Just terrified

Options
Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited June 2014 in IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)

After six surgeries for DCIS (two unsuccessful lumpectomies, a mastectomy, exchange surgery and two revisions), I finally thought I was done with this. Then last week I was diagnosed with IDC from a routine MRI. I believe my tumor is slightly over 1cm and then it has two tiny nodules next to it. Its friends I guess. Surgeon says it's Stage I and I will be having a mastectomy on 7/1. Because I already have a breast implant they will by pass the tissue expander and just replace my implant with a larger one to compensate for the loss of my breast tissue.

Both my breast surgeon and reconstructive surgeon seem totally convinced it's not in my nodes based on its location and the fact that it developed sometime between October and May. They've both done lots of feeling around and seem convinced my nodes are fine. Of course no one knows for sure until they are biopsied after the surgery.

If the nodes are negative I'll do the Oncotype testing. The thought of chemo scares me so much. Seriously. I get upset if my Botox wears off, let alone being bald and sick. I'm ER/PR+ and Her2-. Two of the tumors are well-differentiated, one is moderately differentiated. My Ki67 is >10%. That's all I know right now.

I'm a really, really young 46. Premenopausal. I have a three year old son and I'm a workout freak. I do it all, and alot of it.

I know that chemo is better than say....dying, but that's about it.

I'm just really frightened by this and I'm sure you can all relate.  

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • Luah
    Luah Member Posts: 1,541
    edited June 2010

    Sorry you got such crappy news.  But it sounds like it was caught early so that bodes well for your treatment plan and outcome.  You're right, we've all been in a dark place when facing invasive cancer.  I remember choosing the music for my funeral when I was convinced it had spread to every part of my body!   I am now just 2 weeks from the end of my treatment - and I can tell you it DOES get better than the place you're in right now.  Take a deep breath, and one step at a time.  And even if you have to do chemo, you will get through it - trust me! 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • littletower
    littletower Member Posts: 333
    edited June 2010

    There's no way around the fact that it sucks, but everyone here will tell you, you CAN get through it and if you have to, you WILL get through it. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time...Come here and rant/vent/kvetch when you need to. It's a great resource.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • hopeful34
    hopeful34 Member Posts: 1,569
    edited June 2010

    Zachsmom- I am sorry you are going through this again.  I can't imagine how you must feel.  I totally know what you mean about the chemo thing.  I feel so vain, but I am more worried about losing my hair, eyebrows and gaining weight than I am getting sick from it.  I think as women it is only natural to care what you look like.  I am 34, so I know how you feel about the "young thing." I feel like this disease has stolen everything from me.  My husband is an only child and he has no children.  I have one from a previous marriage.  He is 14 years old.  But, I feel like I am ruining my husbands life.  I was supposed to graduate nursing school after going three years already, and now I had to quit for Bilateral mastectomy and tissue expanders, and it will put off me getting a better paying job an additional year.  I recommend the oncotype test.  I had it and it helped me decide on chemo.  I hope things start looking up for you soon.  If you need anything or just want to talk you can PM me.  Take Care and try to keep your head up (easier said than done I know)  Allison

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2010

    Ugh, I totally hear you about the beauty/vanity thing! When I was dx'd back in 2005, I told the onc that NO WAY would I do chemo because I absolutely refused to be bald. Told her to send in the surgeon and we'll just cut 'em off and give me a new set. Of course, I hadn't really thought this through and a bilat, according to all, was bit overkill. After a little more thought, I decided to do the chemo, but was terrified of it all. In addition to a pretty responsible full-time job, I also teach aerobics and work out fanatically, so I was afraid of not being able to teach & work out and of getting fat (the biggest terror of all!).

    What happened? I dove into chemo, got my hair buzzed and then bought the most adorable wig I could find (NEVER took it off except when I was completely alone and even then avoided mirrors). I bought lots of new clothes and makeup. And I was really, really lucky in that I never became sick form the chemo! I did feel tired and got flushed and had mouth sores. But I decided to keep smiling and plugging away at as "normal" a life as possible and, eventually, it was over (um, the chemo, not my life Wink). 

    And the lesson in this? Well, I think that it's that you cannot predict how you'll react to chemo and, truly, it might not be that bad. The bald thing sucks no matter how you look at it (even with a great wig), but once it happens, you just move on and almost forget it (well, not really, but you can think about other things) and, of course, it does grow back.

    I know that you're scared, but please listen to this small voice of experience: you CAN do it and if you decide to have as much "fun" with it as you can, it will be absolutely tolerable. Really.

    One final thing...check out this site for more "fun" with chemo: http://www.chemochicks.com/

    Good luck, chicas! You're gonna make it and that's what counts!

    ~Marin

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories