I am terrified of chemotherapy

I felt like I had to go in to "get my butt kicked" every two weeks.  So not fun.  I do endurance events so felt this was the endurance event of a lifetime.

Nothing was as bad as getting a dental implant a year prior.  No, not fun, but my take was that if I could survive oral surgeon hammering on my jaw, I could survive chemo. (My oncologist agreed.)

Having said this, I am so glad to be at the other end.  Good luck.

Bon: Honestly, you are at the absolute worst part of chemo -- fear of the unknown.   It was the worst part for me... it is scary for sure.  That first time, I sat waiting for something bad to happen -- it didn't.  Yah, I felt crummy for a few days .. but you do it and you come out on the other side happy that you did everything you could to never go through this again.    I did 6 cycles of TC - worked fulltime.  I am a year out from chemo /rads -- life is good.  Know that it will be for you too!

readingteacher:  one down!   hope you are doing well.

(((((((HUGS))))))))) to you both.  

Bon - Good luck with your port surgery tomorrow.  I have a port and it has proved to be a blessing when getting treatments or drawing blood.  The surgery was quick and relatively painless. 

I'm a year out of chemo.  Chemo treatments, like everyone has stated, is quite doable and not as bad as we had all feared it would be. I actually feared the chemo more than I feared the cancer.  But having gone thru it all, I'm glad that I did everything I could to help prevent a recurrence. I had 2 rounds of Adriamycin/Cytoxan and 2 treatments of only adriamycin.  The cytoxan gave me problems with my sodium count. I then had 12 rounds of weekly Taxol. I worked full-time through it all only taking time off when I felt sick which was only a few days after the A/C treatments.  A former chemo nurse told me chemotheraphy has come a long way from when she first started (some 20 years ago). Back then, women had to stay in the hospital for a week when getting their chemo.  Now we go in get our treatment and go home.  Just remember that there may be days when you're not really feeling well but there will be days when you feel quite normal.  Hope everything goes well for you. 

Bon,  No one here will ever tell you to "Buck up and stop acting like a baby"  We have all felt what you are feeling now.  This breast cancer bitch is scary enough.  I was terrified at the thought of starting chemo.  But it is do-able.  You've already gotten a lot of good advice.  You will probably find that those administering your chemo infusion will be very encouraging and helpful.  Also, chemo, today, is not as horrific as it used to be.  They give you so many other meds to keep you from getting those horrible side effects.  When I went for my infusions, I was given a soft comfy loung chair with heated blankets, a little TV and the nurse began my IV with Ativan drip and Benadryl, which totally relaxed me.  They also gave me another med in the IV called "Emend" which prevents nausea and throwingup. after the infusions they also prescribed 3 kinds of meds to keep away any nausea. Other then the feeling of extreme tiredness and weakness and flulike feelings, the side effects are bearable.  Just take your normal anagesics for pain and achy feelings in your bones and give into it.  The chemo is killing those cancer cells, and you WILL GET THRU THIS.

Barb

Bon

I started chemo in January of 2009...I, like everyone else, was still in shock about breast cancer.  I had  a lumpectomy and had to wait until after Christmas to make treatment decisions,etc.

So, on the first day, we drive to the hospital.  As we go up in the elevator to the infusion (a word I couldn't even SAY) floor, I have the sense that I just want to jump down the elevator shaft.  Once we reach the floor, the door opens to a waiting room and there are sooooo many people there.  

I go to the counter to check in and they hand me one of those things you get at the restaurant when your table is not ready.  My first response" you have GOT to be kidding me".... then I look around-- and there, on a Friday morning in the middle of winter are what seems like hundreds of people (probably was  less) and they were all waiting for treatment.  I did some quick math --- the center was open every day from 7 to 7--- and this is just ONE center in a big city in one state in one country.  I had to sit down-my head was spinning---is it possible that THAT many people need chemotherapy??? Well, yes it is.

 They sent us to the cafeteria, and after lunch the thing started to buzz.  Up I went--the first visit is the longest because of all the testing.   As I sat there while they hooked it up, I realized that the experience is a very common one--- I could see it all around me.  And for some reason, that gave me some peace.  I was not alone.  Other people were there with me.  My onc called chemo/radiation "insurance" for me... and I agreed.  Some might have argued that it was a little overkill, but I have young children, so it was really a no-brainer for me.

I thought of chemo as PacMan--- gobbling up any cells that might have gotten loose.  It is not easy, but you CAN do it.... I did take a couple of days off after each treatment-- but I was never "sick", just tired and somewhat nauseous-which they adjusted for right after the first treatment.  I used to joke with them that by the time we perfected it, I would be done (I had 4 treatments over 8 weeks-it was quick).  

There are hard moments, no doubt--but I was so grateful for the benefit of the chemotherapy-- that the medicine exists to combat this-- I felt fortunate most of the time to have access to the standard of care.  

Your hair will go and it will grow back.  Your body will be amazing-- I was astonished at how my body healed itself and how great I feel--and I actually felt great in between treatments..... I think it was because I felt so fatigued during the treatment--- I was grateful for every little improvement.  I feel so healthy now--and you will too....

As one of the first doctors met said to me "this is just a  blip on the radar".  I thought he was nuts, but he was right.

Just show up, do what they tell you, listen to your body and it will be over before you realize it.

Dear Bon,

You have every right to be terrified.  I was exactly where you are May 2009 and very similar pathology to yours - ER-, and HER2+.  The chemo is no picnic and there isn't any reason to sugar coat it.  You will likely feel like crap (as I did) or you may be one of the luckier ones who don't have such a hard time with it.  I never got a port so had the IV started each time.  I have 2 more Herceptin treatments to go and I'm finally done!  15 months of drug therapy last year seemed like a life time to endure but its almost over.  Get a prescription for Atavan to help you relax for your treatments and getting the IV.  Atavan has been my best friend through all the needles.  I take 2 before each treatment.  I also get Echocardiograms instead of Muga Scans for my heart so I don't get that extra IV.   For me the radiation was a piece of cake compared to the chemo and the Herceptin side effects are minimal.  What has been a big issue for me was having medically induced menopause from the chemo as I was premenopausal.  Horrible hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia - you name it.  I'm on antidepressants that control the hot flashes and sleeping pills to sleep.  I will celebrate July 23 which is my last Herceptin treatment and my clear clean recent mammogram.  I have been off work for 14 months now and will return in September.  You will endure this long haul and there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Good luck to you. 

Bon,

I finished my chemo (TCH) one year ago with Herceptin every 3 weeks till January.   I am so glad that I had chemo.  Side effects weren't as bad as I anticipated and I worked full time until the last treatment and then took a break for 6 mths while on rads.  Side effects were cumulative.  Yoga was a great help.  Drink lots of fluids, ask for a script for something for heartburn if needed.  Protonix worked great and I took it for 4 months.  There is a toothpaste called "Squiggle" you can buy online.  It has lots of Xylitol.  I really didn't get mouth sores and used only Squiggle.  I took (with my doc's agreement) a B complex vitamin daily and 100 mg B6 twice daily during treatment..no other vitamins or supplements.  I feel great now and have really no residual side effects.  Exercising and back to normal.  I'm thankful that there were meds available to eradicate this horrible disease. 

I think port pain is pretty individual. I had mine done the day before my first chemo, and just took ibuprofen. Other ladies at the infusion center have said theirs hurt so bad, even though they had narcotics. Others have said it wasn't a picnic, but it wasn't horrible, either. I think it's just a crapshoot how you'll feel.

Bon - I am glad that your first chemo was uneventful.  It is truly a scary thing but with the help of the support from the forum we have all managed to get through it.  I hope that you continue to feel as well as you feel right now.  Day 3 post chemo is usually the worst for me but really all I am dealing with is being VERY tired.

I hope that you have a great SE free week!

Bon:  Yes what riley said.  My first round was bad only because I didn't realize how much water would help, and how much I needed to drink.  I was in a daze my first infusion (didn't have a port), but after 4 tx of Tax/Cytoxan and 33 rads, I can look back and say I did everything I could to kill this thing.  You will get to that point, too.  It may feel daunting now, but like the other gals have said, it is doable. 

I've worried about my elderly mom, 2,000 miles away, throughout.  I handle her finances and try to explain billing and such to her.  I didn't always feel like chatting on the phone the past few months.  It's great you are able to help her, but you may need to reach out for others to share your load now.  It's not weakness.  You need to conserve strength.  

So glad to hear your first treatment went well; you have the worst of it behind you now, the dreaded unknown. I'd third (or forth?) the recommendation on drinking lots of water. Water tasted bad to me, that sounds strange, but it did, I used flavoring packets or what-ever I had to so I would drink plenty. I'm sorry to hear about your mom, I hope all goes well on Monday.

Mild nausea can be one of the first signs you're getting dehydrated. I made the mistake at first of NOT drinking anything for fear of making the nausea worse and then almost passed out, but my chemo nurse set me straight when I told her about it. Have a drink and see if you feel better within 15-30 minutes. If you do, drink some more, you're on the right track.