June 2010 Mastectomy

I hope everyone had a good weekend.  Orchidgal, you had some great words of wisdom and the time you spent at the beach sounded amazing.

I have been sleeping much better than I have been yet Saturday I was cranky and bitchy.  Poor husband.  I know this is hard on him too, and he works his butt off at his job all week putting in 60-70 hours.  But I just about ripped his head off Saturday night.  He said the ONE thing that can always make me snap.  I said, " Man I need a break.  Wouldn't it be nice to have a weekend to ourselves?"  He says, "once you are healed from this surgery I think you should think about going back to work and just getting day care since you keep saying you need a break."  SNAP

I asked him if he ever felt like he needed a vacation from his job or if he would rather work 24/7?  Because I haven't had a weekend off in 2 1/2 years and I haven't slept through the night in 6 months.  I have cancer and I am a little overwhelmed.  I did not make my decision  lightly to stay home with my children and give up my career, because let me remind you- I made more money than you do! And the next time you tell me you had a long day and you need a vacation I will tell you to quit your job- only it isn't my job you are asking me to quit it's my KIDS!  I then walked away from the dinner so that I would not continue to fight with him, because I think I could have kept yelling and yelling- for many reasons obviously.

My husband is a smart man, he spent the rest of the night and the next day apologizing and explaining to me why he was wrong.  (I expect the same from him as I do my son- don't tell me you are sorry, tell me what you are sorry for.)  

So- sleeping better- check.  Bad attitude- check!

Now for some grocery shopping and errands with the boys.  Happy Monday everyone, I hope everyone finds a smile in their day.  One of those great big toothy ones.  I will be looking for mine!

Getty, Amazing that you are just on extra strength Tylenol!  How close are you to the 20ml?  I will keep my fingers crossed for you that you continue to heal well and get the drain out.

I too am thinking and sending positive thoughts to those of you going into surgery this week.  I hope all who had surgery last week are doing well and healing.  

I was told to do arm exercises as much as possible because the flow of fluid would be better.  The public nurse told me today that everything looks good - my counts are less than 20 for both drains, so they will probably come out Wed. a.m.

My drains were in for 9 or 10 days.  For me, the drains were the worst part of it all, they are annoying, uncomfortable and just plain awkward.  I was told to take it easy, and I found if I did too much I could see it in the drains.  I had my pre-op appt the other day with the plastic surgeon and he told me I will be getting 500cc anatomical tissue expanders followed by cohesive gel implants.  I asked about drains and he said that I would only have 1 drain and it would come out after about 24 hours, while I am still in hospital, so I was pretty relieved about that.  Guess the reason for that is there will be no lymph nodes taken this time around.  He said my hospital stay would be 2 nights.  I am getting pretty excited for surgery!  I forget what it's like to have 2 breasts, even if they are not real, I will be very happy to finally have 2 of them.  What a long long road this has been.  I don't look at this as losing a breast, for me it's gaining back the one I have lived without for 1 1/2 years

Jilly: I'm so glad your long road is finally smoothing out. Yay for two breasts! You must be really happy that you won't go home with drains. Like you said, it's been the most uncomfortable and awkward part of this whole procedure so far. I wish they had taken my drain out at the hospital! I had my sentinel nodes out at my 3/26 lumpectomy ... with no drains.

• Awww ... go ahead ... flash away. (Just kidding. I would never!!!) I hope I've never said anything as oblivious to anyone going through a difficult patch.  I think the smart rule of thumb is to say less rather than more.  From now on, I'll stick to "How are you feeling? You're in my thoughts and prayers. Is there anything I can do for you?"  Anything past that tends to put people on dangerous ground. The only exception I've found to this would be people who have personal experience with the problem at hand, like BC survivors.

Hey all,

So I know that it is very irritating to have people say stupid things.  Pretty much every woman I have told about my upcoming surgery has commented on how I will get a nice (and bigger since I am small) set.  I do find it kind of rude, and it would be even worse if I was having to deal with CA and treatment rather than a prophy bmx and recon, but I try to just think about the fact that these people probably have no idea what to say to us.  I have personal experience with someone being sick and dying from CA and even I don't know what to say sometimes out in the real world to people.  It actually can get just as irritating for every person to tell you how sorry they are for you.  What do you say to that, thank you?  I think they may possibly be trying to find a positive for us, since really.........what can you say that is positive?  There is nothing nice to say about it all, I don't think most of them mean to be stupid....unless you have been there you may not even realize how to say things that will help.  I just forgive them their ignorance, and hope they never have to find out first hand.  Anyway....just thought I might offer up a different way to look at it that may help with the irritation of stupidity.

Ladies, when I told my close friend that I had cancer and needed to have chemotherapy she didn't say 'oh no, that's awful' or anything like that....the first words out of her mouth were 'oh, I suppose your going to lose a bunch of weight now'.  She was jealous that I would be skinnier than her!  Can you imagine?  Needless to say I don't see her very much anymore lol. 

Actually a weird thing happened yesterday, my husband was out talking to our new neighbours and he told them that I was recovering from cancer (not sure how it came up) and the lady said 'do you mind if I ask what kind?' and he says breast cancer.  She says 'oh, well at least it wasn't something like ovarian cancer....'.  I thought that was really strange.  So my husband says 'actually she has a recheck for possible ovarian cancer this week' (which is true), that shut her up .  I said to hubby 'so, what, my cancer isn't good enough for her?' lol. 

I think people just get weird around cancer people and don't really know what to say, I had a lot of those comments about getting better breasts out of this whole thing.  Ya, I would have been happy to keep the old ones, thanks.

I just got back from getting fitted for my after surgery camisole's and bra's.  I also bought a pair of silky pj's today.  So there are two more things crossed off my list.  Since the nurse told me not to worry about too many button up shirts since she claims I will be able to put my arms over my head to put on t shirts etc with in 48 hours (is this really true ladies?)  I have 2 and I think that is enough. 

I still think this is some bizarre dream?

Also, I have a personal question for you ladies if anyone dares go there.  Sex.  My hubby and I have not been intimate since my diagnosis. Granted we have two young children and we are exhausted but to be honest I haven't had any desire.  The closer I get to my surgery date I feel like we should try to have sex to say good bye to "the girls", but could I even feel sexual knowing there is cancer in "the girls".At this point I know my husband is going with the flow- he mentioned the other day it had been awhile- and I laughed and told him to stop falling asleep on the couch and he might have a shot with me He laughed too and said he would do his best.

BC sucks.

I tried to post this morning, but got locked out by the 5 posts a day for newbies rule. 

I hope gettingpastthis is resting comfortably and on her way to a speedy recovery.  And I hope that MRDRN had a successful surgery today. You're both in my thoughts and prayers.

Laurie: I've found the most comfortable thing for me to wear are the sleepshirts made from t-shirty material that I normally prefer to wear to sleep.  I bought a couple at Target the week before my surgery that button down about to my belly button.  I just step into them and pull them up.  The pj's with pants make me incredibly hot at night, plus it was not so comfortable to pull the pants up in the bathroom the first couple of days home from the hospital.  I'm not sure about lifting my arm up over my head.  I think I could if I tried, but my PS told me to not lift my arm past a 45 degree angle until he gave me the go ahead. (It's still amazing to me all the different rules the different PS's have.  Lift your arm, don't lift your arm. Wear a bra, don't wear a bra.)

I don't know what to say about the sex, except perhaps to follow the great advice that I got from a survivor about everything else.  She told me not to do things I didn't want to do, and not to do things only because I felt I had to. She told me, rather, to do the things I want to do and that bring me joy. I guess only you can decide where sex would fit into this for you. 

I'm still above the 20ml in my drain, so I'm fully expecting to have to keep the stupid drain for a few more days after tomorrow.  

Yes, BC sucks big time. 

Jeanne: I know it doesn't help you to know this, but everything you are feeling is completely normal. The anxiety and anticipation before the surgery is terrible. For me, it was far worse than the actual surgery and the recovery so far. If it helps at all, think of all the women who have gone before you and made it. They did it and survived. I'm doing it and making it through. So will you!! You can do this! I wish I could give you a hug!  Know that everything is going to be okay.

Go give your kitty a cuddle. I know it will make you feel better. I cried in the shower the morning of my surgery. And I cried in the car all the way to the hospital. And somehow, when the car reached the hospital, I walked with my hand in my husband's hand into that surgery center with dry eyes. You will, too. 

I had my mast. last Tues. - what everyone says is true...the pre-surgery time can be difficult - the surgery itself is not as scary as you think.  I am one week out, and although I am still a bit tender, it is no where near what I thought it would be.  I have only taken a few pain meds since, more to get some sleep than to ward off any pain.  You girls will do just fine - do some fun things before surgery, spend time with family and friends, have some laughs.  Before you know it, surgery will be over and you will wonder why you worried so much beforehand.  Good luck & best wishes.  You'll do great!

I had my follow up today with the surgeon and he did not have the pathology report back yet. He did take all the tape off and only left the tape on the incision. He took the tape off the drains on the side of my breast but didn't take them out since today, I had 40ml in one of them this morning and when he drained them, they both filled up to capacity. I drained them again when I got home and they had 50ml and 70ml respectfully - ugg! I am now feeling the drains on the side of my body as they were taped down before and it BUGS. He said everything looks good and told me to start exercising the arm. He also said that the PS may take the drains out and that's okay. But he did take out the pain medication drain and I was happy about that, because it was driving me nuts. The PS put it in a fanny pack pouch that kept falling between my legs and there was no way to keep it up, other than stuff it in my pants. I see him again in 2 weeks and the PS next week.

I understand about the sex thing. My DH didn't want to have sex after the diagnosis and he has his own issues in that department - he's on meds that keep him from maintaining an erection and he can't take anything for it while he is on these meds. When we tried to have sex the weekend before the surgery, our 8 year old was bugging us to get out of our room. So it's been a while. He didn't even want to touch the breast before surgery. He told me today that it didn't look as bad as he thought it would. He was in the room with me today when the doctor examined me so he saw it.

I'll tell you - this recovery thing is far, far better than the before. The surgery will be over before you know it and you will be on the recovery side.

Hi everyone, Recovery is going pretty good. Have not had any pain meds since last friday night. I went to my BS on 'Tuesday. My path. came back with no new surprizes so I was so happy about that. He said I should be able to get my drains out on Thursday. I will be glaf to get rid of those.

JSMILEY I hope your surgery goes well. And I will be thinking of you. Cry if you need to cry or freak out or whatever you need to do to get through this we all get through things differently. Just know on the other side will be much better than the waiting side. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayer. 

About the sex thing I wanted to before surgery, it was bitter sweet. But I wanted to try and remember what normal felt like, before i find my new normal. And i will find it.

Thinking and prayer for all of you. Lucy

Got past that!!!!  BMX no recon Monday.  Up and moving around Monday afternoon, off the pain pump around midnight and home within 24 hours.  Hurts WAY LESS than I thought it would.  Looks WAY WORSE than I thought it would.  Overall feeling great.  Best possible news... prior to chemo I had two masses in my axillary nodes comprised of cancerous nodes.  At surgery there was no cancer detected in any nodes!  I didn't need that anticipated full lymph node disection.  5 months of hell on chemo worked!! Doc even says doubts there will be any cancer in the other 2 breast tumors.

Even the whole 4 shots of radioactivce tracer in the nipple wasn't nearly as bad as I had been told/read.  It was easier than getting an IV.

Praying for MRDRN today!  Hugs to all my sisters!