I am terrified of chemotherapy

Sorry to hear that you are going through this.  I am quite sure no one on the forum would tell you to buck up and stop acting like a baby because we all do it from time to time, and I think we have every right to do so.  This is scary stuff but thanks to the forum you will find out that you are not alone and that there are many, many people who can relate to what you are going through,

I was also terrified of chemo but after 4 treatments of FAC I can say that it hasn't been as bad as I had feared.  They give you really good meds that help control the nausea so other than being really tired during the first week after treatment I have done pretty well.  I do gag sometimes over weird stuff and have a bit of nausea but I haven't actually thrown up.  There is a great post in the chemo/ before/during/after section that gives a lot of great tips to help anticipate side effects and help deal with them.

This forum is a good place to come and rant, rave, vent and cry as much as you need to because we all understand how you feel because we feel the same way at times.

Good luck and keep us posted.

I'm nearly 18 months post chemo and was absolutely terrified. If it wasn't for my husband I know I would have made a very quick getaway from the chemo ward on the first morning.

It honestly wasn't as bad as my mind feared. The first couple of days I thought that they'd given me the wrong drugs. I just sat and waited for s/e to kick in. They did but nowhere near as bad as I'd feared.

Everyone is different but I think most people get some s/e. Mine were mainly concentrated on the mouth. Sore throat, sore mouth (thrush) and the awful taste. Oh and the runs! Fatigue is a problem that seems to affect most people, but go with the flow and rest or nap whenever you need to.

I am the biggest softie going and if I can do it and come thro' then so can you. You will get thro' this. Just mark the dates on the calendar, batten down the hatches and you'll be thro' it before you know it.

Life will be good again - not quite the same, but you will appreciate things that you didn't before, and before you know it you'll have your life back.

Mal x

Bon - I was scared too.  It really isn't that bad, I had the same regime as you did.  Here are my tips for you:

1.  Did you get a port?  It really makes chemo easier.

2.  Take an ativan about a half hour before the infusion.  I'm sure your doc will prescribe it for you if you ask.  It's a mellow anti-anxiety drig - I can't help but think everything goes better when you're calmer

3.  Start drinking ~2 quarts of water a day starting the day before chemo.  Good hydration helps flush the toxins (the ones produced by cell death).  Just keep forcing fluids!

4.  Suck on ice chips during the infusion - helps to prevent mouth sores

5.  Biotene worked great for me for any mouth sores that popped up, they were gone in a day!

6.  Take a B complex supplement to help with neuropathy, also L-Glutamine helps.

7.  Walk every day, no matter how tired you are.  Exercise helps with fatigue.

8.  If you think you want a wig, go shopping before your hair comes out (usually after day 14 or so).  It's way less depressing to shop for wigs while you have hair.

9.  In the pre-meds they'll probably give you Benedryl, which combined with ativan made me woozy/sleepy.  You may need someone to drive you home.

10.  I also never got sick once, but if you feel sick, nip it in the bud and get your doc to prescribe you something!

It will be over before you know it.  Like the others said, there is great information here, use the search function for any SE's you have to read about how others dealt with them.

This is do-able!  Take a deep breath.   And let us know how it goes!

Sue

We all get scared of the unknown.  It really isn't as bad as you think.  Remember an important thing:

The side effects are for everyone who takes the drug, not a list of effects that all happen to each individual. You won't experience everything, you may even experience NONE of the se's.  Every person is an individual.  My experience with chemo was easy even with taking the red devil.  You really will get through it.

Hugs

You are certainly not acting like a baby, this IS scary stuff. You have already had lots of great advice from others who have been through it.

I am about a year ahead of you, diagnosed April 2009, surgery May 2009. I had different chemo and I can honestly say that it was not fun, but it was doable. I just took it one day at a time and told myself that I did not have to be brave, I just had to show up. I finished my chemo at the end of October 2009 and I am feeling good again now, exercising again, back at work and generally getting my life back. My hair started coming out on day 14 and on day 15 I had it buzzed off, I was glad to see it go at the time as I had no patience with it. I found the hair loss not as difficult as I expected and it has been interesting seeing how it grows back. That is just me, I may be a bit weird :-)

I bet you will be surprised at how quickly the time goes and you get to the end of it. That is the best place to be, looking back on it.

Good luck, I wish you minimal side effects. Keep us posted on how you get on.

Great advice Jayne!

Bon, I don't post here that often but I had to post today.  I was terrified about chemo--in fact I said i would rather be dead than have chemo.  I had no idea how i was going to do it.  A friend went with me for my first chemo. I wanted to cry when they started i was so freaked out.  I thought i would blow up in the chair.  Seriously.  I want you to know that chemo is very do-able.  Never once did I have nausea.  The second day after chemo I was riding my horse! (that's becuase the side effects hit about 4th or 5th day). My chemo was Carboplatin, Taxotere and Herceptin.  my last Herceptin will be next month.

 Just show up for your appointment, don't worry if you are terrified.  You can even tell the infustion nurse.  My advise would be to not worry about looking positive for other people becuase it takes energy==save your energy for yourself.

Now, I actually like going to chemo!!  In fact, i have it on monday and i'm looking forward to it--i love the chemo nurses and people are really nice--the receptionist, the person who takes my blook, takes my weight and blood pressure, my doc.  Believe it or now I will miss seeing them when chemo is over.  I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful team.  

Everybody is afraid of chemo.  But, it's not nearly as bad as you imagine!  I was scheduled for six rounds of TCH and then because I began getting neuropathy,halfway through i was switched to weekly taxol along with the every three weeks carboplatin.  I was tired at the end but I had no nausea ever, no severe side effects.  I was tired at the end but there are worse things than being tired.  The neuropathy went away and I'm fine.  (My last chemo was March 31st and I finish herceptin next December.)

There are things you can do to take control of the situation:  read up on how to prevent constipation and eat properly, drink lots of water before your treatments, give yourself time to rest.  Apply to the chemo angel program - they sent me lovely little trinkets in the mail to keep your spirits up.  

Even losing my hair wasn't so bad.  I bought a whole bunch of wigs, thinking I would change styles with clothes but I didn't like wearing them - too scratchy, so I wore scarves. Now it's grown back enough so it looks like a pixie cut and it's platinum grey!  I'm trying to decide if I like it or want to dye it.  I never, in a million years, would have chosen a pixie cut but I get lots of compliments now.

went back to work before chemo was over and it was fine.  

The people I met in the infusion room were really nice.  Everybody was cheerful  - very few complainers.  The whole experience was positive.  I wouldn't want to do it again but if I had to I could without fear.

Tell your nurses you are nervous and they'll give you ativan, but after the first one is up, you won't need  it anymore.

I went out to eat after each chemo - the steroids made me hungry!  Even though I had the metallic taste, it didn't matter much. 

You can get trhough it - millions of people a year do.  Good luck!

Wow, it's great to see so many folks from the UK on this site.

Originally from Wales now living in WA.  Hi fellow Brits!!!

I am meeting with the onc and radiologist this week.  I am scared to death also.

I didn't think I could get any more scared, then they mentioned chemo and port.  I didn't know what a port was so I researched.  That reduced me to tears.

I only had a lumpectomy a week ago and I am still coming to terms with me having cancer. Like you I feel like a baby, always crying and having pity parties.I want to know when I am going to wake up and say "I CAN DO THIS".   Will that ever happen?

There are so many brave women on this site.  I'm just not part of that club yet.

I send everyone love and hugs

Jules

Well who wouldn't be scared?  They are pumping poison into us for goodness sake.  No one WANTS to do chemo.  Everyone is scared.  I know it doesn't always look that way, but it is true.  Don't feel like all of us are brave who have gone through it.  We aren't.  But we all felt like we had to keep putting one foot in front of the other and that is how we get through it.   You will get through it also.  Put one foot in front of the other, ask for help when you need it, take the drugs they give you and take it one day at a time. 

Cancer sucks-there's just no two ways about it.  But I guess I feel like if you have to have cancer, breast cancer is a pretty good one to have.  There is a ton of research and doctors have done a pretty darn good job of figuring out what works and what doesn't.  Trust in your doctors and ask lots of question. 

Take a deep breath and take that step.  That is all anyone can expect of you.

We are here for you.

Tracy   

I remember the first couple of times going for chemo. I was not handling it very well. I told my husband I wasn't getting out of the car. I got out. I told him that I was not going to walk in. I walked in. Everything I had to do I would tell him I wasn't going to do it. I told the nurses the same thing too. They laughed. The nurses were great. They talked me through the whole thing explaining very step. I sat there and cried but I got through it. By the end of the sessions I was being funny and fooling around. It's been 8 months since I finished. You will find your strength and make it through.

Bon -- The first day of chemo there was a wonderful woman at the center having her blood drawn.  She was just about finished with chemo for her 3rd primary cancer in 25 yrs, so 3x through chemo.  She told me that chemo wasn't nearly as bad as you think it will be, to speak up to the onco nurses and/or your doctor if you're have any se's.  I did just that.  Carboplatin gave me a terrible headache so the nurses slowed down the infusion from 1 hr to 2 hrs and if I felt the headache coming on gave me compazine (it was a migraine type) which got rid of the pain and any nausea.  My herceptin was given of 1 1/2 hours instead of 45 min to 1 hr.  I was definitely one of the blessed in that I didn't have any se's to speak of.  Mild nausea that compazine cleared up with one dose and extreme fatigue.  In fact I felt so guilty about not having bad things happen that I quit coming to the site.  Now I realize it's important for those of us who haven't had such a bad time to be heard.  Also, I still have my original port.

Bon - just saw your post(s) ~ Yes, it does look scary before hand - You don't have to be soooo perky, well adjusted, optimistic, "I'm fine" all the time  - I found myself taking care of those around me who seemed to be more upset than I...Taking care of you, honor what you are feeling and yes you will be okay!  This is a grieving process for all of us, life as we knew it...but I am much better today as a person (not in the 'nice" category), stronger, more faith, more motivated to accomplish things I have put on backburner...dreams...Losing hair - I LOVED being bald!  I knew I wasn't going to wait for it to fall out - one dear friend came over and we shaved our heads together with our daughters helping with the cutting/shaving!  We made it a party - I knew in my heart I didn't want to wake up with handsful of hair on my pillow or in my shower...Be well! 

Bon - Tomorrow is my 4th and final dose of TC - I work full-time and have only taken off the days that I get the treatment - so it is very doable for many of us.  Just think of one day at a time and you will get through it.