Can I get your advice?

So that stinks.  It's bad enough you feel so rotten at work but to have a coworker glaring at you sure doesn't help.  My first thought is if you are that sick you should really take some time off (medical leave) until you are more stable.  Not to be the devil's advocate here but it would be upsetting to me if I had to listen to a coworker throw up alot.  Many people have a gag relflex that if they hear someone else throw up it sets them off.  And coming from a Management point of view it probably is not a good working environment for your coworkers.  As far as talking about your illness, maybe just not to the people you know it upsets.  Who knows, maybe this person has had a cancer experience of their own, or just doesn't know how to react.  Unfortunately you have a business to run and if your health will be counterproductive you may need to take some time off.  Have you spoken to your HR Manager????

Good luck,

Sharon

Deb, I am sorry that your co-worker is being like that, but it does not surprise me at all. I also work in a very small office and consider my co-workers to be like family, however before I was diagnosed with BC I watched several other co-workers go through a major illnesses and I saw what happened to them. Both of them were also very vocal about their illnesses and talked about all the details, a lot. Before too long other co-workers started getting tired of hearing about it and started talking about them behind their back. True at first they were sympathetic, but then they just got tired of it. Even though I work for a non-profit agency that serves the ill, elderly, and disabled and our mission statement is one of compassion to those in need, that mission statement just flew out the window when it was one of our own. It was not long before upper management started looking for ways to get rid of them. They were very careful due to laws protecting employees that are sick, but believe me they have ways of getting around it. If you are targeted to cull from the herd, they will find a way. It was not too long before both my co-workers were dismissed. It was very sad to watch, and I tried to warn them to stop talking about their illnesses while at work, but they didn't and in the end they lost their jobs. One of them tried to sue, but management had covered all their bases, they were not stupid about how they went about doing what they did. On one hand I felt bad for my co-workers, but on the other hand it is disruptive when someone is constantly talking about their illnesses, missing work, etc. and even though I always stuck up for them when other co-workers talked behind their back, I have to admit that I was starting to get burned out on hearing about it too. Mostly I was frustrated that they could not see what they were doing to themselves even though I warned them repeatable that outside management was getting frustrated with complaints about them. One of my co-workers does have the gag reflect really bad and actually threw up herself twice when one of the the sick gals talked about her GI issues in too much detail.  The bottom line is that there is a job to get done and that is all management cares about really, that is their job above all else. After watching what my co-worker went through when I was diagnosed with BC and went through surgeries, chemo and rads etc. I made a point of not talking about it as much as possible. I also asked my co-workers to please not tell my client's or the employees that I supervise about it, even though it was obvious something was wrong when I lost all my hair. I did my best to not miss any work and would only take a day after surgery which I tried to schedule on fridays, a few days when chemo got rough, and used my lunch hour for rads. If someone asked me how things were going, I would answer, but kept the details to a minimum and never complained. Instead of saying I am taking off for rads, I just said I am going to lunch. They knew where I was going of course, but it downplayed my treatment time off anyway. I also would take time off for doctor's appointments, but did not say where I was going unless someone asked directly. I would also just empty drains etc. while on break so they were unaware of what I was doing and if I threw up, I would just say I had a headache and went home, no vomit details. Believe me I wanted to talk about things as a way of coping, but watching what happened to my co-workers I knew better. In the end I overheard a co-worker telling a new employee that I was bald because I had breast cancer, "But she never complains and hardly ever misses work". I also had co-workers comment to me that they hope that if they ever go through what I did that they could handle it as well. They never knew how un-well I was really handling things. There were days that chemo left me stumbling and I even fell into a co-workers cubical one time, but otherwise I tried very hard to keep a business as usual. I had to because I am self supporting and like you could not afford to miss work. It was sad that even though I consider my co-workers to be family that I could not have shared more, but I just knew better. They were all very supportive true, but I knew better than to make an issue of my illness. At one point I was so physically and emotionally exhausted that I started losing it, but managed to keep it together while at work and then would fall apart at home. One of my co-workers told me she heard from the big HR person that she was amazed that I was able to keep working like I did. Even though I was actually going through everything that my dismissed co-worker went through as far as needing medical leave at times, they had a totally different attitude with me simply because I seldom talked about anything and did not complain. They actually had the nerve to suggest that one of my co-workers was a hypochondriac even though she just had a cancerous kidney removed, just because she talked about it too much, and kept talking about her diarrhea. Believe me no one wants to hear about that. Anyway I am sorry this is so long, but I wanted to tell you that I am sorry what you are going through. It is not fair, but it is the hard cold reality. I am most sure that your co-worker is talking to your boss behind closed doors and that others are too, but they are just kinder about it. I know you said that they depend on you and that you are the one that gets all the billing done, but truthfully no one is indispensable. It would not surprise me at all that they are already trying to find a way to get rid of you and the best thing you could do is stop talking about any illness issues at all, ever, immediately, and be evasive about it when others ask. I would not complain to management, but would stop complaining at all. Otherwise from my experience it will be only a matter of time before they let you go. I would hate to see that happen to you, sounds like you have enough on your plate without being unemployed too.

Deb, I will be thinking about you tomorrow when you see your doctors and hope that they are able to discover what is making you so sick. Nausea is the absolute worst thing to have. I can deal with a lot, but not that very well. I know that ever since chemo I too cannot digest dairy, although it sounds like your lactose problem came after the C-cif. C-dif is a nasty bug and it is really hard to get rid of. I am assuming your GI doctor will test again to make sure you are not still suffering from this. Have you ever been tested for giardia? It can cause some of your symptoms, it is hard to discover and sometimes you have to be tested numerous times, my daughter had it a long time before they were able to discover what was going on with her and it is more common than people think. There are women who go for years with giardia, only to have doctors say they are hypochondriacs because the symptoms come and go and they never think to test for it. Anyway aside from dairy ever since chemo I cannot digest meat, especially pork, or any kind of grease and fat stuff. It makes me throw up. I am not sure why this happened but it just did. Now I am really only able to eat a vegetarian diet and I also have switched to a sprouted grain bread without flour since I no longer process gluten well either. Years ago I discovered that I get headaches from any high fructose corn syrup, highly processed white sugar (glazed donuts kind of stuff), and artificial sweeteners so I eliminated that from my diet as well. Believe me I am not a health nut, but ever since chemo my body rejects any kind of processed foods, when I started reading labels I was amazed at all the unnecessary garbage they put in our foods and feel guilty now that I sometimes fed my kids hotdogs and canned soup etc. when they were little. I was amazed also to find out how much hidden dairy, sugar, and salt is in foods under hidden names. Now for breakfast I have some Bolthouse Farms juice, especially love the c-boost one (immunity support) that is mango and cherry and some sprouted grain bread made without four, toasted. I also eat a lot of vegetarian refried beans and of course lots of fruits and vegetables especially spinach. I am worried about how to get my calcium and protein so I am working on that but I am learning. I have always been a meat and potatoes girl and chemo has wreaked that for me. If I was to eat a fast food lunch now I would toss my cookies for sure. I think the chemo must destroy all your stomach bacteria and I imagine all the antibiotics have messed your system up good to. I was having a problem after some antibiotics recently and drank some Good Belly probiotic stuff I got at the grocery for a week and that really helped. I do not know where you live, but I know that it may be hard to get the more natural food stuff in some places. Anyway I hope that you can find out what is going on with your stomach you must be really frustrated! To answer your question, I did not have a mastectomy, the drains I had were from the lumpectomy and then the axillary node removal, I opted not to have a mastectomy despite multiple tumor sites. At the point I was diagnosed the nodes under my arms were already involved and I went ahead with the lumpectomy while further testing was done because if I was going to do the recommended mastectomy I wanted to do a bilateral one and wanted time to think about it. In the end the doctors left it up to me, but felt like it did not really decrease the chances of reoccurrence since they hit me with dense dose chemo and rads. My tumors were also small with the largest only 2 cm. It was the size of one of my lymph nodes that worried me the most and the fact that they were matted, although I had one doctor say that does not really matter? I also have a very, very, high pain tolerance so despite doctor's restriction I went back to work anyway. So I am glad that you confronted your co-worker, but I would not trust her at all, despite her "You just triggered my mother memories" I think that is a lame excuse for making snide comments, leers and faces about you. I think she came up with an excuse when you confronted her that she skillfully turned it around so that you would feel sorry for her (poor me.. my mother was mean and that is why I had to be mean to you behind your back) I am sorry but I am not buying it. If she was behaving that way in the first place than she is not that nice and I believe will continue to talk behind your back to the boss. You said you were a people pleaser and like me you probably trust others too much. At least I used to. I have heard every excuse in the book since I co-supervise 250 employees, have a case load of around 85 clients and deal with a lot of the client's dysfunctional family members and frankly that is the oldest trick in the book. They just leave you feeling so good that "we had this little talk and now I feel we have bonded even deeper in our mutual understanding of each other". All warm and fuzzy, but reality, "Not"  Also I too work in a small office, have a great bond with co-workers, we laugh a lot and really truly have a great time together, I even consider them my family, however I learned after watching what happened to my ill co-workers that you can still not trust them completely. I would still be very guarded around her and even others and would stop sharing things that she can later twist around and use against you. Believe me I actually get along very well with others, but I have learned this lesson over the years and although it may sound harsh, negative, and very cynical, I will bet my money that she turned right around and made fun of you even more after your little talk.

Another thought.

How about presenting your co-worker with a gift (flowers?) as a thank you for her consideration and her understanding while having to "put up" with your illness in the office?  It would be an open acknowledgement to her that it hasn't been the best of situations and it could show her that you really appreciate her support.  Even if the kindness hasn't been there, treating it as if it has can sometimes bring out a different side of people.  It may get her totally on your side.

Almost as soon as I started chemo,I had stomach issues.I had had problems before,but the chemo really irritated my GI system,to the point I was hospitalised for ten days with severe duodenal erosion.I never vomited but was so nauseous and had diarhhea.They did an endoscopy and said my duodenum looked like a pepperoni pizza it was so raw and eroded.I was put on carafate and that finally healed my duodenum. I had to really push the issue as everyone thinks chemo and nausea go hand in hand.I  took Lglutamine and sublingual Vitamin B as I was not absorbing nutrients properly.It also seems you are extremely stressed, that alone will do a number on your stomach.If they have not done an endoscopy,please insist on one. Take care.

Is there a human resources person you can go to? 

Hi Deb,

I just read through your thread and halfway through, I waas thinking you needed prilosec - I have had Crohn's disease for over 20 years and a couple of years ago, I started having the same nausea and vomiting you experienced.  My GI put me on two prilosec a day (a.m & p.m.) and I have not had the problem since.  I am so glad you are doing better and I hope your test goes well.