My mom's cancer metastasized

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bonjourlena
bonjourlena Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

It has been 4 years. She went through the operation, radiation and chemo 4 years ago. I was there with her. We have been hopeful - I personally put this into the back of my mind - for 4 years until a couple of weeks ago when the scans showed the metastases in her lungs and liver. Her physician has been keping her on hormonal drugs. We did not trust the doctor and went to another one - referred to me - for another options. He told us yesterday that she needs to start the chemotherapy (taxol + avastin) asap. Everytime I hear bad news, I can't accept it for a few days. My mom is very freightened of chemo. Of losing her hair. Of how people will look at her. I am scared after all I have read about the side effects. I cannot concentrate at work and am missing everything at school. I am being emotional in front of my boyfriend. And I do not seem to be able to gather my thoughts together. How do I get peace with myself and help my mother? How do I come to terms to what she has to go through again? How do I focus on today and not think what may happen tomorrow? She is still a young woman - 60, I am 26.

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  • michbaby
    michbaby Member Posts: 2
    edited January 2009

    Hi Bonjourlena, 

     I have been fighting cancer with my mom since I was 26 and I am now 40. We started with breast cancer, have moved on to Uterine, cervical,and now back to breast, lung and spots on her liver. (spots found yesterday)

    This has been quite a ride . Find someone to talk to. Ask your doctor for help. I am sure you have heard that before. You feel like no one understands...you panic at the thought of treatment, of what will this bring for your mom and yourself. I do not know what city you are in but, cancer treatment has come a long way. 

    You want someone to tell you it will be okay. No matter what time brings you, find support for yourself. I understand how you feel. Be well, and take care of you.  

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  • Jadai
    Jadai Member Posts: 182
    edited January 2009

    Hi,

    My mom was originally diagnosed as stage IV Inflammatory Breast Cancer with mets in her bone in September/October.  She was also diagnosed at the same time with a chronic form of leukemia, talk about scary.  The first thing we did was fire her gloom and doom oncologist and went immediately to Women and Infants Hospital here in RI.  Best thing we could have done.  She now has a great oncologist who works weekly with a team of other oncologists, radiologists, surgeons, etc and she started chemotherapy and herceptin in October.  Well, monday is the last chemo and then she is having surgery.  She has responded tremendously well to the treatment and is looking and feeling great.  I was so scared at first and was the same as you.  I couldn't focus on anything, every time my phone rang my stomach turned, I couldn't focus at work, you name it.  I promise you that once she is getting her treatments AND RESPONDING you will feel better.  There are lots of ladies here that are living with these mets and plenty who have gotten rid of them!  Get that chemo started and let it kick some mets butt!!!!

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  • jellybean1813
    jellybean1813 Member Posts: 1
    edited February 2009

    I am 30 years old my mother has had breast cancer going on 4 years , into her liver, bones and now into her brain . It feels like forever in my eyes I can't fathuem  what she has gone though but I'm really stuggling with it all I just want it all to be over is that a bad thing?

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  • BrilliantInCa
    BrilliantInCa Member Posts: 16
    edited February 2009

    Jellybean,I totally understand what you mean - the minute you hear bad news, you want it to be over with and gone right then and there. Nothing is good or bad thing, you have  a total right to feel whatever you're feeling, believe me.

    bonjourlena, my mom is 68 and got discovered mets in her bones and liver almost 10 years to the day of the original bc diagnosis, and I am just as scared as I was when I was 26. Recognize that this is normal, don't fight it, and instead concentrate on doing everyday things with your mom and restoring/continuing the 'usual' way of life - hope it makese sense..

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  • BertsGirl
    BertsGirl Member Posts: 2
    edited February 2009
    Bonjourlena, my heart goes out to you but put a smile on your face and tell your mother she is strong and will beat this.  My mother in law has this attitude and I think it is what get her through, she is the winner!   She has had a mastectomy 20 and 15 yrs yrs ago, cancer in her ribs 10 yrs ago, lymph nodes and most recently lung and abdomen(this year)....she fights and thinks positive.  She does not stop living and is sure to enjoy every opportunity and moment.  Her doctors are amazed- one cried when giving her the most recent diagnosis...but with hormones and her attitude the tumor has shrunk...take each day as a gift, and tell mom to live and not let cancer rule her...she rules it as much as possible.....she lives and enjoys every moment.  I wish you the best and hope that will help you and your mom....my mother in law awes me....It is ok fo ryou to fall apart away from her but stay strong with her and encourage her and try to make sure you make life joyful and easy for her!  I have my private moments and that is ok, but she needs strength.   I know you can do it for her!Smile
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  • monique14
    monique14 Member Posts: 1
    edited April 2009

    My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago. She received treatment, and started having back pain six months ago, only to find out, it had metastatic throughout her body. She had a tumor removed in part of her spine, she also has it in her liver, lungs, and just found out today, 8 spots in her brain. The doctor says the outlook for her is not good, and they are going to start radiating her brain next week. My mom is 63, and i am 43. I feel like im going to have a total breakdown. I need to talk to people who are in a simular situation. My mom is my best friend, and i love her to death. I have 5 kids, and need the strength to get through all of this, for her.

         Monique14

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  • Jadai
    Jadai Member Posts: 182
    edited April 2009

    Hi Monique,

    I just had to reply.  I literally just got back from the hospital an hour ago.  My mom has bones mets and tonight I found out brain mets as well.  I just turned 35 and my mom's 63rd birthday is tomorrow...she will be spending it in the hospital.  You can PM me any time.  This isn't easy and our friends just don't get it.  I feel the same way, I feel like having a total meltdown right now.  I hope that you and your mom are ok. 

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  • taj72
    taj72 Member Posts: 50
    edited April 2009

    My mom was just diagnosed last week.  We are still in the testing stages and waiting for all of the results.  But we have met with the medical oncologist and we know that her BC has attached rather deeply to the chest wall which makes it an automatic stage 3B at least I think.  We are waiting for PET scan to be scheduled to see if its mets.

    My mom has been experiencing some dizziness at odd times, so the oncologist is concerned that it may have spread to the brain.  We're getting a brain MRI to check.  Also for the past month my mom has been experiencing pain when she breathes and has difficulty catching her breath.  Today she started spitting up some clear phlegm when she coughs. The doctor sent her to the ER tonight to check if there's a blood clot in her lung?  That is where she's at now with my dad and I am waiting to hear what's happening.  I am very worried.  Does any of this sound familiar?  Has anyone experienced this?  Please let me know what you think.  Thank you.

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  • laurabeth1977
    laurabeth1977 Member Posts: 2
    edited May 2009

    My mother was also diagnosed last week with metastatic breast cancer with 2 metastases in the brain.  It is horrible to hear everyones story, but helps to know there is a community I can come to for support.  My mother had brain surgery 2 days after the original diagnosis and I do not think she completely comprehends her plight.  I dread when the time comes to explain the seriousness of her condition, but it helps to hear the hopeful words from the people here. 

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  • Jadai
    Jadai Member Posts: 182
    edited June 2009

    Laurabeth,

    I just wanted to say that I am in the same position as you.  My mom, as you read, has brain mets, and I don't think she quite gets that the radiation isn't going to "heal" her.  I don't know if she just doesn't understand everything, which is possible, or if she just chooses to hear the positive.  This is so hard and not fair to any of us!

    Hope everyone and their loved ones are doing well.

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  • Tryingtostaypositive
    Tryingtostaypositive Member Posts: 11
    edited June 2010

    Hi, I've never been on a site like this before, but my mom also has Metastasized breast cancer. I'm 26 and she's 61...I guess we're in a similar boat at similar times in our lives.  My mom's spread to her brain, lungs, liver, back, and some places were found on her esophagus.  She went through heavy radiation and hormone therapy and the place in the brain is gone and all of the other places shrunk...except the liver.  The growth on her liver has gotten bigger.  The doctor wanted her to do Herceptin, but bc of all the negative side effects she decided not to.  She and my dad believe in alternative medicine and they are trying some other ways to boost her immunity and fight the cancer.  No one would give me a time frame, I don't think my parents want to think that way..they also believe in the power of thought and they try to stay positive.  The dr ordered another cat scan and MRI for Friday so that will tell us where we stand.  I guess I'm having a hard time knowing if she's going to die and I need to prepare for that or if she can live through this.  I'm getting married in October and this is just so hard.  I was certain she would make it to the wedding, but she's lot 10lbs in the last 2 weeks.  She doesn't have an appetite.  I've never dealt with the death of anyone close to me and I don't know what to do.  I don't even know if that's the way I should be thinking.

    I know what you're going through  Bonjourlena and it sucks and I have no idea what to do.

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