Just had lumpectomy...I am sad

Ondagrow · July 2010

I had a lumpectomy Wednesday. They removed three cancerous cells in the nodes. My back hurt because they had to dig deep for my nodes. I am terrified of the next steps. I am sure I am going to have Chemo now because of the nodes. I do not have a lot of support, mostly because I live over 35 miles from Philadelphia. I am not looking forward to my immediate future radiation, chemo, etc. How can I do this on my own?

bonniewe · July 2010

sohardbnme, I am so sorry that you feel alone. I had my lumpectomy on June 9 and was also very sorry in my ribs due to the "digging" for nodes and I still am sore, nothing bad though. From everything I've read on this forum and on Network of Strength, being terrified and living with the fear seems to come and go (sometimes staying around awhile). I've always felt that I am the biggest chicken in the world and I am afraid of my shadow (although people around me always say I'm so strong). I did manage to put the fear away for a time after the surgery. Now during the oncologist consultations as we discuss chemo yes or no, I find terror, fear is my minute by minute buddy again. I know I am not helping you with this response, but I wanted to let you know that I did read your post and feel badly for you and do care. I wish you peace of mind and strength and I wish I could help you. I am new to this forum and have found that there are wonderful, caring, strong warriors here with lots of virtual hugs and cheers and yes, shoulders to cry on. They have the experience and are loving enough to want to share. I'll be watching for you as you move through this journey. Bonnie

5andcounting · July 2010

Sohardbnme- you are not alone and it may be the hardest thing to force yourself to ask for people to help and be around but do it! Reach to Recovery and other breast cancer resources are available and if you have friends...then rally the troops.

I felt awkward in the beginning, didn't want to inconvienance anyone, so I was quiet. When I started calling people and asking for what I needed, even if it was come see me for an hour...it got a little easier.

This is probably the scariest time in your life, it was for me. I am finsihed with chemo and rads now and I promise, there is an end to the tunnel. It is a scary tunnel, so bring all your friends and stay as positive as you can.

The book, Love, Medicine, and Miracles helped me a lot. I also liked Fear Not Tommorow, God is already There by Ruth Graham. Stay on the positive posts and threads on this site and ignore the negative. Dont be afraid to ask your oncologist a million questions, its your treatment.

I had 21 nodes removed and sometimes my arm still feels a little "tight" but I have full range of motion and do pretty much everything I every did before. Chemo sucked, rads was better. You can do this and it will be one of the hardest things you've ever done but it IS do-able.

Prayers and love to you.

DancerMel28 · July 2010

sohardbnme - Unfotunatley this stuff can knock you for a six. I had a lumpectomy in feb. There are so many points on this journey that you have to make decisions for - my best advice is to listen to all the information, use the forum for support and further research but ultimately make decisions that feel right for you - we make the best decisions that we can at the time we have to make them.

I just had my last chemo yesterday - hasn't always been easy but it has been manageable. One of the best things has been a group thread for all people starting chemo in same month - i think the same exists for radiation too. It's good to compare stories, fixes for side effects etc.

Take one thing at a time - you will get through this.

CEBsMom · July 2010

sohardbnme--Believe it or not--what you just went thru and waiting for the results was the hardest part for me so far. I had two melt downs--the first when I was going for my workup. I cried most of the morning as I went thru tests. The techs were young and naive. One had the nerve to ask me what was wrong. But I was about to be prepped for a bone scan and an angel appeared in the form of a nuclear med tech. He stopped what he was doing and started asking me about my fears and just talking. For me, my biggest fear was not living to raise my 8 yr old daughter. The second was when I was going for my lumpectomy. It was just all so overwhelming. I told everyone I just needed to cry. I did and that's the last time I've needed to. That was about 5 weeks ago. I've gone thru my first chemo and aside from what I'm calling my one 'flu day' things have been pretty good. Next big thing is hair loss which will likely come for me --80% chance of it....

My point--u will find angels in many forms. Take advantage of them. They are there for u. You will be quite surprised how supportive and helpful people will be. If you are a women of faith, rely on that faith. I too am reading Ruth Graham's book. Pray for peace in whatever GOD has planned for you. If your faith is not strong, perhaps now is the time to strengthen it. That's all the preaching I'm doing for now...

Back to more pragmatic issues--as others have said--rely on friends and family. Thirty-five miles is just a nice commute for folks to come see you.

You will get the feeling back gradually in your arm. They pulled 16 nodes out of me, so they probably did a lot digging. I am now lifting small weights, your doc will give you range of motion exercises when it's time. Got almost all of my rom back after about five weeks.

Also, remember there is no way to go around your treatment--U MUST got thru it, so just put your head down and get ready. Keep your life as close to normal as possible.

HUGS & PRAYERS

thegoodfight · July 2010

Sohardbnme,

My first reaction when I read your post was how can I help you. I thought, my daughter lives in Philly and is due with baby two in September, so maybe when I am up to help her I could get in touch with you. But that is still some time away, so I was thinking maybe there are some sisters there in Philly who possibly could meet with you and join you for treatment if Philly is where you are having treatment. Maybe some of them will pop up and offer to help you in some way.

As you read these posts you will find the same theme running through them.The beginning, the waiting and the fear of the unknown is the worst part of this journey. But then you also read that it is doable, we all got through it and you will too. Just put one foot in front of the other and go forward. You will feel better when you start whatever treatment you are facing, because once you start you know you are that much closer to the other side. The ladies here will hold your hand and get you through the tough moments, I promise.

Better-Body-Babe · July 2010

sohardbnme--

I had a lumpectomy with two positive nodes. I ended up with a bilateral mastectomy because we are pretty sure past radiation for Hodgkin's is what caused it. I do not have the breast cancer gene. But another thing I did was had the Oncotype test. My test score was so low, that I did not requre chemo. I don't know if you're physicians have talked with you about it. I did a ton of research and basically, with or without chemo, my outcome should be the same. It's just something to consider if you haven't already talked to your doctors about it.

LRM216 · July 2010

Sohard2bnme:

Well, the first big step on the journey has been done, and I am glad to see you are well. Sad, but well. I was very sad after mine, and although I am sure I am much older than you, I was a "young" 62 at diagnose, a widow, raising my 14 yr. old grand-daughter and working full time (a necessity, and it was hard). My sister lives nearby but has a lot of obligations of her own and raises my 8 year old grandson, so her hands were full and my mom, God bless her, is a healthy, vibrant 86 year old, but allbeit, still 86. Although my mom came with me to every chemo, I too was alone most of the time and having to care for my grand-daughter - which I won't deny was very difficult at times, but totally doable. You will move on to step two - the chemo - and you too will do it. We are all here for you any time of the day of night that you may need us - all you have to do is reach out and someone is always here to grab your hand. I cannot leave this board because of the comraderie, the support, and most of all, there are NO strangers on this board, no matter what our stage or diagnose. We could have 20 people around us every hour of every day and not one of them would be able to understand exactly what we are feeling or the depth of our fear other than another sister - whether she is beginning her journey, is still undergoing her treatment, or has her treatment behind her.

Anytime you come here, you will never be alone. I love my sister and my mother and my daughters, etc., but not a one can appreciate what I feel but the friends I have here on this board.

All good wishes for a serene recovery from your lumpectomy.

Hugs,

Linda

jlynnbain1031 · July 2010

i just had a lumpectomy on thurs. i feel your pain. please know that you can talk to me anytime. even when you feel lost please come here. it has helped me so much ! take care and let us know how you are doing ! (((hugs)))!

Karen09 · July 2010

Hi Sohardbnme, I was in your place last summer. I know it's really hard and very overwhelming but you will get through this. I found so much support on these boards when I was going through treatment. There was always always someone around to over a kind word and everyone here knows what you are going through. I had a lumpectomy, then a partial mastectomy with nodes removed, 8 chemo treatments and 21 radiation treatments and I can honestly say the worst thing about the whole thing was the waiting. Waiting for a diagnosis, waiting for most tests, waiting for treatment to start. Hang in there. You will get through this!

charrie5441 · July 2010

Hi Sohardbnme,

I am scheduled for a lumpectomy on July 23. Then radiation treatments. Yes, I feel scared and worry about those radiation treatments. I know that there will be a lot of support on these boards. We can get through this together.

EstherMSKCC · July 2010

Dear sohardbnme,

I'm sorry you are having a hard time coping with your diagnosis and upcoming treatment. I'm an employee of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center and came across your post. I am writing to let you know that there are a number of resources available that may be of help to you.

The National Cancer Institute offers a good overview on coping with the various effects of cancer and treatment: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping

The American Cancer Society also provides guidance on finding support programs and services in your area: http://www.cancer.org/Treatment/SupportProgramsServices/index

Livestrong may also be of help finding one-on-one support: http://www.livestrong.org/Get-Help/Get-One-On-One-Support

Another excellent resource is Cancer Care. They offer free on-line support groups and individual counseling. CancerCare social workers can also guide patients and family members to counseling and support groups in their own communities. You can reach them through these links: http://www.cancercare.org/get_help/counseling.php and http://www.cancercare.org/get_help/supportgroups.php

I hope this information is useful and wish you the best of luck finding the support you need to get through this difficult time. -Esther

Ondagrow · July 2010

Pathology report from lumpectomy found positive margins....UUUGGGHHH...

Ondagrow · July 2010

Thanks for your response...

gutsy · July 2010

You can do this and you are not alone. We are here to support you, cheer you on, shoulders to cry on, empathetic when you want to vent or scream, hold your hand when you undergo treatment. Fight with you to rid of the beast. Reach out to those in your network, you will be surprised how much people want to help you and be there for you. Most people don't know how, they need some guidance. Take one step at a time, you are some steps ahead of me. Try not to go into the future, one step at a time. Remember when you are feeling low, please post, and someone will answer you. Big hugs for you

Cowgirl13 · July 2010

sohardbnme, you can do it! I was terrified of chemo. I was about where you are last year at this time. Chemo is very doable and so is radiation. I am amazed at all the help and kindness i found on this journey.

Kate0574 · July 2010

sohardbnme.... you are not alone... I was diagnosed at 32, I opted for a mestectomy no questions asked then completed 8 rounds of chemo...no rads. because of the mastectomy and under 4 positive lymphnodes. You can do it.. I did it. I also had the help of a husband but if I wouldnt have there were so many people from work, and the community, yes the community.. you would be suprised, chin up.... you can and will do this. If you have any questions please talk to us or private message any of us if needed..... HUGS!!!!

Kate

Just had lumpectomy...I am sad

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