My Mom

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DAUGHTER25
DAUGHTER25 Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
My mom was diagnosed 2 weeks ago with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, that was a phone call I know I can never forget.  MRI initially showed stuff in lymph nodes, pancreas, liver, etc.  The surgeon called last Friday, said that the cancer had NOT spread beyond the breasts and lymph nodes and that she felt very positive.  Today my parents met with the oncologist and learned that it HAS actually most likely metastasized and is in her shoulder?  Today was one of the first days my parents really fell apart, mostly because we got some false good news and got our hopes up.  Surgery was originally planned for a week from now, but now they say it could be better to start chemo first.  I am 25, and planning a wedding for October 1st of next year.  It feels like my world has been literally flipped upside down.  I am an only child, have an amazing Dad and supportive fiance and still feel like sh** and totally alone.  I know it is important to reach out to people in my life, but they just have no idea how it feels. Should we all get in to counseling?  I know people say the beginning is the worst part, but good lord I cannot imagine watching my mom suffer through chemo and the rest of this journey.  I know how selfish and immature this is but I just can't help but feel like: why MY mom, this is the kind of thing that happens to someone else.  I just don't know how to deal.  My question to Moms who have dealt with this- what are the best ways that your kid(s) have supported you?   Thanks for listening : ( 
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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited August 2010

    Hi Daughter25, welcome to the boards.  I have two daughters and being the individuals they are, they have supported me in different ways.  My eldest is a fusser and my second is an organizer. The best way they have supported me, is just to be there and ready to listen when I have needed to grump about something, ready to hug me when I'm feeling down, ready to hand me a tissue when I've had days when the tears don't want to stop and ready to make me laugh just because I haven't for a while.  In short, just be there, offer to do chores or just do them when you can see that your mum is struggling.  The one thing I will warn you not to do and that is don't take over and allow your mum to do the things she feels comfortable doing.  The one thing people tend to forget is, yes we are ill but we need to feel and function as close to normal as possible.

    I hope this helps a little, and I hope your mum dose well.

    Love n hugs to all. chrissyb

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited August 2010

    Daughter25- Im very sorry about your mom, i know you are scared and worried about her, no, you dont sound selfish at all, its normal to feel the way you do we think our parents are invincible and nothing can ever happen to them, so it is scary and a shock when it does-  Chrissy gave you good advice i just wanted to add a few things more-

    My daughter wasnt able to come during my surgery and chemo treatments but she called all the time to let me know she cared, if she had been there i know she would of done any thing she could, mostly just giving me love and support- My friends all offered to cook and clean do errands and take me to dr appointments things you can do as well. Chemo can be rough but it is all doable and she will get thru this

    Im sorry they gave her false hope, that is just so wrong, I my self would get a second opinion if she isnt comfortable with her results and or dr's

    Your mom will be in my prayers, please keep us posted

    Warm hugs, Debbie

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