June 2010 Mastectomy

hugs hugs and more hugs to you jeanne!  You have every right to be down today.  That is alot of new to be surprised with and have to process!  Take a minute and breathe girl!  You can do this.  Hopefully you will wake up and feel better tomorrow!  I wish I could give you a hug in person.

Jeanne- What a crap day.  I am so sorry that the news was not what you expected and that your BS didn't give you  a heads up.  I hope you are able to get comfy and find some sleep tonight.  A BIG hug to you.  I hope you either find some chocolate or a nice cocktail/wine in your house somewhere- you deserve a treat.  In case you don't I will go find something myself now and consume it in your honor....brownie or wine- tough call ♥

Stcardsfan- Glad to hear your fill went well.  Thanks for the warning on the size of the needle!  I guess I am the only one with a PS who is afraid I will turn into a junkie.  You guys are all getting muscle relaxers, I am jealous!  I asked mine if they "give me anything"  he said- no just take some tylenol....gee- thanks.

Liz- Thanks for the reminder on Melissa- I miss seeing her on here- perhaps I will jump to the July thread and see if she is on there?

Laurie, you totally crack me up sometimes!  How about a Dove dark chocolate bar-mmmmm  AND Breyers makes a new Dark Chocolate Velvet icecream that is delicious!!!  (and half the fat so no guilt later!)

MRDRN- right there with you on the long recovery and bored in the heat.  Makes me weepy somedays.  My DH just keeps reminding me why I did it.  But my mind is saying lets go.....then my body says.....Oh no.  We will get there, slowly but surely the turtle won the race right?

PS - LIZ, thanks for the reminder regarding Melissa, so glad she's finally going to get the surgery over with. Melissa - hope all goes well tomorrow, sending lots of good energy and love your way.

Binney: that was great information.   Thank you so much.

StCards: getting fills!!!!!  Whooo hooo!!!

Two things today:'

First - NO MORE DRAINS!!!!!!!  Finally....

Second -  I realized why I like HGTV so much = there is, 98% of the time, a happy ending!!!!!  I mean I love watching all the makeovers etc.. and the "Income Property" guy is very, very easy on the eye but, and more importantly, it always ends on a happy note!  Better than watching oil spill into the gulf or everyone yell and argue on all those shows I never saw before I was home with bc!!!!

Good day, girls-

Liz

RENEE - congrats on going in for your last fill! Maybe you'll be surprised that things will "even up" with this one. I've had a big size difference in my two breasts since radiation 9 years ago - it really shrunk up the rt breast - I learned to cleverly disguise and dress so it wasn't noticeable. Of course all that is now history. I hope you can ease back into work...

STLcards- It is pretty impressive that you are moving that well on the treadmill. I am really having trouble getting going with that even though my PS says it is one of the best things I can do to speed my recovery. I just get so darn tired...I guess I need to get my treadmill time in in the morning when I have the energy. Maybe I'll go do it now....I remember well those St. Louis summers - but it's so beautiful in the spring!

Hi all! I stepped away for a bit .. went to a hotel on the beach for a few days ALONE and it was heavenly! I've been catching up on the posts and am so happy to see that things are moving along for you!

Lizziemack - congrats on the drains being gone!

Jeanne - I hope you have a wonderful weekend! My weekend away worked wonders for my spirits.

Almagetty - way to go on your last fill! I had immediate implants so haven't had the TE experience myself, but your comment about a ift for the "real" side struck a chord!  I've been trying to figure out how much I care that they're not even since a good bra will do the trick. On the other hand not sure how that works in something with less support, like sun dresses which I love. Hmmm ...

I seem to be healing pretty well, although my incision has been more sensitive/ itchy over the last few days. I think my body is also sick of the 24/7 bra since I just can't seem to get comfortable. I'm constantly tugging at the band (and sticking guaze padding between my "real" nipple and the bra). Ah well, I see my PS next Friday so hopefully I get out of the bra more.

Have a great day ladies!

Jeanne-if you want to cry some more but can't find the tears, I can send either my friend with her kids OR my family!!!!!!!   You just let me know if you are not devastated enough by bc and you really want to give it a good cry, I will send them right down to you!!!!!!   Don't hesitate....there is Debbie Downer (any SNL fans here?), 'Mr. so-how-much-money-do-you-have-in-the-market- again?', then there is my friend who likes to tell me how many people she knows that are dead from cancer!!!!!!!  It is an all together very inspiring group of people completely anesthetized to what I am going through!!!!!!!  They will have you crying in no time flat!!!!!  In record time you will be bawling!  I just laugh....I don't even know what to say to these jokers so now I have a plan...whenever someone comes over who I don't like I send my boyfriend a text.   What he does is calls me, pretends to be a doc and that I have to go for bloodwork!  I would rather go to a car accident than spend time with some of these people!!!

Reneemac-  the MAC is back!!!!!  She has a new breast, has gone off to a day spa and has a high school reunion this weekend....all good stuff!!!!!   You should go to the Liberator catalogue site online and request a catalogue.  There are these puffers (my Dolly Parton puffers!) that you can use for balancing.  There is also a waterproof one that is regulatable (is that a word?!).  The pool situations are always a little hard on your first outing.  It all gets better.  Congrats on getting back to your bed...I am very happy for you.  I slept on my stomach for the past few nights and this makes me very happy!!!!!!!

JBL- I do agree that St. Cards is flying along on that treadmill and I am getting fired up!  I walked a mile at a local track today and now I am going to ride my recumbent bike for an hour!   I am only joking and am very proud of what St.Cards has accomplished and I am really doing all this working out just to get an appetite going.  My appetite left the building and I accidently told the VNA today so I will probably be remanded to a hospital tomorrow where they will stuff me in ICU with an IV and a turbin!  It has been nice chatting with your girls........!!!  Seriously...the VNA still has visits i guess b/c of my infection now and they make detailed reports of every visit!  They have been authorized for 9 visits!   I am not excited about this but I play along...!   Sooo JBL..what is going on with you?  

Getty- all done with fills and going on a cruise...nice....very nice!!!!!!  Congratulations on both!  There are bathing suits for us mx/bmx women.   You should do an online search.  Or you can just try to look as scary as possible like several others do on cruises!!!!

4luvofZ- so let me figure this out you went away to a hotel (filled with terribly attractive men at your service) on a beach ( like she ever saw it!) alone (being fanned and fed grapes is not alone!) and now you are back and refreshed....I can only imagine!  Well, I have been dodging spooky visitors, trying to keep my boyfriend away ( I like to drink alone!!...joking!), and misdiagnosing myself for all kinds of mets while you have been at a Chippendales Resort (isn't that what they call the hotel you were at?! silly rabbit...tricks are for...you know!)....nice life you have!!!  do you see the contrast?!!!!!  I also have an infection that is putting off my Christmas-in-July treat of chemo!!   My life is grand!!!

I need to give you all a laugh AGAIN!   Today this loser was staring at my puffers and he got me so pissed I drove my index fingers into the middle of them!!!!!!!!!!!!  It was hysterical and I think I accidentally sent a message that I was into bondage!  In any case, he was beyond words!!  I just hate the nonsense and, btw, I learned that little trick from Sister Mary Katherine Gallagher in none other than "Superstar!!!"   The banana scene...do you all remember that?!  If not, rent it!   Very, very funny movie!

Ok...well I have diagnosed myself for leg mets as I have a constant burning, tingling weird pain in both thighs so they released me for weight lifting and I am working out with so much weight I will blow the muscle out before it gives me more pain!!!!!!  he he he!!!

Ooooops...a car just pulled up...I have to hit the deck...later girls!

renee and getty- congrats on your final fills!  I can't believe how fast it has gone by- I go for my first this Monday.  Getty I am very jealous of your cruise pans- you deserve every relaxing minute of it

Jeanne- Great job pushing through and getting things done with school.  You should be very proud of yourself for persevering through this an I am glad that you awoke today feeling good and hopeful.  I would love to chime in on the stupid things people say.  My MIL is up helping me with the kids this week.  So today she says to me: "it's amazing how when it rains it pours with people having issues- I mean you are the third person in our family to have to deal with something with their breasts...."   I looked at her like, huh?  And she names one of my SIL  who had a boob job last year because she thought she was too flat, and  a niece of mine that had a breast reduction this past year because she thought hers were too big.  I said "yes, but I had mine REMOVED because I had CANCER."  and she says yes well, you know what I mean, it's all the same...WTF?!?!  

I am exhausted from trying to do too much and am going to head to bed early tonight.  Today I ran errands alone with my 2 1/2 year old which was awesome.  It was the first time I had been alone with him in three weeks and we had a blast- but man oh man I am pooped.

Liz- I hope the crazy people leave you alone, and stop doing so much exercise, you might give me a complex!!!!  Relax, put your feet up!!  (at least once in  awhile

Laurie  I agree with you on the self image.  I was surprised it wasn't as bad looking as I thought it would be,  My husband is having a difficult time with it (I think).

Anybody had issues with the reaction of  husbands, friends or significant others?

Tamoxifen  I was diagnosed with LCIS in '07 had a lumpectomy and put on Tamoxifen for 5 years.  I didn't work I got DCIS in '10 resulting in a BMX.  I didn't find the Tamoxifen to be too bad.  I used it as an excuse for everything form weight gain to not remembering something;  Good luc!

Hi  ALL June Ladies!

 Misty and Jane, thanks for your kind words.  I am just so used to being active!!  Yesterday I actually weeded and cut bushes in a far back garden in the 90 degree heat!  Then exhausted, I came in to find my breast wound draining profusely!   I got so scared thinking, oh great, now I am infected!  No fever, but the intrasite gel does debride the wound but still....today I am fine and it stopped.  The pulling of the weeds was too much!   I am sick of looking at my very messy home and should hire a cleaning person but I am too cheap and really don't want anyone coming over!  

You will love this...I fired the nurses the first week!  In the first week home, I had three different nurses and the third one, had NO CLUE...came in with a blood pressure cuff and asked me where and I said....where do you think?  DUH!  I gave her a few seconds to check her notes, and she didn't even have my dx written down!  I will spare you of other details....

Jeanne, I am glad you are getting away because I like  4LovofZ went awary before my surgeryby myself,and it really helped!   Liz  your posts are soooo funny!   You are going to do so well with treatments with that attitude...I am picturing the poke!!! OMG!!!  Kitwe...reactions of husbands, kids...um...did I say that I went away before my surgery, and after my dx by myself? Nuf said.   They stepped up to the plate for the second surgery though after setting the expectations straight ;0).  

We have a heat advisory, for our state and it is hotter tomorrow.  We have set records with the heat this month!  I can't wait to see our AC bill!!   Try to stay cool ! 

Laurie  Thanks so much for your response.  Your husband's response was the one I expected.  I'm trying not to be hurt but I am.  For the 1st three weeks I rationalized it that it was like someone who can't stand looking at blood but this is ME and it's week 4.  Anyway  I'll deal

Laurie- your MIL story = ROFLMAO!!!!!!   What a freakin boob she is!!!!!!!!!!!   I would have ran right the tequila!!!!  Holy smokes....you might want to preemptively drink going forward!  The last guy I was engaged to was Sicilian (don't start ....not saying bad things about Sicilians....I am Irish and Italian!) and his mother was such a ...you all know!   So, in any event, one day she served me my salad at Sunday dinner and there, right in the middle of my slice of mozzarella was a CARPENTER ant!  yeah...she could not see the huge carpenter ant!   In the end, she was too much to put up with and he was not worth the challenge of Sunday dinners in that atmosphere.  The MIL relationship, however, is usually challenging, as we all know, but what does one going smaller and another going bigger have to do with you with bc?!   Perhaps she skipped a synapse?!

Kitwe: You have to open a dialogue with your husband ASAP.  You have to tell him how you feel and, of course, he is going to say "no,nothing is wrong."  If he is the type you can push for an answer and he will give, then push on.  If, however, he is the type that won't talk, then you start acting out of character.   This is either going to cause him to talk to you OR he is going to ask you what is wrong.  At which point, of course, you will say nothing.   Keep on with this pattern UNTIL he talks.  The hardest feelings come from non-communication and you will start acting differently anyway so you may as well assume the position as part of your M.O. rather than sit and feel pain and hurt over this.   We all know how to make our men talk....all is fair in love and war.   You have to get him to open up.  There is no guarantee you are going to like what he says so then you have to remind him that you hope he was not mistaken but that was not BOOBS standing at the alter marrying him but rather he married a woman.   Plus, and if you did a bmx or not or whatever you did, the new ones DON'T move and scars don't show in the dark!!!!!!!  That last part was for humor.

To all: my goal is to always try to make you all smile.  I am usually writing in jest but, to be quite frank, I find a lot of things very funny!  It is just the way my mind works so I hope you all enjoy my tales!

Now I have the very, very dubious task of GIVING UP my Maroon 5 tickets for next weekend = SUPER SAD!!!!!!!  But between this infection and the chances that if anything was to happen and I was hurt in one way or another, that could set the chemo schedule way back.   Now is not the time for concerts which also means I will skip Oz Fest!!!!!!!!   WOE IS ME!!!!!!!!!!

Have a good weekend girls and because it is the weekend I will say: keep smiling, it works and if it doesn't, start drinking!!!!!

I do have to say this much, however, and ginger, I am very glad to read your man is above having a misunderstanding about your situation.  

I don't give a rat's big, old, effin, fat a$$ what anyone thinks of my "image" because none of us are cute dead.  Just don't forget that and god forbid someone is going to make you feell uncomfortable, in any way, about your altered appearance because you had bc, seriously, seriously reconsider who you are dealing with.  Way, way, way too much in our society is predicated on aesthetics.  I speak Japanese and some Mandarin Chinese and both professors MOCKED our culture for our aesthetic nonsense.  Of course, it is in those countries as well but no where near like it is here.   Both were Yale connected.  My Chinese professor had a face that would scare snakes (joking!) and one night she said "oh...see how cute I am" and scrunched her face up, stuck her teeth out and moved her hands on top of her head like she was a monster of sorts!  So very funny and very indicative of how many people are disconnected from the "I am so cute" movement.  I am not saying it does not matter, and you have to feel good about yourself, but you can't feel good about yourself if you are with someone who is undermining that.

And if you are not finding love from the old sources, I am sure we will be more than welcome in the bondage community with our new immobile, albeit slightly scarred-up (which makes us eligible!), foobs!!!!!!   (the last part was for jokes...don't get nervous!)