Feeling SOOOO sad

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smurfiep
smurfiep Member Posts: 33
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I was diagnosed in June and am now scheduled for a PBM on Aug 4.  I am scared about the surgery, but more than anything I am feeling so overwhelmingly sad.  I am already on an antidepressant and have an appt with my primary doctor today to discuss upping my dosage.  I keep telling myself that I am lucky in that Paget's disease alone has a very good prognosis and the findings in my other breast is "pre-cancerous" and not yet cancer.  Still I find myself throwing a pity party...why did this happen?  will I live the rest of my life in  fear? do I have other cancers in my body that I don't know about? I am afraid I have lymphoma or lukemia because my legs and groin hurt. I am mourning the loss of my physical and mental health. And I am also mourning the lost of my breasts.  The angels I have met during the last 6 weeks continue to tell me that everything is going to be alright...but right now I am a mess. 

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  • Houndmommy
    Houndmommy Member Posts: 377
    edited July 2010

    I'm fairly new to BC myself and I understand how you feel.  It is normal. Sending lots of hugs your way.

    Kim

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2010

    HM dearest, I am going through an awful bought of grief-not depression-but profound sadness and a lot of fear. My take on all of this is that nothing will ever be the same in my life after the cancer diagnosis. I have no energy or strength to do anything and i spend an enormous amount of time experiencing profound grief-especially over the loss of my old life. My chemo went really badly (I was allergic to it) and now docs are saying that my body cannot process out the chemicals used to treat cancer-so they are saying NO to any further treatment other than a double mastectomy. i have no family support and though have great support thru a 12-step program-and I act as if all will be well-inside, I am dying. I am worn out from the sadness and I too am on antidepressants but I think the chemo (I know that it did) gave me a brain trauma and the meds are not working like they should. Pre-cancer, I was an "on the go" gal just living the good life on the beach and now I cannot get out the door. I feel as if i have lost complete control over my life and the only control I have is over the remote on the TV. And I am catastrophizing a lot. I am sure that since I have cancer (now in remission) I simply do not have long to live-so why bother. i hope to crawl out of this dark hole, but just don'tknow about anything anymore. I am sending you lots of love and blessings (((BIG HUGS)) SV

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited July 2010

    still verticle..i sent you a PM..

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