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Under "comments, suggestions & Feature Requests!
Based on the following revelation (thanks to the awareness brought about by oncologists who through anecdotal reporting noticed a pattern of higher frequency than studies reported and the awareness that stemmed from the Elizabeth Edwards ordeal) I would like to suggest a Forum on
"When BC Leads to Divorce".
Source: Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center (Nov. 10, 2009) Men leave: Separation and divorce far more common when the wife is the patient
SEATTLE – A woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is the patient, according to a study that examined the role gender played in so-called “partner abandonment.” The study also found that the longer the marriage the more likely it would remain intact.
The study confirmed earlier research that put the overall divorce or separation rate among cancer patients at 11.6 percent, similar to the population as a whole. However, researchers were surprised by the difference in separation and divorce rates by gender. The rate when the woman was the patient was 20.8 percent compared to 2.9 percent when the man was the patient.
“Female gender was the strongest predictor of separation or divorce in each of the patient groups we studied,” said Marc Chamberlain, M.D., a co-corresponding author and director of the neuro-oncology program at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA). Chamberlain is also a professor of neurology and neurosurgery at the University of Washington School of Medicine.
The study, “Gender Disparity in the Rate of Partner Abandonment in Patients with Serious Medical Illness,” was published in the Nov. 15 issue of the journal Cancer. The other corresponding author is Michael Glanz, M.D., of the Huntsman Cancer Institute at the University of Utah School of Medicine.
Why men leave a sick spouse can be partly explained by their lack of ability, compared to women, to make more rapid commitments to being caregivers to a sick partner and women’s better ability to assume the burdens of maintaining a home and family, the study authors said.
Researchers at three medical centers -- the SCCA, Huntsman and Stanford University School of Medicine -- enrolled a total of 515 patients in 2001 and 2002 and followed them until February 2006. The men and women were in three diagnostic groups: those with a malignant primary brain tumor (214 patients), those with a solid tumor with no central nervous system involvement (193 patients) and those with multiple sclerosis (108 patients). Almost half of the patients were women.
Chamberlain said the study was initiated because doctors noticed that in their neuro-oncology practices, divorce occurred almost exclusively when the wife was the patient. The researchers enrolled groups of patients with other cancers and with multiple sclerosis to separate the impact of oncologic versus neurological disease. The results showed a stronger gender disparity for divorce when the wife was the patient in the general oncology and multiple sclerosis groups (93 percent and 96 percent respectively, compared to 78 percent for the primary brain tumor group).
The study also found correlations between age and length of marriage and the likelihood of divorce or separation. The older the woman was the more likely her partnership would end. However, longer marriages remained more stable.
Researchers also measured some health and quality of life outcomes among the patients who separated or divorced. They found that patients used more antidepressants, participated less in clinical trials, had more frequent hospitalizations, were less likely to complete radiation therapy and more likely not to die at home, according to the study.
“We believe that our findings apply generally to patients with life-altering medical illness,” the authors wrote. “We recommend that medical providers be especially sensitive to early suggestions of marital discord in couples affected by the occurrence of a serious medical illness, especially when the woman is the affected spouse and it occurs early in the marriage. Early identification and psychosocial intervention might reduce the frequency of divorce and separation, and in turn improve quality of life and quality of care.”
Comments
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I am 48 ..... diagnosed last year...and my divorce will be final next month. Tami
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I bet many people out there have hurts and no where to share them.
It seems that I am spending more time and energy on saving my relationship, mending my relationship, worrying about my relationship than I am on getting better.
One month after I was officially diagnosed with cancer my partner was told he has high PSA scores. He is undergoing testing but the urologist is not convinced he has cancer (no symptoms) so is testing for lots of stuff.
He went with me to all the tests and pre-op, he went to meet the surgeon with me and was totally involved and supportive. He loved going to the MRI and scans because as an engineer the technicians let him look at the equipment in detail and how it worked. He recently told me that was why he went. On June 7th he dropped me at the surgery prep door and left - in most senses of the word!!!!
He has never said he was glad to see me survive, he has not kissed or hugged me since the day I was operated and he tells me everyday how much he wishes I would go back to work and earn some $ (I am on 50% from insurance at the moment) and get out from under his feet! I feel bad if I go to the kitchen to make a cup of tea.
I tried to talk to him about this - he said I had a should be grateful for the roof over my head and he had no intention of discussing stupid emotions with me. So I read, and read, and read or garden - thank God it's summer. I have no family and my friends are all across the continent or the ocean so going away for a few days is not an option. Plus I am waiting on more tests, my pathology report, radiation, chemo?? etc. etc. etc.
All I wanted was a genuine hug:-((
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Hello Sharon and welcome to our "club" that no one wants to join.
We are all here for you, 24/7--no complaint or rant is too trivial. Someone here has been there, done that, and the advice from these wonderful ladies is absolutely priceless!!
You are in the beginning of this "journey" which is often the most difficult.
Take a deep breath, (and remember to keep breathing!), put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time, anda let us know how we can help.
Sending a huge, genuine cyber hug to you!!
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Because of cancer my relationship with my husband changed, too.
When I was sick he went everywhere with me, but not because he loved me- because- "What people would say"
He didn't want to take me outside, and if he would, he would say, "OK, it is half an hour, doctor said it is enough"
When I said I need a rain jacket he said " you don't need jacket" , but he went and bougth himself bracelet and new car. And TV.
And he asked onc. during chemo " why everybody had no appetite, but my wife eat like a horse"?
And when I asked during treatment to take me outside in the New Year just to smell air and see lights- he didn't do it...
We almost have no sex for 4 years, sleep in separate rooms.
He often looks at me and said " what happen to you, look at your stomach?"
He doesn't look me in the eyes.
And last week I have found out he was hiding from me large amount of money, but all the time he is saying " we have no money, what can we do...what to do ..."
I'm disabled, legally blind, have very bad arthritis- can't walk, at home I use a cane, but I'm working 2 days/week.
It is not enough to find a place.
If I will divorce him - I will loose his medical insurance which pays for all my treatments and medicine- Arimidex...
I loved him allot, he is only one man in my life. And I think he loved me, before, when I was strong and healthy, but now- I'm nothing without him... and may be that why love is gone...
He insist he love me, but I know - he is not, he just afraid to leave me because what people will say. And family, and children, and friends.
If he leaves me - I could stay in the apartment, apply for disability, medical, may be apartment.
But he will have to pay for everything before I get help from government. I don't know why he is not goin to find a place for himself?
I'm fine, don't worry.
I really respect women who went try cancer and was not afraid to change they re life , divorce there's husbands, start new life.
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