July 2010 Rads

Does anyone have the arm pain??? Mine started today.  I still have 3.5 weeks to go...:(

Hi Ladies,

I am five days out of treatment. Kim, I am sad to say even with hydrocortisone cream I am more itchy today than I have been throughout the treatment. The effects continue to worsen for me - my skin is darker, each day and though the sores have stopped forming they are certainly very itchy. I am also as of yesterday starting to have really sharp pains from my collarbone all the way into my breast no arm pain though Julie - probably because I wasn't radiated in my arm pit. Yuck - sorry to bare bad news - maybe others who are done have had better luck.

 Sonia 

Hi everyone,

Just finished my last boost today (total of 8), but still have 13 (having a total of 28) full breast rads to go.  At least it gave me a bit of a rest, but now I still need to finish.   I've figured out that I'll be done when my kids start school.  At least I'll be able to rest a while since I'm a SAHM.  I feel a bit sorry for them since we didn't do too much during their summer vacation, but at least they seem to understand.

I really appreciate you that are finished to continue to post to let us know what other "normal" things can go on after rads are finished. 

Donna / Julie - I pains that I experience is the sharp ones that's inside, probably by my chest wall since that's where part of the incision is at.  I've also recently developed a pain on my back, near my armpit area.  It hurts when it's pressed.  My rad onco said that I probably strained it, but we'll monitor it.  I just know that it started on Fri and still hurts.

Julie - I think that we'll be ending on the same day.   I have 13 left to go, but I'll still be here checking in and supporting everyone.

Linda - congrats on finishing. 

Brenda - thanks for the recommendations on the books.  I've been debating on which one to buy or at least try to find them at my local library.

Speedygirl - Happy Birthday.  What a great birthday surprise.

Hope everyone have a great week. 

Patty

Hi everyone,

I hope everybody's doing well with treatment (or recovering from it, as the case may be). I have a question about follow-up. I'm down to two treatments, and asked the nurse today how long I would have to return for follow-up. To be honest, I was really expecting a single follow-up visit a few weeks out to be sure I was healing properly. Her response was FIVE YEARS!! I waited to see if she laughed, but she assured me she was not joking. I had no idea I would have to keep seeing the radiation oncologist for so long. I expected to see the medical oncologist for forever, but now I have to see the radiation oncologist for five years, and I also have to see the surgeon at least one more time (although my surgery was in May). I really want to get started on moving on with my life, but don't know how I'm supposed to do that if I'm seeing all these doctors so often. Yeesh! Is this typical, or just a quirk of my radiation oncology center?

 Thanks,

Karen

Julie,

I asked the nurse WHY I would have to come back for five years. She looked at me very seriously and said, "honey, you had radiation." Oh, really??? I thought I was going in everyday for a nice massage and facial!! Oh, well...

Karen

Hi Everybody,  I feel so out of the loop having not checked in for a few days and miss you!  Going back to work has been crazy and I haven't been able to read all the posts.  But wanted to quickly check to see how you all are doing, Glad to see some of you are finished and healing.  Sorry to hear about so much itching and other SEs.

Hope to catch up and read in detail tomorrow.  I was only off for two weeks, but it's really hard to get back in a lot of ways.  Folks are nice and want updates, but I really don't want to get into too much detail with them.  Other folks think that you're just done and automatically back 100%. A lot of work has backed up and deadlines are coming quickly, so it's pretty stressful.  And I know I've zoned out a couple of times each day... my focus is still not back and that's rather frustrating.

Anyway, my skin is still healing really quickly.  My armpit skin is now fully filled back in and just red and itchy in spots underneath.

Keep going ladies, we'll get through and beat this!  Off to get the school supplies ready for my son's the first day tomorrow.  Take care.  Donna.

Karen-LOVE IT, I still don't see why we have to see them time after time when we are done, I will question it today for us....

Kim-Its going great, I go 3 times per week for a month, then once a week after that, it is working, still get them but not as often (HF).  my Insurance pays for 20 visits, then I have to pay and its $60.00 per week so not sure how I will handle that one, the Dr. did say he will write a letter and tell them I had cancer and need the treatments for comfort. We will see how that one goes.

Donna-Good luck back at work, can you work PT for a few weeks until you feel 100%???

Linda-How nice of your family to do that for you, that was so great of them---I hope you heal fast.

Ok, time for the Spa have a great day ladies...

Julie

Hi everyone,

Kim - was today your last day or am I confused?? I agree that it's nice a lot of people will be checking. But if I see my med onc every 3 months and the rad onc every 3 months and the surgeon every 3 months, I will be taking off work once a month for routine medical appointments. At that rate, I will never build up any sick leave, and I don't think psychologically it is good for me. I'm fine with seeing the med onc every 3 months, but really don't see why I need to keep seeing the rad onc and the surgeon.

Donna - glad to hear you're healing.

Linda - the party sounds great! Glad to hear you can eat again

Julie - glad to hear the acupuncture is helping.

Brenda - congrats on getting to shave again! My doc gave me permission to start shaving and using deodorant once I switched to the boosts.  I was so excited - hard to believe such a little thing could matter so much.

Karen

Hi Everyone,

Congratulations to those of you who have finished up - Linda and Kim and to those of you I've missed. Today I am one week out from radiation and this is the first day that the itching hasn't gotten worse. I have been still having a bit of a sore throat off and on - almost like a tiredness in my throat. The darkness and sores are still there but I have a feeling I was a tiny bit better today - the swelling has also come done a bit. Do hang in there, I think things can only get better (thank god!!!).  Linda - your family sounds lovely. I'm so glad you are surrounded by love. Kim, glad you won't have the drive - I bet you won't miss that. 

I've been struggling with this feeling - I wonder if others have felt this - it's this sense of having lost my freedom. I realize that the people around me who haven't had to face this - they have a carefreeness about them, a freedom and innocence - like nothing bad will ever happen to them. I just feel sad in a way and I'm having trouble putting my finger on what it is but it's like I've just discovered that I will never feel worry free again. I think the only way to describe it is as the loss of freedom. I feel like everyone feels sorry for me - without saying it - who am I kidding - I feel sorry for me.

Think I need to go back to work - maybe that will help??? Donna and Brenda - reading your posts make me wonder if I am ready or not. Brenda, your comment about needing to learn your not in control really resonates with me - thats a tough one - I think that also relates to this fear feeling and sadness I'm having - tough lessons this cancer thing doles out - yuck!!!

Take care everyone, really glad your here. Thanks for starting this thread Kim. Don't know what I would do without you wonderful women.

Sonia 

HI Everyone,

Congrats and thanks Kim for organizing this.

Donna,   enjoy Donnie and Marie,  I am enjoying some really stupid movies.  I too am feeling I am letting everyone down,  probably myself more than others,   what a lot to wrap our heads around.

 Sonia, I know what you mean,  it is fuzzy and I have thought of it as a loss of "innocence"   meaning awareness of our own mortality.   Sometimes,  I feel like I am just observing not participating.  Weird feelings,  My daughter says I haven't dealt with it yet,  and she may be right,   I want to go back to normal,  there is that weird word again,   yet it isn't the same.   Sometimes,  I just feel too exhausted to deal with things,  yet not sleepy.  Seems like the emotional fatigue as well as the physical.  

 I need to go into my new office and set things up,  yet feel tired, scared a bit too as I don't know the people and right now that seems like a big thing,   Sometimes,  I just want to keep my head in the sand.  I guess that is why it is harder after,   during you just keep on going cause you have to and there are all these wonderful people,  now it is me,  and my tired hubby.    Sorry feeling sorry for myself,  things just seem so complicated.  I can deal with the concrete,  but that seems enough

 Thanks for being there,

Brenda

Congrats to everyone that is Finished.  I finished last thursday.  It's great.  The skin is still pink but fading.  The boost area isn't fading yet.  Not ichy yet.  so far so good.  It is a relief to be finished.

I feel so thankful I can come here each night and read your comments. Thank-you most especially for your comments and sharing around how this has changed you too!

Brenda, what you said about observing and not participating really hit home for me. Sometimes I will be sitting in a room (tonight) with 20 people and feel completely alone - not at all in a bad way - but it is such a peculiar feeling -- just feeling like I live in a parallel universe to the one everyone else in my life lives in. I definitely feel like I am grieving - though I may seem like I have it together. I certainly feel like I protect everyone I love from those dark thoughts that come at 4 AM.  Kickon2it - what you said about cutting through fluff - it's so interesting to me how present I feel with myself - really for the first time in my whole life - I'm just so present in my body, feeling every itch, a complete awareness of what I must do to stay healthy, focused on what is good for me, what I can and cannot do anymore, trying to be true to myself and also to stop feeling like I have to take care of everyone else, just living in the present moment and like what so many of you said about not being able to focus on the future but actually trying to just live today. When I get really scared I ask myself "are you ok right now?" and "are you dying today?" and of course I am not -  I am trying really hard not to let myself spiral into those scary thoughts.

You know Kim, I have that same feeling sometimes with my family, like they just don't want the details or they seem so shocked or confused by the details I've shared and they seem not to remember or they can't process what they know I've gone through - it seems easier for them not to know - maybe it's self-preservation? I'm not sure - but it kind of makes me go inside myself and disappear a little. I  think that's when this feelings of separateness / aloneness / 4 a.m. scared can come up. 

Anyway, enough rambling and self-therapizing for tonight. Thanks for taking the time to be here - I know it is really important to me that you are.

hugs and sweet dreams,

sonia 

I had Donny, the Osmond Brothers, Bobby Sherman and The Jackson 5 on my ceiling. Seems like a hundred years ago.