81 year old mum with bone and liver mets

Hi

thank you all for the wonderful advice and support, it is so comforting just to read other people are coping and helping others to be strong. I am trying very hard to respect my mums wishes as far as treatment goes, the drs have told her that they wont do radiation as it wont help her at this late stage, she is on a drug to lower the calcium in her blood as that was what was making her vomit so much, she is a lot better since when she went into hospital but I do see a decline in her every day, she looks an awful colour, very pale and a little yellow but not too bad, she has lost 3 stone now, she was always a big woman and struggled with diets all her life (as I do)! and now I look at her and think why did she worry so much. She is finally able to eat whatever she wants and not worry about weight but she doesn't want to eat much at all now, she just picks at her food and doesn't drink much either. She has also got bad kidneys as she had a cyst under her arm where they took her lymph nodes out and she kept that quiet also until she finally went septic and it burst (she was overseas at the time), she went into renal failure and her heart stopped twice on the operating table but they managed to revive her, she told the drs they should have let her go. She has never really coped with the breast cancer right from the start and she was always convinced it would kill her in the end. I was a bit uneducated about it all as I just took what the drs said (that she would be fine as it hadn't spread to the lymph glands), I didn't realize it could break away and travel in the blood stream as well or in the chest wall which possibly hers did.

She wants to know when she will die but they wont say for sure, only the one dr has said two months approx but the others wont say anything, I know they dont like to say but they must have an idea?? she has given up the will to live now so she just wants to go as soon as possible, she hates taking pain medication because she says it makes her sleepy so she lays in bed all day in terrible pain, only gets up to go to the toilet and have a shower which she is struggling with now and wont let me help her. I have got the pallitive care nurse coming to see her today to try and talk to her about her pain medications etc, she seems to think she is going to get addicted to them or they are going to kill her off!! yet she has even threatened to drink the whole bottle of morphine. Its really hard to watch someone you love just going downhill so fast.

My dear dad never complained about anything and was a wonderful man and very accepting that he was going to die, he was almost 83yrs and had been sick for years with pulmonary fibrosis and kidney failure. He never complained and in the end just slipped into a coma and passed peacefully with us all with him. My mum was still telling him up until a week before he died that he would get better!! it used to frustrate dad as she wanted to put everything in order before he died and to talk about his funeral etc but she wouldnt listen so he had to tell me everything. she is the same now and wont talk about what she wants for her funeral etc,she has had a few visions in the night of a dark figure standing beside her and Im sure its my dad waiting to take her to the other side with him. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you that are suffering, fighting and supporting anyone with cancer. It is such a cruel disease.

Debbie 

My mum is in hospital now as she had a really bad weekend and her legs just wouldnt carry her then she started vomiting non stop and couldnt keep fluids or meds down. They have got her on an IV to rehydrate her and get her pain and anti nausea meds into her. Not too sure what the outcome will be as far as staying in the palliative care ward.