I'm afraid I'll die on the O.R. table.

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hotandcold
hotandcold Member Posts: 205
edited June 2014 in Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis
I'm afraid I'll die on the O.R. table.
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  • hotandcold
    hotandcold Member Posts: 205
    edited June 2010

    Has anyone else been afraid they'll die on the operating table?  It's not like this is my first surgery.  I had a double mastectomy in January '09 and I wasn't afraid. Now I have to have a biopsy on a deep internal lymph node and I'm freaking out. I'm having surgery tomorrow and I've been running around trying to get things done in the house in case I die.  I've also written letters to my daughters and husband. Why am I so crazy? 

    Corinne  

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  • Fidelia
    Fidelia Member Posts: 397
    edited June 2010

    Corinne,

    you are NOT crazy and not going to die on the Operating Table...like all of us here  - you have had your life shaken uup by breast cancer - it takes a long long time to get over that shock - try and have faith - you will survive the surgery and just keep on surviving the best you can - just like the rest of us :)

    good luck

    Fidelia

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited June 2010

    ((((((((((((Corine))))))))))))) Oh, I feel so bad for you, I know exactly how you feel, I had lung cancer a few years back, i was so sure i was going to die during surgery too that i wrote out long letters to my daughter and my whole family, I never prayed so hard in my life, and then when i had my masectomy I was so scared, I think it is a normal reaction just harder for some than for others, I know you will be ok, I will be thinking about you and have already started my prayers for you, cant wait to have you come back here and say, I got thru it, cause i know you will- blessings and hugs to you

    Debbie

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  • hopeful34
    hopeful34 Member Posts: 1,569
    edited June 2010

    I just had my bilat mastectomy three weeks ago and I just flat out asked the surgeon if I might die in surgery.  He told me for legal reasons they have to let you know that could happen.  He said in reality the odds are less than 1 in 1000 that could happen.  I don't know your health history, but he said that if you have had anesthesia in your adult life, then you are pretty safe.  The risk usually come with a bad reaction to the anesthesia.  So....since you had surgery just a year ago, you should be more than safe.  Try to calm down.  I know when he gave me stats it made me feel alot safer.  Take Care and God Bless!  I will keep you in my prayers tomorrow.  Allison

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  • hotandcold
    hotandcold Member Posts: 205
    edited June 2010

    The tears are running down my face as type this "Thank You."   It is 2 am and I am in a dark hole.  Thank you all for shining your flashlight so that I might crawl up and out.  I am in good health and will post in a few days about my outcome.  Once again, Thank You.

    Corrine  

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited June 2010

    Corrine, I am so sorry you are in a dark and scary place now. There are a lot of women praying for you (me included) and holding out our hands for you to grasp. Even if it's too dark to see us, feel the love we send.

    Leah

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  • Sue-61
    Sue-61 Member Posts: 599
    edited June 2010

    Corinne, I am 62 and never had surgery before my Bilat Mastectomies. I was always terrified of the anesthesia and I am a nurse, no less. Yes, that thought crossed my mind that I wouldn't make it out of the OR! Anesthesia is very safe today. They had me hooked up to all kinds of monitors and even told me they were going to put some kind of tape or device on my forehead to make sure I was really "asleep." It is not odd to worry. If find it "odd" if people do not. Please speak to the anesthesiologist about this fear; he/she will want to know. Will be thinking of you, Sue

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  • mymountain
    mymountain Member Posts: 184
    edited June 2010

    Corinne,

    I completely understand your feelings.  I was ok for the bx and the partial mast, but when it came time to be "under" for 6-7 hours for the mast/recon, I too was freaking out, and was sure I wouldn't make it off the table.  I cleaned my house top to bottom, drawers and closets included.  I was thinking if someone had to go through my things when I was gone, I wanted them to be neat, orderly and clean.  Everyone thought I was crazy too.   I think it is a feeling of loss of control that accounts for the fear.

    I also made sure I had a living will and durable health care power of attorney, and made my DH promise to follow my wishes.

    I would call the surgeon and get a sleeping pill or anti anxiety med ordered for tonight so you can sleep.  There is also a great cd, Peggy Huddleston's Relaxation/Healing CD. It has a great pre surgical meditation and visualization.  Not sure if you can get it at Borders or Barns and Noble. I will hold you in my thoughts tomorrow and know that you will be ok. 

    MM  

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited June 2010

    i talked with the anesthesiologist who assisted my sister.. he told me he had been licensed for 20 or so years, had been at literally thousands of surgeries and had never lost a patient due to his anesthesia.  never.

    so.. you should be fine.  take a deep breath, go ahead and cry on the table (it's probably good to get a little moisture in your eyes) and I'll say a prayer for you.

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  • ibcmets
    ibcmets Member Posts: 4,286
    edited June 2010

    Corinne,

    Just saying a prayer for you for tommorrow.  May the heavenly angels watch over you and keep you safe.

    Terri

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  • hotandcold
    hotandcold Member Posts: 205
    edited June 2010

    Thank You All .  I am so indebted to all of you for your words of encouragement and prayer. I haven't been that low before.  How frightened I was and had to rely on the kindness of strangers.  I did make it through the surgery and even though it was laproscopically done my gut feels like its been stirred up with a mix master. I have one 2" incision and 3 other 1" incisions. I didn't think there would be that many.  Now the biopsy wait.  That has been a lot of my anxiety. I'm worried it's metastasized.  The vicodin keeps me in lala land.  I'll post an update after I hear. 

    Corrine   

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  • hopeful34
    hopeful34 Member Posts: 1,569
    edited June 2010

    I am glad you made it through. I have been checking in to see if you have posted since surgery.  I will keep you in my thoughts as prayers as you await your results.  Take Care.  Allison

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited June 2010

    Corrine, good to see you are ok, and back from surgery, sorry youa are in so much pain keeping you im my thoughts and prayers

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  • hotandcold
    hotandcold Member Posts: 205
    edited June 2010

    Bad news from the Dr. yesterday. The breast cancer is back in my lymph nodes in my stomach.. Makes me Stage IV.   I will probably start navelbine next week & keep up with my herceptin.  Thanks for all the wonderful responses to my post.  I really, really appreciate all of them.  I was down in a big ol deep hole.  See you on the boards.  

    Corrine 

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  • justjudie
    justjudie Member Posts: 3,397
    edited June 2010

     Oh Corrine...I am sorry you got the bad news.  Please know I am thinking of you and I am praying as well. We really CAN keep going, Honey.  There still is so much they can do against this rotten disease. I don't blame you for being in a deep hole.  I think we have all been there.  Every time I start to peek out of the hole and think its safe to get back to normal life, it seems something else about this cancer rears its ugly head!! I am really sorry for your bad news.  

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited June 2010

    ((((((((((((((((((corrine))))))))))))

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  • dreamwriter
    dreamwriter Member Posts: 3,255
    edited June 2010
    I have been in your boat.... swallowed my fear because I felt that if I died it was my own damn fault.  I had smoked since I was 14 and I was 47.... cancer was just likely to come my way.  It just surprised me that it was breast cancer instead of lung cancer.  So when the anathesiologist said I was a waste of valuable medical resources.... I believed him.  When I woke up it was all over.... I had one breast and some bandages.  Never smoked again.  But it was easy in the hospital but harder when temptation came my way.  To this day I get cravings but this day is 4 yrs later --- heading for that all important five year anniversary.   I dont know if I answered your question or if you know Im mentally at your bedside......
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  • anamerty
    anamerty Member Posts: 195
    edited August 2012

    I know the original post was a couple years back, but i could use some help here. My double mastectomies are tomorrow morning, and I am now over the moon worried about dying under the anesthesia, I'm really beginning to unravel here.I have had some not so great experiences been under a general, had one when I woke I was floating above my bed and looking at my self under a white sheet.It went on for hours if my eyes closed, so I would try to force my fingers to pull up my eye lids then it would go away, but then theyd close again and it would go on over and over, I finally convinced the nurse to give me a sleeping pill to put me out saying I was losing my mind!!I have had generals after that and never had that again, but just can't wake fully for a long long time. So of course I start to think of all the bad or mean things I've done in my life and that I will be killed for them. Silly thoughts but they are there anyways.I know that with having breast cancer again after almost 14 years, and this time triple negative (last one positive) new breast cancer I realize that I have to have the surgery to stay alive but I just don't know how to shake this fear,and impending doom

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  • RebzAmy
    RebzAmy Member Posts: 322
    edited August 2012

    Hi Anamerty

    I'm also have surgery on Tuesday (going in tomorrow) for reconstruction and like you I'm pretty nervous. When the anaesthetist comes to see you, let him/her know what happened because it may be that you had a bad reaction to the anaesthetic. I once had awareness which was pretty scary and every time since then I've had surgery I've mentioned it to the anaethestist. Do you get a sedative before the anaesthetic? If not, maybe one would help. Hope all goes well for you.

    RebzAmy 

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  • anamerty
    anamerty Member Posts: 195
    edited August 2012

    RebzAmy: I think I mentioned this to him the other day, and I did tell him that I have had bad "trips" I had my ovaries removed 5 years ago and didn't have any problems waking then, but I'm still frozen in fear,he also told me to take my ativan as I usually do so I will do that in the morning,but I can tell you I still am scared!!! Good luck with your surgery also..

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited August 2012

    RebzAmy, something that helped me overcome some very intense fears about surgery (I had a uni-mx with immediate DIEP recon -- 7.5 hrs.) was a guided imagery CD called Successful Surgery by BellaRuth Naperstak.  One of my SILs had sent it to me, but you can also get an immediate download here:  www.healthjourneys.com.  It totally reframed my fear filled thinking, and it's also supposed to help with healing.  I highly recommend it if you can still listen to it before your surgery.  

    Sending strong positive thoughts & prayers your way ~ Deanna

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  • ridergirl
    ridergirl Member Posts: 443
    edited August 2012

    Sorry to meet you ladies under these circumstances and dont have much to add that will calm anyones fears, just wanted to say i think i understand yoour feelings. I just came from MO appt I see the gyn tomorrow they want me to have an ooph. I could care less about the ovaries, but really really dont want to have surgery. I realise my surgery is so. Much. Smaller than you ladies, but my fear of being under anesthetic and all those possible complications is so big i have pretty much decided against the surgery. Againsy my MO's better judgement. I too am a smoker and i know that can make it worse. Anyway sorry i'm rambling and sorry i couldnt be more help but just so you know you r not the only ones who feel this way.

    Hugggs to all who want one

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  • purple32
    purple32 Member Posts: 3,188
    edited August 2012

    Surgery phobias

    I have had a  surgery phobia and with good cause. Several close relatives died as a result , under the age of 50.  To complicate matters, I have luing disease.  I was oinly havinga  LX , but my fear of anesthesia due to my COPD was very real.  I spoke to the BS about it and had a  long consult with the anesthiologist and felt much better.

    I  did not listen to a CD for surgery , but I have to say that BellaRuth Naperstak is excellent and I can imagine that miught be helpful.

    As for smokers, please stop!  BC is not the only life threatening disease you can get!  I was dx with these lungs at age 41 after 25 yrs of sucking it in.  You will regret it if you have yet another serious illness to deal with. 

    Best wishes to all!

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  • RebzAmy
    RebzAmy Member Posts: 322
    edited September 2012

    Hi again

    Anamerty - try and find out if you can what anaesthetic you were given 5 years ago when you had your ovaries out because if you ok with that then, the likelihood is that you'll be ok with it again. It may just be that you had an odd reaction to the anaesthetic that made you feel bad.

     My surgery was cancelled at the last minute which I'm really annoyed about firstly because it was so last minute and secondly it's the second time it's happened.

     Maybe you could try one of the CDs that Purple and Deanna have suggested. 

    Hugs 

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