July 2010 Rads

Hi all - I had number 5 today, so far so good.  I have noticed more tenderness but I don't think I was healed totally from surgery.  I had a huge hematoma that had to be drained and now have a 6 cm seroma.  I don't know if that has anything to do with the tenderness or not.  No skin changes yet and I'm a very light skinned, freckled person - happy about that.  Has anyone else had tenderness?  Thanks to everyone for sharing - Oh...I'm having 26 regular (?) treatments and seven boosts.

@leklovessrk,yes my nipple has been very sore.My rad onc told me this was normal that the nipple always seems to get really sore.She gave me aquaphor to put on it.I just had my 12th treatment today and other then my nipple being sore I hadn't had any discomfort until today.I feel like my whole breast especially close to my underarm is sunburned.It's also itchy feeling.I hope it doesn't get any worse but am afraid it will.Hope everyone is doing well with their treatments.

Hi,  joining the sore club today too. My incision is adjacent to my nipple and the whole area is tender.  Think I'll try an extra pillow to keep from rolling on it during the night.   Hope you all do a quick heal overnight.

leklovessrk, I couldn't bring myself to tell my Dad or my son for a long time.  I waited until after both surgeries and knew the plan from all the docs. Both managed the news very well and I was relieved to have it out.  My son is 13, he doesn't ask too much, but has been extra nice and helpful which is sweet. There are no rights or wrongs in this...you'll just know when you're ready to share.

Best to you all.  Only two days until our break!.  Donna.

I finished my last radiation today.  It was hard saying goodbye to everyone there.  They were just so nice and so supportive.  I brought big gift bags of ass't Hersheys and Nestles for them to snack on and put a personal note on each one.  My friend translated one into Spanish for me so I could be sure it was understood by all.

Waltersren1- the side that was radiated is almost twice the size of the other side!!  They said it was normal and that it would eventually go down.  I started as a 34DDD and am having an awful time finding a bra to fit the radiated side!  I wish you could get them custom  made.  Who wants a girdle on something so sore??!! That's what the too small bra feels like!

Leklovessrk - (I like your 'name'!)  I told my co-workers and friends because I knew I would end up needing their help and support.  Some days you're just too tired to cook or do laundry etc.  and some days, you just need a friend.  I haven't gotten any pity, but have gotten some really stupid remarks.

 Good luck everyone!  This too, shall pass!

Hi Ladies,

Hope the day went ok for you and your treatments weren't too awful - mine was still painless though my skin is starting to look a bit tight and puckered - scary!!! Hope all your swelling, chaffing and irritated parts are not getting worse.

It's interesting how many of my friends who I thought would be with me all through this have kind of lost interest???  I feel as though more than anything people are kind of scared and it's easier to just see me as strong and getting on with it - and so they seem to think things are all back to normal. It's hard to be vulnerable with them and let them know how scary it is to be in my head sometimes and how hard it is to have fears about the future - get lots of comments like - don't worry everything will be fine!!.  

Hindimetfan - I've got lots of crazy comments too! Sometimes it's just easier to keep it surface to avoid everyone's uncomfortable, though I'm sure well intentioned remarks.

How old are your twins Patty? I have twin 29 year old daughters - they've been wonderful and so supportive. I, like you have enjoyed having them around to have some fun with this summer though they have just left to go back to work.

Hope you are all well - good luck tomorrow - then two days off!!! Yay - the weekend.

Sonia 

Hi everyone! I have been away for about a week - just trying to catch up on all of you! I finished 7 of 28 today. Seems endless!  Anyone else doing this after a mastectomy and chemo? That's me! Today is the first day I feel any burn, but makes me wonder what I will feel like after 20! YIKES! Anyway, the doc and the techs are all very nice! The machine was down 2 days last week due to heavy storms in our area, so I am 2 days behind.

Hope everyone is surviving the combo of rads and high heat! 94 here in Detroit today! YUCK!  Good luck to all of you!

leklovessrk - I ended up getting some tops with very busy patterns.  Then you can't tell that um, things are not where they should be.  DDD's are not meant for sports bras (after surgery)!  The bras without underwire that I was able to find in this crazy size all have seams.  Very prominent seams and tend to be kinda triangular.  Picture 2 huge ice cream cones!  Anyway, patterns and dark colors, ie black, hide all your misplaced items <G>

 karenlen - thanks for your kind wishes and bright, sunny smile!

Good luck all!  Have a great weekend!

Sonia - I know what you mean about the support system.  Once chemo was over, so many people made comments like "thank god, you're done". I felt like screaming - "I'M NOT DONE!!!!"  Although, I'm not shy about asking for help or sympathy. It's important for me to keep my family and friends in the loop during rads.

Busy patterns sound like a great idea - I was going shopping this weekend for camisole, I'll add a few shirts on the list.

Everyone enjoy their 2 days of freedom.

 Marilyn 

Hello Ladies,

Well week one is over and I am feeling pretty glad about getting a break. I work as a counsellor in a school and so I was fortunate to have this happen now because I don't have to work through it like so many of you (school teachers have babies in the summer, I have cancer) go figure!. Thankfully I can have this out of the way before September - but I really feel for all of you struggling with bras, drooping, etc. Hang in there !!

Marilyn and Bennybear - I just can't imagine how difficult chemo would be to go through and I'm thinking without the support of family and friends helping with the day to day it would be so hard.  I certainly feel like I will support people who are dealing with illness much differently now that I have had this experience. I definitely am trying hard not to be hurt as I realize that when you seem "well" even though you've had cancer that it is probably easier to just see the person as better. It's weird -  cancer - cause people can look really well - I've made massive changes to my diet and level of fitness and the results are showing in a positive way - I think many friends think I'm doing really well and for the most part I am but it can still be lonely late a night when everyone else is asleep or when your mind is racing with thoughts like - maybe I should update my will, no it's ok I have time, I wonder if the radiation is killing the cancer cells or if their still in there resisting??? etc.etc.etc. Sometimes when I let my inside voice say outside voice things - people just look horrified - then I say something terribly witty and we all move on - maybe that's why my poor friends are avoiding me  Have a good weekend everyone and really glad you are almost there bennybear! Also so sorry you've had to go through this with your own battle but also with your brother. That's tough stuff!

Hi all - thanks everyone for posting.  Truly, it is so helpful to know others are experiencing the same thing.  And to have this forum is wonderful.  I too have noticed that people don't call as much, people at work don't ask how I am any more.  I don't know if they think I'm fine now or if they're afraid.  But that's ok, I have my "peeps" and they're all I need.

I wanted to ask if anyone has noticed a change in appetite?  I don't seem hungry.  I'm not sure if it's rads or maybe Tamoxifen (started three weeks ago).I have a tight, tender, pink boob; had #7 yesterday, 26 to go!  Nice to have a two day break.

Good wishes and hugs to all.

Hi All

Friday was radiation hump day for me - #17 out of 33.  Skin around my nipple is a bit red and at the top of my shoulder (am being radiated from shoulder to bottom of right boob including my upper arm and underarm - because of the lymph node involvement).  It's not painful yet - just tender.  My nipple is not tender (it's been through a lot and, I think, has toughened up) and I've not experienced the swelling (darn - a little swelling would help even things out).  I've been using a cortisone cream with aloe (anti-itch stuff) as recommended by my doctor. Plus slathering on Eucerin cream, cocoa butter and spraying my back with Solarcaine (because I can't reach it after treatment). I've heard great things about Aquaphor but I'm not buying another thing.

However, a woman who was ahead of me in rad treatments and just after my appointment everyday found that using the gel/juice from an Aloe leaf was very soothing...and she was having major skin issues. I was trying to figure out how to get an Aloe plant when I stopped yesterday at a nearby produce store, viola! there was a gigantic Aloe leaf for sale!

So, this huge Aloe leaf came home with me and I truly didn't know what to do with it.  Thank goodness for the ability to google.  I found a site that demonstrated how to fillet an Aloe leaf and mix up the gel and juice for a refrigerated bottle of 100% pure Aloe.  And, now I stand at the refrigerator with my blouse up putting Aloe on my boob and shoulder.  It feels great and so does the cold air.  )

I am also a private person and didn't tell anyone right away.  It was only me and my husband knowing until just before my surgery.  My children are adults, so I made sure to tell them in person so I could answer their questions right away.  Each reached differently - two very supportive, two ignoring it because it's too scary to think about.  I only told my boss at work just before my chemo started because I knew I'd have to take off from work.  He's been wonderful.  I didn't tell anyone else, but they found out anyway.  Everyone seems to respect that when I'm at work I really don't want to talk about it.  Occasionally I'll get a "how you doing?" and I say, "great."  The biggest shocker was the first time I didn't wear my wig to work.  I had been wearing it from February and had my hair cut in the same style in early January....so the change of "do" happened before I went bald.  The 103 degree weather in early July did my wig in  for me and although my hair is maybe an inch long I went au natural.  My hair was dark brown pre chemo and came back mostly salt with some pepper post (as did all the hair on my body turn white - eyebrows and eyelashes came back in white).  I didn't dye before and don't have the energy to do it now.  So, even though I never said anything, it's very clear that my body has been through a major change. Most folks are very complementary...but, at work I still really don't want to talk about it.

I've been lucky not to get any stupid comments - except one funny instance.  We (my husband and 4 year old grandson) went to Appelbeas in early June for dinner to celebrate my last chemo session.  I had my Wonder Woman ball cap on (no wig) and a shirt over a tee.  I kept my ballcap on because at that time I had some fuzzy new hairs and still some bald spots.  I was looking down at the menu when the server came over and said, "OK Gentlemen what can I get for you tonight?"  I looked up startled and then he went..."Whoops, I mean Ladies and Gentlemen!"  So, there you are ... that's what I really looked like, one of the guys!  Most folks have been very kind.  Forgive them their stupidity.

Unfortunately, my appetite is fine.  I've gained 6 lbs since end of chemo (had lost 13 lbs).  I've got to start exercising when this stuff is over.

I will not be taking Tamoxifen - because I am postmenapausal, my onc prescribed Femara (an aromatase inhibitor) for me.  I start that the week after radiation ends.  And, I think I'm on that forevermore.  Hopefully it works and I don't experience the bad side effects that could happen (arthritis, edema). 

Hugs to all.  Stay strong

Pat

I've been in a conference for the past two days and I've found myself waiting all day to come home - first thing after I kiss my guy is to get online and read what you have all written throughout the day. I am so grateful for all of you - you make me feel so normal and I truly feel like you've become so important to me and even though I wouldn't know your beautiful faces or recognize your hairy or hairless heads -  somehow you've become a bit of a lifeline to me. It's weird - today I kept thinking - I wonder if anyone else in here (25 women plus 4 men) have had cancer, do they all have their breasts or have they had to have mastectomies, can they see my incision, I wonder if they can tell there is something different about me (we've been in a training program for a year together) I've lost some weight and one of the women asked me yesterday if I had been pregnant OMG  - I wanted to blurt - nope just cancer! But  I contained myself - it just felt like it would be way too horrible of me.

Pagowens - love the aloe straight out of the fridge onto the breast tissue - nice and cool - though my skin is so numb it takes a bit before I feel it.  

Take care of yourselves warrior/super women, you are fighters, gritty awesome and inspirational to me - thank-you for your stories tonight - I am not really talking about this with anyone anymore except my wonderful guy but it's this place we've created together, that is my safe place to land in at the end of a day of keeping it all in inside of me - it helps me so profoundly. Thank-you for being here. 

Hi everyone!

I hope everybody enjoyed their weekend. If anyone is looking for aloe, you can usually find pure aloe at drug stores, in the skin care aisle. It certainly does help (as does aquaphor). Is anybody starting to get a rash? I had a very slight rash start to form - it seems to have eased with the break this weekend. Guess I'll have to see what happens next week. 

Spendygirl - my appetite is fading, too. I don't know if it's radiation, or the miserable heat. I'm making myself eat, though. Got to have that protein for healing

Snuz - I wasn't given the option - I was told I WOULD be getting tattoos. They're not bad, but I would prefer NOT having a permanent reminder of this experience.

Bailey1958 - I agree about this being a lifeline. Other people (i.e.healthy people) just don't seem to understand. Most of the people I know think since the surgery went well and I didn't have chemo, that all is well. My patience is starting to wear thin about it, to be honest. If the doctors didn't think I actually NEEDED radiation and Tamoxifen, they wouldn't make me be having it! 

Pagowens - Congratulations on passing hump day! Hopefully the rest of the treatments will zip by.

MagPag - the tiredness is already hitting me, and I wasn't expecting it quite this soon. However, I halfway suspect it may be the combination of Tamoxifen and heat, rather than all the radiation's fault. It's been miserably hot here. I slept 12 hours last night and the night before AND took naps! Had a bit of energy today, which I really appreciated it. I can't wait to get my energy back!

Bennybear - only one more to go - HOORAY!!!

Thanks to everyone for being such great support - take care!

Karen