Doctor just called, found IDC, please help me cope

I'm very sorry that you were diagnosed with invasive cancer, and I am also sorry that you have been undergoing uncertainty for almost a month.  But, this is the worst part, soon you will know your stage and your treatment and you will find peace.  Our imaginations are worse than reality,  most of the time.

You may still be able to have lumpectomy if that's what you want, although I don't know the details.  I'd wished for lumpectomy but ended up having to have mastectomy due to the multifocal nature of my disease.  However, none of the horrible things I imagined happened.  I was still me, just me with a scar.  I'm undergoing reconstruction now. I don't feel diminished.

I did chemo, and that wasn't so bad either.  Nothing like you might imagine.  I was tired at the end but never got sick and really, it wasn't like the movies.  I lost my hair but it's growing back now - white!  Who knew?  I'm not old enough to have white hair so it's a big surprise and it looks cool with a tan, almost like I'm a plantinum blonde.  (Not that I won't dye it back at some point). I found that wearing wigs was uncomfortable and wearing scarves was an interesting sociological experiement in how people react.

I am still doing herceptin until December, and I enjoy the quiet place to play iPhone games and read.   It just becomes a routine of treatment - it's just a time-consuming year (or in my case, 18 months) and then hopefully you can start to put it behind you.

There are good things - I've made new friends because of cancer, I have discovered how generous people can be. 

You are in the fearful part right now but you will find that cancer treatment is all about putting one foot in front of another, and the steps aren't usually as difficult as you think.

Even in the unlikely even you turn out to have mets (we all think we do at the beginning - and a few actually do) you'll  find that people can live many, many years with it.  I have a friend who had breast cancer with mets to the brain - ten years ago.  She is NED right now and has been for years.

I understand your mind is whirling- I was there too.  I spent a day getting pissed off at old people because I thought I wasn't going to be one.  But, then I realized all we have,, young or old - is this one day.  And, we have some say in how we deal with it.  I decided not to spend a lot of tme worrying, and for the most part, I haven't.  It was much harder at the beginning than it is now, and it's harder around test times than normal, but those are all normal things.

I don't know if somebody who is down the road from you can reassure you or not, but you can get through it.  And you can get through it with humor and grace - it's your decision.

Good luck.