Anyone Starting Chemo Jan. 2010?

Our summer was late to start but we went from 65 this weekend to 95 today.  I had to go to the grocery store and forgot my hat.  I started to go back into the house and then thought "why?".  I did go an additional mile or so to go to a store that I don't shop at all of the time (yes, I know yesterday I said i would go topless at the end of the month - changed my mind). Anyway, I knew I wouldn't see many people I knew there.  A few people looked uncomfortable but I looked them in the face and said "hi" and they melted.  This is who I am now and I am tired of trying to look "normal" with a wig or hat.  That is not my normal anymore.  It felt really good.  I am still getting the comment "Oh, I didn't recognize you".  What I do know is that I will never look like I did before.  I think the dark hair that is coming in is more black than brown.  It is definately a work in progress.

Hi everyone! It's been quite a while since my last post. I'm so glad to see that so many of us are on the healing road both physically and emotionally.

I'm particularly interested in what's going on with everyone's hair. Mine is growing back all over my head, but I can still see my scalp through it. Is anyone else having this problem? Also, my once afro-kinky hair is now straight. Augh, who is that lady in the mirror?!!!

 As my 50th birthday approaches (July 15) I find that I'm struggling with defining my new normal. I'm not sure which emotion to tackle first . . . fear, joy, sadness, relief. One thing is for sure, cancer has changed me. I'm going to make sure that I emerge on the better side of that change.

Rcames - Happy Birthday (early).  I have found myself really facing who am I this past week.  The weather has gotten much hotter and I am not comfortable with my wig or hats.  I just changed Real Estate companies this past week.  Tomorrow is my first office meeting and the first time many of the agents have met me.  I thought about whether I should wear my wig, hat, or nothing.  I decided that my wig was not my anymore.  I went to chuch today wigless.  That was quite a feat as most people know me and think of me with hair.  This week, I have really turned a corner as to who I am and who I am portraying.  It really feels good to not hide behind a hat or wig.  Can't say I like/love my new hair but I love having hair (about 1/2 inch) to look at and figure out what to do with.

Issymom-so proud of you for going wigless.  I ditched my hats about 3 weeks ago and feel so free. My hair is about 1.5 inches long, little wavy, lighter in color and more gray.  I have a double colic which gives me a natural faux hawk.  It is actually kinda cool. Hey once is lifetime experience.  When people look or stare at me I don't feel they are feeling sorry for a cancer patient but thinking "why in the heck did that lady cut her hair so short".  I usually wear shorts and a t-shirt for work and work out clothes on the weekend so basically I look like a boy with boobs (for now).

 Happy Birthday Grace and Rcames

Hi All,

I haven't posted in a while but all your posts come to me via my iphone everyday and I read them religiously while I delete most of the other stuff.  I am so proud of us - we're an amazing bunch of women!

I finished rad #8 of my 33 rads today.  It's not too bad, although my chemo brain has made me embarassed a couple times....like last Friday, when I got changed - put on the hospital gown and my blue fuzzy robe.  I got in the radiation room and the tech said, "Hmmm...why don't you have any pants on?"  Hmmm....I don't know  - I  guess I wasn't paying attention...and there I was in my bright red underpants under the robe.  We all had a good laugh and this morning the tech said, "Glad to see you remembered your pants this time."  Well, what she didn't know is that I got up in the morning and recited all the way to the center "I must not take off my pants, I must not take off my pants...."

As for my hair....I finally laid Coleen (my wig) to rest last Wednesday.  We were having a hot streak here in NJ and it was 103 degrees.  I got out of radiation and just couldn't put the damn thing back on my head.  So, I simply put it in the trunk of the car and went to work - au naturale.  I got lots of stares and some complements.  Mostly people didn't say anything.  On my way home I stopped into a convenience store to pick up a few things when a stranger came over to me and said, "You know, not everyone could pull off that hairdo, but you look great in it!"  Made me feel wonderful - God bless that woman's soul!  I've been rocking my Halle Berry (old hairstyle) look ever since.  And mine is mostly white with some reddish brown mixed in for a pretty bizarre hair color.  It's just wierd enough to be stylish. And, I kinda like it - I can style it with my fingers!

As for the fuzzy hair growing all over my face, I went to the local nail salon and the nice Asian ladies waxed it all off.  It hasn't grown back (yet).  But, I must say I never had my cheeks and neck waxed before.  That was a wierd experience as well.

My toenails and fingernails are growing in better, so they are only half black now.  I am taking the Biotin as well and it appears to be helping my hair and nails. I'm slathering my radiationed boob area with cocoa butter, hydrocortisone with Aloe and then topping it off with a spray of Solarcaine with Aloe.  So far, no redness and the doc today complemented my skin color.  I don't think he realizes I am literally sealing my boob with all this junk - it almost feels like I am decorating a cake every morning.

These treatments are truly bizarre - the surgery, the chemo and the radiation.  I think keeping your sense of humor is the most important thing we can do to survive and later thrive again.

As for being a new normal...I'm just not feeling the normal thing - this whole experience has not felt normal. I don't think I'll ever be normal again.  How can you go through what we've gone through and feel like the average Jill?

Hugs to you all!

Pat

Hi Ladies,

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes. Right now I'm busy packing for a little birthday trip to Port Townsend. Thanks to chemo brain I've forgotten and checked my suitcase for the same pair of shoes about three times.

Rcames - Happy Birthday!!  You said you are packing for a little trip to Port Townsent.  Where do you live?  Are you in the Seattle area?  There are many of us bc.org ladies in the Puget Sound area.  I'd love to meet you some time.

 In the meantime, have a great trip!!!

I'm back and it's 6 days post surgery - left modified radical.  Still sleeping the recliner, still feel like my shoulder is a concrete block, discomfort but no real pain, twinges and sharp nerve feelings and a beautiful surgical job.  Drain diminishing daily.  Does it hurt to have the drain removed?  Some nurses told me to take a pain pill first but percoset puts me to sleep. 

The hospital accomodations were superior.  (Magee Women's Pgh UPMC) Room service (black tie) meals, healthy and gourmet delivered when you want them!  Only there overnite and would have stayed longer under those conditions HAHA.

Path report showed that she got all clear margins around tumor, skin, lymph nodes.  6 of the 12 nodes removed were positive (after chemo) and now it's up to the onc to decide if I need more chemo or go straight to radiation.  Anyone have a similiar experience with this outcome?

Wishing all happier healthier days ahead...................we are tough broads for sure. 

Bubbalu:  Great to hear from you!  Glad to hear you are not experiencing any pain... the discomfort will pass, too.  I didn't feel anything when the drains came out - a slight pulling, but no pain really.  Hope you drains come out soon - it's nice to feel free again!  Let us know what the onc says about your follow-up treatment. 

I'm not seeing my rad onc again until Aug. 20 - I have a whole month to myself (well,kinda).  Hoping to spend a few weeks up at my cottage before the rad thing starts.  I am SOOOO looking forward to that!

Tamatar - I understand what you are going through.  I realized that I can't go back to who I was or really what I looked like.  When I was thinking about going to my new office this week or to church last weekend, I wondered "should I wear my wig".  The one thing I know is that that is not me and made me feel even more uncomfortable.  I have to wear my fake boobs when I go out.  It is all a facade but then I realized all the time we used to spend on our hair and makeup was another facade. I am so tired of being defined by BC but I also don't want people to forget what I have gone through.  It is so hard figuring out who and where I will be a year from now.  I can't believe it has almost been 9 months since diagnosis.

Can any of the post-unilateral modified radical mastectomy gals tell me about how long this shoulder stiffness and underarm aching lasts?  I'm blaming it on the recliner and the fact that I'm not moving for 10 hours a night.  I know that there is surgical discomfort in that region also but this is starting to concern me.  May try the bed tonight and try to sleep on my other side for a break.

bubbalu:  I sent to a PM (personal message).  Check it out.

Like most everyone else I have been reading but not posting lately.  I have been going hatless, never did wear the wig, since the beginning of June.  I had decided one day that it was just to hot for me and asked a few people at work if they would think it weird if I didn't cover my hair (it looked like I had a butch haircut).  They all said they didn't mind and if it bothered someone too bad. Some people looked but never said anything and now they all comment on how much my hair has grown and how they like the color - salt and pepper, getting more pepper every day.

I have been taking Tamoxifen since the beginning of May and had very little side effects until recently.  I am having continual hot flashes and it is really a big pain in the rear.  My hair is constantly wet and sweat drips down my face - I don't sweat anyplace else.  I can't even stand to be outside right now because of the heat - it makes me very queasy.  My air conditioner is constantly running and my poor children are freezing and covering up with blankets in the house.  Also I have been having bad cramps in both my feet and legs.  I go back for a follow up visit with my Onc in 2 weeks and hopefully he can recommend something to help me.  I open to any suggestions any of you might have that will help.

Hey Ladies-

So glad that everyone is doing well and that we are starting to get used to the NEW normal... things are going pretty well here for me.  Took hubby to the counselor with me and things are turning around.  And the co-worker seems to be out of the picture!!  Woo Hoo!  We are trying hard to focus on us and our family now. So that's a good thing. Really didn't think that I could handle anymore on my plate - so its a good thing that hubby stepped it up and isn't having an affair or any type of relationship with the coworker!

Dealing with a health issue right now - so asking for prayers that its nothing... I've been dealing with headaches for the last 2 and half weeks, so I called the onco office to talk to them about it.  Well guess what, once you have cancer and you have headaches you get to have an MRI!  So last night I had my MRI and will find out the results on Tuesday when I have my regular 6 week onco appt.  I was surprised when the tech told me last night that my onco wanted contrast in it as well, he wanted to check my other organs since I was there - WHAT?!!!  So now I am thinking about the WHAT???  Trying not to worry about this - heck b/4 cancer if I had a headache I would go to the chiro thinking that it was my neck or back or something, but I would never have thought that it was cancer!  Crap!  Okay - breathe just breathe... no sense in worrying about something right now... need to wait and find out what might be causing these headaches.  They didn't seem to think that it was related to my cancer but still had to check it out... breathe in breathe out...

So ladies - please send positive thoughts!  I've been thinking and praying for you although I haven't posted much.

-Sher