New and VERY SCARED!!!

Thank you ladies for all the support.  I unfortunatley am not new to seeking help online for a personal crisis.  I gave birth to twins in 2008 at 17 weeks.  I thought that was a devestation I could barely get through.  The help of online friends and knowing I was not alone helped me through.  This dx is so much harder. With the twins my husband and I were both grieving with our loss.  This dx has made me feel very lonely as now it's me who could lose everything.  My son turned 1 just one day before my dx.  I also have a 4 yr old daughter.  I swing between I WILL FIGHT THIS to OMG they will grow up without their mommy.  Everyone is so right... the waiting game is probably the hardest.  Every twing, every symptom I read leads me to a dark place.  I am trying to just come here and read instead of "researching" my every pang.    Again, Thank you for the initial support and I look forward to the day I can return the <hugs> to someone else. 

Michelle

Had the ultrasound today.  They did both US on the tummy and intervaginal.  The tech was pretty closed lip but did say at the end that she did not see anything that "jumped" out at her.  I will take that as good news.  We'll know what the results are "offically" tomorrow. She also shared her success story of her coworker who was diagnosed with a 12cm ILC and node infiltration.  She has been clean for almost 10 years.  I took both of these bits of info as positive messages.

Now onto the surgeon appts on Thursday.  

Thank you again for everyone's positive comments and support.  It is so helpful.  Boy has alot happened in a short amount of time.  As I posted above, I had the US on the Ovaries.  Official report came back with a negative for cancer in the region - YEAH.  The mind can be a terrible trick player.  Went yesterday and "interviewed" two surgeons.  Both came highly recommended.  The one in the AM was very personable, clicked well with both my husband and myself, ordered up all my lab work and could do surgery as quickly as Thur (7/15).  She was not a fan of CT/PET scans before surgery as she felt they directed focus away from the main issues - BC.  We felt good we had a plan in place leaving her office.  Then we met with the second surgeon closer to our home ( Roseville for CoolBreeze's reference : )  He was very confident but easy going about his approach during our meeting.  He immediatly had me on the table with an US probe stuck up my armpit. It became very clear he wanted to know exactly what he was dealing with.  He ordered the CT/PET scan and explained that yes we could go after the BC, do the mast and recoup for 3 weeks ( barring any complications) but what if the cancer was in a vital organ ( lungs, liver, brain), do I really want to waste 3 more weeks with "cosmetics" or did I want to go after the life threatening issue immediately with chemo.  Well, let me think about that for a nonsecond.  He then called his surgical scheduler who informed us he has a surgical opening for Monday or not unitl the week of the 19th.  So, long story short... we are losing the ta ta's on Monday with a Level 1, 2 and 3 lymph removal.  My husband looked over at me in the office as they were getting us scheduled, clearing it with our insur and going over pre-op inst and said, "I feel like we just bought a used car we were only planning on test driving."  I replied "did we buy tickets on the bullet train?" 

Needless to say God answers prayers.  I was orginally scheduled with the Roseville doc on July 13 but God knew I wanted more than one choice so he made it happen to see both on the same day.  God also knew I wanted this out of me ASAP and behold I get a mere 60 hours left with them.  Boy do things rock and roll when he's at the helm : ) 

 Thank you again for everyone's advice, support, kind words and prayers.  They mean so much.

Michelle