So depressed, I don't know if I can go on....

 Namaste!

Rachel,

I am so sorry you are needing to go through this.  This initial time around diagnosis and surgery and pathology reports is so hard, but it does get better.  Take a deep breath. Take one step at a time and deal with that.  Then you will be ready to go on to the next step.  Almost everyone of us have been where you are today as we dealt with our situations.  We are here to support you.  You have come to the right place. You are not going to die a piece at a time.  You are headed towards treatment and health.  There is no reason for you not to expect the best outcome.  It is OK to resent the other mothers, but you and your children will have many happy times this summer too.

{{{Hugs}}}

Karla

Rachel - this is scary stuff and definitely not for the faint of heart.  There is so much life to enjoy and have....I just wrote something similar on another thread, but I have brain mets.  I work full time, I have BBQ's, I hug my children and grandchildren.....and it is all beautiful....live that is.  Not the cancer...it is a difficult journey, but there is a great life to be had.  You are stage 2 - such a great chance you can live to be a little old lady so please don't give up! 

We are all here for you and know the fear.  But just know this is doable....and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  xx00xx lisa  

been there - done that! 

I felt the same way - felt like the bad news was not going to stop and I wasnt going to ever smile again....I was under 40, healthy, strong, exercised, ate well, blah blah. 

I had bilateral mast, chemo, radiation, recon, hysterectomy - all in 7 months!  But, by far, the first month (prior to chemo and a PLAN) were the worst!  I assure you - it will get better - you will smile again - you will live and love and laugh but some days it takes more effort than others. 

I was diagnosed 2 years ago this week - stage 3.  You would never know it looking at me - I have my hair back, I run, I have recently gotten my personal training certification, I am happy.  I laugh. I am sometimes even bored :-)

You will get through this

Hi Rachel,

I was right where you are at 2 years ago-I pretty much fell off a cliff into a deep depression after diagnosis. There was no "willing" myself to feel better-I finally got on an antidepressant and antianxiety med which helped me cope with the thoughts, feelings, and treatment that a cancer diagnosis brings. Please think about asking your GP or a psychiatrist about this. Please don't feel that you're being a "downer" or an Ahole. You're feelings are completely normal.

I have been able to go off all the drugs I took to help with the depression and anxiety-this can be handled, and you will come out the other side.

Sending you a hug,

Catherine 

Rachel1- All your feelings are completely normal and we've all had them.  It is very surreal in the beginning.  You feel so betrayed by the body you took such good care of.  You're overwhelmed by everything.  It is very normal.  The first few months truly are the hardest.  This is about the only disease where you have to make so many choices about your treatment.  You try to find the right surgeon, plastic surgeon, oncologist, etc.  You try to figure out what surgery you should do.  Or what drug therapy to use.  It is a lot to take on.  But it will get better and that this site is invaluable in helping you get through it.  

So my words of wisdom-

Always take someone else with you to every doctor visit because you will only absorb about 50% of what they tell you.

Get an appointment with a plastic surgeon who specializes in breast reconstruction (your breast surgeon can no doubt recommend someone) if you are considering doing reconstruction.  A good PS will be able to tell you what your options are for recon.

When talking to other women who have been through it keep in mind that everyone is different and their situation may not be the same as yours, especially if they received treatment many years ago.  Breast cancer treatment really has gotten so much better as has breast reconstruction.  Good luck! 

Just after being diagnosed, I remember seeing one of the other young moms down the street pushing her little ones in a stroller and her ponytail was bouncing back and forth and I HATED, just absolutely hated her for having hair.  I hated to see anyone having fun when I couldn't and I hated hearing anyone complain about really stupid things or take simple things they had for granted.  I am also not a positive person by nature, but I think that changed with my diagnosis.  I realized that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life, no matter how short or long it is, being negative and down.  But believe me, it wasn't that way in the first month and some days I still struggle.

You're in the toughest part of this right now, so it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do.  Please don't feel like what you feel is wrong.  I believe it's so important to allow ourselves to feel what we need to and then move past it when we're ready.  It WILL get better, even though it doesn't feel like it now.

Find what helps you relax best and then do it A LOT.  For me it was meditations and guided imagery cd's specifically for stress, cancer, and doing daily affirmations.  Sounds hokey I know, but that's what helped me be more positive and get through that first month or so without antidepressants or antianxieties (which don't agree with me so I couldn't take them), but it's ok if you need those too.

Hang in there, you're going to make it through this!!