April 2010 starting chemo

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  • kad22
    kad22 Member Posts: 191
    edited August 2010

    I am up for a pity party!! Too bad we aren't all closer to one another!! I could really use a hug! I am feeling exactly the same as Sara - my hair looks like it's white wispy things coming in!!! Will I be grey?! Nails are awful and still have 5 taxols to go - yikes!

    arubajan05  - like you I have no close friends nearby and the friends I do have are busy with their own lives. Wish I lived closer so that we could get together!

    If you girls have the Wine and cheese I will bring the chocolate!! ;-)

    (((( HUGS)))) to us all - WE CAN DO THIS - at least that is what I keep telling myself!

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  • saralmom
    saralmom Member Posts: 329
    edited August 2010

    I knew you all would understand!  I do wish we could all just meet up and chat in person!

    And speaking of wine and cheese and chocolate - I think that's what I really need!  Have any of you had wine while on chemo?  I haven't, and I really could use a glass tonight.  Thoughts? 

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  • dutchgirl6
    dutchgirl6 Member Posts: 673
    edited August 2010

    I had wine while on chemo, but not until a couple of weeks after treatment.  Partly because of the fact that my tastebuds were non existent, and that would have been a waste of good wine (life's too short to drink bad wine), and partly because I wanted to wait until I felt that I was over the side effects.  I did ask the pharmacist at the cancer clinic, and she said that an occasional glass would be ok. 

    Enjoy Sara, it sounds like it just might be the therapy you need.

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  • shells43
    shells43 Member Posts: 1,022
    edited August 2010

    Hey all,

    I had a glass of red wine some time around my second chemo to try to get to sleep and threw it up about 10 minutes later. It burned like hell. Sprayed my whole bathroom with red wine, yuck.

    I have, however, had a few sips of beer that tasted good AND stayed down. But I haven't had a whole one yet. Maybe in a couple of weeks?

    I'll bring the beer to the pity party!

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  • dutchgirl6
    dutchgirl6 Member Posts: 673
    edited August 2010

    Well, this party is starting to shape up nicely.  Wouldn't it be nice if it really did happen?  We could compare hair growth, not shave our legs or pluck our eyebrows, and just think of the horror stories that we could share Wink.

    Seriously, just meeting all of you would be so special.  And we could have the best group hug ever.

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  • susiesue
    susiesue Member Posts: 68
    edited August 2010

    Today was Taxol #11.  This past week was tough with side effects, I never really had any good days so I was kind of dreading today.  Last week when talking to the doctor about the SE's, etc. he said we just had to press on and get through these last treatments, I told him it was a lot easier for him to say that from his side of the room.........

    on the good news side, looks like my daughter will be getting married in July (thanks to all for the good wishes), I thanked them for giving me the chance to actually have some hair by then.

    take care

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  • shygal
    shygal Member Posts: 89
    edited August 2010

    Must be something in the air.....I have been feeling weepy lately too.  I'm not even sure why and cannot put my finger on it, but sometimes I think that I have been going through the motions of diagnosis, surgery, chemo, hair loss like it's happening to someone else.  Then all of a sudden, I think....OMG...this has really happened to me.  People seem to expect me to be strong, but like many of you, I try and be there for everyone (kids/spouse/parents/friends) and fix everyone else's problems and never focus on my thoughts and fears until it gets to be too much and then I get periods of weepiness.  At least this is what I think is happening.  Thankfully, they don't last too long. 

    ArubaJan and anyone else on Tamoxifen....other than worse hot flashes (oh great) what other SE's are you having?  I have heard about weight gain, but hoping it's a myth Laughing.  I'm another one who is not starting Tamoxifen until Rads are over, so I'm hoping the SE's are minimal.   

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  • shygal
    shygal Member Posts: 89
    edited August 2010

    Susiesue, nice to have some good news.  Congratulations.  I know...why don't you invite all your "new" friends (us) to the wedding so we can meet and compare hair length!!

    Regarding having wine?  I am embarrassed to say that I have been drinking wine almost the whole way through my treatments (white only...red seemed to bother me) with the exception of the chemo infusion week.  Geez....now I feel like a lush!

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  • dutchgirl6
    dutchgirl6 Member Posts: 673
    edited August 2010

    Shygal, to quote John Lennon: whatever gets you through the night, it's all right.  You're not a lush.   I wish that I could have enjoyed a glass of wine or two, more often, but it just didn't work out for me.

    I could really relate to your first posting, the same thing happened to me, but earlier on in the whole process, before I even had my first surgery.  I just got tired of people telling me that I am a strong person and I will get through it.  I felt as though I would let all my friends and family down if I gave into my emotions, but that meant that I put a lot of pressure on myself, and I couldn't do it anymore.  I know that I will get through it, but I just needed to let it out, and it was extremely therapeutic to just sit and cry for a while.  I think that the reality of having this disease and dealing with all that goes with it hits suddenly, and the meltdown happens.  Personally, I think this is a good thing, because it can't be good for us, either emotionally or physically, to hold it in all the time.

    One thing to keep in mind is that chemo wreaks havoc with hormones, and that might be one of the reasons that weepiness seems to be rampant right now.  Well, that and the fac that we are all just fed up with this whole cancer thing.

    Great news about your daughter, SusieSue.  It is good to have such a happy event to look forward to.  I hope that you are having a good day.

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  • saralmom
    saralmom Member Posts: 329
    edited August 2010

    Well - I did have my glass of wine - at a baseball game, in a plastic cup, but hey, it was wine, and it actually felt great to do something normal, and definitely relaxed me.  (we had my husbands firm seats complete with wait staff and cushioned seats, and the Tigers won and there were fireworks after the game, so my crappy day ended better than it started).  One other thing I treated myself to a forbidden diet coke yesterday too - AND a huge bowl of ice cream.  I just felt like doing whatever I wanted and having no restrictions for once.  

    Today I am being a total slug.  Everyone is out, and I am literally having a TV marathon - 3 Project Runways, and now Top Chef.  I feel so guilty sitting around, but remind myself that I actually have CANCER and I get to lay low sometimes.  I do try to just act normal all the time and don't want it to affect anyone in the family (and I think it's good to act normal so I am more likely to feel normal) but I'm giving myself a rainy day of nothing today. 

    Hope everyone is feeling physically AND emotionally well today!!

    Sara 

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  • kad22
    kad22 Member Posts: 191
    edited August 2010

    Good for you Sara! You should have a day or more to yourself and do what ever you want! I know how it is to feel guilty though. This past week I have slept more than ever and feel guilty taking those naps but understand that my body is telling me that I need them!

    I have drank a glass a wine or two and beer. Just not that much of a drinker and chemo doesn't make it taste all that well to me. SARA - how was that diet coke? I really want one but so far they haven't tasted right to me and afraid I will get addicted to them again!! ;-)

    I think maybe when this is all over we should pick a central location and get together!! Too bad money is soo tight right now for me! Well virtual hugs to everyone and hope your weekends are going well!  Kelli

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  • shells43
    shells43 Member Posts: 1,022
    edited August 2010

    Diet Coke forbidden? Please, do tell. I like to have one but they don't taste very good right now.  Glad the wine stayed down, Sara. I'm about to have my beer with DH. Maybe just half a beer.

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  • saralmom
    saralmom Member Posts: 329
    edited August 2010

    At first when I was on AC nothing tasted normal - diet coke and coffee were ruined for me - my 2 vices.  Also, I had read the Anti Cancer Book, and made a bunch of changes in my diet and in my house - two of those are no more art. sweeteners or caffeine for me.  I know it's not a proven thing really, but I've just been trying to clean up my diet, etc.  So now that everything pretty much tastes normal to me on the Taxol/Herceptin, I can drink coffee again - decaf with sugar instead of spenda, and I try not to drink any kind of soda at all.  My very occasional diet coke does taste fantastic - but I'm being careful not to get hooked again!

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  • arubajan05
    arubajan05 Member Posts: 140
    edited August 2010

    Hi Girls!  ((((BIG HUGS to all)))) You make me feel so much better.  I haven't been on in a couple days because I think my husband sensed my sadness and has been trying to cheer me up to. He took me to a dinner (well, Schlotsky's deli - that still qualifies as dinner, right?) and a movie.  I let him pick and so we saw, "The Expendables". Not that great, but it was good getting out. And then yesterday he totally helped me clean the house and move furniture in the morning. We had moved some things to make things more convenient for me with chemo, but now I was ready to try to get things back to normal. We slept all afternoon - I WAS EXHAUSTED just from moving a few things and getting a couple bags together for Goodwill. Then he took me to a preseason NFL game last night. (He too got tickets from his work!) I think I am SO lucky to have him. And you all, who enable me to rant on here so I don't rant at him!

    I would LOVE to get together with all of you, for wine, cheese, chocolate and a good talk! As far as drinking I didn't feel much like it on chemo , although I had one bottle of "Bald Head Red" (from NC) LOL the night we shaved my head. And then I had about 1/2 a beer once or twice. Lately, I have had 1 beer (like at the game last night) but no wine yet.  For some reason, it just doesn't sound good to me right now, but my onc said a glass of wine or beer every now and then was nothing to worry about.  SaralMom, I am glad it helped you!  Also, I used to LOVE diet Coke and also put Splenda in iced tea (which I drink all the time). Now I use Truvia in my tea (it's a naturla sweetener) and don't drink diet Coke too much; but I will say I have indulged in a "fountain" diet Coke or two since I was diagnosed. :)  Also, though I used to have straight black tea, now I make my iced tea with 1/2 green tea and 1/2 black tea.  I have been trying to adjust a few things but haven't gone crazy changing my diet.  Gosh, everything else has changed so much, I need a little comfort from food.

    Shygal, as far as the Tamoxifen... everyone seems so scared of it; I wasn't like that at all.  Ignorance is bliss, I guess. Yes, the hot flashes/night sweats are much worse and I have been having some "stiffness" in my bones. I contributed that still to chemo and that I was a "couch potato" for so long and now I am trying to get moving, but now I think it may be part of the tamoxifen. I mentioned it to the nurse at rads the other day and she thinks it may be the tamoxifen and she thought my body would "adjust" hummm... I hope so. I haven't been too nauseous at all. though I noticed it once or twice.  Hope that helps!  (By the way, I take one 20mg pill/day, but I may talk to my onc about the 10mg 2x day and see if that helps.)

    xo to all! :)

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  • shells43
    shells43 Member Posts: 1,022
    edited August 2010

    Hey April Girls,

    I'm leaving tomorrow to take my daughter up to NC to college for her freshman year. It's a 12 hour drive each way, so I'm hoping for my dry eyes to let up a little and that her room mate is nice. I asked her if I should wear my wig on move in day and she said "no way, isn't it hot and itchy?" So she is ok with people seeing me in my cap or scarf, yeah. So nice. :)

    I'll check in with you at the end of the week. I pray for everyone a SE free week and a good week's sleep! I will miss you all!

    Shelley

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  • dutchgirl6
    dutchgirl6 Member Posts: 673
    edited August 2010

    Shelley, have a good, and safe, trip, and enjoy the time with your daughter.  Twelve hours in a car with just the two of you should make for an interesting bonding experience.  She sounds like a wonderful young woman.

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  • farfaith
    farfaith Member Posts: 46
    edited August 2010

    hello girls been enjoying life with the kids befor rads and school .

    wine? and chemo not me. i lived on mountain due and Gatorade.

    shelley have a grate trip. aruba glade your hubby go tyou out mine likes to hide at  home  it helps to get out. susie my dock told me the same press on you can do it ! congratulations to your doter the lord gives us things to be thankful for.

    got may path. report back they took 12 nods 4 still had  cancer after chemo and still had 2mm were tumer was.know for rads, go tomarow to set it all up.

    prayers to all 

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  • kad22
    kad22 Member Posts: 191
    edited August 2010

    Well ladies off to chemo today - 5 left with today!!

    Shelley - have fun with your daughter - that's so far away from you!!

    Diet Coke  went off of it through AC becasue of the taste and now am afraid to have one because I will get hooked again!! Trying to stay away from soda! Was never a coffee drinker. So now I am getting tired of water, tea and Crystal light any other suggestions??

    This week start back to work with inservice and open house for the students on Wed. when I will be the most tired - I will have to be there from 8 a.m. until 7:30 p.m. Wish me luck!

    Have a great week everyone - SE FREE!

    Kelli

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  • marcy4
    marcy4 Member Posts: 162
    edited August 2010

    Kad22  Good luck at work this week. I am a teacher too. I am off until January,but may stay off until March.  Couldn't imagine going back while still on Chemo. I taught grade 5 and 6 for years, but last year switched to a grade 1/2 split which I loved. When I do return I will have a grade 1 class.  It is difficult at times to see September so close and not getting my classroom ready.  My husband is a teacher too and is busy getting ready for school.  He goes in next week for a PA day and then school starts on September 7.  It will be hectic getting the kids out the door, but I am looking forward to having the house to myself again!

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  • dutchgirl6
    dutchgirl6 Member Posts: 673
    edited August 2010

    I know what you mean Marcy.  My husband is a university prof, and has been home all summer, as usual.  My son lost his job in June, so he has been home all summer too.  My daughter has been working, but she is still at home too.  Come September 7, they will all be out, and I can enjoy the solitude.  I will be heading back to work on the 13th, and although it's been great to have them around to help out during chemo, I want some me time.  Just me and the dog, but she sleeps most of the time. 

     I had my rad planning session last Thursday, I will be starting on Sept.7, it's like I'm going to school.  I will be having 16 sessions, and on September 28, after my last one, I can move on and try to live a normal life again, whatever that means!  Is anyone else starting rads in Sept?  We should start a forum.  Maybe I'll do that today.

    Have a good week everyone.  ((hugs)) to you who are having treatments, SEs or just need one.

    Karin 

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  • JenC
    JenC Member Posts: 382
    edited August 2010

    Kadd22 - best of luck with work.  You an do it.  Only 5 left that is great:)  At the home streach...

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  • saralmom
    saralmom Member Posts: 329
    edited August 2010

    Had my last chemo today!!!  I'd love to see a smiley face next to my name up there!

    So I've been pretty down in the dumps lately (obviously, since I've been whining here a fair amount!!).  So yesterday I was running errands with my daughter who is leaving for college on Tuesday, and when I got home at about 3 pm with her, my husband walked me out the backyard, and there were about 45 people waiting for me there to celebrate my last chemo today!  My husband planned the whole thing about a month ago, and it was amazing.  He's amazing too.   We had a bbq, and all of my family and close friends were there.  Even my sister in law and brother in law and niece and nephew from Chicago were there.  It was a perfect ending to something so hard.  I feel blessed.

    So now I'm done - and all of my nurses were making a big deal of it and hugging me - they are so nice.  But I was like "I'm actually coming back next Monday for Herceptin, see you in a week!"  Hard to really feel done with that still looming.  But IT IS NOT CHEMO - I keep telling myself that.  And on my way out I was stopped and congratulated by a woman in a chair who I had never met.  Turns out she had my same treatments - about 1.5 years ahead of me.  She finished chemo in December 08, and finished Herceptin in December 09 I think.  Anyhow, she has shoulder length hair.  Just FYI for those of us who are wondering about how it will grow.  And she is doing great.  She was just there for an iron infusion.  She was just who I needed to see on my way out today...  Good day all around.  

    So now, like Shelley, I will be driving my daughter to college tomorrow - she is going to be 6 hours away.  She's our first born, so we are reeling a bit.  Lots of craziness here with last minute packing, etc.  Very bittersweet b/c i know she will love college so much, but it is torture to leave her there so far away.  Seems unnatural after all the parenting I've done for 18 years to just drive her there and let her fend for herself!! lol

    Hope you are all well today.

    Sara 

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  • dutchgirl6
    dutchgirl6 Member Posts: 673
    edited August 2010
    Yay Sara.  Congratulations on being done with chemo!  What a wonderful thing your husband did for you.  He sounds like a keeper!   It also sounds like you have had a lot to deal with lately, last chemo, oldest child leaving for college, no wonder you have been down in the dumps.  Even though we appear to be focussed on cancer, the other parts of our lives just keep going on.  It's a lot to deal with sometimes.  I hope that you have a good trip, settling your daughter at college. 
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  • caltex_catlady
    caltex_catlady Member Posts: 136
    edited August 2010

    Sara, you get a Laughing! Congrats!

    Karin: I'm also about to start rads. I had my simulation last week and will do the verification and get my official plan this Thursday. The rad onc said I would probably get 25 zaps, so we'll see if that's still the plan. I'm hoping to start very soon, but since it's already late August, I guess that means September. So if you or someone else start a Sept. rads forum, I'm there.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one getting emotional lately. Whether it's the end of chemo or finding out I still had to do rads or chemopause or whatever, it has been bothersome. I went to look at the emoticons to add the smiley for Sara, and I thought I've been a lot of those lately. Like Cry sometimes (even for good stuff) or Yell from time to time (luckily for my husband, not too much) or just "fine" Smile some days or in-between Undecided a lot. Some roller coaster, huh.

    I got my AAA magazine today, and it had an article about a place in Northern California that usually has good fall colors. I'm thinking that would make a nice weekend trip in October after I'm done with rads. Something to look forward to for a change...

    Karen

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  • kad22
    kad22 Member Posts: 191
    edited August 2010

    Sara - Congrats on being done with Chemo!!! YEAH!!! Well no wonder you have been emotional - chemo done, first born daughter leaving for college - wow a lot going on in your life. Give her a long hug and remember she loves you so it will be fine leaving her. Good luck with rads!

    Karen - good luck on rads!

    Marcy4 - yes just can't afford taking off so here I go back to work! I am actually looking forward to it. I am the elem. librarian and see all of the students grades PK4 to 4th, I just love them all! We start school Sept. 1 before Labor day.

    Did I tell this group of gals about the breast cancer retreat I am going on in Oct.? It is a  4 day retreat and I can't wait. Bonus my insurance is paying for it because it is the one trip where there are all teachers who have breast cancer going!! The Fall colors will be great in Northern Wi.

    Have a great week,

    Kelli

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  • DancerMel28
    DancerMel28 Member Posts: 122
    edited August 2010

    Hi Kelli - You will be very busy gearing up to being back at school!  I went and saw my school principal last week and have begun to plan my return - unfortunately not to 'my' grade but will be a general all-rounder for the last term of the year.  WIll be starting again in early october (date still to be decided) just 2 days a week to start with and if all goes well 3 days a week in november and hopefully full time again by end of year.  It will be a good opportunity to try a few new grade levels and help me decide what I want to do next year (this was to be my 4th year in grade 5/6 so principal was hinting that next year I will be changed to a different level).  Good luck with your return anyhow!

    Hi to everyone else. Hope you are all well. I'm still having my moments re: the emotional rollercoaster but now that I'm travelling every day for Rads I don't have as much time to dwell on things too much.  I've sent my husband away on a holiday with his parents and sister, brother in law and niece - he's had a few hassles at work lately so will do him good to have a break from that and the 'cancer' stuff.  He never was one to have a high level of tolerance for 'bulls**t' but since all this has happened he has NO patience whatsoever for everyone's every day gripes about nothing.  He needed a break it was just unfortunate that I started Rads last week so couldn't join him - next time hey!

    til next time, Mel

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  • shygal
    shygal Member Posts: 89
    edited August 2010

    Wow, we have three teachers affected by BC that started chemo the same time??  Amazing coincidence don't you think?  Everyone seems to be getting back into fall schedule now.  I am planning on returning to work on Oct 12 after I have completed my Rads which start in Sept too. 

    Congratulations Sara on being done chemo.  What a nice DH you have....I am sure your party was very special.  I'm hoping to throw a party for all my friends and neighbours once I am all done as they have been so incredibly generous with their gifts, cards and phone calls. 

    I really feel like I'm getting near the end now but of course have to get through the radiation and then hormone therapy (5 yrs) first.

    ArubaJan you mention stiffness maybe due to tamoxifen.  Funny you should mention that.  I noticed just over the past 2 weeks that I'm very stiff in the morning and feel like I have aged about 20 years since this whole drama began.  Anyone else noticing creaky bones??  I wonder if the chemo could be the cause?

    Have a good day everyone.

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  • Emme
    Emme Member Posts: 205
    edited August 2010

    Hi Ladies,

    I'm checking in let you know that I am doing ok.  My kids and I are at the sae net ministries house...I am so thankful for it...it is very peaceful.  The rest of my life has fallen apart...but the house is good.  Have you even witnessed an auto accident and jump into the accident scene...calling 911...assesing the situation...giving cpr...whatever is needed....then after it is all over you sit back and say to yourself, "What the hell just happened?"...that is how I feel right now.  Last week I had a short stay in the hospital...I felt so sucidal...it was crazy...I have been fighting for my life for the past 9 months...yet I still felt that way.  I am hanging in there...I have a therapy apt today, and I am trying to work a little bit...I need to feel useful.

    The situation with my husband went from not good to worse...He evidently has been having an affair since early last year...and while I was away decided to let the whole town know about it by spending the  night at her house...and parking his big RED truck in her driveway all night...I guess this just confirms my decision.  Right now I am trying to sort all this SHIT out... can I get back to healing???  I am smiling right now because I feel the love from all of you...for that I deeply thank you.  OXOX

    I will try to check in when I am at work...

    Em,

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  • caltex_catlady
    caltex_catlady Member Posts: 136
    edited August 2010

    Emme, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all that. Isn't it enough having to deal with your health? You've got our support.

    Karen

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  • dutchgirl6
    dutchgirl6 Member Posts: 673
    edited August 2010

    Emme, welcome back to this safe haven.  I'm so sorry that things have taken such a downhill turn, but t it sounds like you are doing all the right things to protect and heal yourself and your children.((HUGS))

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