May 2010 Chemo

Had my PET scan yesterday (fri).  I meet with onc on Monday to find out the results.  I'm trying not to worry, but the thought of the cancer still being there or having spread would be such a nightmare at this point.  I started all of this back in december and I'm just about at the end of what I can take.  I still haven't done my last tx.  I called last Monday and told them I couldn't physically even come in so I wasn't doing it.  Onc said having a week off would be good, but I want to be done damnit.  The thought of having one more tx makes me want to just crawl in a hole. 

I just all of a sudden stopped wearing head wraps.  Its weird because I was so embarrassed and wouldn't even do it around bf.  I just hit this, I don't give a #@**.  Its hot and I don't care.  I've went shopping and everything.  I just don't care.  makes me laugh.

Today was nice.  Bf's parents bought this castle playhouse and slide deal so we sat outside and watched the little guy play.  Yesterday was a nightmare.  Bf had the flu and there was nobody around to help with the baby so I did my best to watch him.  I thought I was gonna die.  I've been nearly bedridden for several weeks, only a few days being up and about. 

I'm still working on eating healthy.  I feel like I know what smokers feel like.  I had a dq blizzard in town yesterday while thinking how the sugar could be fueling my cancer.  But I couldn't stop myself.  I juiced a bunch of vegetables when I got home, but still. 

Hi Ladies,

Sorry to disappoint you, but I won't be able to make it to NJ for your party.  I start rads on Monday and go to 10/5.  On top of that my DH is going away for 3 weeks during September.  I am dreading that.  I put out a call to arms message on my blog and have several people who are offering to help as well as my sister-in-law possibly flying in.

This week I had to arrange for my kids to be picked up every day from school because the time of the rads is too close to the time they get out of school and over an hour away.  Fortunately several friends have stepped up.

I am 7 weeks past my chemo and still having effects.  Some trouble breathing, voice still not back to normal, often itchy skin, water retention.  That doesn't even take in to account the hot flashes and the fact that I can not fit into any of my pants!  Man, I'm a mess in a satin dress.

I see my GP Monday to discuss the breathing thing.  Onc says it can't be from the chemo, because chemo was so long ago.  But I didn't have it before the chemo, so WTF?

Oh well, enjoy your weekends.  Hubby and I got to have a few hours without the kids to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary today (16 yrs together but only married 10.  I had to threaten him to get him down the aisle!  Maybe that's why he prefers to celebrate the anniversary of the day we met).

Jen

Sacphotomom ~ post a pic of Brandy sometime - would love to see her.  And happy anniversary!  I bet you keep DH laughing - love your sense of humor.  Leanna ~ so nice to hear you enjoyed 5 Guys.  Sorry the SE of the AC are so brutal.  You mentioned your webpage - are you on CaringBridge?  Irishtess ~ congrats on your final tx!!!  How are you holding up emotionally?  Day ~ wonderful wonderful news re: nodes!  I'm so happy for you.  Kim ~ DO IT!  Are you shaving stubs since you're sporting the bald look or are you just going to let them come in as they are?  I wish it would all come in at once - vs. patches here and there. Patricia ~ glad you got some anti-depressants.  I just returned to my therapist - so helpful!  Kudos for continuing to walk - don't know how you do it!  You're so right that this is exhausting mentally as well.  I think that's why I want to drink alcohol so often because it gives me a break.  I'm working on changing that - not a healthy escape.   Paris sounds wonderful!  Drim ~ 3 wks already?  Btw, why am I not surprised you went to bed after working 50 hrs.?!  I hope you're giving your body some time to rest and recover.  Are you still experiencing any SE from chemo?  Hope not!  Paxton ~ hoping and praying for a good report.  I bet you feel liberated taking off the headwraps!  My head has been sweating like it's nobody's business!  Jen ~ 7 wks and still SE?  SO sorry to hear that!  I feel your pain about the weight gain - I'm shocked by how much I've put on.  Hope the docs can figure out the breathing issues.  Happy anniversary to you!  How did you celebrate?  Wellsey ~ you hanging in there?  Summer ~ are you hanging in there?  I better try your biscotini before I start my liver cleanse (after last tx).  It seems we have quite a few martini girls in our group.

I just discovered that my family designed t-shirts for my last chemo day.  They have pink boxing gloves on the back with my name on them - along with the final chemo date 9-02-10 (just like the show that used to be on).  It's nice to be on this end of this part of the journey.  Think about all the women logging on to BCO for their first time right now.   If anyone ever has free time, it might be worth jumping in on one of the newer groups with a word of encouragement.  Remember how scary and overwhelming it was at first?  Off to "try" to get some sleep...   Hugs to each of you!

Is it too late for me to join your group?  It looks like most of you have been trudging through this together for months already... I just tripped across you today... wish I'd found you months ago!!

At any rate, just quick introduction... I'm Stacey.  42 years old, wife to a retired Marine and Mom to 10 yo son.  We live in the Pacific Northwest where I'm a software analyst for a local healthcare system. 

I was DX'd March 16th 2010 with Invasive Carcinoma with Ductal and Lobular features (IDC), 1.7 cm, Stage IIa, Grade 3, 3/36 nodes (two of the nodes were sentinal nodes the third was a "regular" node and showed only isolated tumor cells), ER (4+) / PR (1+) / HER2 (3+).  

I opted for a bilateral mastectomy.... even though the surgeon tried to convince me to just do a lumpectomy, I just couldn't face doing this again, and wanted a nice even reconstruction later.  I haven't begun any reconstruction because the Military doesn't recommend any until 6 months after radiation and they did my surgery... 

I've just finished my last (6 of 6) rounds of TCH (since I've heard that there are several "versions" of TC, mine was the standard Taxotere (aka Docetaxel) and Carboplatin) and Herceptin).  I'll continue of course to receive Herceptin (every three weeks) for a year.

Two weeks from now I'm having a full hysterectomy as I have history of ovarian cysts and heavy bleeding, so my Oncologist believes getting it all out - reducing my Estrogen levels... good thing.

Then, immediately following I'll begin radiation (28 treatments). 

This last round kicked my butt and I'm really struggling to climb back out of the terrible fatigue!  Exhaustion and dizziness.  Had some terrible acne issues this round.  The "usual" stuff as well, gastro issues (I had controlled IBS before cancer which Taxotere irritated beyond belief), neuropathy in hands and feet, never ending runny nose, oh and did I say exhaustion?

I'm so relieved that this part of my treatment is over but now this week started returning to the "what if it comes back" thoughts...  Digging through statistics, blah, blah... that's how I ended up here! 

At any rate, It's good to "meet" you all - and I'm sorry if I'm jumping in here really late, but hope that you're open to another?

Praying you are all doing well -

Here I am writing after a blah week and a very full week-end.

So, last week was very unproductive for me. the routine was like this: wake up, eat something, take pills, have some coffee (with a cigarette of course, yes I am a smoker and didn't quit through all this). Then do the exercises prescribed to avoid lymphedema. Big pain. Take Percocet. Snooze from Percocet. Rinse and repeat. 

My pain is getting better in a way and worse in another way. The pain from the surgery itself has subsided. But now I have pain on the exact line cording is forming. And it seems to get worse every day. I can't stretch my arm without pain or lift my arm above shoulder level without pain.

I had my friends over Saturday, and we stayed up late - they left close to 2 am. Considering they usually come over around 3:30 pm, you can image what a good time we usually have. Also, it was cooler Saturday, so we could be out in the backyard, instead of stuck in the house because of the heat. That afternoon I gave up on Percocet in favor of beer. *wide grin*

Then Sunday I had one of them coming over to work on polymer clay sculptures (she is an artist too, but never tried it, and wanted to learn) so we had fun on that too.  No, I still didn't tackle my humongous and totally messy computer desk to find the cable - to be honest, mostly because of the arm pain, because I keep forgetting how much it hurts and I reach for stuff and then I have to stop for a few minutes to catch my breath from the shooting pain.

That is also the reason I couldn't use my hair-re-growth potion. Well, that and the fact that I still have the bandages and the drain - I wouldn't want to rinse something made of alcohol and garlic right over the incision, at least not at this point. I should be able to start using it by the end of next week.

My schedule is all busy, as I said, until the surgery I will have on the 22nd of September. I am trying real hard to make more stuff to sell at the fair. I definitely need to find my cable for the camera as I will NEED to upload som e of the stuff I've made so it can be shown.

Also, my bone density scan results came back - osteopenia in the hips; and the endocrinologist ordered a Vit. D level test done - and it came back quite low, at 18 only, when it's supposed to be in the 30's.  So now I am on extra Vit. D - 50,000 U.I. a week and more cheese in my diet. With all the chemo flashes and me not being able to be outside in a smoldering heat - no wonder my Vit. D levels plummeted.

I cant' believe how much has been going on here! I wish I could go fishing with all of you, I so miss fishing, I couldnt' go this year at all. My boyfriend had promised me that if I get recovered enough in October we'll go then. 

I will not even try to address each and every one of you, as I know I will miss someone. But I wish I could be near each of you to give you hugs, for your bravery through all this. For all your kind hearts, for all your suffering, for all the tears, for all the sleepless nights, for all the worries, I wish I could have a magic wand and erase everything so you can be healthy, smiling and happy again.

Hugs all

Day

A week after T/C #5 and I am still dragging.  I did pretty good through the first four, but this one seemed to him me like a Mack truck.  Stomach issues, indigestion, fatigue, severe aches--it just didn't seem to want to go away.  Now I am dreading #6 since the last one was so bad.

I am starting to get a growth of fuzz on my head.  Is that really hair while I am still in treatment or is it just an attempt at hair that will fall out after the last chemo?

I saw an ad for Rapidlash.  Anyone try it?

Day I hope you are recovering well from your surgery. I saw your faries and trolls. You are amazing.

Packjen & Sacphotomom Congrats on your anniversaries.  We just celebrated our 40th.

Paxton I can't imagine going through this with a litlle one.

Drim Congrats on finishing chemo and forging ahead and keeping us all informed.

Hi All!  Sorry I've been bad about posting. I've been keeping up on my cell phone, but can't post from there.  Work has been crazy and my BF got a new job.  It's his dream job, so that is great, but his commute is about an hour one way on a good day (and in MI we don't get those most of the year!) and he's been logging 12 hours day, so we've been a little stressed.  He is going to rent a little flat to stay at during the week so he doesn't have to drive so much while we try to figure out where to live long term.  It's temporary, but I miss him     I have finished 21 of 33 rads and so far, so good!  I would say use the lotion and be generous!  So far I have not had any skin issues, but I slather that stuff on at least 3 times a day.  I feel so bad for those of you who will have to drive so far for rads 9summer, LibraryJen, etc).  It's so quick; you will be spending so much more time in the car than is rads.  Wish you could find closer places. 

I also started tamoxifen about the same time I started rads.  So far, it's not been too bad.  Definitely has made the hot flashes more often and a little hotter, but that's about it. Had some plumbing issues at first, but those worked themselves out after a day or so.  Overall, I don't notice being on Tamoxifen which is a relief since its for 5 years!

Day- hope you are feeling better and the pain is subsiding.  I had a lumpectomy and SND and the SND was the worst part for me.  Felt like a had a tennis ball under my arm for a while. 

Paxton, patricia, wellsey, leanna- Hang in there!  I really hope you feel better soon.  Each of you is usually so positive and uplifting for the rest of us, its hard to see you feeling down.  I hope things get better soon.  Like the others, wish I lived close enough to help you out!  Sending you ((hugs))

Packjen I had to pluck chin hairs today, too!  Boo!  Funny thing, my eyebrows are still kind of thin, but there are all kinds of out of place hairs up there.  Definitely need some tweeing/plucking, but they are still thin so I hate to do it!

Irishtess and Patricia, your trips sound great!  I know someone else is going to Vietnam in Jan, was that njwbhgirl?  I can't remember and I can't o back or I'll lose my post...anyway, you girls have the right idea!  i could really ue a vacation and need to seriously think about one.  But with the BF's new job, not sure he'll be able to get away anytime soon.  maybe I can join you all on the Coast in Sept?  Let me know what weekend and if I can swing it, I will!  Martinis, the beach and a group of May warriors sounds great to me!

Drim - glad to see rads is ging well for you, too.  Hope the tamoxifen goes wel, too.  I did not know there is a test on the effectiveness, I'll have to ask about that next visit.

One more thing, on the chemo weight gain.   I ended up gaining about 12lbs.   My rads doc said people tend to lose weight on rads, so that made me happy!  Then I told her I had started tamoxifen and she said "oh that can make it harder to lose the weight"  Boo!  But, surprisingly, without even really trying, I am losing weight, slowly but surely.   My rad onc actually asked me last weekif I was eating or if there was a problem because I lost 2lbs in one week. But really it's just that my appetite is definitely (thankfully) back down to pre-steriod levels, so hopefully by the end of rads, I'll be close to my pre-chemo size again.  Phew!  I was dreading having to do weight watchers again, but looks like I'll be able to avoid that

I know I missed people and I am sorry!  I still have chemo brain and though I read all our posts, I swear i can't retain anything other than what I am typing at the moment.  Oh, that reminds me of Kim- MONKEY BRAINS- I double dog dare you too!  Hope your return to work is going well and you are feeling good!

Ok, off to cool off before I have another hot flash...((((hugs to all))))

PackJen - I'm glad your friends are being so great helping with your children.  I am going to have to think about a schedule around school times when it comes!  Hope the breathing improves... and I agree, if not from chemo, then what??

Denise - I hope you slept well!

Daiva - No, my website is Lotsa, um, I think Lotsa helping hands, or something like that.  Love your t-shirts!  What great support! 

Hi Stacey!  Welcome my sister!  In a lot of ways... I'm 41... also triple positive.... I have not had surgery yet... I had a big monster tumor with at least one pos node, so I started with the chemo first!  How's your family doing through all of this?  Have you been working?  We'll be here!  Just jump right on in!  We've vowed to stay together through rads... and I'm sure past that - we have a great group and we just love each other alot!!   

Patricia - Thank you for that big hunk of support!!   I need it!  I'm going to my first chemo alone tomorrow.  It is DH's 2nd day at his new job.  My BF is not off work, #2 choice is in Aruba.... #3 is working also; family is watching my youngest... so, that just leaves me!  It's AC, so none of the hard pre-meds; it will be fine.  Just sad.  One of my GF said that she assumed (and then did the ass-u-me thing) that I had a big support system with friends and family.... and I said that I DID, but chemo has drug on for so long, that I feel like all my friends feel like they have already done enough!!!  Oh, the irony!!    But, I have people to cover the kid for my bad days on Thursday and Friday....dinner Wednesday and Friday.... and Monday is a holiday so DH will be home, so that gets me through the hump of the bad SE from this treatment, then just one more to go!      I'm glad you got to see your sister!  I hope your tummy gets better.... those are some of the worst feelings!!  Ick!  ((HUGS)) and ((PRAYERS))!!!!!!  

Day - great to hear from you!!  Glad you had a good time with your friends in spite of the LE and stretching issues and pain!  You are an inspiration always!!  I am an ex-smoker btw... quit sometime around jan last year (off and on smoker through the years before that... usually more of a social smoker) - I have a vapor (electronic) cig.... it works fine when I'm stressed.  Ever tried one? 

Tess - YAY for finishing chemo!!  I'm waiting for everyone to make a big deal in 2 weeks about me being done... and me waiting to be excited when the SE have passed, not just the actual infusion!!!!  Sounds like you had a great day with family!!!   

Wellsey - hang in there!!!  That stinks that your SE were worse this time.... but you are almost done... getting there... so close!!  Funny about your hair.  I still have fuzz ALL over my head!  I'm going on AC #3 and still have hair!  Haven't had to shave my legs or underarms in a long time.... have like 3 hairs down "there"and hair still left on my arms, but considerably thinner.  But, how do I still have so much hair on my head???  I buzzed it while I was on taxol, and it still feels the same, but def not growing.  Strange!    Good to hear from you!!  ((HUGS)) 

GG - Congrats on BF job.... hope you figure out the living thing soon!  Almost done with rads, wow!!  Congrats on losing a couple of pounds.  I go up and down between each AC!  The first week, I lost 7 pounds... had gained it back by infusion day.  I think its all water that first week, and then I gain it back as soon as I start eating, so for now, I've been steady as a rock with my weight on weigh in days!!    It's good, because it means they will have donor tissue from my belly... they are going to have to do both sides to make one boob at 5'6-5'7" and 140. 

I've been working hard on my Komen Race sight... I can post the link if any of you want to check it out.  I made a pretty big .... what's the word.... goal?  Anyway... I'll post it so you guys can see it.  Our day is 10/16/10.... that's going to be close to my surgery day possibly, so I'm hoping I can do it that day!! 

Here's the link, if it works:  http://race.komenlowcountry.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1359159&pg=personal&fr_id=1050

Paxton ... Wooohoooo I'm so happy for you...got to start those cart wheels again...what a giant relief...and no more chemo..even better...

USMCWife... sorry I never said welcome to our family of Warriors..

Day  What surgery are you having in Sept?

I have had to pluck out chin hairs more and more...I don't remember there being so many .  I could swear there were only 2 that gave me trouble before????  My head hair is still growing..but the other day I noticed my arm hair, the right arm has lost some hair...weird my left arm started right after he first AC and still had lots on my right I hope that doesn't mean I'll loose more hair before I Am done with Taxotere.

Today starts my decline..feeling very tired today..hate the thought that tomorrow will be worse.. taking a Valium and going to bed hoping that more sleep will help..

Have a great day tomorrow everyone!.

Hey, everybody! As I see it's never late to join your group, let me introduce myself. My name is Magda and I was diagnosed with IDC at the beginning of May. I live in Prague, Czechia (Europe) and I never thought this would happen to me at my age - I'm 33 years old - but after the initial shock I decided to fight and take this as a valuable experience. I am currently in neo-adjuvant chemo, finished my four rounds of AC and had my first round of T last Wednesday. My tumor is melting litterally every day and the outlook is very good, but I thought I might join to share my experience, because even if I'm pretty robust and don't give in so easily, the SE's sometimes take my courage away. It's great to see such a community of lovely ladies sharing your experience here!

*hugs* 

Irishtess ...that pic is adorable...

Majdula...Is your T,  Taxol or Taxotere...   because if its Taxotere I have found that your taste buds come back for about a week before the next treatment..which makes me try to eat everything I have not been able to taste for the last few months..

wellsey... nice job on the the contest win   ..you will have so much fun in NC

Sacphotomom: Thanks so much for your reply, mine is Taxotere, so I'll wait for another week (I'm scheduled every three weeks)... this treatment does require patience!

Patricia48: Thanks for your warm welcome, it's great to be able to share my joys and trials. You're right, chemo is not for sissies, so I'm trying my best to be a man .

Jean:  I'm hoping for a good outcome from your last scan.  I understand completely about the tears, the uncertainty, etc. Bet your visit with your son will help put that all aside.  Denise & Patricia:  Thanks!  I got so tired of the bald and scarf pics.  This one always made me feel good ~ an ice cream cone and my dog looking out the window!  wellsley:  Meeting your fave will be quite the thrill.  Hope you can get his autograph!

I just got the results from the blood sample they drew before the last chemo.  Seems my ALP (part of the liver panel) is way high (onc wants to repeat the testing before I start rads).  Researching it today just gave me the shivers, so I'm going to do a Scarlett O'Hara and think about it tomorrow! 

Leanna - Good luck to you and sending you lots of (((HUGS))) to help you through the tough days.  Hopefully they won't be so bad this time.  If others get you down, just remember us gals on here and know that we are all pulling for you and sending you positive vibes  

Paxton - WoW!  Great news!!!!  So happy for you!

Jean - I went to Cancun just before my surgery way back in February.  It was soooo nice to escape the cold and reality for a while, too.  I hope you get to go!  Hope the scan went well!

Majdula, welcome!  Sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us!

Wellsley- have a great time this weekend.  Hope you can post some pics of you and JB!

I'm supposed to be googling a blu ray player for my BF but find myself here instead...you guys are way more fun than a blu ray player!  Ok, back to it....xoxox, GG