something nice for yourself--you deserve it.

phxsunshine · September 2010

Cupcake here are 2 more things you can try for your skin: One is RadiaPlexRx Gel. They gave me this at the Rad Clinic but you are supposed to use it every day and I didn't know that, I used it when problems developed, too late. Also have a BC Sistah, whose Rad Doc recommended this: www.miaderm.com, that looks like good stuff to me and she really likes her Doc, so maybe one of these would be helpful too? I also read on one of the threads to take Motrin every day and I have been doing that and it seemed to relieve some of the discomfort and pain - somedays better than others. Cowgirls right, be nice to yourself as you can be. Hang in there - we are all behind you and with you and for you!

Cupcake001 · September 2010

Hi i am feeling so much better about all this now. I finished 4 week's of rad's on friday and have 4 more to go, so i am half way there horray Laughing

. Thank you all for your advice it really has worked and i really dont feel like i am on my own anymore. so thanks again. Best wishes and a big hug to you all.

phxsunshine · September 2010

Cupcake, I'm so glad to hear you are doing OK, I've been thinking about you, praying for you and hoping for the best for you. You aren't on your own, BC gives you a whole bunch of sisters, no questions asked. I had my last rad today!! I made it, start the tamoxifen tomorrow after a blood test and hoping for the best. Hang in there, we are all here for you. love & hugs to you.

DiamondGirl · September 2010

Hi, I'd like to share my feelings here too. I would say that I am a strong person (emotionally), but I'd tell ya that I have never experienced this UP and DOWNS like I had since my dx in June 2010. The fear that this BC has caused, the uncertainty and there are many of these moments. At one point while awaiting for my results, I couldn't even stand my kids humming a song. Or literally dread taking a phone call because I didn't want to explain my dx and results anymore.

Now that I have a new infection, I'm paranoid that it may be new cancer - sigh!

Cupcake001 · September 2010

Hi everyone hope your all doing well.. I have a problem and need advice. I have had to have a xray on thursday because i have a chest infection and am on antibiotics, anyway i woke with severe pain in my ribs this morning like i had broken ribs even though i know i havn't done anything to myself, and it's on the side of the treatment. I was taking pain med's but there not really working. Anyway i eventurlly rang the hospital that i attend and spoke to the house doctor, he advised me to go to the nearest hospital for a xray and that they would give me stronger pain med's. He also said that it was possible for the rads to fracture a rib???????? I am in a lot of pain but don't want to sit in a and e all day because im sick of hospital's and will try put up with it until i am back in my own hospital on monday. The problem i have is has this happaned to any of you I am concerned, how can i go to bed feeling ok and wake up not able to turn around in the bed, and not able to laugh or cough????

janabananna · September 2010

Cupcake - I've not heard of this, but each phase of this whole breast cancer thing has brought surprises for me. I know it sounds awful to sit and wait at the hospital some more, but if you are in that much pain they are the only ones who can help with meds. If you go now, you can be home and comfy tonight and the rest of the weekend. So sorry this happening!!! Hang in there. {{Hugs}}

rcca · September 2010

Cupcake, Your ribs could be hurting from coughing a lot. Maybe it will be something easy and normal. Hope your rib pain goes away.

rcca

phxsunshine · September 2010

My rib cage has hurt badly when I have had pneumonia, that's how I knew I had it. It hurt to take a deep breath even, never mind coughing or laughing. Maybe that is just a manifestation of your lung infection? From what I've read, your ribs shouldn't be hurting from the rads right now, that will come in the future if at all. Like all of us, we can't help thinking this is related to the cancer or treatments. Hang in there cupcake, we are all here for you.

Cupcake001 · September 2010

Hi everyone hope your all doing good Kiss

. Well i am not long back from the hospital after a 3 hour wait, the good news is my ribs are not fractured, it turns out i pulled muscle's in the middle of my ribcage from coughing so i was very very relieved to hear that. They put me on Strong med's to help and already i can feel a difference. I have to be honest and say i was really worried and all sort's of things were going through my head... So i am back on track now and counting the day's till all this is over, roll on October 7th i cant wait, and am going to Egypt on the 17th October with my partner and family for 12 days all inclusive so its getting exciting now, I am seeing the light again girls ha ha. Thank you all for your support and advice. Love and Hug's to you all

Shirlann · September 2010

Hi Cupcake, the pain in your ribs is most likely Costochondritis, an inflammation of the rib area, often this comes on several weeks after the rads, but can occur anytime. Scares the billy hill out of you. It is something that goes away, but takes a while. Of course, check with your doc/onc and be sure that it is nothing else.

Gentle hugs, Shirlann (12 years post treatment, just fine)

phxsunshine · September 2010

Cupcake, I am sooo glad to hear that you "only" have a pulled muscle. That sounds crazy, but you know what I mean. That pulled muscles are doable, boy how my perspective has changed this summer, about what is really a medical problem. I hope you have a wonderful visit to Egypt. I have been fortunate to have visited there twice, the second time my kids were old enough to go and I'd promised them I would take them there one day. (We were a military family and stationed in Europe, so it wasn't that difficult to get there and not so much $ either). And Shirlann, how nice of a veteran to check in on us newbies. It does my heart good to hear from somebody with a dozen years under their belt, that is just fine! Thanks for taking the time to write.

Feelings during therapy

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