you never know

apple
apple Member Posts: 7,799
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer
you never know
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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited June 2010

    as i sit in despondence, contemplating my coming passing, my healthy friend lies in a hospital in Maine on life support with kidney failure... so sudden that this happened.  she went in to have a large clot removed and is in all sorts of deep trouble.  my neighbors mourn the death of their father andr husband, a firefighter killed in duty last week. 

    it is challenging to deal with our mortality but are we really any different from all those who pass thru life?  i find myself jealous of old ladies, frail and decrepit but alive with so many years under their belt.

    sorry if this is depressing. 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2010

    I know what you mean.  At least, we that know, have time to say and do the things that others may not.  I guess if there is *anything* good about this, that is it.

    I'm jealous too.  My MIL turned 78 yesterday.  Good for her!  She's a mean, hateful, selfish woman that has lived a very full life.  Truth be told, I don't think she'll die for another 20 years.  (not that I want her to... even with her flaws, I love her, and she loves me).  But, yet and still....  where are all my bonus points for being nice?  That's what I want to know. 

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited June 2010

    I think what you're feeling is very normal.  We all deal with death in our own way, but I find that since being diagnosed we question our own mortality more than we would have done prior to BC.

    Years ago I read or heard a saying that went something like this - people come into our lives for a reason, some are with us longer than others, but there is a purpose.  Those who leave our lives either by choice, ill feelings or death have served their pupose in our lives and we in their lives.  Rather than mourn the loss of the person, know that they had a purpose in your life and you in their life - we may not realize the purpose at the moment, but it is there. 

    Sounds like today is a sad day and you have a lot of sadness to deal with - I'm sending cyber (((HUGS))) your way.

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited June 2010

    oh thanks Jenn.. I'm not sad at all really (tho worried for my friend)  things are going well.  

     its so much fun to work on the house.  My daughter and I painted her room yesterday... and extraordinarily bright shade of mint green with different colored handprints on the walls..  (yeeech).  SHE loves it and i figure how many times do you really get to decorate the way you want to in your life.

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  • pip57
    pip57 Member Posts: 12,401
    edited June 2010

    This though occurs to me every time I hear of an unexpected death.  I think it is just human nature.  Others can contemplate 'when' they retire or become grandparents.  Many of us don't have much expectations of seeing those days (when we are in the neg mode!).  

    I often think of my 16 year old daughter who's hope of college and marriage were taken from her.  That to me was the cruelest part of her cancer that she had to deal with.  Not the endless tests, treatment and pain.  But the hope and dreams that were never  to take life.  

    Yikes....now that was depressing.  Sorry. 

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  • diana50
    diana50 Member Posts: 2,134
    edited June 2010

    i want to share something with you all.  in 1974 my 18 year old brother drowned scuba diving and in 1975 my 30 year oild brother died in a freak accident. he left behind a young wife.and two little girls.  at that time i was 22 years old.  our family was devastated...but by the grace of God...my sister and my parents...and me...worked through it and again found joy in life.

     we are all going to die.  we don't know how or when.  maybe from cancer...maybe not....maybe from an accident...or maybe a stroke. who knows.

    with this information in mind; for me.....i am grateful for each day....some days are better then other days...but i am grateful for my time here....and also not afraid to die.  my faith in God does sustain me.....however....not in a hurry to join my loved ones who have passed before me. 

    hopes and dreams are happening every day. 

    take care***

    diana

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  • Celtic_Spirit
    Celtic_Spirit Member Posts: 748
    edited June 2010

    Today, a college friend of mine is burying her 18-year old son who died last week of a combination drug overdose and assault at the hands of a drug dealer. This young man potentially had another 60+ years of life. Not only is he dead, but his family's life will never be the same. I feel fortunate that my scars are physical in nature. I would by far rather live with the knowledge that my bc may return someday than with the thought of my child being beaten to death by a drug dealer. Hell comes in many forms.

    As Diana said, we will all die someday. Forget breast cancer, I may die today in a car accident. I'm grateful for every moment, and I'm doing my darndest to live every day to the fullest.

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited June 2010

    Diana - I am so sorry for your losses. Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes.

    We renewed our mortgage a few weeks ago, and I remember saying to my husband how nervous it made me feel, signing something for 5 years. He said no-one is promised tomorrow. And I always try and remember that. No-one is. It is just that before we were diagnosed, we though we were. 

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  • 1RockerMom
    1RockerMom Member Posts: 23
    edited June 2010

    lisa Lisa I can so relate to your post...all of them actually but I know what you mean about seeing all the old women around some of them rude and mean and I always want to tell them you are so blessed to be here...I almost died at 48 from BC...and you with all those years under your belt be thankfull...I work at a credit union and I get old people complaining everyday about all their  aches and pains..and their grandchildren etc...I just  want to say be thankfull!!! Im praying I will get to Meet my grandchilren someday!!!! I just want to scream !!! But it's true anyone of us could die at any time...but that doesnt make what we've all gone through any easier...stay Strong sisters keep your faith and your sense of humor thats what gets me through.....t

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited June 2010

    I never worried about my mortality before BC.....longevity runs in my family....but I no longer think that I will grow to a ripe old age.....I know that we don't know what life has in store for us, but BC is a rude awakening!!!!  Yes I am greatful for each healthy day.

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited June 2010

    well, my friend is getting good news.  during her operation she had a bad reaction to the dye which shut down her kidneys... they are hopeful and she is her feisty self on the internet.

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited June 2010

    Apple, I'm glad your friend is doing better.

    I think what this disease took from so many of us is the feeling that one day we'd be OLD. No, there were never any guarantees but who expected this?

    Here's to more good times, like Apple painting the room with her daughter.

    Leah

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  • NancyD
    NancyD Member Posts: 3,562
    edited June 2010

    Before BC, I worried that I would be old, poor, and not-in-good health...that my age-related infirmities would keep me from having a meaningful QOL (I had already felt the pangs of arthritis). I know that SS and my meager IRA/401K won't sustain my standard of living, so I planned to work well past retirement age just to continue to pay my bills.

    Heh. BC has taken a load off my mind.

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited June 2010

    wait till you see a picture of the room.. (better have a set of sunglasses handy,.... you don't want to hurt your eyes)

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  • chrishat
    chrishat Member Posts: 89
    edited June 2010

    i just stumbled onto this website today and signed up. this is my first post. i have just been reading and i so completely relate to and understand what everyone is writing...it is such a relief to find this forum! 

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited June 2010

    welcome to the forum.. altho you could stumbled upon the joke thread.

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  • Frankie_
    Frankie_ Member Posts: 422
    edited June 2010
    On March 7th my mom, twin-sis, niece and I were traveling back to Ontario from a quick trip to see my younger brother in Manitoba. My mom was driving and we drove around a bend in the road and nearly were taken out from a large moose in our lane in the road. My mom had to make a quick swerved to miss the moose causing us to enter into the next lane (luckily no car was coming) but we did manage to spin the car around and go up on to the bank where huge rocks were protruding and flip her SUV over. The SUV was a complete "write off" and despite a few good bruises and some minor scratches were all survived. I can't help to think God has a plan for me yet Smile So yeah-You Never Know!
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