My Big Sister 6/16/56 - 6/19/10

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mradf
mradf Member Posts: 398
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Friends,

I became a member here after being diagnosed in 2007 with DCIS.  My older sister was diagnosed in 2002 with advanced stage BC and fought like hell for eight years.  Last week, just past midnight on Saturday morning, she left us after a long day of giving her words of love and comfort, and prayer.   I haven't wanted to post such sad news, but I guess I'm looking for support from those who know what it's like.  I have three more sisters, a brother, and our 76 year old mom.  She also left a husband, two grown stepdaughters, two grandsons, and her 93 year old mother in law.   She had nieces and nephews by the dozens.   

Her wake so literally overflowed with people, it was difficult to walk around the room.  We laughed and cried, sang and danced.    We gathered on her front lawn after the funeral Mass and waved goodbye as the hearse drove off with her body. We partied like it was New Year's Eve. The funeral directors said that they had never seen a family so truly celebrate the life of their loved one.  It was such a beautiful day on Long Island that Heaven must have been celebrating, too, in welcome to their newest angel. 

If you love someone, don't ever hesitate to tell them or show them.  There can never, ever be too much love.

Be well,

Maria 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2010

    Maria, sincere condolences to you and your family.  My family is like yours, we show love to one another while we are alive because tomorrow is not promised.

    Big HUGS.

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited June 2010

    Maria, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. I, too, have sisters I love so I can imagine what your deep pain must be. What a gift that you could all celebrate her life.

    May G-d send you comfort.

    Leah

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  • Carol913
    Carol913 Member Posts: 23
    edited July 2010

    Maria,

    I am very sorry for you loss. I know it must be a horrible thing to have lost a sister to the same thing that you have been diagnosed with. I hope and pray that your battle will be won...for both of you. I know your sister would want that too. May God comfort you in your loss.

    Carol

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  • cassou1
    cassou1 Member Posts: 31
    edited July 2010

    sorry for your loss maria. in 1998 my sister was first diagnosed with bc, had a mastectomy,cancer free for 10 years. had another mastectomy at the age of 52, had one round of chemo, got an infection and passed away leaving behind two teenage daughters. her gift to me was having the genetic testing done, she came back positive. unfortunately, like i said earlier she passed away the day before i was due to get tested. found out the result day after her funeral (positive brca1). still  year later, i still grieve for her, but tank god i still a have another sister, and thank god we have different mothers, so she doesn't have to go through what my biological sister and i have to go through. no cancer, but there are times my sister gets in to my head telling me "you stupid idiot, do you want to go through, what i went through!" tough decisions a head of me.

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  • mradf
    mradf Member Posts: 398
    edited July 2010

    cassou1

    It sounds like your sister passed away about a year ago?  I am sorry for your loss, too.  So, do I understand right that your sister was, and now you are, positive for the BRCA1 gene mutation and you're trying to decide what to do?   I read an excellent book called "Pretty is What Changes" by Jessica Queller, abuout a woman who faced the same difficult decision.  She was BRCA 1 positive, had a strong family history, and was Ashkenazi Jewish.  She was like a ticking bomb for BC and opted for bilateral masts with reconstruction.  On the other hand, I was negative for BRCA 1, despite my strong family history and  a confirmed malignancy. 

    If you haven't already, schedule a consult with a good genetic counselor. 

    Be well,

    Maria

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  • mradf
    mradf Member Posts: 398
    edited August 2010

    I'm missing my sister today.  She hasn't called just to say "Hi" and "What's new" and "I'm thinking about you", and "I love you".  Damn.

    Be well,

    Maria

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  • Traci-----TripNeg
    Traci-----TripNeg Member Posts: 2,298
    edited August 2010

    Maria, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. Two out of three of my sisters have had breast cancer too (like me). The other one, uterin cancer. I often wonder, morbid as it is, which one of us will go first. No matter which one it is, it's going to be awful.

    There is not much else, like a sisters love.

    I hope the sadness you feel, turns to only cherished memories, as soon as possible.

    From my heart,

    Traci

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  • mradf
    mradf Member Posts: 398
    edited August 2010

    Thanks, Traci.  

    She happened to be the oldest, and she's the first to leave us.  My sisters and brother and I had often said that "eventually all of us are going to lose one of us".  And so it has happened, and it is awful, and life goes on.   The next oldest has suffered from pre-cancerous gynecological conditions for years before the two BC diagnoses, and she's had the whole reproductive kit-and-kaboodle surgically removed.  Our two younger sisters are skittish, to say the least.  The youngest, who also has young children, is so fearful, she barely makes it to her mammograms, and has avoided a prescribed MRI.  Go figure. 

    You and your sisters are in the thick of it, too.  Why?  Not that I would wish this on anyone, but there are families of sisters who can't stand each other and they live to be miserable old women. 

    You said it though: "There is not much else like a sister's love".  I've been so blessed. 

    From my heart, back to you,

    Maria

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  • JannyM
    JannyM Member Posts: 67
    edited August 2010

    My deepest sympathy to you and your family Maria.  I simply cannot imagine loosing my Sister and I am so sorry that you've had to experience such heart ache.  We did loose our only child ... a beautiful Daughter ... to Crohns Disease.  We know that she is whole and happy in Heaven tho and wouldn't it be nice if she and your Sister have already become friends :)  Many hugs to you sweetie.

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  • mradf
    mradf Member Posts: 398
    edited August 2010

    Jan - I cannot imagine your pain.    I do have a vision of peace and contentment on the faces and hearts of our loved ones who have gone before us to Heaven.  I'm sure they're friends.  Thanks for the happy thought.

    Be well,

    Maria

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