May 2010 Chemo

Patricia48 - sending thoughts and prayers your way.  Hugs too.  They told me to eat a big breakfast with lots of protien before chemo and lots of water.

Tomorrow is T/C #5 for me.  I have all of my Elasto-gel gloves and Elasto-gel sinus masks frozen and ready to go for tomorrow.  All of my ice cubes for my mouth are bagged and waiting.  I have taken my pre meds for today, eaten the proper amount of protien and am well hydrated.  I have double checked my chemo bag. Gosh, am I actually looking forward to tomorrow or just looking forward to getting  it over with?

 My favorite bull rider rides his bulls "one jump at a time".  When he makes the 8 second whistle, he holds up his index finger because he made it "one jump at a time".  He is my inspiration.  I make it through every chemo one jump, one step, one day at a time.  His ride is 8 seconds--mine is about 8 days but I still get through "one jump at a time".  Some chemo "bulls" are more rank than others but every time I have a rough patch I picture JB with his finger in the air and I know I will get through this  "one jump at a time".

Summer...thanks for the way to rationalize spending money I have to use that one ..your right .no nail appointments or hair...well OK so I'm not bringing in my whole salary any more and Disability doesn't cover very much ..so I feel guilty spending money..

.one big relief I just heard talking to the claims people, is that radiation is considered outpatient stuff not specialist..so I was freaking out about paying $25 per visit for it...between all the stuff to prepare and then each treatment and visits in between .wow that would have been just ugly..

 I had 28 lymph nods removed..20 of them were bad... so I'm not removing the water out of my arm like I should...( I lost the hair on my left arm before any where else, a sign of bad circulation)  a they wanted to start my therapy so I can get a handle on removing the water before it gets worse with radiation..so I'm learning how to clear the nods that are left from my trunk and my arms so I can be prepared  and it wont get bad during radiation..now it might not, but its like training for the worst...

Packjen..have a great time on you fishing trip..it will be great to see other women that are bald...your right I haven't seen many mostly women with hair growing back ...Most the women at the Chemo lounge wear their wigs ..I don't just I wear my hat...

I went on Sunday to a Ladies house on to take pic of her sunflowers..she was letting people in to take pics as a fund raiser for ACS.. she is a surviver and this was her way of giving back..it was fun,.. but I wasn't really into it..just took a couple of pics.. nothing to write home about..Patricia my plans to go to the tomato fest were stopped by pain and to many pain killers..Then there was another one in the town next to us but I just forgot about it..so I went to the farmers market and bought different kinds of tomato's and made fresh mozzarella and tomato salads I have so much Basil growing ..dont ask me what I was thinking when I planted so much..lol..

wow this is a long one..enough..nap time

sacphotomom:  omg feel so bad about your arm..You have so much pain as it is. I find it amazing you are still able to go so many places and do things daily ...kudos to you girl~~~

Summer: you wrapped up everything in one post that I felt...You do compartilize well..,sorry reflexology didn't do the trick but I agree you should do something nice for yourself...and just 1 more treatment to go for you...so stick to that thought

wellesley:  good luck on your treatment tomorrow.

Patricia; hope tomorrow better day for you...And glad about your sweetie.. It shows in your writing just how much you care for him..It's a good thing and your post about him made me smile

Day;  in my thoughts for you on Friday...hope it all goes well

Leanna: thinking of you...2 down,..that is a good thing  and glad you are redecorating.. I love looking at a new room. It makes you happy.

Had my last taxol treatment today..so no Neulasta shot for me tomorrow(yeah)...I brought a basket of mini muffins and some donuts to all the nurses and staff members. They were all so kind. As of right now i just have to do a cat scan of my back and pelvic area. They seen some something small in the back and looks like a cyst on the pelvic area. Onc thinks np with the pelvic and really thinks the back is arthritis but has to be certain. Other than that I do not have to go back for 4 weeks.. WOW....I will admit I cried all morning driving to the center, cried during treatment and balance of night...At certain times the tears just came...I have no idea why! I can't explain it.. early in the morning I was sad that my husband was not with me but don't know what provoked it rest of day.

My daughter and sister took me to cheesecake factory for dinner tonight.. Many of my friends showed up. Sis wants to have big party for me but to be perfectly honest  I just don't want it. Really want to be low keyed right now.. I remember our friend redbarb feeling emotional after her last treatment too...I guess I have to soul search why.

Sorry I ranted about myself, but just find it so odd that I was crying and not doing cartwheels today..... 

Sacphotomom - I am cracking up about you doing cartwheels - I can visualize it now.  I have the picture in my head and its making me smile.  Njbhwgirl ~ I'm happy for you too.  Re: the tears, it's probably some kind of "release" - and  healthy to let them flow.  I kind of get how you're feeling and will probably be the same.  I have signed up for a transitions group offered at my onc.'s office because I heard it can be a time with mixed emotions.  Plus, things slow down and you're left wondering what in the world just happened in the last few months of your life.  Also, there's never a need to apologize about ranting or sharing about what's going on here - it's a safe place and you will not be judged.  We're here for each other and want to support one another in this journey we're sharing.  Please feel free to "let your hair down" and know we care about you!  On that note, Patricia, I'm sorry you've been down.  It certainly is an emotional roller coaster we're on and it's weird how some days it comes out of nowhere and it's hard to keep our chins up.  Hope today is a little sunnier for you!  Sending good vibes your way.  Wellsey - good luck today - one more jump:-)  Packjen ~ hope you have a great bonding experience!  Sacphotomom ~ I hear you really need to stay on top of lymphedema.  My arm still feels a bit numb and sore at times but they say it's normal since there's no swelling.  May Chemo Warriors - we're all moving along and soon this stage will be behind us.  We're doing it and those cancer cells are taking a beating! 

Hi Ladies - Chemo is DONE for me!  Neulasta shot today...bummer...but so glad to finally reach the light at the end of this particular tunnel!  Consult for rads on 9-7, so guess that's the next step for me. 

I was so terrified at the start of this journey, but found that it is do-able.  My major side effects I think are more from the Neulasta than anything else - bone pain, flu-like symptoms and a couple days pretty much in bed usually 2-3 days after the shot.  Feet started swelling with the last couple of treatments so got a script for Lasix yesterday to combat that. 

I read these forums every day and have learned so much - thanks to everyone here who has shared their knowledge.  The "not knowing" is the worst part.

I'm home from the surgery. It was an outpatient one, and I was under conscious sedation and local anesthesia. And I have a drain again *sniff sniff*. I have some pain, tolerable, but then the BS said that the local anesthesia should start wearing off 20-24 hours after the surgery. I do have Percocet for pain control, and a whole set of exercises I need to do.

It was pretty fast, the surgery lasted about 45 minutes all in all at most, from the moment they got me in the OR until I got out, with the surgery itself lasting probably around 20-25 minutes. They kept me in the ICU for about an hour and in the recovery room another 30 or 40 minutes. By 12:00 pm I was home (we had to be there at 7 am and the surgery started at 8:30 am).I'm seeing the BS on the 2nd of September to remove the stitches and the drain. I'll call Monday to ask for the results of the pathology to be mailed to me, so as thewaiting will be shortened.

I had a great staff, and was cracking up with the anesthesiologists (I had three, the Dr. and two residents, all hotties, good looking and lots of fun) all the times - well when I wasn't dozing lol. I hope I didn't snore haha.

I was very tired when I got  home - still am. I couldn't sleep all night last night - got to sleep at around 4:30 and we had to wake up at 5:30 so we could leave the house at 6:30.So I've been dozing on and off, decided to not doze anymore starting like 4:30 am, so I can sleep tonight. 

Funny thing. The BS injected some blue dye in my arm, so he can tag the arm lymph nodes so he wouldn't touch them, and remove only the ones on the side of the breast (the level I). He said the stain under the skin should go away in a month or two - well it's already very faded. The funny part was about two hours ago when I peed light blue. Yep, I guess it's coming out alrigh.

I am a little swollen, and I can see right in the armpit a little bruising - the rest is covered in bandages. 

So  I guess for about three days I'll be very subdued, rest a lot, eat protein and do my exercises. I have a little fog, but it feels like the being tired fog, very little chemobrain remnants.

 Hugs to everybody. I'm sorry I'm not more upbeat and not writing more.

PS Every one have a great weekend!  Hope you all dont have to many SEs and if you do some easy ones!

sacphotomom, with the drains, I had figured out another solution (dbl mx with immediate recon then revision on recon a month later - a double set of drains one after the other lol): got some old socks, cut off the very tips (from the toes to about half up the foot), and was pinning them to the underside of my clothing with safety pins (you know, the ones real real safe, that have like a "lock").

For showering, a regular ziploc bag pierced in the top corner near the zip, and hanging on a lanyard. Got the drains in teh ziploc bag, zipped it leaving only the corner for the tubes from the drains. thsi way I had both hands free to wash myself.

Can't wait to hear how pacjen's vacation went! I love fishing, and I so wish I could have gone, but October was for my area and definitely not at a time I could have gone (too soon after recon revision).

Patricia, I am still working on a website for my OOAK sculpture - but been busy catching up on all the other websites I own/work on and also the possible new website for the pictures forum. You can get an idea if you look the "Creative Cottage - depression keep out" thread on here - just look on all the pages, because I've been posting some stuff as I was working on them. Right now I'm working on some "baby fairies in a jar" for a festival that I am organizing here in Oklahoma in September (crazy, can you believe I could still do it lol). I'll post some photos soon.

Fiver05 ~ Hurray for being done!  I agree, not knowing is the worst part!  Good luck to you on the next phase.

rcca~  Kudos to you too!  You made it!  It seems like it's unanimous - we all feel the same about Neulasta!

Day ~ glad you had some eye candy to look at.  You're organizing a festival?  Running websites and creating beautiful art?  Let me guess, you're type A?  Out of curiosity, did you get a lot of flack about refusing rads?

Sacphotomom ~ hehe - what martini did you order?  Have a fabulous time in Menocino!

I'm still in Toronto (since Mon.).  We just got back from a 2 night stay at my brother's lake house.  I can hardly believe how much and how well I slept.  It's amazing how different it is when you can take the "mommy hat" off.  I'm here alone.  I've also been taking Melatonin (extended release) to help me sleep.  The Lunesta does nothing for me.  I'll be curious if it helps once I get home and in my own environment.  My dad (88) made me the best cabbage soup ever!  He's thriving and so healthy.  I had the thought at one point wondering if he'll outlive me.  Ouch!  I find those types of thoughts lingering around my head at times. It's been so wonderful to be around his positive energy and to be the recipient of lots of love here.  I'm grateful.  Pleasant dreams, dear friends!

Summer ~ Biscotini?  sounds wonderful!  You might want to check the LE threads - great info there.  You too, Sacphotomom.   Stay on top of it!  btw, I tried making Oprah's watermelon martini recipe - yummo!

Hello to all my girlfriends here!  I couldn't sleep tonight ~ even with the Ativan ~ so I decided to read through all the posts I missed the last 10 days and catch up with everyone.  I have my last Taxol tx on the 27^th ~ YIPPEE!  Bone pain has been really bad since # 3, plus I'm still having chest tightness & pain & dealing with the neuropathy.  Also trying to work (p-t), but it's a struggle.  Ok ~ enough whining!  On 09/03, I meet with the rad onc.  Both my BS & my med onc said 20 rounds, so if the rad onc says any more, I'll be really p*ssed!  At any rate, I need to be done, done, done, by Halloween because I'm heading to Ireland with my sisters & my mom, leaving Nov 3 and returning Nov 12, which gives us a week on the "auld sod"!  Can't wait!

cleob:  Wow, that's great that your tumor is shrinking with each tx ~ you must be feeling really good about that.  Hope you enjoy(ed) Atlanta.

Day:  Glad to hear about your good PET/CT & tumor marker results.  Your surgery seemed to go well (ugh on the drain!), and please let us know the path results.  I'm glad Patricia asked about the sculptures ~ I'll check out the thread.  In my spare time, I make jewelry, although, since my dx in March, I haven't done much other than a piece I donated for a Leukemia Society fund-raiser in June.  I know I'll get back to it once the chemo is over ~ I've been missing that creative outlet.

Drim:  I'm so glad you had a good time in PR.  Your suitcase saga sounded like something I'd do!  Hope you continue to do well on rads & shepherd the rest of us through this next phase.

Kim:  That pic still cracks me up!  Sorry to hear about the cold ~ hope by now you're feeling better.

LauraM:  Congrats on finishing!  Glad you enjoyed Cooperstown.  You sound really excited about your Mom's visit ~ I'm sure you'll treasure those days.

Leanna:  Sorry you're having such a tough time.  My neuropathy started the day after my 1^st Taxol treatment.  My onc prescribed gabapentin (generic of Neurontin), which has helped.  Still have some numbness in fingertips, toes and the heels of my feet, but it's not nearly as bad as it was before I started taking the drug.  Hope it resolves quickly for you.  The bathroom re-do sounds very pretty.  It's amazing how simple things can really brighten up a space and make you feel good!

LibraryJenn:  I understand all too well about aggressive tumors (mine was 10 cm), but I'm sure you'll have a good outcome between the drug combo & your surgery.  Keep us posted on the date (& I hope that rum & coke hit the spot!).

njbhwgirl:  Congrats on having your last Taxol tx!  My 2 cents: don't worry about why you were emotional and crying.  Reaching the end of a long and difficult road can be both happy and sad at the same time.  I understand the need to take a break from everything you've had to take since this began.  However, I decided when I first found the mass that I would do everything I could to beat this.  My onc has prescribed Arimdex &, although there are risks to taking it ~ hell, what BC treatment or drug doesn't have risks? ~ I will take it.

Packjen:  I had read about the L-carnitine studies when I was on AC, but forgot about it when my Taxol txs started.  Glad you had good results with it!  Your story about your teacher's wife is a real inspiration, as are you for going back to school.  I love our court reporters here, & I'm sure you'll be a terrific one!  Hope you enjoyed your C for R wkend.

Patricia:  So much to catch up on with you, girl!  Great news about no transfusion.  How great, too, that your sweetie rescued a Goldie!  Our good friends here have been doing that for many years.  Wonderful news about your impending household change ~ I wish you many, many happy and healthy years together.  Sorry you had some bad days ~ sounded like you were being too hard on yourself for feeling low, so I hope you not only are feeling better but cut yourself some slack, too!

Paxton:  Hang in there ~ you're almost at the finish line!

Sacphotomom:  Sorry to hear the bone pain is continuing, but hang in there ~ as you said, just a few more and done.  How often are you getting the lymphedema massage?  I really hope the water/circulation problems resolve ok.  Your wkend away sounded so wonderful ~ did you find a really interesting martini?

Summer:  Love your reasoning about the reflexology package! Actually, I'm surprised I haven't used it myself!  An hour is a long way to go for rads, but if I had the choice, I'd have done them at Sloan.  For me, though, the distance is too great, so I'll be doing them at Hershey Medical Center.  Biscotti martini?  Can you send several in a refrigerated package?

wellsley66:  Bull riding?  You go girl!  Sorry I was too late reading your post to vote for you.  Congrats on the neg. PET!  Loved your analogy.

x-ray:  Great new photo ~ I would never have recognized you!  Sounds like it was a great grad party & bday (even tho you had tx that day).  I'm sure you also had a great time with your Dad in Toronto & you are def. blessed to have him.  Are you really having doubts about going to Paris?  Tell me it ain't so!!  You have to go!

Fiver05 and rcca:  Congrats on finishing chemo and thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

Sorry if I missed anyone.  Hugs & kisses to all you wonderful ladies!

OK now I want the Biscotini...WOW   that sound wonderful...so for all who asked I couldn't make up my mind and ended up with dessert... a Lemon Drop...but I saw a Watermelon  and was wishing I would have given my self more time for reading......talk about Chemo Brain ..everyone else had ordered their drinks and I was still trying to decide..lol  ..the waitress came buy 3 time for my order...I ended up just getting something I know I liked..drove my DH crazy...good thing he loves me...I have a dinner to go too wed..maybe see if they have either one of the others..last chance before chemo again on Friday..

and for the movie ..we saw the funniest movie ever..The Other Guys...I usually  don't really like Will Ferrel..usually leave his movies to the free On Demand ..  but everyone want to see this one... its been a long time since I laughed out loud in a theater..I was surprised I liked it..so I do suggest it .. for a definite no brain strain movie.and a good laugh!

So my DH and  were supposed to be in Mendocino this weekend, but we ended up in a town called Jenner..not so far up the coast.. just out side of Bodega Bay we were lucky to get a room at the Jenner Inn on the Russian River instead..we canceled the other B&B  when we realized how late we were leaving..didn't want to drive that far...It was a nice quick get away...I still stared at the ocean till dark, but sitting on a blanket at a beach instead of a balcony..then came back to the Inn,  and sat on the deck and stared at the river and some white pelicans till very late...it was so nice...relaxing...we are going to go to Mendocino after all my chemo is down and before radiation..

Irishtess ..good to hear from you... the Nurses told me to take Glutamine ..so I have but I don't know if it really working I haven't had any trouble   ..yet!

Summer...I have started to have teeth issues too ..I thought I need to go to the dentist..but the nurses told me its the Taxotere..its not bad just for a couple of days..my teeth are being sensitive.. I hope that what it is I have started using Sensodyne tooth paste..

I am going for lymphedema therapy twice a week for awhile..I have to ask again, but I seem to remember till I start radiation..or something like that. and they have given me lots of exercises to do in between ...I had better write it down the next time I ask...lol

OK back to reality and figuring out what is for dinner..

I took the Acetyl-L Carnitine and highly recommend it.

Suppose to have my last tx tomorrow, but I called them this morning and said I couldn't physically even make it in much less do a tx.  I feel like death warmed over and forgotten about in the back of the freezer.  My legs shake when I stand.  I have terrible mouth sores, zits everywhere, hair growing on my face and my teeth hurt.  Its been weeks since I was up and about. 

Onc said no tx this week and we'll still do the PET/CT scan on Friday and then meet on Monday to go over the results and whether I'll do the last tx.  I told her I'm def not doing the taxol, it would be just the carboplatin.  The neuropathy is past the point I'm willing to do one more tx.  I find my hand bleeding all over and have no idea what happened. 

I'm SUPER, thanks for asking.  Sorry for bitchfest '10.  Just want to feel like a human being again and being super impatient about everything now.

OH my Paxton....I just want to come give you a hug!  I hope you start feeling better by the end of the week.....bitch all you want!!!!  and then some...and I really hope you don't have to do more tx..

Summer:  Thanks for the recipe ~ my sisters were talking about opening some bottles of champagne this wkend to celebrate my last chemo tx on Fri, but I think the martini's will be sooo much yummier! 

Sacphotomom:  Your get-away sounded so relaxing!  The husband & I took a trip to CA some years ago ~ drove up the coast (Highway 1?) from LA to points north (San Fran, Nappa, Carmel, etc).  It was one of the best trips we've ever taken.  Beach gazing does wonders for your soul, doesn't it?

StacyA:  I'll finish my 4 courses of Taxol on Fri.  Good news:  I didn't have the naseau & weird mouth stuff where everything tasted like cardboard (from the AC).  Bad news:  I developed neuropathy ~ for which my onc prescribed Neurontin ~ & have had some really bad bone & joint pain (Advil works sometimes; other times I've taken the Vicodin I had left after my bmx).  It also is a much longer infusion ~ 3 1/2 to 4 hrs.  However, the Benadryl made me sleep through most of it!  Some gals also have had nail issues ~ I've kept mine polished throughout, so they are still in good shape.

Paxton:  I'm so sorry you're still having such a hard time. Sacphotomom is right ~ bitch here all you want!  Please let us know as soon as you get your results ~ we're all pulling & praying for you.

Daiva:  When my sister's next-door neighbor, Joanie, went through this 4 years ago (she's doing great today!), she hooked with a nutritionist who really pushed the alkaline stuff.  I looked at some of Joanie's paperwork when I started chemo & it was a little too fringe for me.  The theory in those papers is that cancer, & most if not all other disease, is caused by an imbalance in your sytem ~ alkaline vs. acidic.  However, you might want to check out this link I found this morning from the Mayo Clinic:  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/alkaline-water/AN01800.

Hope everyone has a good day!