If you have just been diagnosed....

sohard ~ What you're feeling is totally normal.  I was in such shock, I kept thinking I must have been in an accident on the way to my doctor's office, and it was all just a bad dream that I would surely wake up from.  I just couldn't wrap my head around it for several weeks, and even then, I felt oddly detached from what was going on -- like I knew it was true, but like I was watching it happen.  It's just the way our minds cope with the shock.

Because these emotions are so normal and universal, many breast cancer centers have a psychologist or social worker on-staff to help us deal with them.  In fact, at UCLA, where I was treated, talking to this person was part of the normal app't. routine, and in the local hospital where I had my radiation, the social worker was also very prominent and made a point of greeting us and initiating conversations.  Hopefully, wherever you're being treated also has someone like this on staff that you can chat with, and who can give you some coping strategies.   (((Hugs)))   Deanna

bherm ~ My heart goes out to you, especially the fact that you're facing this diagnosis as a single Mom.  As far as which surgery to do, I can't give you an answer, but I have a couple of suggestions.  First, do not let a surgeon or anyone rush you into anything.  This is a big decision, and you may need a couple of weeks to sort through your feelings and decide which is right for you.  You can't undo a mastectomy once you've done it, and it's not a decision you want to make without complete information and some soul-searching time.  Also, the best person to give you advice about breast surgery is a breast surgeon -- not your oncologist, although it's good to have his opinion in the mix.  Have you had a chance to sit down and talk with your breast surgeon about your options, including reconstruction options, if you decide to go the mastectomy or bi-lateral mastectomy route?  (In other words, I think you may need a lot more information than you may have at this point.)  

The other thing I'm going to suggest you do is re-post your question as a new topic.  This on-going thread does not get as much attention as a new post will, and you should get lots of input if you do that.

Hope that helps.  And yes, many of us have found out as you have that we cannot trust mammograms, but there are other ways (like an MRI) to follow you up in the future.    Deanna    

Kathy

God Bless you gal! I'm going through the same thing as your friend.  Its all so overwhelming and its almost impossible to take it all in while your in this state of shock and "fog".  Just be there for her and listen and support.  I can't imagine doing it all alone.  Good luck to your friend.

Cathy

Bhern- Deanna gave you great advice, just wanted to send you hugs and will keep you in my prayers

Tryn2staycalm- Im very sorry about your husband, to have that happen and now this, (((((((((hugs))))))) Im praying for B9 results

gentle hugs,,Debbie

tryn2staycalm ~ Unless you carry a BRCA gene mutation, it's unlikely your daughter will be at higher risk for developing breast cancer than any other woman.  And unless you have a strong family history of breast cancer (which you haven't mentioned, so I suspect you don't), it's unlikely you carry a gene mutation.  But, that said, as women we are all at risk for breast cancer, so you and she may both want to read up on general risk factors (such as dense breasts), and she may want to talk with a breast surgeon/specialist in the future about recommended screening, if only for her peace of mind.  There is also relatively new research about proactive things both of you can do in terms of prevention, such as being sure you're getting adequate Vitamin D.

Susan's Love's book truly is a Bible on breast cancer.  The one criticism I've heard about it is that it hasn't been updated in several years, which means some exciting, newer treatment options (mammosite radiation, Diep reconstruction, etc.) aren't included.

Try to enjoy the weekend with your daughter.  Obviously, this is all very scary right now, but no matter what happens, remember, you will get through this!     Deanna

Hello Rose, hope you are doing well since your last post. Have you got your date for surgery yet?

Well, you asked me to tell you about myself, I was dx last year with stage2b grade2b idc breast cancer, left side mx tumor was over 2cm had 2 other smaller lumps and calcifactions thru out breaast- had 1 positvie node-  about 10 months out since last tx- taking aramison (5 yr pill) lost all my beautiful long blonde hair, but its finally growing back although darker and curlyer(boo) had a daughter who was dx with bc about 3 yrs ago at the age of 3O yrs old- we are both doing good now.

I know you are scared to go thru your surgery, and chemo ( if you need it)  you had mentioned about seeing only woman 3 yrs out from dx (dignosis) but there are a lot of woman here who are veterns on this board, tx (treatments) have come a long way from where it used to be, surgery and chemo is no picnic thats for sure but it is doable, you will get thru this-  I'm also sorry about your daughter ((((( hugs))))))  let us know how you are doing, we will be here for you~

Debbie

loral77 ~ I'm sorry about your wife's diagnosis, but glad to know that you will be at her side for today's app't.  One thing you and she will quickly realize is the importance of your being there to listen and retain a lot of the information that will likely get by her due to the initial shock of her diagnosis.  It's so hard for us to focus, especially in the very beginning, because it's all so surreal.

As far as what to ask the surgeon, the most important information about her bc will be on her biopsy report, which you should ask for a copy of for your files and ongoing reference.  The size and location of her lesion is important, as is her ER, PR and Her2 status (each will be either + or -) -- information that will factor into her treatment recommendations.  Depending on the surgery he/she recommends, you will want to ask about reconstruction options.

Do you know if you're seeing a breast surgeon or a general surgeon?  Depending on where you live, if available, a breast surgeon is often the better choice.  So stay open to the possibility of a second opinion, especially if today's appointment is with a general surgeon (one who does a wide range of surgeries, but does not focus exclusively on the breast).

I am dashing out to an app't., but will check back later to see what you've learned and add anything else I can to help you and your wife through this.  I will be thinking about you today and praying that things go well for you.    Deanna

vvp- Sorry you have to be part of this board, but welcome. There are so many factors to weigh in before you choose lumpectomy or mx. With having bc in your family and prior cysts before being dx with bc you will probably want to consider a mx but your surgeon will let you know more detail when you see he/her. You may also want to get a second opionion as well. I was not able to have lumpectomy because i had 3 different lumps and calcifactions and the fact that i was lymp node positve made a difference in my situation. It being a holiday weekend you might find this site to be a little slow but im sure more woman will be along to help you as well. You may want to bring some one to your appointment with you, you will forget half of what you are told. The waiting is the hard part, just try to breathe and relax if you can, you will get thru this. You probably already know some things as you said your sister had bc too, but it will help you to have the support here from all of us ladies. I wish you well and will be thinking good thoughts for you on the 9th- you can post up to 5 questions a day untill you reach some where around 45 or 50? but you can pm (private mail) as much as you like. Sending big warm (((((hugs)))))))) your way.

Hi Hope- Im so very sorry you had to joing this club no one wants to be part of, but welcome, you will find l ots of supporting loving woman here that will help you get thru this, and you will, it is scary isnt it? Have you already had your surgery? Try not to read to much on it in other sites it will just scare you and they usually arn't up to date on all the facts and data- Do you know weather you are er/pr+ or er/pr- how about your her? they take that into account on what treatments you will have, also weather you have the BRCA 1 and 2 gene. If you know your stage already im assuming you have had your surgery. There are a lot of veterns on this site and a lot of good outcomes. Try not to be too scared as it is all doable and you will get thru this. We will be here to help you thru it and guide you. Please keep us posted, I wil keep you in my thoughts and prayers

Gentle hugs

Debbie

Hi Cathy and Debbie,

I will be seeing the doc on Tues for my options and resources etc. I will get a copy of my biopsy for my record. This is crazy!  and there was no family members on either side with this. So now I will get the word out to all not to trust those polls. Thank you for being there for me. Will be in touch with more info. God Bless

Jwatrlily: It would seem to be in the best interest of insurance companies to pay for the Oncytype test, as it may mean that a woman with a low score opts out of having chemo, thus saving them money in the long run.

However, my insurance (Aetna) wouldn't cover the Oncotype test. When Genomic Health received the request for my test, they called me regarding payment. They told me that they "would work with my insurance company" and if they were denied, they have a financial assistance program to cover costs. The claim was denied by Aetna, yet I never received a bill from Genomic.  That was eight months ago. I hope I'm not tempting fate and will now get a bill. I figure it's in Genomic's interest to build their database and if a small number of insurers don't pay up, it's still worth it to them.

My advice would be, if you are eligible for the test, go for it. It's a valuable tool that can help you make a decision on the best treatment plan for you.

I just realized I'm replying to an older post. Jwatrlily, I hope you are doing OK. 

MaryNY, thanks for your (and all you other gals) response.  Thanks also for asking and I am doing ok.  I see the surgeon for the first time Tuesday.  I was able to talk to a local woman who also used my surgeon and she loved her.  She had all positive thing to say about her.  The only fly in the ointment so to speak was it was 2 months after seeing her that this lady finally got her surgery.  That scares me!!!!!!  I had my first mammo this year (because I've always had them for years) on April 27.  It took my local hospital over 3 weeks to call me back for a recheck on what they saw so it was May 19 before they could do it again.  I had the ultrasound and biopsy on June 3 and got the positive diagnosis from the radiologist the next day on June 4.  I went away from my local small town hospital for a larger area that had a breast health center for all this.  I had my Breast MRI on June 10 and now waiting to see Dr. on Tuesday July 6.  I wanted surgery this month but, that other woman was 2 months getting scheduled so I'm worried about that wait and this spreading.  Infiltrating Moderately Differentiated Ductal Carcinoma, left breast.  The MRI showed right breast was ok and no lymph invasion on left side, at least on June 10th!

I am apprehensive about what lies ahead as far as treatment.  I read so much bad stuff about chemo and side affects and radiation burns.  I had a total hip replacement implant in 2003 and I'm worried to death about that and it's safety as I go through this ordeal.  I can't lose that hip implant to this stuff.  I am determined to survive this and do whatever I have to/can to make that happen.  I admittedly am afraid of recurrence down the road but can't drive myself crazy with that at this point.  That's borrowing trouble form tomorrow when today has enough of its own!  I do wonder though all you women who are 2-4-6-8 years away from your bc, how you coped those years since and not let that fear get to you.  I tell myself if I do, I'm robbing myself of the joy of that day if I let fear come in. 

Jwatrlily, your timeline so far sounds like mine. I had my questionable mammo in April of last year, tumor was confirmed by biopsy in May, but I didn't have my lumpectomy until August. In my case too, I was waiting for an appt with a more-experienced BS who I preferred over the one that did the biopsy. I felt it was worth the wait to have the surgery done by someone that I had complete faith in. The fact that it was Summertime probably had an effect on delaying appointments. I remember in particular a really long wait between having the MRI and having additional biopsies as a result of that.

Cameo: so sorry that you are going through this. At least one good thing is that you have friends who have had breast cancer. Hopefully they will support you as you try to cope with this. I don't understand how they can say with 99% certainty that the tumor is malignant before a biopsy. It sounds as though you like to be well-informed and that's why you're here on this forum. I'd suggest that you get a copy of the mammo report. You should be able to call your doctor's office and have them fax it to you. That will give you a little more information -- location and size and description of tumor and a rating (on a scale of 1-5) of suspicion. Once you have the biopsy, they will do a pathology report and that will tell you more. I think there must be a list somewhere on here of questions to ask. It's a good idea to make a list of questions and bring it with you because it's hard to think clearly when you're in the doctor's office and feeling frightened and apprehensive. If you can, have someone go along with you -- to provide a second set of ears. Some questions that spring to mind:

How soon can they schedule the biopsy?

What should you expect on the day of the biopsy? -- how long will it take, can you take something to calm your nerves, can they give you an Rx for that, can you bring someone with you?

How soon after the biopsy can you expect the pathology report? Will they give you the results over the phone or will you have to go back to the BS to get the results in person? If you have a preference let them know. Personally, I would hate to get the results while at work. If you have the biopsy toward the end of the week, will they call you as soon as they get the results or will you have to stew all weekend?

Here is my scenerio...Trying to figure out something which I have known all along but no one has listened to as far as medical professionals are concerned...Drs, Mamograms, Ultrasound..

After my both childbirth I could really not nursed my babies with right breast b/c nipple had not formed like the other one...It was more of a inverted...for atlast 20+ yrs I have felt pain when my right breast is touched by my husband or even a little nudge by someone gave me pain...I have mentioned this to my OBGYN, Mamo technician, Primary, husband and best friend...First cyst around mid 90s and reoccuring cyst 2 yrs after that...Now lump-tissue mass...diagnosed with BC...What worries me is b/c it was never detected in Mamogram as it is way inside...what if it has spread?  Could something had been done if they had checked further?  I was proactive with my concerns...I even saw same oncologist who treated my sister abt 7 yrs ago...

Everyone told me cancer does not hurt...Pls dont get me wrong...I am not in denial nor trying to point fingers to blame anyone...But when a person is so insisting and is proactive especially after sibling diagnosed with BC why no one listens?  I wonder if med prof had listened and run some sort of MRI or test to rule out anything being there...Now my mind wonders...I am thinking outloud and sharing my personal feelings...Can someone comment on this?

Thanks 

Hi

Again, like all of us here, we never thought we would be entering this site.  I picked up a lump a week ago and went for my first mammogram on Friday.  Then came the scan and 2 other doctors joined the group.  Held my hand, and said, sorry, it doesn't look good!! Hysteria, no more like my world had just come down around me. I am a single mother of a daughter aged 17.  This happens to other people!

What is so confusing is that they did the biopsy thereafter under a local anesthetic, asked me to wait while they made an appointment with the surgeon who I am going to see on Wednesday as the results need to go with me.  Does this mean I have cancer?  I am confused and scared.  Should I wait for the biopsy results or does the fact that this 5cm tumor exists mean that yes, it is malignant?? Please advise me