Does Anyone Else Have Anger Issues?

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  • 1vamom
    1vamom Member Posts: 167
    edited July 2010

    Lonely, scared, hopeless, very angry, very sad.

    Can't get help from onc, surgeon, ANYONE i know.

    Nobody even understands why i would be any of those things.

    "You're going to have the surgery, there's nothing you can do about it, so why don't you just get over yourself." --  from my "fiance"

    Thanks, hon.

    I spend all day with my almost 4 year old daughter, and am just so sad and lonely all the time.

    When I did "tell" on myself, that I just didn't want to live anymore (after being served with a protective/custody order and thrown out of my home and away from my daughter for being sad, depressed, and very angry at being called ugly and stupid) I was locked up (for violating said order) and put on suicide watch for three days (you get a velcro dress and nothing else) believe me, i don't tell any more.

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited July 2010

    just wanted to reach out to you and put my arms around you and give you a great big huggggggggggg.....ill be prayin for you...

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  • marjie
    marjie Member Posts: 1,134
    edited August 2010

    My Gosh!!  I haven[t even made it to surgery yet and I all ready feel like a completely different person.  I think all the emotions I feel right now are gelling into a slow-burn anger or resentment.  I definitely have a short fuse these days and I have noticed that I don't really sleep through the night anymore - I wake up as is from a nightmare but can't remember anything specific so I'm thinking its mostly the stress.

    I have a lot of anger, I feel alone (even though I'm really not), and there's kind of an overwhelmed feeling...like I just can't take one more thing, no matter how insignificant it may be.  LOL everyone comments about how well I'm handling everything.....if they only knew!!

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited August 2010

    i am sooooooooooo angry everyone is afraid to talk to me.i yell at everyone for no reason especially my best friends and my dear family.its a wonder they call me every day to see if im alive.i cannot even make a decision..talk about anger...and its goin on for a long time too....i think its the fear of the unknown...not sure about that either...

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited August 2010

    I didn't know how bad my anger was until yesterday...

    I was at the market at the self check out and I couldn't find the upc code to scan. I could feel my face gettin hot. They thh coupon would not woork and I could not get the cashiers attention. I was just about ready to start punching and kicking the machine. I just caught myself. I don't like being this way. It's not me.

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited August 2010

    when does this damn anger go away?????????????? WE KNOW THE BC IS NOT SO DO WE JUST HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS????????can anyone answer ?????????????? i hate feeling like this

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  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited August 2010

    I think the timetable is different for each one of us.  I think most of us get angry, and we all handle it in a different way.  For me, counseling and physical exercise helps.  This is certainly not for everyone.  

    I think some people never stop being angry, and for other people, they channel their anger different ways. We all have different personalities. 

    I don't think anger, per se, is bad. I know I have lots of anger issues.  

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited August 2010

    Hi girls, have any of you thought that you are actually going through a grieving process?  One of the stages of grief is anger.........you feeling anger is a very normal emotion at this time. My suggestion to you is to either get some counseling if you find you can't get past it and, or, get yourself a good book on the stages of grief and how to handle them.  Hope this helps a little.  Love n hugs. Chrissyb

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  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited August 2010

    Yes, chrissyb - I think you are right (for me at least)!  Thank you!

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited August 2010

    well sistas i think you are right.a lightbulb just went off in my head about grieving.i am grieving the passing of my old life that changed the day bc entered it.i just cannot get past it.does anyone know of any good books that might help???and yes i am also thinking about therapy.

    thanks

    K

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited August 2010

    I'm the same - still grieving for my old life and wanting it back. I'm getting support through the hospital. It's very difficult.

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  • Shrek4
    Shrek4 Member Posts: 1,822
    edited August 2010

    Lol, than the grieving process is totally off with me, as I only had the anger stage from the moment I had the diagnostic. Never had the other stages.

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited August 2010

    so i guess im the lucky one i had the denial.oh its nothing and im gonna be fine.i was talking about someone else.then the anger...wow was a bad at that one.everyone stayed away from me.and now the longest one is the grieving and fear together.i just cannot get past that one and its been quite a while...when does the acceptance come????????or does it ever?????i sure hope so...the harder i work the worst it gets.that dark hole gets real dark..damn that c...cannot hardly say the word no less write it.

    luv ya sistas

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  • baywatcher
    baywatcher Member Posts: 532
    edited August 2010

     I found this today on another site. It has given me something to think about today so I thought I would share it with all of you.

             [Cherokee Legend] An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.  "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.  "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.  One is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.  The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"  The old Cherokee wisely replied, "The one you feed."

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited August 2010

    Love the Legend, and ohhhh soooo true!!!  The road to acceptance is paved with the Serenity Prayer.  It's up to you how long you allow the anger to continue because it's up to you how long it takes you to accept the fact that you cannot control the fact that you have cancer....forgive your self, accept it and live the best way you know how for however long that may be.

    Love n hugs to you all. chrissyb

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited August 2010

    I think that somehow, I am getting to where the wise old Cherokee wanted his grandson to go. I was very angry for a time but quickly realized that anger would get me nowhere nor would I feel any better. I am in sort of an acceptance mode now, putting one foot in front of the other. I do grieve, however. I tried to figure out what I was grieving about and after listing everything out, they all added up to grieving my loss of innocence.

    Until you look death in the eye, you are innocent.

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited August 2010

    Barbara you are so right.i think i also figured it out about the anger.im angry about the loss of my old self and that also includes me being innocent.oh the things i used to take for granted...and the little things i stressed over,and the small things i got upset over.WHAT A WAKEUP CALL THIS BC IS.I promised myself to try to never go to that dark hole again.....i hope it lasts.

    God give us the powers to stay strong and positive

    K

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  • Pat634
    Pat634 Member Posts: 271
    edited October 2010

    With me its kind of like a corked dam and sometimes I can feel it coming on and talk myself down but usually the cork just bursts and out it comes. I'm NEVER physical and the usual victim of my verbal wrath is my sister whom I live with and help care for because she has severe rheumatoid arthritis.  I mention this because some IDIOT in my mobile home park has taken it upon him or herself to report me as "abusive".  Like I dont have enough to deal with (labs on the 22nd, Onco and bilateral mammo early Oct) now I also have to worry about jail.  So something has to give and soon.

    I've got some bone pain in my back and neck but its still tolerable and a pharmacist thinks its the femara thats turning me into Godzilla.  I also have tachycardia so when I hit a wave of anger my heart beats like I've been disco dancing all night (not to mention my blood pressure also goes up) and every muscle in my back and neck tightens causing me pain that just makes the anger worse.

    I think I once accurately described the feeling I get when it starts as when you are stuck in traffic, late for work, and you are boxed in on every side.  That frustration builds into the eventual explosion.  So it looks like there are antidepressants (or a medically induced coma) in my near future.

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  • yellowdoglady
    yellowdoglady Member Posts: 349
    edited September 2010

    When I first got the diagnosis, I was unspeakably angry.  I was, after all, the person who did more than her share of everything and figured that someday I'd finally get my turn.

    Well, when faced with the possibility that all those years of struggling through school and struggling to build a career, and struggling to care for aging parents, and putting off what I wanted to do myself while always being available to help others might just be all I'd get in this life, I went so far as to tell an old friend and former supervisor that he sucked loudly for asking me to work weekend after weekend, year after year, because now I felt monumentally ripped off.

    Was that rational?  Maybe, maybe not.  But as soon as I took myself off the bottom of my list of priorities and put myself up top, the anger dissipated.  Now every year I take a vacation of a lifetime.  I don't spend my time with people I don't like.  I've learned to say no to people who come asking for help with their problems, unless they are one of those who was there to help me.

    That seems to have done the trick. 

           

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited September 2010

    IF YOU HAVE BREAST CANCER YOU HAVE ANGER ISSUES...IF YOU DONT I WANNA KNOW HOW YOU DO IT...IT JUST PLAIN SUKS.

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited September 2010

    What GD said.

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  • Medigal
    Medigal Member Posts: 1,412
    edited September 2010

    Anyone on here ever heard of Xanax, Klonopin, Elavil, etc. etc.?   TAKE YOUR PILLS AND BE HAPPY!!  Why waste all this time being angry over something you can't control.  Negative energy is bad for your body.  Make your anger useful.  Write to a politician you don't like.  That's what I do.  It will take your mine off of the bc and you can focus on making someone in Washington miserable.Wink

    Cheer up ladies!  Take if from one who knows.  It only gets worse when other problems pile up on top of bc and then if you are exhausted from being angry, how are you going to deal with them?  Just my "cheerful" opinions.Tongue out

    Happy Saturday to ALL!! 

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited September 2010

    I WANNA BE HAPPY LIKE MEDIGAL...IM GONNA GET SOME OF THOSE HAPPY PILLS.

    THANKS FOR THE CHEERFUL OPINION.......LOVE IT....I THINK ILL MAKE DR#1 MISSERABLE AS HE MESSED UP AND CAUSED ME TO NOW HAVE A 3RD SURGERY.

    ANYONE HAVE A GOOD LAWYER?????

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2010

    I take happy pills and they don't do anything. I have gone to group therapy. Walked in being very anxious and walked out shaking my head. Support group said thatI have anger to cover up the fear and pain of the cancer.  I need to let go of the anger to feel the pain and fear and then I may be ale to cope. Now I have an appointment with a counselor this Tuesday to help me cope with the anger. I don't like what the anger is doing to me. Its made me a bitter person. I understand that I will never be the same person I was before but I would like to someone close to that. 

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited September 2010

    Veggy, you are right, you will never be the same person again.  You will be better because you will finally be able to live your life with the greatest appreciation of your surroundings.  You will see the world through new eyes and you will listen intently to the smallest sounds that nature makes and marvel. 

    The first step to wellness is acceptance.

    Love n hugs to you.  chrissyb

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  • lbaldwin
    lbaldwin Member Posts: 4
    edited September 2010

    So true. I considered this such a non issue. Had surgery, then radiation. NO BIG DEAL!  Can't seem to say the words BC.  Now on Tamoxafin and effexor. It is ruining my life. If I'm not depressed and crying, I'm angry. People I thought were my friends decided it was better to talk about me and my behavior behind my back, instead of talking to me.

    For such a non issue, as I saw it, I has become huge.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2010
    Chrissyb - About a month ago I had to explain to someone that I was a breast cancer (cough) survivor. I still feel like a victum.  I hope the theraist helps to get me to the point of acceptance. I want to laugh without feeling guilty. I want to be able to dance and sing (off tune) to the music. I want to feel at peace with my scars and the ordeal. Thank you for writing back to me.
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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited September 2010

    Veggy, you are more than welcome.  You are here, you have BC, you have had treatment, you most definately are a survivor and you need not explain to anyone.  It's their problem if they don't understand, not yours.  Every day that passes puts you very firmly on the survivors list so you don't ever need think you have to apologise for that, all you need do is rejoice in the fact that you are alive!  Living allows you the privelage of being able to laugh uproarously at anything that tickles your fancy, to sing at the top of your lungs even if it is off key and not care who hears you as you need not apologise for being part of the living mass and believe me, as time goes by you will be at peace with your scars and the whole ordeal.  You are never alone, you have many friends here who fully understand without explanation.

    Love n hugs. chrissyb

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  • Pat634
    Pat634 Member Posts: 271
    edited October 2010
    Well after spending 45 days in hell I finally asked for some Wellbutrin that seems to be doing the trick for me (for the past 5 days at any rate). Now if I could just undo the damage that was done (my glucose levels shot up, my bp climbed, my heart rate climbed, I believe I am dehydrated in part from taking furosemide too long) and on the 22nd I go in for labs and then on the 4th of Oct I see the Onco and get a double mammo the following day. Cry
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  • Pat634
    Pat634 Member Posts: 271
    edited October 2010

    And I cant seem to use terms like "cured", "NED", or "in remission" as I am scared that the second I say them they will nolonger apply to me.

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