August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!

FEARLESS LEADER: When I got my port last Thur. I was an add on so my 12;45 surgery didn't happen until 3;00. We had to get there at 11:15 so needless to say it was a longggg day. Since pre-op was so private [not] we heard all the same questions and answers for all the patients going in and out. One little man 90ish, asked his weight, he said he was 106lbs and used to be 5ft. 6in. and now is 5ft 1/2 in. He was all alone in pre-op but requested that they not tell DMV because he wanted to keep his drivers licence. Well my pitty party ended right there, then the thought about this cute little man driving scared me lots more than having my port procedure. Not a bad experience at all and I loved the "happy juice" in the IV.

I just wanted to post my new avatar after I completely shaved my head the other day.  My brother was in town - he had shaved his head in solidarity, and I felt I looked like a sick person with all the bald spots in my head.  (Dog with mange - exactly)  So, I shaved it with a razor, and my brother helped with the back of my head. 

So, here I am.  It is 100 degrees in Northern California today.  So, it is good to be bald.  I'm wearing a scarf at the momen - still a little shy about going out completely bald.

Round 2 is tomorrow.  I went to acupuncture today, and she told me her goal is to make chemo a "non-event" for me.  I certainly hope so!

Hi everyone.  I hope you're all having a good day.  I had my second Tx today.  Absolutely nothing remarkable (which is, of course, what one would hope for!).  I did some work on my computer the whole time and never got bored.  I've been pretty from the steroids, though I have only taken one oral dose this morning, and don't plan on taking any more.  I will handle the nausea with my other meds, God Willie' and the creeks don't rise!

Anyway, being wired, and having nothing else to do, I went shopping.  A few small things for myself and a birthday present for my sister.  I love buying gifts for people, so having that to do helped me distract myself from the seemingly ever-present thoughts of Bixby, my dog.  Aside from that though, I have just been crying for three days straight.  I'm really worried about the combination or this deep loss,  the se's I expect to begin tomorrow, the Neulasta shot (had a miserable time with that last time), and my already less-than-stable bipolar disorder.  Also, when Bixby was so weak, I had to carry him around a lot (about 56 pounds), in and out of cars, up and down stairs.  I had no choice.  Dh never seemed to be home at the right times.  Anyway, in all of that lifting and carrying his weight around, I really pulled or strained a muscle in my upper back.  And I remember from my first round that the taxotere gave me VERY intense muscles spasms, on top of the bone pain from the Neulasta.  So I'm scared of how much pain I might be in for.  I'm going to call my onc tomorrow and ask about getting a scrip for a muscle relaxant like Flexeril or something.  The pain meds, or at least the ones they gave me last time, just didn't cut it, and now I have a back injury to boot!  Blah. Blah. Blah.  Sorry to be so negative.  I'm just really struggling.  I have been so obsessed and pre-occupied by Bixby's illness, and his death, that it didn't even really occur to me until this morning that it was an infusion day.  Not completely -- I took the meds I was supposed to take and all that, though I forgot completely about drinking lots of water until this morning. Hope that doesn't hurt anything.

I feel sad, angry, frustrated, and overwhelmed by Bixby's death, that I don't know how well I am going to be able to take care of myself through this round.  And my psychiatric Tx team is extremely concerned. But my psychiatrist isn't willing to do anything different with my meds until chemo is over, with the exception of adding Ativan at my onc's request (and I already take 5 mg of Xanax every day!

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty hopeless right now, and the se's haven't even begun.  Not hopeless like, "I know this cancer is going to kill me" or anything, just not very optimistic about  having the strength to fight the cancer to the best of my ability and at the same time avoiding a bipolar crash, which could end me in the hospital (a psych. hospital), while I'm trying to get through the rough parts of my Tx's.  They wouldn't know how to take care of a cancer patient actively in Tx there.  I know, I'm probably borrowing anxiety, but I am just so much more down now than I have been through this whole cancer process.  Since I was diagnosed, I have succeeded at having a very positive and optimistic attitude, but I feel like the rugs been pulled from under my feet (so much more so than I did even when I was diagnosed.

Well, I will stop the pity party, and do this instead: Thank you all for just being here, for embracing the spirit of camaraderie .  I continue to be amazed and humbled by the caring, support, advice, gentle nudging, and just plain affection that we have developed.  Thank you Lizzy.

Well, CMF-girl (me!) checking in.  I just had my second treatment earlier today (6 rounds every three weeks) and I am feeling like a mack truck ran me over!  The first treatment wasn't so bad -- I felt crappy about day three or so but I bounced back pretty quickly and weeks 2 and 3 were pretty unremarkable, expect for the pimply-rash I have on my face, shoulders, and chest (my face looks like a 14 year old).  Like I said a few days ago, I felt bad checking in here because my SE's have been so much easier than other folks -- I always wish I had something comforting or insightful to say.

So maybe this is karma!  I  felt okay the few hours right after, but now I am tired and light-headed.  I took the meds the onc gave me but maybe they haven't kicked in yet.  I was hoping that this treatment would go as well as the first and now I am panicking a little.  I'm a full-time teacher and a part-time graduate student with deadlines.  Just thinking about all the work I need to do just makes me feel even more tired!  OK -- whining over!

Lisa---Good looking avatar!

Wherria---Sorry to hear that you are having a hard day--it is hard enough having to deal with the cancer but then a loss to your family makes it an even harder time. I wish for you a better day tomorrow and a good sleep. Take care, Rachel

Hang in there English!  Just cause it's bad today doesn't mean it will stay so!  Drink drink drink - water, tea, whatever you can and pee it all out.  I really believe it does help!

anyone taking Claritin for the Neulasta shot, I would recommend taking it  the day of chemo and then for at least 3 more days. The pain from the Neulasta is supposed to really kick in when your white blood cells drop out because this is when your body tells your bone marrow to kick it up a notch and make more. It kind of puts it in overdrive so that is why you feel the pain in your big bones(ie. legs, head, back, hips). This is how my oncology nurse explained it to me. I took Claritin with all 6 rounds of TCH and it wasn't until the last 1 or 2 that I even felt anything and then what I did feel really was pretty minor. I hope this holds true for me this time around.

Oh yeah, and make sure you are taking regular clariton

Mmahle46 - My brother (who has done this on more than one occasion) told me the trick to the shave is to shave WITH the grain to get all the longer hairs out, then when you get them all off, shave again against the grain to smooth it all out.  I was afraid of bumps too, but I didn't get any.  I also did it mostly in the shower using shampoo as a lather.  Then when i thought i had everything, I got dressed, and stood over the sink while my brother did "clean up" on the back of my head.

So I looked like Benjamin Button today. Mange, nah, a 108 year old man. My Dd cut with scissors to get it closer. I am afraid I will cut my head with a razor.

I am wearing a hat,  I don't want to need a hat. I am way too old to look cute bald. Oh crap on a cracker. I don't want to do this. 

I have this pain in my buttock, pelvic bone, hip  so that every step I take I feel like I am going down.  It makes me limp quite a bit. I thought the newlasta would be over with after 7 days.

Sorry to be such a downer tonight. 

Starting this morning at 11am. Headed to the gym first to work off some of that anxiety.

Good morning Ladies - I got through the first chemotherapy session, long day, no adverse reactions (yay) and the port worked.  Have a question, since the nurse put in the 'heparin lock' on the port I can now feel the tubing under the skin between the port and the where it enters the subclavian vein - have others noticed this?

 Acupuncture treatment the day before chemotherapy was very helpful to me, I felt much more relaxed afterward.  I am planning to go everyweek now.

Good luck Zachsmom!

Onemonga:  My blood pressure and pulse were crazy yesterday.  Especially when they started the first one - Taxotere.  I was terrified I'd have an allergic reaction to it.  But my blood pressure was super high when I arrived too.  Good luck to you and also Zachsmom.

Sweeny:  I'm only on day 2 after chemo, but I had the same experience.  I felt awful last night and hardly slept.  But now I am feeling fine.  A good night's sleep would have done me wonders but I am grateful for feeling well right now.

Omaz:  I'm glad to hear you are doing well.

I have a question ...  how long after the Neulasta shot do you typically start feeling the bone pain?