Denial

SpunkyGirl
SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Yesterday at church, one of my friends was talking about a mutual friend who is going through treatment for Pancreatic Cancer, and he "blithely" joked about how she was in denial for a while about the whole thing.  You know, even though I like this guy, he really ticked me off when he said that!  There's something about a person who doesn't have a clue as to what cancer is like to joke about someone else  going through denial that just ticks me off beyond belief.  I told him that you could only understand her response if you were dealing with it yourself.  Period..

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2010

    They don't have a clue if they haven't gone thru it.  When we go thru a major taumatic life event like cancer or any terrible loss, we kind of go into self protective mode and I think denial is a way of doing this.

    image

    Barb

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2010

    They don't have a clue if they haven't gone thru it.  When we go thru a major taumatic life event like cancer or any terrible loss, we kind of go into self protective mode and I think denial is a way of doing this.

    image

    Barb

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited June 2010

    Denial works for me!!!! 

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  • SoCalLisa
    SoCalLisa Member Posts: 13,961
    edited June 2010

    Spunky girl...I agree with your response to your friend

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited June 2010

    Good response.

    It is so true, you do not have a clue unless you have been there. And sometimes it is all so overwhelming, the only way you can face the day is with a bit of denile.

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  • Bugs
    Bugs Member Posts: 1,719
    edited June 2010

    So true.  A friend of mine is horrified about some blog that is selling Fxck Cancer stuff.  She thinks it's going too far.  I haven't responded to her email ...because I'm  not all that horrified by the items.  I've always said the F word is acceptable when the word cancer is in the same sentence. ;) 

    Maybe that's what I'll tell her. 

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  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited June 2010

    Bugs,Smile

    Don't tell your friend that I have one of those hats!  I totally agree with you.  That's really the best acceptable way to address cancer.  Does this friend have (or had) it?  If not, then she wouldn't understand why we feel that way!

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  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited June 2010

    Bugs,Smile

    Don't tell your friend that I have one of those hats!  I totally agree with you.  That's really the best acceptable way to address cancer.  Does this friend have (or had) it?  If not, then she wouldn't understand why we feel that way!

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited June 2010

    Your response was good, there are some people who just don't get it and I don't think ever will.  As for the "F" word and cancer - I think they belong together and it's only a matter of time before I buy myself a F*** Cancer shirt.

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited June 2010

    Cuck Fancer almost sounds worse.. ha ha

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  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited June 2010

    Sherri,

    Where did you get that shirt?  I MUST have one!  My DH would love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We should get matching ones....

    Hugs

    Bobbie

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  • Summer38
    Summer38 Member Posts: 253
    edited June 2010

    I want a Cuck Fancer t-shirt too!!!!Smile

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  • everyminute
    everyminute Member Posts: 1,805
    edited June 2010

    PM me about tshirts - I have started a new business - athletic gear - much of it specifically for cancer survivors.  Have a lot of anti cancer designs and slogans. Cant advertise or sell on bco but if you are interested you can contact me.

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  • littletower
    littletower Member Posts: 333
    edited June 2010

    I want "Cuck Fancer" shirt as well. Where, oh where can we all get one? 

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  • littletower
    littletower Member Posts: 333
    edited June 2010

    And yea, people really don't get it. They say the most crazy, insensitive things its mind boggling. Need to walk around with a stash of socks to stuff in peoples mouths. One "friend" said to me (at the top of her lungs, looking straight at my boob area, in the middle of a crowded bar in which I was the entertainment [not a strip club by the way:)] and therefore up on stage for everyone to stare at), "Do you still have them?! You look so flat!". Seriously!

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  • precioustime
    precioustime Member Posts: 233
    edited June 2010

    littletower-- that doesn't sound like much a friend to me

    I'm not giving cancer anymore than my boobs -- that's it!!  So-- Denial is good for me too!

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  • flopsy
    flopsy Member Posts: 365
    edited June 2010
    You should tell your friend that being a ca survivor is an exclusive club with many more steps than AA every thought of. Maybe we should start an ongoing step program for br ca survivors.We would need to use lots of humor and craziness to get through it but I think it could be helpful and might be good for friends and family too with support steps along the way. My husband has been so upset about my dx more so even than I have been. I try to show him how I appreciate his love and support all the time but that does not take away his fear. May God grant us all peace and acceptance of this and of each other. LOL; gin2ca Diagnosis: 5/3/2010, ILC, 3cm, Stage IIIa, Grade 1, 5/7 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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