Mothers of Young Children Thread

Hi Diane -

I'm also a Dianne (but with two N's).  I'm 37 and was diagnosed in April.  I have an almost 2.5 year old and a 4 month old.  I'm hoping to be one of the posters that comes back to talk about how my kids just went to prom or graduated from college. 

I'm still in the beginnings of the whole BC whirlwind.  Scheduled for a mastectomy this month after a failed re-excision. Life threw us a curveball.  Guess it's time to take a swing.  I get scared all the time so you are not alone.  It's worse for me late at night when the girls are asleep - my mind wanders.  During the day they keep me busy though. 

How many kids do you have, Diane? 

Hi,

I have two little ones too.  My son is 5 and my daughter is 3.5.  I am scared as well and worry all the time.  I start chemo tomorrow and I am nervous and afraid. They keep me busy during the day but I find myself getting short fused the last couple of days.  I want to keep everything normal for them but I am not sure how they will happen.  This would be great to talk to others that have little ones. Thanks, Jenn 

Hi,

In_cognito,  I was the same way we told family first and then friends and then when people asked I told them because I wanted people to be aware that it could happen to a young person with no family history.  I am doing 20 weeks of chemo AC+T.  The first two months will be every other week and then the T part will be every week for 12 weeks.  Then a break and radiation and hormone therapy.  I was fine at first now that it is starting tomorrow I am so upset and scared. We have a lot of help around so everyone is willing to pitch in.  I think I am going to have a hard time because I think to do everything myself.   Have you decided on a treatment plan yet?  Thanks, Jenn

hi there i also have  the same fear.  i am 45 with a 7 year old and a 9 year old.  i have been in testing and waiting limbo since march 5. my nerves are frayed and i have been snappy with my kids.  i feel so sorry for them:(.  they know i have breast cancer, but they do not understand the seriousness. i have told them that i am sick and sometimes they will see me cry.  i told them that i may have some more operations and have to take some medicine that will make me feel poorly, but after all of that i should be feeling better.  it is so hard to be strong.  at this point i have only been getting bad news.  i will have all my results in another week or two and find out what has to be done.  this waiting is so very hard and i don't want the kids to think that i am mean and grouchy.  wow this is a living hell right now.

Hello ladies, just wanted to chime in as someone who's coming out the other side of this after a year of treatment.  I know getting bc is not easy at any age, but I always thought that getting it when you have little kids has got to be the worst.  In the beginning I was afraid I wouldn't even see my boys' fourth birthday let alone see them graduate from high school.  I felt so guilty that their childhood would be marred by mommy always being gone at the doctor or sick in bed at home.  But I'm glad to tell you that the majority of me and my kids time together was not spent that way!  Yes, they spent some time staying with family during chemo (my husband bailed so he wasn't around) and a day or two afterward.  And yes, sometimes I was too tired to play and we spent some days snuggled up on the couch watching movie after movie.  I kept explanations simple and they handled everything really well - once I had surgery and told them my "ouchie" was gone, they never asked about it again.

Please don't beat yourselves up over the times you're feeling snappy.  It's a lot to go through for sure. I think so many times we don't want kids to know our feelings because we think they can't handle it or it would scare them.  But how can we expect them to share their feelings and not bottle things up if we don't show them how to.  Of course I don't mean tell a little kid that you're afraid of dying.  But I don't see what's wrong with showing emotion.  I didn't hide my crying from my kids (well, I hid my crazy yelling at God crying from everyone and only did it alone in the car!),  I let them know Mommy is just a little sad right now but things won't always be like this, Mommy is feeling really tired from the medicine, Mommy is feeling really angry that I have to go to the doctor again, but I know it will make my ouchie go away, or Mommy is feeling a little crazy right now, what if we all laid down in mommy's bed for a rest? Not that there wasn't times I didn't yell at them of course!  But I hope I did a good job of letting them know they weren't the cause of my anger.  Kids come up with some crazy ideas sometimes, thinking that they made mommy sick because they weren't "good" and made her angry.

The fear stops hitting you so hard after awhile and things do get back to normal for you and the kids.  It's a different normal than before bc, but it's a good normal.  You'll all make it through it!  There's another website for moms with bc that someone here started.  I haven't been on there in awhile and it was just starting up but here's a link if anyone's interested:  www.breastcancermums.co.uk  

Hope that helps some!  Hang in there girls!

Bumping for any newbies.

My 2.5 year old starts pre-school tomorrow.  I like to call it "play school" since that is what it really is.  There is a church nearby that offers a pre-school program based "fun and lots of love!"  I think my daughter will enjoy it!  She's probably bored looking at me all day, everyday.  It will give me a few hours to take walks with the baby too - I fel like we haven't bonded enough since I was diagnosed when she was a newborn. 

Hope everyone is doing well!  I also have my third out of four treatments tomorrow. 75% done!