Need to connect with someone like my wife

I took Taxol every week for 6 months, of course it doesn't react the same to everyone but, I didn't have alot of trouble with it. But thoughout chemo I really didn't want to talk to any one and I had nothing removed. I think its the chemo and the shock still. I had two patients (nurse in peds office) mothers that also had breast cancer but was farther along in treatment than I was. They both just gave me their home phone number and told me that IF I ever needed to talk to call. It's not or it wasn't with me that I did not want to talk I just didn't have anything to say to anyone for a pretty long while. I would try to talk to my husband but just end up yelling at him. Just be there for her when she decides she is ready she will talk, and give her lots of hugs and remind her how much you love her. If she's like I was she is feeling alone, scared and abnormal. Just don't keep telling her that you are sorry. I got so sick of hearing that sentence, and don't start every conversation with "how are you doing? or how do you feel?" Just love her she will come around.

Hi som14, sorry I can't help you re your wifes' dx, but I can try to ease her fear and pain. Please read what I write to her. Dear wife of som14 ( he did not think to add your name), This site BCO is the best site on the net to connect with people who have been and some still are at the same place you find yourself. It is the best place to ask for advice of women who know what you are feeling.  They can give you unbiased information that has been gained through experience that will give you the power to take charge of your illness and not let the illness take charge of you.  It is a site where if you are angry at what life has dealt you, you can come to vent and we will understand and not judge you. It is a place where we can come as a sisterhood and gain strength from each other as love and compassion is given freely. The journey you are on is a very difficult one but one that many women have travelled before you. It is very hard but it is do-able.  The advice that is most often given here is to live through one day at a time and deal with whatever that day brings be it hard or easy. Never project into the future as this only causes you anxiety and fear.  No-one knows what the future holds.  If you have particular questions, please just post them and someone will always answer you. I am also sure that one or more of the other women here will be along soon to give you an answer to your original question....hang in there. Please keep us updated with your progress, we are here to help as much as we can and as much as you will allow.  Love n hugs to you both. chrissyb

Som:  Your wife is very fortunate to have you providing support and seeking help.  I did not feel like talking much about my cancer to my friends and family either, that's why these boards were so helpful to me. 

Like your wife, I have triple negative cancer.  You can read a lot of very scary stuff about this type of breast cancer on the Internet, so you/she are right to be cautious. When she is ready, there is a Triple Negative board here with very supportive ladies posting. Also, this site is wonderfully helpful in terms of the latest research http://www.tnbcfoundation.org/  including new treatment regimens that hold promise, and the importance of diet and exercise.

A cautious word about any statistics... survival statistics track women over a long period of time; their survival rates are based on treatments they were given perhaps 10 or 20 years ago, and much has improved.  Second, when I first started coming here and I saw women so excited about being 2 or 3 or 5 or 10 years out from treatment, I was literally scared and dismayed:  I want to live so much longer, how can that be cause for celebration?  I now understand how each year is a milestone, and the further out you are, the better your prognosis.  This is especially true with triple negative BC, where the risk of recurrence is very low after 6 years.   

As for your specific questions, mouth sores can be terrible.  My doctors recommended rinsing my mouth with a baking soda solution  (1 tbsp soda to 8 oz. water) 5 or 6 times a day.  However, if sores have really taken hold, she may need more help from her doctor. 

As for taxol, like many women, I found it much easier to tolerate than AC.  I did a weekly administration and, honestly, did not feel much different than normal.  Had a little fatigue at times and my finger and toe nails suffered, that's all.  Women are all different in how their bodies react to chemo, but hopefully the side effects will be few for your wife too.     

Som14,

All of these ladies have given you great advise so far so I just want to reiterate that you have come to the right place for support. When I was first diagnosed I was scared and tried to read everything I could get my hands on - some of it was good and some not so good but reading on BCO always made me feel like I found where I was supposed to be. I didn't post much in the beginning bc I really didn't want to talk about it and I didn't have much to say but as time passed I realized there were so many women going through the same thing and we could all help & support one another. Your wife is very lucky to have such a supportive husband, encourage her to come on here and read even if she doesn't want to post.

I am also stage 3/triple negative and I am in the middle of the same treatment as your wife. I made it through AC fairly smoothly and just had my first Taxol last week. So far my only complaint with the Taxol is bone pain but the blah feeling from the AC is gone, no nausea or anything which is a relief.

Give your wife a hug and know we are always here if either of you need a shoulder.