bc recurrence on my mother

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it_really_sucks
it_really_sucks Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis

I have never in my life thought that's i'd be writing in a support forum. Well, 3 weeks ago I never thought as well that I'd be facing such a crisis.

I just wanna share my story, cause I haven't told it yet to none of my friends or close relatives(only my father and my brother know it). My mom was diagnosed with stage III(i think) breast cancer 14 years ago. I was however 6,5 years old back then so I don't really remember what happened. She had a mastectomy and the lymph nodes cleared. She monitored her condition for 5 years after treatment,and then she stopped going to get checkups, believing that she would never have a recurrence. She totally forgot about it.

To get to the main point, 3 weeks ago she was diagnosed with bone metastasis(it was all over :( ) and bone marrow infiltration. She hadn't been feeling well for the past year. She was always tired and had fever for most of the time. However, she didn't suspect that it had sth to do with cancer. So the news were a real shock to her and our family.

She doesn't want to tell anyone else the details, she is almost sure that she's got only some months to live and she almost doesn't wanna go through chemo. She's given up on everything. The doctor has been emphasizing that there are a lot of women with stage IV cancer that live for a lot of years, but she refuses to believe that. She tells me that I'm just lying to comfort her. The cells are unfortunately triple negative so she can't have hormonal therapy(that's what devastated her the most).

 Today was the scariest moment however. She hasn't started her chemo yet. She's just taken zometa yesterday. Since then she's had high fever, a bad mood and been weak. She's lost so many fluids that she collapsed on her way to the bathroom and for some seconds she wasn't communicating with the environment. The doctor told us that it was just due to the water she lost due to the fever. But she almost refuses to drink water right now! I'm at a loss!

 I know that there is hope for stage IV patients. I truly believe that if she gets a little bit more positive she could live for a long time. But what should I do? How can I make her be a little bit more positive when I myself feel helpless? I changed my life perspective in just a few minutes and the most painful thing is just remembering that a few days ago I was a happy, dreamy and positive person. How can I help her if I'm such a miserable person right now?

ps:sorry for my bad grammar but english is not my native language

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  • coonie
    coonie Member Posts: 7,618
    edited June 2010

    Hi!! I'm so sorry your mother is going through this a second time. And the burden you're carrying is awful too!! Treatments for breast cancer has come a long way since she was first diagnosed. Do you think you could get her to read here on this site. There are MANY MANY women living with cancern......bones, liver, lungs........years and years of living. I'm not one to speak of the ups and downs of living with cancer, as mine was caught early and I just hold my breath each year that something else hasn't popped up. But I do know that breast cancer is not an immediate death sentence anymore!! There are some really strong, courageous and knowledgeable women on these boards. It may help her (and you) to learn you way around and read some of the stores.

    Good luck! I think you've come to the right place!!

    Sending hugs to you and your mom!!! Hang in there!!

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  • it_really_sucks
    it_really_sucks Member Posts: 2
    edited June 2010

    Thank you so much for your support!Smile

    I've read lots of stories and I also believe that it's not a death sentence! Maybe some people could be unlucky and indeed live for a few months only, but some others are really lycky to live for a lot of years.

    Her main concern is not the length of her life but the quality. And she's saying all the time that she can't go through the same hell twice. I know however that in stage IV chemo is meant to stabilize your condition and give a better life quality, cause cure up until now is non-existent. And the fact that the cancer is triple negative is a real burden to the quality of life.

    I hope that she will get through the shock and find some courage to go on living. Maybe if she gets good results from the first round of chemo she'll be more encouraged. I hope the same for myself, and most definately I hope not to start hating hospitals, cause i'm studying medicine right now and it would be a real problem in the future...Frown

    Unfortunately my mom does not speak english so she can't read herself those beautiful and encouraging stories of the survivors here. But i'll try to tell her some myself.

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  • jms66
    jms66 Member Posts: 16
    edited June 2010

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I am going through a similar situation with my mom, she was just diagnosed with stage IV after original BC 19 years ago. My mom won't eat and is in terrible pain, I just wish there were more we could do to help them through this!!! Thoughts and prayers to all suffering this!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2010

    jms66:  Would you happen to know the pathology of your mom's cancer 19 yrs ago?  What stage it was back then and if nodes involved and what size tumor?  I'm just very interested because I think it's always at the back of our minds.  I hope your mom gets some good treatments going ahead.  Take care --

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  • ibcmets
    ibcmets Member Posts: 4,286
    edited June 2010

    I'm sorry to hear about the reoccurence of bc with your Mom.  I was diagnosed w/ stage IV last June.  I have spinal bone mets that have been cleared from 10 months on Zometa.  The chemo has done very well for me--my tumor and bone mets are not showing up on scans any longer.  The bone pain I had originally with chemo & zometa only lasted a day or so.  I got used to the meds and had no more pain from it.  I'm now on hormone therapy which is quite different--a lot of joint pain.  There are threads here of those w/ stage IV living 10-20 years with this.  It's getting to the point where they can not cure this; but can treat this as a chronic disease. 

    Please continue to encourage your Mom to go through treatment.  A lot depends on her attitude and willingness to go through treatment.  God Bless.

    Terri

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  • jms66
    jms66 Member Posts: 16
    edited June 2010
    Shelly56, To answer your questions, All I know about my mom's original diagnoses is that she had a papillary carcinoma. The surgeon considered it a non-issue for future development as less than 1% of this type ever spread. That being said, I went to my mom's first onco. appt with her yesterday, the Dr. felt abnormal tissue in her right breast and thinks this is a different cancer unreleated to the first 19 years ago. I will tell you my mom thought she would never have to deal with this again and therefore has not had a mammogram in MANY years, it seems all you ladies are very diligent with your follow ups-I just wish she had been!!!
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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2010

    jms66:  Thanks for the info on your mom's original cancer.  I hope all of us have done as much as we need to do with treatments (or can tolerate).  I still think and probably always will, that family history plays a much larger part in BC than the 10% they talk about.  Keep positive for your mom if you can. 

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  • JaniceW
    JaniceW Member Posts: 18
    edited June 2010

    I'm really sorry about what happened to your mom.  Was your mom Triple Negative when she was first diagnosed 14 years ago?

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  • hotandcold
    hotandcold Member Posts: 205
    edited June 2010

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom.  I have a daughter and recognize it's hard on you too.  One way to get more fluids in your mom is to set a timer for every 15 minutes and then get her to take a sip of water or somethng she likes (vitamin water, gator aid, something like that). Remember just a sip,not a big drink. When I did Chemo my daughter did that for me.  I couldn't keep anything down but with small sips every 15 minutes that helped.  Good luck to you and your Mom.  

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