I am terrified of chemotherapy

Hi Bon,

Keep showing up!  And ask your onc for a sleeping aid. I think I was taking ambien, or the other relatively new sleeping pill.  Plus, I had an rx for Valium - for those "anxious" days (i.e. all the testing at the beginning, and any other time I just wanted to "relax").

There's no question this is a scary experience.  We've all been there, so we know what you're going through. I just read through your post and am so glad you made it!  Now speak up and get the meds you need!!!  And don't forget to drink plenty of water!!!  (I did a 30 day juice fast a few months back, to help rid myself of the chemo toxins from 2008.  The fast helped me jump-start a new diet and I've since lost 25 pounds and feel great.  Only 20 more to go.  Oh, the point of that was that on the juice fast, I had to drink 1.5 - 2 gallons of water and juice per day.  Seemed impossible, but I did that, too!   And now I try to drink the better part of a gallon of water a day - it really helps with energy, diet and overall health. And yes, I pee a lot!)

Good luck to you!

Sue

I qualified my speculation, with "it's just a thought"-and that's what it was. "Feel the fear and do it anyway" as they say. I think if you  participate in online forums, you have to realise that you are going to get a whole lot of differing opinions. All of these opinions will be valid-people after all are posting to try and help/give you some ideas/support. From them, extract what may be helpful to you-but posters have to be honest, otherwise, what is the point in posting? I was suggesting that if you could control the fear somewhat, then you may cope better with subsequent infusions-it was a suggestion, not a command! I also felt that adjusting your lifestyle while suffering was a reasonable option. But perhaps, as you said, you wanted to feel "love" and not listen to suggestions, and I therefore apologise if my suggestions have been unhelpful to you.However as ivorymum said-once she had decided to go ahead, she decided to make the best of it, and I think that is a pretty good approach. Considering your first post said you were in melt down, you have already come a long way-hope the remaining treatments are less stressful.

Remember that drinking is good and peeing is essential.  My pharmacist and onc said drink all you can and pee at least every two hours.  "Dilute and evict"!!    I had my first TC on the 24th.  i'm at work with a bottle of water beside me. 

We can all do this.

Hi Bon,

I am half way done with treatments - 4 rounds AC every 3 wks then 12 rounds of weekly taxol. When I first started I had heard the same on these forums and from others that chemo is douable and you don't get sick (throwing up) anymore because of all the meds offered. Well my first treatment even the nurse said she knew of many people woul went out to lunch right after  - so I though what the heck and my husband and I went for a sub. Well that night I was so sick throwing up and needed fluids the next day - I can't tell you how upset I was! I though oh-boy this is not what I am doing anymore. My onc fixed my drugs and didn't throw up anymore but still get really sick after each treatment to the point where this last one I said "I have had it" but here I am getting ready to start my second half of treatments this coming Monday. I am scared to start something new! But with so many people on these sites encouraging me I will do it and get through it. I also worked through my first treatments but am lucky to have summers off -teacher! I hope you don't give up and come back to this forum for help and guidance like I still do!

I Love the saying "You don't have to be brave, You just have to show up"!

Hugs to everyone and I hope we can get through the Fourth with No or limited SE's!!

Bon - I had DD AC and 12 weekly Taxol.  I had told my office that I would be back to work after I figured out which days were bad and which were not.  What I didn't anticipate were some of the lingering SE's.  I did stay out of work for 6 months (worked some from home).  I found it hard to read about women going on as if nothing were wrong and wondered why on earth I felt so bad and they didn't.  Then I realized, we're all different and react to chemo differently.  And for the record, I drank tons of water, walked almost every morning, took probiotics, stool softners when needed and then immodium when needed.  I am not one to sit around and feel sorry for myself and I didn't do it during treatment, but I felt terrible at times.  We all handle chemo differently and my onc said that some women do better than others and not to compare myself to anyone. 

I hope you feel better and remember to rest when your body needs it. 

Bon, are you doing all the chemo things that are listed in that section of the site?

Here was my "antidote" to chemo side effects.

I bought a 64 ounce brita pitcher and filled it with water.  I drank a pitcher the day before chemo, the day of and two days after.  Don't drink junk with sugar and additives and flavorings.  Dring water, pure water and lots of it.

I only ate high fiber foods - the day before, the day of, and two days after.   All of my snacks, and everything I ate, was high fiber.  Since I couldn't taste, it didn't matter much.  I ate progresso bean soups, I ate brown rice, I ate veggies and greens (cooked when my whites were low) I ate whole grain cereal, and yogurt and oatmeal.  Metamucil cookies.  Trader Joes has a fruit snack that is pure fruit and high fiber.   I was very diligent in my food intake and it helped, I had almost no constipation or stomach issues.I had colace on hand, just in  case.

My 2nd round I did have acid reflux.  It was short-lived but unpleasant.  I took tagamet for the heartburn.  But, not the kind that takes ten days to work - the one hour kind.  It worked so if you aren't taking that, you should.

I took my nausea meds whether I needed them or not.   Very important! 

It's harder at the beginning while your body adjusts.  My first/second round was worst for stomach and my last rounds were worse for energy.  None was horrible though, and I hope that you end up feeling that way. 

DRINK YOUR WATER!  I can't emphasize that enough. 

sohardbnme  take a deep breath! Have a look at the introductory page here.   There are 70,000 + mostly women here who have "been there, done that". You have lots of people right here who happily be your new friends - and furthermore, they have a much better idea of what is happening to you than most of our families or friends. Most of us will tell you that the part between diagnosis and the beginning of active treatment is the hardest part. Once you get started and sort out how to work your life around it, you can, yes can, do it.

A friend who is a year behind me with the samed darn thing said she wishes she could just have someone tell her at the end of treatment that she is cured and won't have to worry again. We know that will never happen. On the other hand, pick any woman from the street or your neighbourhood or wherever - no one can promise her that she will never ever get BC. We all get up in the morning and deal with whatever it is that life throws at us. Really, that's all we have to do - as the earlier posters have said, "just show up". You are not alone here.

(edited to fix a silly typo)

I take percocet (oxycodone) currently.  I am having some pretty bad bone pain and my oncologist prescribed it.  I take two in the morning and two in the afternoon, and that kills most of the pain so I can function.

My nurse said that if you are taking it for pain, you won't get addicted.  You may end up being physically dependant on it, but the addictive component is a craving for a "high" that we who suffer pain don't get.  I don't get any high or euphoric feeling, my pain just eases.  When it's time to stop, we have no problem tapIering off because we don't have that addict-like craving for a high.

I don't really know, but isn't oxycodone the same thing as morphine or vicodin, just in a stronger form?  I might be wrong.  But, if you can't take those things, maybe this isn't for you either.

I suffered from terrible migraines before I got cancer.  Oddly enough, chemo has cured me!  (Almost).  I took Imitrex a few times at first before my ovaries died and my migraines left, maybe imitrex would help you?  Also, they offered me toredol, which helps some people with headaches, but I can't take that one.

Just some suggestions.  Your doctor should help you with that, and make sure you drink your water to clear your system.    (I'm a big advocate of hydration during chemo.)

I hope by now you are feeling ok...I have had 16 weeks of chemo Taxol Herceptin and a trial drug Lapatinib, surgery, and have just completed 4 treatments of AC. Do not panic!  I have had very few side effects from any of these drugs.  I have taken the drugs to manage side effects and until the last 2 treatments of AC have had just general nausea and feelings of tiredness.  Stay positive and keep moving around when you can.  Just keep looking ahead!!  Good luck to you.